RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/19

Get ready for Mayhex bbz.

NOXIGAR: What's Mayhex?

NOTE: I, Ben Schlanker, did not write this episode, just so the two people who read this know.

NOXIGAR: Then who did?

Transcript

QUINT: Man, I wish Max was here right now.

HENRY: No it doesn't.

QUINT: What? That doesn't make any sense.

HENRY: Or does it...

NOXIGAR: It probably doesn't make a lick of sense at all, and Henry's just being contrarian like usual.

[Themesong plays while Flutey flutes along to it. Themesong ends and a Potted Plant has joined Quint and Henry]

NOXIGAR: Okay, yeah, Strong Intelligent couldn't have made this, because- wait I can't really tell the difference between this episode or the previous eighteen.

POTTED PLANT: Max.

QUINT: Who?

HENRY: Yeah Max.

POTTED PLANT: Who?

QUINT: Max.

HENRY: Who?

MAX: Max.

QUINT: Oh hey Max, when did you get here?

MAX: Who?

NOXIGAR: "Max, the Overly Long Gag character!"

ROBERT I: Max.

QUINT: Oh hey Robert, when did you get he-

[Potted Plant suddenly implodes, to be replaced by Bill Murray]

BILL MURRAY: Hello childs, I am Bill Murray.

ROBERT I: You're not Biw Muwway, Biw Muwway is thtuck in the thame day ovwer and ovwer again.

BILL MURRAY: No, no, childs. I am Bill Murray from Ghostbusters, not Bill Murray from Landpig Week.

MAX: Acually it's Groundhog da-

[Bill Murray quickly stabs Max in the face, killing him instantly]

{Noxigar blinks.}
NOXIGAR: This just went from stupid to octuple stupid in less than twenty lines. How?!

BILL MURRAY: Yes Childs, you sleep now, you have biiiig day in the morning.

HENRY: I love you Bill Murray from Ghostbusters.

BILL MURRAY: And I love you too childs. Now sit down next to me on this conveniently placed bench.

[Suddenly, dramatic music begins playing, and a sign is seen up ahead that reads, "Warning, ducks ahead." Several ducks then begin to appear.]

DUCKS: [In ghostly voices] WE WAAAAARNED YOU ABOUT THIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!

NOXIGAR: I know you did, Ghost Ducks. I know you warned me about this pile of horseshit I'm riffing, and I am regretful of not heeding your warning.

QUINT: Hmm.

[Short Pause]

QUINT: So anyway, anyone up for watching four weddings and a funeral?

BILL MURRAY: こんにちは、通常これらを書く人はラズベリーの海洋のようにかぐ愚かな男の子である。 ビーフ・シチューにんじんおよびパイ。 第4。 第4。 第4。 ラット。 象。 マウス。 私の名前はボール紙であり、私はピーナツおよびフェルトでかみ砕くことを好む。 あなたがそこに持っている美しい大箱。 ありがとう。 タマネギ。 ダンスはパイナップルソーセージ蹄鉄を打つ。 コンピュータあなたのように必要性がによって飲み物見える。

NOXIGAR: HOLY SMOKES! WHAT HELL HATH GOOGLE TRANSLATOR WROUGHT UPON POOR BILL MURRAY?!

QUINT: Wow, I didn't know Bill Murray from Ghostbusters could speak Japanese.

HENRY: Oh this isn't Bill Murray from Ghostbusters anymore, this is Bill Murray from Lost in Translation.

QUINT: Ah, that explains it.

NOXIGAR: No it doesn't.

[Short pause, followed by a long pause, followed by Henry saying 'six' over and over again, followed by another short pause]

HENRY: Man, I haven't eaten in weeks. Have we got any bourbons?

QUINT: Nope, just custard creams.

HENRY: Damn. Well at least Jack's dad will be happy.

JACK: FOR THE LAST TIME, MY DAD DOES NOT LOVE CUSTARD CREAMS!!!!!!! Also, I love Laura Lewis and promise to go on holiday with Max Oxley. lalalalalalala.

NOXIGAR: Who's Laura Lewis? Who's Max Oxley? Why is this going from octuple stupid to double-decker-quadruple stupid before the episode even ends?

QUINT: What a nice chap.

HENRY: Indeed.

QUINT: So, you up for watching four weddings and a funeral?

NOXIGAR: No one is, so stop asking that stupid question!

HENRY: Oh come on, we've already watched four weddings and a funeral sixteen times today, why do you want to watch it so much?

QUINT: Because I've recently been to four weddings and a funeral so I want to tell people that I've lived through the film.

HENRY: Oh. Fair enoo.

NOXIGAR: Fair enough

[Suddenly, everything begins to shake and there is an almighty crash and the entire population of Iran fall onto Quint and Henry.]

HENRY: Oh hey entire population of Iran, you should have told me you were coming round.

QUINT: You know what Henry, I'm sick of this. You're always inviting people round like your friends or the vicar or the entire population of Iran, and I've had enough. Get out.

HENRY: No, YOU get out.

LORD ALAN SUGAR: No, ya both get out. Ya both fired.

[Alan Sugar throws Quint and Henry out onto the baron ground below before swiftly bolting away.]

NOXIGAR: barren ground

QUINT: Man Henry, for a helicopter you aren't very good at flying.

HENRY: Well Quint, for a koala, you aren't very good at koalaing.

NOXIGAR: Gee Strong Intelligent, for a really good comedian, you aren't very good at comedying.

QUINT: Good comeback.

HENRY: Ah man. Everything we've ever owned was on that plane/ship/land vehicle.

QUINT: Yeah, surely no-one could sort our lives out now.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I wouldn't be too sure about that.

QUINT AND HENRY: MARCIA WALLACE!!!!

MARCIA WALLACE: That's right kids. And I'm here to get your ride back.

[Marcia Wallace takes out a huge lasso, throws it miles away, and it returns with the plane/ship/land vehicle.]

QUINT AND HENRY: THANKS MARCIA WALLACE!!!

MARCIA WALLACE: No problem kids. And remember, if you need me, just call.

[Marcia Wallace sprints off into the distance]

NOXIGAR: I think I have a migraine from all the stupid. It's reached from double-decker-quadruple stupid to sextuple-decker-quadruple stupid.

HENRY: Man, it's good to have the old thing back.

QUINT: it was only gone for like 30 seconds.

HENRY: Yeah, but still.

[Quint and Henry walk onto the plane/ship/vehicle and it begins to fly/sail/drive into the distance.]

QUINT: So, anyone up for four weddings and a funeral?

NOXIGAR: Oh for fuck's sake-

[Gunshots are heard]

[THE END. OR IS IT...]

NOXIGAR: I hope Quint stays dead this time.