RiffText/JCM-MOVIES/11

The school student school gets a rise in popularity.

NAMINE: Followed by a steady decline, and then stagnance once enough of the School Student School consists of about two, three people a day on average, maybe four active people each week tops.

Movie

{JCM walks to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School. It is nothing but a door. The door has a note on it.}

JCM: "Closed for the purge." Oh, come on! I've been gone for a month, now!

{JCM tears the note off the door and another note behind it is revealed.}

JCM: "You don't have to be so bitter."

{JCM sighs and walks offscreen.}

JCM: Now where am I supposed to go?

NAMINE: Prance?
NAMINE: You could be a star in Prance, since School User School treats you almost as poorly as your parents.

{JCM walks past the school student school with a sign saying "Here!" in front of it. JCM doesn't notice.}

JCM: What can be a good replacement for the fanstuff school until after the purge?

{JCM walks past a sign saying "You just passed it, moron". He doesn't notice that, either.}

JCM: If only-

{JCM walks into a pole with a sign saying "GO TO THE SCHOOL FREAKIN' STUDENT SCHOOL!" JCM falls onto the ground and the sign falls onto his face.}

NAMINE: And now we have plot.

JCM: Well, you don't have to yell.

{Cut to the school student school. JCM walks in.}

JCM: Hmm, this place seems trustworthy. Oh, look, a snack machine!

{JCM runs to the vending machine and puts a dollar into the slot. A note comes out.}

JCM: "Hahafail"...

{Cut to the School Student School auditorium. JCM walks in.}

JCM: It seems that this place has become a copy of the fanstuff school. I like it!

NAMINE: And that's why you like School User School!

COLOR PRINTER: {offscreen} Who are you talking to?

{Zoom out to show Color Printer sitting in a chair next to JCM.}

JCM: You? There's no one better to talk to than a returning oldie, right?

{Color Printer rolls his eyes and scoots offscreen.}

JCM: Now, I wonder where the principal of all this is.

{Super Sam walks onto the stage.}

SUPER SAM: Hello, everyone, it's me, the principal of the school! And my little co-builder.

{Super Sam takes out Clamburger. It immediately flies to JCM and bites him where his nose would be.}

JCM: Who would've known that the truth hurts?

NAMINE: If this were a Hannah-Barbera cartoon, you could justify that sentence. Since this isn't...

{JCM faints and the Clamburger jumps back to Super Sam.}

SUPER SAM: Nice to meet you, new student!

{Cut to the hallway. JCM walks down it.}

JCM: Time to meet the new teachers! Now, let's see-

{JCM walks past classrooms with signs saying "Mr. Bluefox", "Mr. Lexon", and "Mr. Scythe".}

JCM: Those names look familiar. Maybe Mr. Sam will know what's going on.

{JCM walks down the hall and sees a sign above the door next to the principal's office saying "Mr. Evil".}

JCM: Hey, I know that name from somewhere too! But where?

{Aussie Evil comes out of the room with an Aldi bag.}

AUSSIE: Who are you?

JCM: My name's JCM. Spelled J-C-M.

AUSSIE: Your parents must hate you.

JCM: Hey, what's the bag for?

AUSSIE: I'm holding it for Super Sam. He says he has some unfinished business to take care of.

{Cut to Aldi. Super Sam walks to the cash register with a receipt and large box.}

SUPER SAM: Excuse me, sir, I'd like a refund for this box of Aldi Brand Cola.

NAMINE: HSRFWiki product placement, Batman!

CASHIER: {Napoleon Dynamite accent} ...Why?

SUPER SAM: Because, I specifically asked for Aldi Brand Diet Cola. This is regular.

NAMINE: Why do you want Diet? Are you diabetic?

CASHIER: There's no difference.

SUPER SAM: Your manager does not pay you to argue.

CASHIER: I'm barely paid at all.

SUPER SAM: Just give me the stupid money. You obviously don't know anything about the delicacy of Aldi Brand.

CASHIER: Fine. Gosh.

NAMINE: The dialogue from that transaction! It's... too robotic!

{Cut back to the student school.}

JCM: Oh, OK. Bye, Mr. Evil.

{JCM walks away.}

JCM: Wow! My friends as teachers and previous teachers as principals. This is the happiest day of my life!

GAVINO: {offscreen} Mine too!

{JCM turns confused to find Gavino standing behind him.}

JCM: Hey! I remember you...I think.

GAVINO: I was one of the escapees from the school in France.

NAMINE: What happened to Prance?

I got my mom to get me a ticket to Wiki City so I could go to school with our hero!

JCM: Well, that's great, then! The more, the merrier!

GAVINO: I also changed my name to Raiku because it's a more Wikian name.

NAMINE: For some reason I prefer "Gavino" as a name.

JCM: Good for you! I've got to go, now.

RAIKU: But wait! Aren't you going to show me around?

JCM: I'm sorry. I don't know this place any better than you do. It was built a month ago, after all.

RAIKU: Well, what do we do?

JCM: Well, since this place is basically the same as the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School-

RAIKU: What's the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School?

NAMINE: Good question! I'm certain we'll get adequate exposition from JCM's answer!

JCM: It was the school I went to for a few years now. It's currently being reconstructed because-

RAIKU: OK, I'm bored now. What do we do here?

NAMINE: Or... not...
NAMINE: You know, I kind of prefer Lex's takes on Raiku a lot better.

JCM: Well, I was going to say that we make fanstuff, which is-

RAIKU: What's fanstuff?

JCM: It's your own creations based on Homestar Runner like-

RAIKU: What's Homestar Runner?

{Namine gasps}

JCM: Homestar Runner is a flash cartoon where-

RAIKU: What's a flash cartoon?

NAMINE: I think the point where asking clueless questions has long passed?

JCM: {sighs} You know what? Why don't you go to the principal about all this?

RAIKU: I just checked his office. He's not here.

JCM: {whispering} Dang! I forgot about his business.

RAIKU: What business?

JCM: I don't know. You know what? Why don't you go to one of the teachers about this? I'm sure they can answer your questions.

RAIKU: OK!

{Raiku skips offscreen and JCM walks the other way relieved.}

{Cut to JCM's house. JCM is in the kitchen wearing an apron and singing "She Work Hard For The Money" while cooking.

NAMINE: Suddenly, Lightning Guy changes the radio station and shorts out all the power in the process.

Sam The Man walks into the house. A giant anime style sweat drop appears on his head as he sees JCM.}

SAM THE MAN: Uh, hi there, JCM.

JCM: Sam The Man! How are you?

SAM THE MAN: Good, good. Um, why are you dressed like a maid?

JCM: So I don't get food on me.

SAM THE MAN: Why are you making your own food?

JCM: So I don't starve to death! Could you get to the point?

SAM THE MAN: Yeah. I'm not going to be here for a while.

JCM: What? Why?

SAM THE MAN: I need to go out into the open world more. You know, I'm going into my teen years. I need to focus more on schoolwork and friends.

NAMINE: Oh no, it's the gratuitous message that's been present?

JCM: You can do all that here.

SAM THE MAN: JCM, Wiki City is a Neverland.

JCM: What's a Neverland?

SAM THE MAN: A place so great, it can only exist in your imagination. I want a real life. And I can only achieve that in a normal place.

JCM: Wiki City's normal!

{Suddenly, through the window you see a fire-breathing dragon fly onscreen, terrorizing the city.}

{Namine rolls her eyes.}

JCM: What? I'm sure that happened every week in the medieval times of your "normal places". It just happens every month here.

SAM THE MAN: Yeah, I'm not going to pointlessly argue about which is realer. Call me when the purge ends.

JCM: 'K.

{Sam The Man is about to leave, when he turns.}

SAM THE MAN: Oh, and by the way, where are your parents?

JCM: In Prance.

NAMINE: So...
NAMINE: Are Prance and France neighbors or something?

{There is a pause.}

JCM: It's a long story.

{Sam The Man shrugs and walks out. JCM resumes cooking.}

JCM: {singing} She works hard for the money. So hard for it, honey. She works hard for the money. So, you better treat her right.

NAMINE: Keep your singing to yourself, please.

{Suddenly, Raiku's head comes out of the pot JCM's cooking in. JCM screams.}

RAIKU: All the teachers kicked me out of their rooms, so I guess it's back to you and me, huh?

{JCM, stunned, nods.}

RAIKU: Great? So you know what-

{The dragon outside blows out a large burst of fire, obscuring what Raiku said.}

RAIKU: -means? One of the teachers said it to me.

{JCM twitches.}

{Cut to the School Student School. Super Sam comes back with his box of Aldi Brand Diet Cola.}

SUPER SAM: I'm back!

{Super Sam looks around to reveal the school is closed.}

SUPER SAM: Well, this is horrible.

{Super Sam takes a can out of the box.}

SUPER SAM: Now I have no one to share this with.

{Super Sam opens the can and takes a sip.}

SUPER SAM: Oh well.

{Color Printer slowly scoots onscreen.}

COLOR PRINTER: Not having legs is tiring.

{Super Sam stares at Color Printer awkwardly.}

SUPER SAM: I'm kind of having some personal time here.

NAMINE: Personal. Right.

COLOR PRINTER: I'm very sorry. This will only take a minute.

{Color Printer starts scooting again. Fade to a screen with the words "1 hour later". Fade back. Color Printer finally opens the door. Super Sam is sleeping in the box.}

COLOR PRINTER: Uh, I'm out!

{Super Sam continues sleeping.}

COLOR PRINTER: Whatever. {scoots out}

NAMINE: I still don't get it.
NAMINE: Why does Noxigar like this?

{The End}