Lex's Wikihood Redux Remake/eps/5

Summary

It's astounding.

Time is fleeting.

Madness takes its toll.

Transcript

{The episode begins much differently than the others, with the intro being much different. A blue police-box is flying through a space-time vortex while the names of the cast come up in big letters.}

Dark Ages

{Open to a viking ship, in the middle of the stormy sea. The crew is packed fully with Norsemen.}

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: By the gods, this is a mighty wind indeed! If Ægir spares us no mercy, we shall be thrown into the icy pits of Hel itself!

{Pan over to Noxigar, who's sitting on the stairway.}

NOXIGAR: Pfft, what if Hel melted? What would happen then?

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Stop your foolishness! Hel shall never melt, as it is frozen over tenfold!

NORSEMAN IN THE CROWS' NEST: Chief! I see land, up ahead!

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Right, then what are we waiting for? Row faster!

{The Norsemen who are rowing try to row a bit faster.}

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Perhaps the gods have shown favour upon us, this day. We shall live to see another day.

NOXIGAR: What if I cross-dress? It could possibly please Loki, of all gods.

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: I fail to understand how dressing in woman's frock would please any god, let alone Loki.

NOXIGAR: Hmph. It would please me at least. I've always thought that I look rather nice in a dress.

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: We are saved, by Odin! Praise the gods!

{A procession of people walk along towards the Norsemen.}

HEAD PERSON: Hallo.

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: {to Noxigar} What did he say?

NOXIGAR: He was greeting you. I propose that you take him as your bride.

{Noxigar winks at Zharog, who cringes. Suddenly, a heavenly figure descends from the sky in a ray of black light. With closer inspection however, it's shown to be Sephiroth, dressed in the robes of Julius Caesar himself.}

NOXIGAR: Yo, Seph.

SEPHIROTH: Greetings, Norsemen! I hail from a different period of time altogether! I come from.. THE FUTURE!!!

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: What is this, that you speak of?

SEPHIROTH: Oh yes, I have come here to warn you all of your impending doom.. RAGNAROK!

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: R..Ragnarok?

SEPHIROTH: RAGNAROK.

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: If I am hearing you correctly, you said Ragnarok?

SEPHIROTH: YES, I SAID RAGNAROK. THE SKY WILL BLACKEN, AND YOU WILL ALL BE BROUGHT TO ETERNAL JUSTICE!

NOXIGAR: Seph, stop doing that! It's not cool to lie to people about things like that!

SEPHIROTH: But-..

NOXIGAR: No buts. We're leaving. Goodbye, Vikings. My apologies for my friend's behavior, there isn't a Ragnarok. Byeeeee.

{Noxigar grabs Sephiroth by the arm and they both teleport through time, leaving the Vikings behind.}

ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: He said Ragnarok.

{Fade out}

Medieval Times

{Fade in to a battlefield. Sephiroth is sitting at a tree, writing something down on a parchment. This particular incarnation of Sephiroth happens to be from this time, judging by his clothing.}

SIR SEPH: Another day, another poem. By the crown, I will become a legend.

{Present day Znex walks over to Sir Seph.}

ZNEX: Greetings, Sir Sephiroth knight! How goes the Poetryhood?

SIR SEPH: Rather well, Sirrah! I've already constructed a love song, do you wish to hear it?

ZNEX: Sure, why not?

SIR SEPH: Excellent. Let me begin. Ahem!

{Sir Seph stands up to recite his poem.}

SIR SEPH: She has a smile, that it seems to me, it reminds me of childhood memories.. Where everything yonder was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Now and then when I gaze upon her face, she takes me away to that special place.. And if I'd stare too long, I shall probably break down and cry... Oh my, Sweet Child of Mine.. Oh my, sweet love of mine.

ZNEX: I like it. Sounds.. familiar.

SIR SEPH: Really? Hmph! I cannot allow it then. It shall never catch on, anyway!

{Sir Seph rips the poem into pieces, while a man looking somewhat similar to Chaos walks onscreen.}

VINCENT: If you stopped wasting time with those stupid parchments and actually went into battle once in a while, you would get things done.

ZNEX: Yes, I noticed.. He's dedicated, isn't he? Anyway, I must be off! Got more times to visit!

{Znex attempts to escape, before Vincent grabs him by the collar and gives him a sword.}

VINCENT: Do not attempt to flee, my friend! There is plenty of blood for both of you to spill!

ZNEX: Oh, I'm not a knight! You have me mistaken!

VINCENT: Mistaken for a coward, perhaps?

ZNEX: Um... Yes. A coward. I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!

{Znex dashes away.}

VINCENT: If I was a bowman, I would shoot that man just for the pleasure of watching him bleed.

{Sephiroth runs in.}

SEPHIROTH: People of the past, I give you grave warning! I am the dark wizard.. SHEOGORATH, AND I AM HERE TO KILL YOU ALL!

VINCENT: Not on my watch, knave!

{Vincent lunges at Sephiroth, but Sephiroth pulled back by Znex, who has returned.}

ZNEX: What the hell do you think you're doing? Are you trying to incite a paradox?

SEPHIROTH: ...Maybe.

ZNEX: Ugh, you idiot. Noxigar was right, we really need to keep a watch on you. We're leaving.

{Sephiroth pulls out a pistol and holds it at Znex's head.}

SEPHIROTH: No way! You are not forcing me, like Noxigar did!

ZNEX: Feel free. Once you're done horsing around, I'll just erase you from history. In damnatio memoriae, they call it.

SEPHIROTH: Whoa, I was just joking around! I'll follow you, I swear!

ZNEX: Good. Come on.

{Znex opens up a time portal and goes through it. Sephiroth follows.}

VINCENT: What a pair of fools.

SIR SEPH: Indeed. Let's kill something.

VINCENT: Ha, best thing I've heard today.

{Sir Seph and Vincent walk off. Fade out.}