RiffText/JCM-MOVIES/5½

JCM tries his best to look good for picture day.

Movie

{JCM walks out to the door at his house.}

JCM'S MOTHER: {offscreen} Where do you think you're going?

NAMINE: "To school, where do you think?"

JCM: {screams} Mom!

{JCM's mother walks onscreen with a face mask on.}

JCM'S MOTHER: You will not go to picture day looking so...ordinary!

NAMINE: "Ordinary? But mom, I thought that's what you wanted me to look like for Picture Day!"

JCM: But-

JCM'S MOTHER: Go to your room, change your clothes into something nicer, brush your teeth, and read an etiquette book!

JCM: An etiquette book?

NAMINE: You took the question right out of my mouth.

JCM'S MOTHER: In order to look proper, you have to act proper, too.

JCM: {sighs} Fine, green goblin.

NAMINE: {singing} Spider JCM, Spider JCM, does whatever JCM does but instead as a part-spider.

{JCM walks into his room and his mother checks a mirror. JCM walks back out of his room with fresh new clothes on, shining teeth, and a bored expression.}

JCM: Are you happy, mom?

JCM'S MOTHER: Yes, I am! You may finally make that school worth something!

JCM: Great, I just hope this day ends quickly, because these are the most uncomfortable shoes on earth!

JCM'S MOTHER: Heh, you aren't even wearing high heels! Those give a new meaning to uncomfortable!

NAMINE: "LET ME TELL YOU WHY I HATE HIGH HEELS, SON. THEN YOU'LL STOP WHINING ABOUT HOW YOUR SHOES ARE DISCOMFORTING"

JCM: Why would I wear high heels?

JCM'S MOTHER: No, honey, it was just an example.

JCM: Why don't you make an example that doesn't make me seem...strange?

JCM'S MOTHER: {dry} Just go to school.

JCM: Whatever.

NAMINE: "That's where I was going anyway."

{JCM runs out the the door.}

JCM'S MOTHER: Oh, I forgot to tell you that it-

{A splash is heard and JCM comes back inside covered with mud.}

JCM'S MOTHER: ...Rained yesterday. Don't worry, just...clean your clothes, brush your teeth, and read the etiquette book again.

NAMINE: At this point, JCM's going to hope for this to be a stall technique just so he doesn't have to go to school on Picture Day.

{JCM walks back into his room without saying a word. After a few moments, he comes back out looking good as new.}

JCM'S MOTHER: Bye!

{JCM walks out the door.}

{Cut to the street. JCM walks over the mud puddle and onto the other side of the road.}

JCM: Now, to the school!

{Suddenly, a truck drives behind JCM and splashes mud all over him.}

JCM: I hate my life.

NAMINE: I would too if your mom was nagging you about your looks for Picture Day.

{JCM walks back into the house and out again clean. He looks left and right, jumps over the mud puddle, and lands on the other side.}

JCM: Phew!

{Suddenly, white stuff falls all over him.}

{Namine vomits}

JCM: {censored}!

{JCM stomps back into the house and stomps back out clean and with an umbrella. JCM jumps over the street and continues walking confidently. Suddenly, a lightning bolt hits him, destroying the umbrella and burning JCM.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Sorry there, had to run an errand.

{Lightning Guy flies offscreen and JCM starts to cry as he walks back inside the house and out clean with a rubber umbrella. He jumps offscreen.}

{Cut to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School. JCM lands from offscreen.}

JCM: I did it!

{Suddenly, the ground starts to crack beneath him.}

NAMINE: OH COME ON, CAN'T JCM JUST GO TO SCHOOL IN PEACE? THIS IS REALLY GETTING OLD!

JCM: Oh, dear!

{JCM runs away from the cracks as it gets longer and longer until he ends up at the end of a cliff. JCM holds up a surrender flag as the crack stops next to him.}

JCM: Hey, it's not under me! My mom's back is saved!

NAMINE: "I know a good one-liner! Let's involve a common superstition!"

{The edge of the cliff breaks and JCM stands in midair for a moment.}

JCM: Or course.

{JCM falls offscreen.}

{Cut to the desert ground. JCM falls from offscreen, but his rubber umbrella makes him bounce. He spins in midair for a moment then lands on his feet without getting a speck of dirt on him.}

JCM: I can't believe it! Me and my clothes survived!

NAMINE: My clothes and I

{The part of the cliff that broke falls on JCM from offscreen.}

JCM: {under piece of cliff} Crap.

{Cut to JCM's house. JCM runs out clean, jumps over the puddle and goes into the woods.}

JCM: {singing} Over the puddle and through the woods, to the fanstuff school I go! I know the way, with no think or say, through the green and stupid mowed...graaaasss. {normal} Yeah, I know I'm a horrible singer.

NAMINE: Hey, we both agree on something!
NAMINE: Maybe Noxigar was right and this is good after all!

{JCM runs to the fanstuff school.}

JCM: Yes...I'm finally going to make it...nooo! {falls offscreen} Another mud puddle!

{Namine sighs}
NAMINE: I somehow have a tendency to jinx things.

{Fade to a screen that says "Another trial and error experience later..." Fade back. JCM walks to the school tiredly. He walks around the mud puddle and to the school's doors.}

JCM: I...must...get there...in time.

NAMINE: Here's a good question: WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN PICTURE DAY?

{The door slams in JCM's face. He falls into the mud puddle.}

JOEYDAY: Oh, there you are, JCM. You missed your school picture.

JCM: I...did?

JOEYDAY: Yep, but don't worry, you can make it up tomorrow.

JCM: T-tomorrow?

JOEYDAY: Uh-huh. I suggest looking nicer, though. You can't dress up as the mud monster!

NAMINE: Well, at least someone other than JCM completely misses the point this episode.

{JoeyDay locks the door and walks offscreen, whistling. JCM faints.}

{The End}