(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/JCM-MOVIES/3
The Good Deal Band comes to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School.
{Namine re-enters the theatre.}
NAMINE: Get up.
NOXIGAR: Okay. I loved reading this, so why not?
{Noxigar wakes up.}
NAMINE: You're riffing this with me. You must also see that this is not as good as you may have thought it was three years ago.
Movie
{The Homestar Runner Fanstuff students are in the auditorium.}
JOSHUA: Hello, everybody! Today we have a new student here.
{The few scattered claps are heard.}
JOSHUA: His name is Good Deal Dan and he's here with his band!
{Dan, Pete, and Alfonzo walk onstage.}
JCM: A band? Yay! I love bands! And not the kind where I'm not allowed to come to the school for all eternity either! Because those kinds of bans aren't as awesomely fun!
NAMINE: Hey JCM, PUNCHLINES JUSTIFY SETUPS
NOXIGAR: I think it's supposed to be a homophone.
DAN: Thanks! I think. We may not be big yet, but we're coming close! Listen!
{The Good Deal Band play the song from their YouTube video. When they finish, the kids start cheering.}
DAN: {laughs} I love the sweet sound of gratitude.
JCM: I didn't know gratitude sounded like applause.
NAMINE: Have you never gotten gratitude before, JCM?
NOXIGAR: Chances are, on this wiki and the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki, his stuff never really got the applause a lot of it deserved.
NAMINE: Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
DAN: It was a figure a figure of speech, you see.
JCM: Oh! Well, I'm grateful too, then. Just not applauding because I don't have palms and all! Anyway, I think the band sounds kind of dull without a drum player.
NAMINE: And then RiffText slowly came into existence after JCM had a few nitpicks with various things...
NOXIGAR: And then I riff the pile of drek that is MFT3K.
NAMINE: Damn right it does.
NAMINE: "Oh, why don't you give MFT3K a chance?"
NOXIGAR: Your imitation of me needs to sound more nerdy.
DAN: Well, that's one of the reasons I came here. We're hiring a drum player.
{JCM's face gets an abnormally large smile as he grabs two glowing chopsticks from his pocket and holds it in the air.}
JCM: {masculine voice} I MUST BE THAT DRUMMER!
{Dan looks at JCM awkwardly.}
NAMINE: I get the feeling JCM was also voiced by Brittany Snow.
DAN: Um, aren't those chopsticks?
JCM: Yeah, I left my drumsticks at home. Got this out of someone's back pocket the second I heard of your appearance. I'm sure he won't mind.
{A chinese man walks onscreen.}
CHINESE MAN: So you the one who took my chopsticks!
NOXIGAR: Ah, damn. I thought JCM was above bad stereotyping from bad accents!
NAMINE: Hmph. Looks like you're proven wrong. YET AGAIN
{The chinese man takes the chopsticks out of JCM's hand and hits JCM with them repeatedly.}
JCM: Ow! I'm not a drum.
CHINESE MAN: I use these to eat!
{The chinese man hits JCM with a chopstick one more time then leaves.}
JCM: Man, those Asian people are strange. Drumsticks to eat?
NAMINE: NOT ALL ASIANS ARE LIKE THIS
NOXIGAR: I think that was the point being conveyed, albeit satirically.
NAMINE: ...{sighs}
NAMINE: WHY do you have to be THIS OPTIMISTIC?
NOXIGAR: Compare this to MFT3K and you've got gold compared to shit.
NAMINE: Are you trying to make a joke? Where's the punchline?
NOXIGAR: The joke is that MFT3K doesn't deserve a punchline.
{Dan facepalms and gives JCM drumsticks out of a bag.}
DAN: Just give me what you got before I start regretting this?
JCM: But I have a lot of thing.
NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, JCM!
NAMINE: Dohohoho! Looks like JCM's grammar just
NAMINE: Had a stroke.
{sunglasses}
DAN: I mean play the drums!
JCM: Oh. Alright.
{JCM walks up to the stand where a drum is rolled in front of him by Pete and Alfonzo. JCM raises his sticks above the drum and-}
{Cut to a blue screen of text with the words repeated by a narrator.}
NARRATOR: Because of concerns from parents about their children's psychological state and their cats' physical state after listening to a blue dude play a bunch of loud, off-key, and pretty much terrible notes on a drum, this scene has been removed. Please enjoy this video as you wait.
{Generic Stinkoman Comic #12 is played in animation form.}
NAMINE: Aw, man! I wish I knew WHAT THAT WAS
NARRATOR: We may now resume JCMovies. Thank you for your patience.
{Cut back to the auditorium. Everyone is on the ground cringing with their hands on their ears. JCM looks around.}
JCM: Wow, they're dancing to my rhythm!
DAN: {high-pitched} No, their ears are bleeding.
JCM: {embarrassed} Oh, I guess I rocked too much.
NOXIGAR: If this had sunglasses it'd be-
{sunglasses}
NAMINE: Oh. Make your jokes more obvious, then.
NOXIGAR: Rollin'.
NAMINE: There's a reason Strong Intelligent tried to make fun of you and failed.
NOXIGAR: No, see, the point is that JCM's above comment isn't funny.
DAN: {angry} Rocked too much?! You're the worst player I've ever heard! Does anyone else want to do this?
{Strong Intelligent comes in out of nowhere.}
STRONG INTELLIGENT: I could.
NOXIGAR: NO!
NAMINE: What's wrong?
NOXIGAR: Oops.
NOXIGAR: This guy? Drum? He can't even write about himself drumming.
NAMINE: I beg to differ.
NOXIGAR: But that must be just me.
NAMINE: You just took my line.
DAN: You're in!
STRONG INTELLIGENT: Yay!
JCM: But-
DAN: Come on, we've got some settling to do.
JCM: But-
{The Good Deal Band and Strong Intelligent walk out of the auditorium.}
JCM: But... yay is my thing.
NAMINE: Not anymore~
{Cut to JCM's garage. JCM is building a drum.}
JCM: Man, if I'm going to be in Good Deal Dan's band, I'll need a drum!
NAMINE: And some talent to go with that drum, but I guess your funding only allows you to have the drum.
{JCM paints "JCM" on the drum and walks to the front lawn. He picks up two normal sticks from the ground.}
JCM: I'm sure this will work!
{JCM waves the sticks in the air. He does it so quickly that one flies out of his hand and a shriek of pain is heard offscreen.}
JCM: Eh, I can replace it.
{Cut to the auditorium. JCM runs next to Dan behind the stage as he gets ready for his next performance.}
JCM: Hey, Dan, I have great news!
DAN: You're finally going to leave me alone?
NOXIGAR: How is that great news?
NAMINE: The episode will be over!
JCM: No! I've gotten a new drum!
{JCM takes the drum out of his pocket. Dan looks at it shocked.}
DAN:How did you fit that in your pocket?
NAMINE: Good question! I don't know either.
NOXIGAR: But that makes no sense.
{Noxigar's mouth is agape. He tries to make a point, but he lost his train of thought}
NAMINE: See? I told you JCMovies wasn't so good.
NOXIGAR: But the suck is stylistic.
NAMINE: I don't see any "style" but I do see a whole lot of "suck".
JCM: Why shouldn't I?
DAN: Uh, OK, whatever. I already told you that you can't be in my band.
JCM: Huh?
DAN: I already told you that you can't be in my band.
JCM: What?
DAN: {louder} I already told you that you can't be in my band!
JCM: Sorry, I can't hear you. I couldn't fit the drumsticks in my pocket, so I put them in my ears.
{JCM sticks his hands in his "ears" and takes the sticks out. Dan looks even more shocked than before.}
{Namine dry heaves}
NOXIGAR: Haven't you stuck drumsticks in your ears?
NAMINE: No, because they'd break my ear drums!
DAN: You have ears?
JCM: Yeah. So what was it you wanted to tell me?
DAN: Well-
STUDENT: {offscreen} JCM has a drum!
{Cut to the other side of the curtain. The Good Deal Band members stick their heads out of the curtain as the students run out of the auditorium.}
DAN: No! You've cleared the room!
STRONG INTELLIGENT: {sad} Now I'll never be the rock star.
NAMINE: Naw, it just takes some practice! Just like drawing artwork,
NOXIGAR: or writing satirical fanstuffs!
JCM: Does this mean we're not going to the finals?
{They turn back to JCM.}
DAN: Finals? What are you talking about?
JCM: Strong Intelligent is part of another band, right?
{Dan, Pete, and Alfonzo look at each other and then back at JCM.}
NOXIGAR: Y'know, I never really understood who these people were.
NAMINE: JCM needs to introduce his characters in a way that actually makes sense for their existence.
NAMINE: Fine, I'll have all this cake by myself! Asshole...
{Noxigar leaves.}
DAN: Um, I think you're confused. Even more confused than usual.
JCM: Huh?
DAN: Strong Intelligent is our drummer.
JCM: Oh, I see! You want another drum for twice the effect. I get it.
DAN: No, JCM, you were never accepted.
NAMINE: Thus the book ends of this episode.
JCM: Of course I was!
DAN: No, you weren't. I'm pretty sure I'd know whether or not I approved you as an addition to the band.
JCM: But I recruited a bunch of competitors and everything.
DAN: Wait, you what?
{Cut to the other side of the curtain. Bands including the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and the Jacksons walk into the auditorium, followed by a long string of students.}
{Cut back to backstage.}
DAN: JCM, are you insane? How are we going to do a battle of the bands?
JCM: I set it up minutes ago. See?
{The Good Deal Band members look out the curtain again. The auditorium is now full of chairs, balloons and a large banner saying "Battle of the Bands" is above them.}
NAMINE: JCM sure has a lot of time on his hands. He should be trying to improve his writing with all that spare time!
DAN: My gosh!
{A spotlight on the side of the stage shines on them. }
DAN: {smiles} Guys, we have some rocking to do.
JCM: Yay!
DAN: JCM, listen, your ignorance has helped us for once, but putting you back out there would be suicide.
JCM: I'm pretty sure suicide is a voluntary thing.
DAN: Exactly, which is why I'm giving to the opportunity to volunteer to give out our brochures during the performance.
NAMINE: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE JCM IS STILL NOT PART OF THE BAND
JCM: Why, I'd love to!
DAN: Great! Now, lets go!
{The band walks through the curtain to enthusiasm and JCM goes the other way.}
JCM: Man, being in a band sure has it's perks!
NAMINE: I think JCM missing the point of everything is supposed to be a running gag or something
{The End}
