Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Aruseus Emails/variations

ARUMAIL1: variations

Aruseus explains himself in different timezones.

NACHOMAN: who is aruseus
NACHOMAN: what does he look like
NACHOMAN: what's his motivation for checking email
NACHOMAN: ????
SKUB: Tell me whodafuckayou?????

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Aruntosaurus, Caveman Homestar, Pterodactyl Coach Z, Aruseus the Steed, Knight, Homestar, The Polka-man, Nick Knackerston, The Sneak, The Homestar Runner, Anthruseus, Cheatball, 1-Up, Anthru-borg, Overlord T, Stinkoman {easter egg}, Bubs {easter egg}

Places: Computer Room, The Cave, Peasantry Field, Knick-knack Stand, 20X6 Field, Overlord T's Fortress, 20X6 Computer Room {easter egg} The Field {easter egg}

NACHOMAN: in case you were wondering which email took place in overlord t's fortress well ryan here took the time to make sure you could find it easily

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: January 1st, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}:

NACHOMAN: it's 2007 and you desperately need to update your laptop

E-mail he, E-mail hoo, E-mail ha, E-mail HA HA!

SKUB: You're not an artist.

subject: variations

Dear Aruseus,
If you had different variations, what would they be?
Curious,

Sidekick Bob

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, Bobby, I guess we'd start out with the prehistoric era, where there would be the viscious Anrontosaurus!

SKUB: Sid Viscious

{Cut to a cave in prehistoric times, where you see a brontosaurus-like Aruseus smash a cave with his tail}

ARUNTOSAURUS: {roars}

{all four riffers fall out of their chairs due to the enormous roar}

{Caveman Homestar walks onscreen}

CAVEMAN HOMESTAR: Oh, jlammy.

{skub does something gross out of rage}
{my new thing is PISSING nachoman get it right}

That annoying dinosaur is after us again.

ARUNTOSAURUS: {roars, smashes Caveman Homestar, Coach Z Pterodactyl files in}

SKUB: Alright, seriously. Don't put action brackets after dialogue. It makes it look like the character is just reciting whatever's in the action brackets--in this case the most FUCKIN AWESOME ACTION SCENE IN HISTORY

COACH Z PTERODACTYL: Check it out! The Aruntosaurus can do it again!

SKUB: Check it out! The author can do it again! And by "it" I mean recycle the least funny jokes from the actual website!

{Cut to a field in Peasantry, where a non-anthro Aruseus, walks onscreen with a knight riding him}

ARUSEUS: Then in the time of Peasantry, there would live a vailant knight, and I would be his steed!

{The knight whips the steed}

SKUB: Is that what they're calling it now?

KNIGHT: Move you worthless piece of dung!

NACHOMAN: move over strong bad, there's a new funnyman in town!

{Cut to Nick Knackertson's stand, in the Old-Timey Era}

ARUSEUS: After that, I probably...

NACHOMAN: yiff

{Homestar runs in}

HOMESTAR: Wait, wait. I got it. Do you like to

SKUB: yiff

dance?

ARUSEUS: No.

NACHOMAN: i don't go to proms i crash them

Dancing is a waste of my...

SKUB: massive pokemon p-due

HOMESTAR: Ok. In Old-Timey, you would be...

{Cut to Nick Knackerston's Nearly Fabulous Knick-Knack Stand}

HOMESTAR: ...The Polka-man!

{The Polka-man walks in}

THE POLKA-MAN: Yello there, Nick! Do you wanna see me dance?

NICK: No thank you, I'm tired.

SKUB: Boy if I had a nickel for every time the wife said that to me! Take my wife please

{The Sneak comes onscreen and steals a knick-knack, but Nick hits him with a flyswatter. The Sneak ends up a splat on the ground. The Homestar Runner Walks in}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, phooey. The Sneak, did you try to steal one of Nick Knackertson's Nearly Fabulous Knick-Knacks?

{Cut back to Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: What!? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! How did you come up with that?

HOMESTAR: I read the transcript.

SKUB: I like how the author comes to terms with how painfully unfunny he is in the first episode and then continues for 109 or so more. Wait did I say I like that? Because I mean I kill myself.

ARUSEUS: You can read?

NACHOMAN: this for 5 seconds without getting bored out of your mind?

HOMESTAR: Sorry for bothering your e-mail. I guess I should go.

ARUSEUS: You better.

{Cut back to Lappy}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it. Then again I might as well predict who I will be in the future, probably some guy working for some evil alliance bent on taking over the world...

NACHOMAN: obviously

{Cut to 20X6 Field, Anthruseus is standing there, striking poses}

ANTHRUSEUS: Oh yeah! No one can defeat me! I'm strong!

{Cheatball bounces in}

CHEATBALL: Cheatball! {explodes}

ANTHRUSEUS: {flying away} AAAAAH!!!

SKUB: WHAT A RANDOM THING TO HAVE HAPPEN!! YOW!

{Cheatball reappears. 1-Up walks onscreen}

1-UP: Hey Cheatball, Did that white furry guy have any pudding? I lost my pudding. I want pudding.

NACHOMAN: can i commit genocide against one person
SKUB: I think the Geneva Convention'll look the other way.

ARUSEUS: Finally, I would still be in that alliance, but then take over the whole world, and I would be cyborg-ish, and less annoying.

{Cut to Overlord T's fortress, where he is sitting in a chair}

OVERLORD T: Anthru-borg, get me a prawn shake!

ANTHRU-BORG Oh, all right. {flies offscreen, comes back}

OVERLORD T: Good! Get me another!

SKUB: heh

{Cut back to Lappy}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it, Bubs. All my variations. Though I didn't really like my Old-Timey version...Ah well, Homestar's an idiot and you can't change that. {The Paper comes down, reading "Click here to email Aruseus."}

NACHOMAN: click where? i need to email him RIGHT NOW

{After about 5 seconds, Aruseus will say something}

ARUSEUS: {under his breath} Polka...ew...

Easter Eggs

• Click on "variations" to see a cutscene.

NACHOMAN: if you haven't suffered enough

{Cut to a Computer in 20X6, Anthruseus is answering an email}

ANTHRUSEUS: {typing} Well, Bob, back then I was probably be a little taller, and I

SKUB: had my very own hex code for the color of the tip of my penis

answered emails!

{Zooms out, Stinkoman is standing next to Anthruseus}

STINKOMAN: Get off of MY computer!

{Cut back to Present-day Computer Room}

• Click on "Bubs" to see another cutscene.

{Cut to the Field, Aruseus is in a crawl position, straining, while Bubs is sitting on his back}

BUBS: Move you stupid pile of crap!

{Aruseus collapses, Cut back to Computer Room}

Fun Facts

• Sidekick Bob is from Tampo Emails.
• The scene with Anthru-borg is similar to the easter egg in Not-So Zippy Email "massive fail" with Mr. Cradgage and Pyro.

NACHOMAN: there you have it folks. stone cold evidence associating skub with the phrase "massive fail"
SKUB: No SHIT WHAT I FORGOT HOW BIG OF A TIE I HAD WITH THIS STUPID THING
NACHOMAN: so... we'll see more references to your old shit?
SKUB: Oh dear Christ let this be the only one.

• In the easter egg, Anthruseus mentions his present day form.
• The E-mail song is a parody of the Numa Numa Song.

SKUB: Oh so it was even worse than I thought! Way to open up strong, you... you shit.

• The Coach Z bird flying in is a reference to Summer Short Shorts.