HOMESTAR

Homestar Runner is a terrific athlete. And by that, I mean that he was the world's most stupendous athelete! This armless mortal could perform feats at the speed of light!

BUT THIS IS NOT A STORY ABOUT ATHLETICS, YOU SILLY MORTAL. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT WAR AND ANGUISH.

For it was a nice, sunny day in Fuck Country, USA. Homestar and Bubs were busy, mowing down masses of hellspawned Gorilla Knights, that had invaded the once beautiful nation.

Homestar tore the flesh off one of the Gorilla Knights. He devoured it with the might of a thousand hungry caterpillars, who were not caterpillars, but dragon caterpillars!

"Homestar, what time is it?" asked Bubs, who was skullfucking a Gorilla Knight with his shotgun arm.

"It is time to feast on the virgin blood of the angels themselves", bellowed Homestar, whose words caused a massive shockwave that brutally punished every Gorilla Knight in the galaxy, causing their nutsacks to simultaneously explode into apple cider. But they were not dead, children. Oh no, they suffered a fate worse than death. They were banished to the 6th Dimension, where they were doomed to a lifetime of torture, and unprotected sex with goblin whores.

Bubs' time had now come. He had fought the good fight, and it was now time for eternal rest. He knelt down, bowing his head slightly. Homestar then withdrew his Unholy Holy Wiimote, which had been forged with the bones of Satanic Dinosaurs, and purified by the bodily fluids of many an Archangel. He lifted the Wiimote into the air, where holy dragonborn lightning rained upon it, and he then slammed it down upon Bubs' head, causing it to explode into many pieces. He layed his fallen comrade's body down, and he tore the earth open, causing an earthquake that obliterated the entire field, turning it into a wasteland.

Suddenly, Homestar heard something calling to him in the distance. He turned around to find out what it was. It was Strong Bad, floating in Nirvana, surrounded by a legion of hot 18-year old chicks. His beard was long and grey, with butterflies flying out of it. He was truly a magnificent creature to witness.

"Homestar Runner", he said. "YOU MUST SUMMON THE BEAST!"

Homestar unleashed his hatred upon his Wiimote, causing the moon to fall out of orbit and into the Earth's atmosphere. He leapt upon it, flying it through the galaxy, arseraping all the planets dumb enough to stand in its way. He sheathed the Moon in a layer of pure fucksauce, and he sent it hurdling towards Saturn's rings. The impact caused Saturn to explode into billions of tiny fucking pieces, which flew in all directions, killing the absolute fuck out of all the rest of the motherfucking planets that happened to be in the fucking way.

TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED