(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/SSXMails/We'll Have a Duel!
SSXMail 5. We'll Have a Duel!
Created On
LIGHTNING GUY: Apparently, this email was never created.
MR. CLOUD: That's a relief.
Cast (in order of appearence): N/A
Locations: N/A
Transcript
{The emails begins with XOF at his computer.}
LIGHTNING GUY: There's a firsts for everything.
X ON FIRE: Email to the left, and email to the right! Checkin' my emails from day to night!
Dear X2F,
Want to have a battle?
I'll probably win. We can
go to the Glitch Zone and
fight there.
See you there,
Crüsäder
X ON FIRE Well, Cursed Vader, I'll accept, but mark my words, you have greatly underestimated me. {teleports away}
{Meanwhile, Dark X is busy monitoring X On Fire.}
MR. CLOUD: Don't you have anything better to do than stalk some wannabe badass?
DARK X: Hmm, so XOF is going off to battle? This will be the perfect chance for me to finalize my plan. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
{Cut to Crüsäder in an unknown room. He takes his weaponry case.}
LIGHTNING GUY: There's nothing more appropriate for a friendly brawl than AK-47s!
CRüSäDER: Hmph. Looks like that wimp XOF finally decided to accept my challenge. Well, he's in for one rude awakening... {cracks knuckles}
{The entire room turns completely black except for Crüsäder.
MR. CLOUD: I keep turning off my light, but I keep on staying white! What is wrong with you, logic?
Dark X's outline appears.}
DARK X: I've heard that you are going to fight X On Fire.
LIGHTNING GUY: A little birdie called Twitter told me.
CRüSäDER: What's it to ya?
DARK X: I am his sworn enemy.
LIGHTNING GUY: Sworn, of course, by you.
MR. CLOUD: Mommy says swearing is bad.
{covers Crüsäder in a white myst}
{Mr. Cloud jumps at the opportunity to make a semen joke, but Lightning Guy stops him.}
This will make you much more powerful.
CRüSäDER: Yeah? I have enough power. {takes out a Darkness Emerald} This is my power. So back off, or else.
LIGHTNING GUY: Or else I'll throw this giant rock at you.
DARK X: NOBODY ORDERS OR THREATENS
MR. CLOUD: OR POLITELY ADVISES
ME! WHEN THE TIME COMES, YOU, ALONG WITH X ON FIRE, WILL BE DESTROYED BY MY FORCES! {teleports away}
CRüSäDER: {laughing} What a dork.
LIGHTNING GUY: Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go larp with a sonic recolor.
{Meanwhile, in the Glitch Zone...}
X ON FIRE: Man, where is Crüsäder, anyway?
CRüSäDER: {grabs his "neck" from behind} Right here. {throws him at a Browntant}
MR. CLOUD: a what
X ON FIRE: {blasts the Browntant} Pathetic. {charges superfast
LIGHTNING GUY: Supersuperfast
at Crüsäder}
CRüSäDER: {holds him back with one hand} Hmph.
X ON FIRE: Enough of this. {jumps far out of sight and smashes down on Crüsäder, breaking the sound barrier}
MR. CLOUD: Okay, I think we get it by now that you're going really fast. You don't have to bring aerodynamics into it.
CRüSäDER: {sarcastically} Oh wow. That really hurt, lemme tell ya. {fires a DarkBeamTM?!? at XOF} Chew on that one for a while.
LIGHTNING GUY: This DarkBeamTM?!? tastes like chicken. Chicken crap. Can I stop chewing on it now?
X ON FIRE: AH! {X fizzles out} NO! MY X! You may have gotten rid of my main power source, which I am nearly powerless without, but I'll still win somehow!
CRüSäDER: Just forget it. You obviously can't win.
X ON FIRE: Is that so?
MR. CLOUD: So it is.
CRüSäDER: What're you going to do? Catch my shirt on fire? Face it. Without your X, you'll never win.
{Crüsäder teleports away.}
X ON FIRE: Ogh...
LIGHTNING GUY: That sounds so nasty. I feel like I need to take a bath just to wash out the nastiness.
I need to recharge. {teleports home}
{Cut to Dark X's lair.}
DARK X: That little brat seems to have quite a bit of fighting ability. {sighs} I don't think he has the heart to kill X On Fire...{dramatic closeup} I guess I'll have to give him some...motivation! {dramatic music}
MR. CLOUD: Dramatic lack of drama.
{Cut to the room from the first email's easter egg. X On Fire is deactivated, and plugged into generators. His X begins sparkling.}
{The paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
Fun Facts
References
- The email's title is from Parsnips 'A Plenty.
