RiffText/NukeNoid/5

DOWN BY THE BAY (IS WHERE YOU'LL BE BURIED): PART TWO

{Scene: Calm ocean waters. The camera pans across to see the sun blaring down on some seagulls, sitting in the water. A few of them begin to chirp. The camera cuts in on them and a whirring noise becomes audible. Suddenly, the seagulls all fly away. A speedboat zips in their path, with two pirates in it - one gunning and one driving. The Armageddon Team is quick behind, on jetskis.}

DINOMYTE: {firing shots from a shotgun} God damn Somalians! Speedah little fu-

NUCLEAR NOID: {driving with Dinomyte in back} Less racist, more shoot!

NOXIGAR: OF COURSE!

{Dinomyte goes back to firing from his shotgun. Danzal pulls up aside them with Nacho firing in the back.}

DANZAL: Ach, thank you. His blatant ignorance gets very irritating, especially vhen you are an immigrant such as myself...

NACHO: Hey, at least you're not half Hispanic and named Nacho!

DANZAL: Vell, vat'z your real name?

NACHO: Sixpack.

DANZAL: That'z ridiculouz.

NACHO: {fires shots} And Danzal is better?

NOXIGAR: Yes, I'd say an intentional misspelling of "Denzel" is better when making a commando name. Shoulda named yourself Firebert.

DINOMYTE: Face it, Pepe, Ant'n over here's gotcha beat!

NUCLEAR NOID: Where is the rest of the team?! We need all the men we can get and we're only up against two of these guys...

{Cut to the pirates. They weave through rocks and then over to the side of the cruiseship. Other pirates wait for them on the ledge. They jump off of the jetski and climb up.}

PIRATE 1: So, we doin' alrigh'?

PIRATE 3: Well, you might not be.

{The other pirates throw off their disguises, revealing themselves to be the remaining members of the Armageddon Team. Greaser melees one in the face with his rifle and a fight ensues. A few short seconds later, and Bluebry Bullets is kicking the bodies into the water.}

BROOKS JAXXON: You know, I don't think it's exactly protocol to dispose of the bodies...

NOXIGAR: And not a single damn was given that day.

BLUEBRY BULLETS: Brooks, we're in neutral waters. There ain't no protocol. And even if there was, do I look like the kind of the person that gives a damn?

{The other members of the team pull up and join the rest. Nuclear Noid is visibly annoyed.}

NUCLEAR NOID: You know, it would have been nice if you told the rest of us about this lil' plan of yours.

MU: I told Chwoka to do it.

CHARGING CHWOKA: Yeah, I don't really remember that.

GREASER: Who cares about that? Guys, it was a success, it doesn't matter.

NACHO: Nothing's a success yet, kid. You're a rook, too, so listen up, I've been in this business since before you were born. You can't go into a mission believing you've already pulled it off. Messes with your judgment. Believe me. I learned it the hard way.

CHARGING CHWOKA: You know, I've never heard this lecture before.

BROOKS JAXXON: Yeah, what happened?

NACHO: I'm not very keen on talking about it, to be honest...but I'm retiring tomorrow, so...I lost a friend. A partner. And I know it's a cliche to attribute his death to me, but...

NOXIGAR: You're going to attribute his death to yourself anyway.

DANZAL: Vell, you know, ve all have pretty tragic paztz. I myzelf,-

BLUEBRY BULLETS: Are we gonna sit around hugging each other or are we gonna go beat some asses?

DINOMYTE: {raises hand} I elect to beat some asses!

{The others agree and they enter the cruise liner. Cut to the main deck. Pirates patrol it, keeping track of the hostages tied up in various locations. Cut to a little nook, covered by a large stack of crates. There is a tiny hatch on the floor. A man in a floral print shirt is on his knees.}

PIRATE: {voice} That 'em all?

PIRATE ALSO: {voice} Yah, pretty sure...let's just make rounds {voice getting louder, shadow visible} anoth' time.

{The man becomes increasingly nervouser as the shadow approaches. Nuclear Noid and Charging Chwoka appear below the hatch. A pirate turns the corner and notices the man.}

PIRATE: Well well well, what do we have here?

{Nuclear Noid and Charging Chwoka burst out.}

CHARGING CHWOKA: Looks like you got a bit of a problem on your hands.

{Cut to pirates making the rounds on the main deck. They hear gunshots and another pirate screaming. Nuclear Noid and Charging Chwoka run out, firing and freeing hostages. Pirates attempt to fight back, but they are but mere cannon fodder for these men. Meanwhile, we cut to Belowdecks, to some halls. Greaser and Nacho walk them vigilantly.}

GREASER: ...you know, you're not the only one who's experienced stuff like that. Before I joined you guys, my entire crew was-

NACHO: {sighs} Kid, I've heard it all before, and quite frankly, I'm getting too old for it.

GREASER: For what?

NACHO: For every little sobstory that comes by, that's what! Everybody in this town's got a tragic past. "Oh, my parents didn't love me so I joined a gang and now I'm a yadda yadda!" Give me a break...

GREASER: We can't forget the past...

NACHO: We can't let it define us, either.

NOXIGAR: Says the guy who ends up letting his friend's death hurt him on the inside.

GREASER: {furiously} You hypocrite! You're the one still aching from something that happened before I was even-

{Nacho signals for Greaser to be quiet. They slowly walk, with gunshots audible in the distance. The farther they move, the louder the noises become until they reach a corner and the noises are coming from there. Nacho signals back at Greaser, who nods. They jump around the corner to find a bald Hispanic man with tattoos covering his arms shooting at somebody else. He turns around and looks shocked.}

CESAR: Pack?

NACHO: Cesar?!

CESAR: Pack, it's been a long time, holmes!

{Nacho punches Cesar across the face, knocking him down.}

NACHO: You bastard...

GREASER: Woah, woah, cool it! What'd this guy do to you?

NACHO: Evidently...he didn't die.

NOXIGAR: Kick his ass, then retire, right?

{The words "TO BE CONTINUED" appear on the screen.}