RiffText/NukeNoid/4

DOWN BY THE BAY (IS WHERE YOU'LL BE BURIED): PART ONE

{Scene: a cruise liner. Tourists dance and laugh on the main deck, drinking lots of alcohol and eating lots of food. A band is playing, and the crowd is very enthusiastic. A man in a suit sits back against a wall, smiling. Another one walks up to him and shakes his hand.}

MAN: I gotta say, Henderson, you're a genius when it comes to this.

HENDERSON: Heh. Well, I just do my job.

MAN: Ya do mine too!

{They chuckle and it is followed by awkward silence. Henderson looks around.}

HENDERSON: When are they arriving?

MAN: They're already here.

{Cut to the band peforming. The singer screams out the lyrics as the guitars duel behind him. All of a sudden, the singer is shot in the head, doing a flip backwards. Tourists start to scream and panic. A few muscular men wearing red and white striped clothes jump on stage, firing shots. Some of them have eyepatches - others have wooden legs. A giant, iron, almost steampunk-like pirate ship ascends through the waves and rams into the cruise ship. More pirates start to board it. The deck descends into pure chaos. Cut back to Henderson and Man.}

HENDERSON: And nobody can stop us?

MAN: Nobody's crazy enough.

{Scene: a warehouse. Two factions sit on both sides of the warehouse. Both have armed men. They both send a man forward with a suitcase. One is clearly Hispanic - the other wears a trenchcoat and a hat.}

NOXIGAR: WARNING, BLATANT RACIST STEREOTYPES INBOUND. CAUTION IS ADVISED.

HISPANIC MAN: You got the ice, ese?

{Trenchcoat opens his suitcase, revealing shining diamonds.}

TRENCHCOAT: And you?

{Hispanic Man opens up his, showing lots of green dollar bills.}

HISPANIC MAN: 'Course, ese. Now, let's see those rocks, ay?

TRENCHCOAT: Oh, you'll be seeing some rocks, alright...

{Trenchcoat flings off his disguise, revealing him to be Bluebry Bullets. He shoots the Hispanic Man at point-blank range and starts to fire on the others. Behind him, his camp throws off their disguises, revealing them to be none other than the Armageddon Team. They run in a scramble, firing shots and throwing grenades. Bluebry Bullets laughs and dives behind some boxes. Brooks Jaxxon runs to him and crouches down.}

BROOKS JAXXON: What was that rock stuff all about?

BLUEBRY BULLETS: He's gonna be buried underground when I'm done with him. Which I am.

NOXIGAR: AND THAT'S WHY IT WAS FUNNY.

BROOKS JAXXON: But then wouldn't he be seeing his casket?

BLUEBRY BULLETS: Ah, shut your piehole and let me get some dealers.

(Bluebry Bullets fires a shot. A man screams and he laughs. Cut to the center of the warehouse. The Armageddon Team assembles. Dead bodies are piled up.}

NUCLEAR NOID: Well, that was fun.

MU: Not to mention succesful. The Mendezes are wiped out, finally.

BROOKS JAXXON: It's sad to see them go, they were lots of fun.

CHARGING CHWOKA: Yeah, remember that time that we send Bluebry to spring them?

DANZAL: That just happened.

CHARGING CHWOKA: What did?

NACHO: I have an announcement to make, friends. Now that the Mendezes are gone, I think I'm gonna finally retire. The world no longer needs Sixpack Smith to hold its hand.

GREASER: Nacho, you can't leave! Sure, we have one gang down...

DINOMYTE: But there's always gonna be some more filthy Mexicans shooting at each other!

NOXIGAR: WARNING. WARNING. RACISM INBOUND. RELEASE THE FRIEND ZONE. Wait, no. That's a part of an episode later. Nevermind.

MU: Guys, I think Nacho deserves it. He's worked longer than any of us. Cut the guy a break.

{A phone rings. Nuclear Noid picks it up and starts talking.}

NUCLEAR NOID: Yeah? What? Calm down. Alright, now speak to me. Shot him? More? We'll be right there.

{Nuclear Noid puts the phone back.}

DANZAL: Vat vas that?

NUCLEAR NOID: Nacho, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to retire another day. We got pirates on our hands.

NACHO: Well, I figure it's...okay...

NOXIGAR: You being forced out of retirement when you want to retire isn't okay.

NUCLEAR NOID: Good. Because they just attacked the biggest cruise ship and they're not hesitating.

DINOMYTE: And neither will we.

{The Armageddon Team cocks their guns and the screen fades to black. The words "TO BE CONTINUED" appear on it.}