Blue Lasermail/P. O. Box

Leave Blue Laser a message using this blockquote!

Messages

Dear Sir(s)

I am calling from a third wurld country and needs your credit card number to keep the spread of malaria from killing the potentate. I have also been informed that you have one the bangladeshian lottery. I f u give me your ID, Social sicurity number, and banck acount i will tranfer it to u there.I wil should be at your apartment/dorm rome tonight...please to be letting me inside your home. I come from a country of the thurd worwald to recive a donation to keep this county from faling. Gass prices gotcha doun. Call me at 1-800-4493636669. Hav your credit card # ready. THIS IS NOT FAKE THIS IS REAL! IT HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER IN LAW YESTERDAY! I AM A WORLD RENOWNED BISNESS MAN AND NOT A CAT!

Earnestly and Not Spam(iest) yors
Knowingnest J. Drawbridges

Dear Blue Laser,

Why are you enemies with the Cheat Commandos? Did they do something to you in the past?

Nothin's gonna change my woild
John Lennon

Subject: Jinjergahjkf

Hewo funeh maan,
Whro ar u? I am emialing a randokm emila andrez uzin mah blgoa komputar
plz upn diz feil:
Da Tomsar

Attachment: AMI ADREZ.txt

Subject: babies

Dear Blue Laser,
Just who are the Laserbabies?
Are they your offspring?
Or are they just babies enlisted in your army?

-Jenkins

Subject: life story

Dear Mr. Laser,
Have you ever considered writing your life story and making it into a movie? I think you'd make a lot of money.
I mean, no one wants to see something boring, right? You could make your own franchise for that.
Filling 'em with midnight as always,
Spades Slick

Subject: history

Dear Blue Laser,
What happened to your organization? It seems like it'd have hundreds of soldiers, and yet we only know of at least three.
Was there some event in the past that wiped out your army?

-Diamonds Droog

Subject: time travel

Lord English
Sincerely yours,
I think it would cause confusion and wreak havoc on the Cheat Commandos.
Have you ever considered developing time travel for your army?

Dear Blue Laser,

Subject: GREETINGS

DEAR INSIGNIFICANT CHEAT,
WE HAVE MET BEFORE. OR, WE WILL BE MEETING IN THE FUTURE.
THERE IS MUCH YOU NEED TO KNOW, BUT I HAVE EXPLAINED IT, OR WILL EXPLAIN IT, MANY TIMES, AND I AM TOO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS WHOLE THING TO DO SO AGAIN.
ANYWAYS, GET READY.

-carcinoGeneticist

Subject: advertisements

Dear Blue Laser,
How have you done in your advertising of late? What kind of cool slogans and witty jingles have you used to advance Blue Laser?
Your friend,<>

Strong Vader

Subject: computers

Dear Blue Laser,
How do you deal with really slow computers? Don't you just hate it when that happens? Do you know how to fix mine?
Your friend,
Doze

Subject: janitor

Dear Blue Laser,
Does Blue Laser have a janitor? What kind of janitors do you look for? Have you ever hired a janitor only to find that he was a Cheat Commando in disguise?
Following your past trail,

-Trace

Subject: Fans

Dear Blue Laser,
How do you deal with pesky fan clubs and even peskier fan fiction? Do you do it violently? Would you mind sending me your autograph? -Dr. Brinner

Subject: Kidnapped

Hey, stupid!
We have your brother Redd. We will shoot him, or maybe tickle him with this cool eagle feather, or maybe force him to watch some stupid movie or something if you do not pay up 12 million dollars at town hall by noon tomorrow. You cannot find us. You cannot track us. You do not know who we are.
Sincerely,
Gunhaver. I mean, Silent Rip. I mean, Fightgar. I mean, Reynold. Yeah, let's stick with Reynold. It's definitely not Gunhaver, that's all you need to know.

Subject: boring

Dear Blue Laser,
Do you get bored when there's a boring movie on.
-Chris Holland from Missisipi

Subject: Flashback

Dear Blue Loser,
Why do you hate Redd so much? He seems like a pretty OK guy. Was there some form of horrible incident in your childhood you could convienliently flashback to that caused you to hate him?
Not your friend in a million years,

The Failmonger

Subj:Tasteball e-mail
Dear blue laser. I informing you that your actions of "tete crushing the cheat commandorks a tete" failed 80 times. That means you have only one change to destroy them. Fail one more time and your FIRED! That includes your minions TOO! Patiently waiting for your winning -Fightflash. (Flashfight's brother)

Dear Blue Laser,

What convinced you to fight the forces of good? Did it all start because of something Gunhaver did, or did something else spark this new lifestyle?
Patiently waiting for a reply,

Susan "Falcon Paunch"