(even if you aren't vegan)
Nothing's Gonna Change My Hat/ep4
Transcript
{Dramatic music. Ekul, Nived, Kyves, Chwoka, Darlon, Bones, Doctor McDoctor, Inspector Z, Moobly, Mr. Matthews and JCM are running for their lives away from the base. Geltoss is hovering away. There are guns blazing at him behind him. Strong Sader is begin pulled through a bleak, empty void. Bald Tommy is trying on the hat, he has strange effects over space. He has a pile of gold and a crown on his head. He laughs evilly. Cut to the Good guy crew, who discover the pile that used to be Chwoka's house. Darlon discovers his computer and picks it up. Behind the house, Kyves' plane is in shambles}
EKUL: What have they done?!
KYVES: No! We have to get that hat back!
{Vanhock crawls out from under the rubble}
VANHOCK: I'll do it.
CHWOKA: But Vanhock! Your legs!
VANHOCK: Legs? Where we're going, we don't need legs.
{The dramatic music changes into Back to the Future. Vanhock lifts up into the air, missing his legs completely, instead having a glowing torso. He flies off. Cut to a different angle where Vanhock's face and arms takes up most of the screen. The angles changes to over-the shoulder on Vanhock, who snatches the hat RIGHT off. All the gold disappears.}
BALD TOMMY: ...buh?
WHITEWASH DARLON: This must have been where their CGI budget went.
{Cut back to the first angle at the house. Vanhock walks on-screen, with perfectly fine legs. Record scratch.}
CHWOKA: Wait, what? I know we asked how you did it, but I remember you NOT lifting up into the air and flying away.
VANHOCK: Your eyes deceive you.
EKUL: It must have been an ac-
NIVED: WE KNOW! No, it was probably something anticlimactic. Like, the hat being in a safe and... Vanhock guessing the combination.
CHWOKA: So, JCM, you should really move along and get home. Tell your mom what a good job you did.
DARLON: He didn't do anything at all!
{Chwoka discreetly kicks Darlon in the gut.}
KYVES: How are we going to get out of here? The mafia hates us and I wouldn't put anything past Geltoss...
EKUL: Hmm... Maybe I could combine the broken parts of the plane with the broken parts of the limo with the old van next to the lake...
VANHOCK: But WHERE OH WHERE SHOULD WE GO?
CHWOKA: I know. You see...
{Flashback. Chwoka is in the cage, looking to the left. Everyone is frozen}
NARRATING CHWOKA: I was looking for an escape, when I saw a Mafia Code.
{Pan left and zoom in on a poster that reads "Oregon Mafia Code of Laws". All the rules are blurred.}
NARRATING CHWOKA: I can't tell you most of them just off the top of my head, but one really stuck out; "You will not leave the United States of America"
{End flashback}
CHWOKA: So our solution is we DRIVE TO CANADA!
VANHOCK: I call shotgun!
EKUL: I'll start building that thing. Kyves, bring the metal together.
{Pieces of the plane and the limo, as well as the body of the van fall on the ground. Cut to an A-Team style montage of Ekul building a travel van. Kyves can be seen helping him.}
{Cut to JCM's house. He walks in.}
JCM: Hey, mom, guess what? I helped save an important hat from getting into the hands of evil! And then this guy named Darlon got jealous, so I thought it was a good time to leave.
JCM'S MOM: That's nice, honey, now go eat your dinner.
{Flashback. The scene is in the hospital. Strong Sader is in a full body cast. Doctor McDoctor walks in.}
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Well, Mr. Sader count yourself a lucky man. That run in with that bus could well have killed you.
STRONG SADER: It could?
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Absolutely. You're lucky it only broke 60% of the bones in your body. There's no organ damage and your nervous system is still intact. If anything counts as a miracle, it would be this.
{Strong Sader looks back, slightly disturbed. Cut to a dark room with a chair and table. Strong Sader is spat out of the shadows, and lands in the chair. The shadows wrap together to form a dark creature, whose only distinguishing features are a pair of glowing green eyes.}
STRONG SADER: Who are you?
{Cut back to the van. It's almost finished. It's black, with a rather large interior and a powerful plane motor converted into a car use. It looks much more sleek.}
EKUL: Hmm... I'm almost done. I just need to fix the wheels. I need somebody to get me some new tires.
CHWOKA: I know where we can get some tires!
{Cut to the tireless ice cream truck. The camera swings around to reveal 4 tires. Super Mario Bros Underground theme plays. The camera swings around and the world flattens. Chwoka is standing next to Ekul}
CHWOKA: Here's the plan - we go over and take the tires.
EKUL: That's it?
CHWOKA: That's it.
{Donkey Kong's theme from Donkey Kong plays. The "Ice Cream Man" opens the truck.}
"ICE CREAM MAN": Hey you kids, get off my property!
{"Ice Cream Man" begins throwing ice cream cones at the two, which bounce. When they hit the ground, Ekul jumps over them one by one and then ducks every now and then}
EKUL: This is too hard! We'll never make it!
CHWOKA: Nonsense!
{Chwoka runs in a straight line without ducking or jumping and makes it, then rolls a tire off screen.}
CHWOKA: No you do it!
{Ekul rolls one off as well. Kyves is hit in the head with one and knocked out because he is too tall. Ekul goes back for another one and succeeds again. Then ice cream man ceases fire.}
CHWOKA: What is he doing?
{The Ice Ream Man throws more out.}
CHWOKA: Oh, must have been restocking.
{Chwoka runs forward, gets hit, and the ice cream explodes, sending him back to the start. Cut back to the van where Inspector Z is looking at it.}
INSPECTOR Z: Hmmm....I don't think this run-away plan is going to work.
{Cut back to Chwoka and Ekul. Chwoka is badly injured from the ice cream blast, with bits of ice cream cone lodged in various areas of his face. Doctor McDoctor comes to his aid.}
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Ekul, we need to cool some of these wounds to disinfect them.
EKUL: Nived, get the last one!
NIVED: Hmph. If you insist.
{Ekul cools the wounds of Chwoka. Nived crawls and none hit him. He gets the last tire. The ice cream truck explodes randomly. 340 XP for all who participated! Cut back to Strong Sader. The two are now sat at the table.}
STRONG SADER: Why do you need me?
SIKARIUS: I suppose you might as well know. You possess something that I need.
STRONG SADER: Me? What? How?
SIKARIUS: Do you remember the Hat? What happened? It's done something I need to control. And with your help, I can.
{A dramatic snippet of music plays, as the screen cuts back to the near fully constructed van/plane. Doctor McDoctor is tending to an unconcious Chwoka. Ekul takes a look at Kyves, who is also unconscious. He comes to. Ekul and Kyves pick up Chwoka and stuff him in the van.}
EKUL: We could use a medical officer. You want to come, doc?
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Sure. My hospital is a wreck and the mafia'll probably kill me if I stick around. Plus I've always wanted to see Canada.
EKUL: Okay. We should get a medical kit or something from the hospital.
{Cut back to Strong Sader.}
STRONG SADER: So, what are you going to make me do?
SIKARIUS: For now? Nothing. I will give you more information as you go. Just go home for now.
{Strong Sader is sucked into a portal made of shadow. As the portal closes, Sikarius gives a short evil laugh. Cut to the ruins of the hospital, Ekul and the Doctor rummage through the pile.}
EKUL: I found a defibrillator. And a first aid kit. What else do we need?
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Just some more surgical equipment and we're done.
{A shadow portal opens and Strong Sader is spat out, unconscious. The portal closes. The Doctor goes to tend him.}
{OOC: I have to go now. Ekul is given temporary control over Doctor McDoctor.}
{Doctor McDoctor finds a surgical kit and puts it into a trolley with the rest of their loot}
EKUL: I guess that's the last of it.
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Lets get back to the plane before the Mafia regroups. Help me carry Strong Sader out of here.
{Ekul and Doctor McDoctor carry Strong Sader to the van and put him in the back}
EKUL: I think that's just about all we need here.
INSPECTOR Z: I don't think this is going to work.
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: I don't see any reason that it shouldn't. {Yawns} I'm exhausted. Can I sleep somewhere in there? {He gestures to the horizon, showing the pre-dawn light} We haven't slept all night.
EKUL: There, under the seat is a bed.
{The Doctor lifts the chair and rolls up in the bed. He goes to sleep quite quickly. The chair comes back down, but doesn't bother him as it's high enough above him.}
EKUL: Hm... We've got a whole sleeping ward in here... Chwoka knocked out... Doctor sleeping... Strong Sader unconscious...
INSPECTOR Z: I see a reason. Just because the Mafia can't go after us, doesn't mean that others can't go after us. They could just pay mercenaries to do it, or crooked police. Yep, I've seen it all before.
EKUL: Hm... Well I don't think we have too much to worry about that, they'll have their hands full with Geltoss, who probably thinks they still have the hat. At any rate, we better get going soon. Let's see... have we forget anything...
{Chwoka suddenly jumps up}
CHWOKA: Well, then! We don't need people who are critical of our plan to come along with us. We already have Darlon and Nived, and they take up enough space. How about this - You and that "Bones" guy can keep them from coming after us. ALRIGHT, ROLL CALL!
{Doctor McDoctor slumps out of the van and lines up with Vanhock, Ekul, Nived, Darlon, and Kyves (dragging the unconscious body of Strong Sader).}
CHWOKA: Men, it's been a long, perilous journey these last few days. Now we escape. Is there anybody who doesn't want to come or thinks somebody else to come?
EKUL: Hm... I know a few people in different states, but I doubt they'll be targets. So I'm good.
VANHOCK: What about Matthews?
MR. MATTHEWS: I'm here! No need to worry about me.
VANHOCK: Can we drop you off at Washington?
{long pause}
VANHOCK: What?
WHITEWASH DARLON: He's got the right idea here; Matthews isn't that good of a character.
MR. MATTHEWS: WHAT?
KYVES: That's the plan!
CHWOKA: Now that we've figured out what we're doing, I'm going to pass out from excruciating face-pain.
{Chwoka falls over backwards.}
VANHOCK: I still have shotgun!
EKUL: Awww...
KYVES: I'm driver.
EKUL: Well, that's a given.
{Kyves sits in the drivers seat.}
KYVES: Everybody in? Let's go!
{Kyves drives off. The ride is very good}
NIVED: Ekul, I gotta hand it to you. You are aren't when it comes to mechanics.
KYVES: Genius nothing, a savant.
EKUL: Quiet Kyves. Nived actually complemented me.
NIVED: Don't get used to it.
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Chwoka is losing too much blood. Do we have any bandages? Ah, here we are.
{Doctor McDoctor takes the bandages out of his medical pack}
EKUL: {Sigh} Are we there yet?
KYVES: No, but we're closer to the border. ...How many miles to the gallon does it get?
EKUL: 65
KYVES: You have got to be lying.
EKUL: Oh, well, 25 if I'm not in the car.
KYVES: Wait, what?
EKUL: Well, let's just say my power is pretty useful.
KYVES: Well, I can provide free electricity if we got a turbine.
EKUL: Oh right! Perfect. Except, you have to drive, so you can't concentrate on that.
{OOC: The auditions are over. JCM wasn't sufficient and Znex didn't audition. So I guess only Strong Sader stays. Onto Arc 2}
{The car drives off into the sunrise. Oregon is behind them}
{Kyves drives into Washington. Eventually they come to a mall.}
EKUL: Let's drop Mr. Matthews off here.
MR. MATTHEWS: Why can't I go to Canada?
{The van drives off}
MR. MATTHEWS: But I don't have a job yet!
{Cut to Mr. Matthews, sitting on the sidewalk, 5 minutes later. He sighs. Cut to the Van. Doctor McDoctor has picked the last ice cream shrapnel out of Chwoka's face}
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: He should be fine in a few hours.
DARLON: That's a relief. No more "BRARG I'M IN CHARGE" things for a few hours.
KYVES: Quiet in the back seat. Let's get out of here.
EKUL: Hey, we need to go eat now... Where to?
VANHOCK: MCDONALD'S! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
EKUL: All oppose?
NIVED: Nay?
EKUL: You don't count, pessimist.
DARLON: McDonald's is WAY too fattening.
EKUL: How about... uh... a Mexican restaurant?
VANHOCK: OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM E I E I O!
{Kyves pulls up to McDonalds}
EKUL: Uh... we didn't decide yet
KYVES: Well, I'm hungry.
VANHOCK: I want 8 large cartons of french fries and the biggest burger! Oh, Chwoka wants 15 large french fries and a big mac with light sauce.
EKUL: Only if you're paying.
VANHOCK: DEAL!
{clock-swipe. Vanhock has finished his fries}
VANHOCK: ...and yet, I feel empty inside.
DARLON: Hey, Chwoka, your french fries are getting cold. {snicker}
{Chwoka gets up}
CHWOKA: What? NO!
{Chwoka begins shoving french fries down his mouth}
CHWOKA: It's too late! They're cold!
{Suddenly they start sizzling slightly, and Ekul has his wing outstretched}
EKUL: Here, let me warm them for you...
{Chwoka stuffs them in his mouth.}
CHWOKA: Thanks, Ekul!
{clock-swipe.}
VANHOCK: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
DARLON: Nived, I'm going to put up a blog post critiquing Washington.
NIVED: Ugh, I can't wait for this one.
KYVES: We've got about 30 minutes of driving left.
VANHOCK: Are we there yet?
{OOC: When are the next auditions then? I knew nothing of this. O_o - Znex}
{OOC: After this Arc ends.}
{Strong Sader wakes up with a start.}
STRONG SADER: {Dazed} I AM MERLIN! THE HAPPY PIG!
{Strong Sader falls unconscious again. Ekul shakes him}
EKUL: Whoa, Strong Sader, are you alright?
{Strong Sader gets up again}
STRONG SADER: {Dazed} I'm fine thank you, Susan.
{Strong Sader gets up fully}
STRONG SADER: {Normally} What did I do last night?...
EKUL: You've been knocked out all yesterday. So nothing. You must be kinda hungry by now.
STRONG SADER: Well, I am feeling kinda hungry. {Sniffs} Do I smell McDonald's?
CHWOKA: NO! THE FRIES ARE MINE, AND ALL MINE!
STRONG SADER: 'K. Chill, yo.
{Short background beatbox, followed by an awkward pause}
STRONG SADER: Is there any food not converted?
VANHOCK: You can have the empty boxes.
{Strong Sader picks up and rips off a portion of a Big Mac box. He begins to eat it.}
STRONG SADER: Not bad...
EKUL: You can have my McNugget box too.
{Ekul flips it to him. Doctor McDoctor comes in}
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: There's some kind of a ruckus in the cockpit place thing. Come see.
EKUL: Cockpit? This is one fused vehicle. You mean the driver's seat?
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Yeah, Kyves is sort of... having trouble.
{OOC: Since it was adapted from a plane and a van, I was under the impression it was technically a plane, so cockpit seemed more appropriate.}
CHWOKA: What kind of trouble?
VANHOCK: Double Trouble?
CHWOKA: Bubble Trouble?
VANHOCK: Hubble Trouble?
CHWOKA: Stubble Trouble?
VANHOCK: Tribble Trouble?
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Just Hubble type.
KYVES: THERE'S TOO MUCH BUGSPRAY IN HERE!
STRONG SADER: I'll deal with this!
{Strong Sader hangs a pine air freshener on the rear-view mirror. Pine freshness obliterates the bugspray.}
EKUL: Hey look! We're finally in Canada!
{OOC: We should start picking things up, since it's stalling right now.}
CHWOKA: Let me see!
{OOC: Get on IRC and #hrwiki - Ch`mera is back!}
{Kyves comes to a stop. They are in British Columbia}
EKUL: The mafia can't get us here!
KYVES: Where should we go?
EKUL: I say Yukon!
CHWOKA: I say some kind of suburban town!
KYVES: Which territory though?
CHWOKA: B.C.
NIVED: I say it's too close to Geltoss. We should go to the Northwest Territory.
CHWOKA: Geltoss? Geltoss? Geltoss? Geltoss? GELTOSS? {Chwoka laughs} Let me tell you something, we don't need to worry about Geltoss.
EKUL: Geltoss doesn't always work alone... {Dramatic zoom in}
{Zoom out}
CHWOKA: Yes he does.
EKUL: You don't know him like I do. I've raced him to the hat for about three weeks now.
CHWOKA: I've known him since kindergarten.
WHITEWASH NIVED: Interesting, since Chwoka didn't seem to know who he was in Episode 3.
EKUL: Either way, I don't want to stay in British Columbia.
KYVES: Besides, I want to go to Ontario.
CHWOKA: But nobody hates BC! Everybody hates the person to their left in Canada!
KYVES: Okay, I propose a compromise. We go to Vancouver BC.
NIVED: That's not a compromise, that's complete and total surrender!
CHWOKA: I don't care - it's a surrender in my favor.
EKUL: Why Vancouver?
KYVES: Because in the time we argued, I started the van back up and drove all the way there.
EKUL: WHAT?!
{Zoom outside of the van, and they are in the parking lot of an apartment building in Vancouver.}
KYVES: Welcome to our new home!
VANHOCK: A parking lot? WE CAN'T LIVE IN NO DING-DANG PARKIN' LOT!
KYVES: No, we're not really going to live here. I was just wanted to see the looks on your faces.
EKUL: I'll see the look on YOUR FACE!
{Cut to a neighborhood}
VENDOR: Yeah, there's been a lot of rumors around here lately that they cut the price down.
{Vanhock drives in backwards, head sticking out the window}
VANHOCK: Price cut!? SOLD!
{Kyves runs after}
KYVES: Vanhock, you can't just drive off with the van like that!
VANHOCK: Uh huh. And whose first part in their name is Van? YOU? Hah!
{Kyves zaps Vanhock}
EKUL: KYVES! What is your problem?!
KYVES: Oh, sorry. Just trying to get him out of the vehicle.
{The van is parked in the garage. Ekul has Darlon's laptop folded up in his arms}
EKUL: Now we call bedrooms.
NIVED: I call the one on the higher level corner.
KYVES: I call the one that's closest to the garage, the first story one next to the kitchen.
EKUL: I call the one closest to the basement.
WHITEWASH DARLON: Shouldn't they at least look fir-
CHWOKA: Shouldn't we go and see the house before calling rooms? There might not even be a basement or a second story!
{Ekul unfolds and turns Darlon's laptop around}
EKUL: Complete design specifications, right here on the internet. That's how we found this place for sale so fast.
{Chwoka clicks around for a bit. Suddenly, he looks shocked.}
CHWOKA: This one is semi-furnished - and it looks like it was made for me! I'm taking this one.
EKUL: I think I'll turn the basement into my mad science laboratory.
KYVES: Okay, Vendor guy, give us the keys.
{The vendor gives them all keys. Kyves' is stained red}
EKUL: Uh, what's with the red stuff?
VENDOR: That's the blood of the previous owner before he died. Bye!
{The vendor takes off running. Zoom in on Kyves.}
KYVES: Ooookay. Anybody want to trade keys?
{Zoom back out. Everybody has left. Cut to the room next to the kitchen. Strong Sader is about to enter his room.}
STRONG SADER: Caption?
{The caption "Strong Sader checks out his new room" appears on-screen.}
STRONG SADER: Thank you.
{Strong Sader slips inside, Kyves is already there.}
KYVES: What do you want? I'm setting up my room.
STRONG SADER: Oh. Ummm. Can we share?
{Doctor McDoctor falls out of the closet.}
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Not likely. We're already sharing as it is.
KYVES: Ekul's not sharing a room with anyone yet. Maybe you should ask him.
{Cut to Ekul's room. Strong Sader leans in.}
STRONG SADER: Yo, Ekul.
EKUL: Hey what's up? I'm just getting settled
{Ekul places various personal items throughout the room.}
STRONG SADER: Can I share with you? Everyone else's rooms are full.
EKUL: I think Chwoka is alone, but I'd rather have you in here with me. Especially since he doesn't want anyone touching his hat. Anyway... what kind of things can you do? Like, are you good at writing... building... what have you?
STRONG SADER: I can read well, does that count?
EKUL: I meant more on the order of skills, like building... Me, I'm a physicist and mechanic.
STRONG SADER: Oh, I see! Well, I'm more of a chemist then anything.
EKUL: Oh! You and Dran should work well together then, where-ever he is. He's also something of his chemist. It goes well with his power, the power of bonds and such. He can use his power to become intangible or super solid.
STRONG SADER: I'll go get my stuff. {Walks out}
{Cut to Washington. Mr. Matthews is walking around the streets. His clothes look slightly ragged.}
MR MATTHEWS: {Soliloquising} This situation is terrible! The others have abandoned me, the mafia's on my tail and now the IRS have suspended my credit cards and entitlements just because I'm listed as being legelly dead.
{Suddenly a gameshow host jumps up to him}
GAME SHOW HOST: Man, that is just what we're looking for! How would you like to be a contestant?
MR. MATTHEWS: Perfect!
{Mr. Matthews walks offscreen and is not seen again for at least three or four arcs, probably never. Cut back to the house. A month goes by. Cut to Ekul who is in the basement. He has several machines around him and is building another one.}
EKUL: I am finally getting used to this new house. I kinda like it here.
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Yeah I even got a place at that new hospital down the road!
KYVES: I'm getting used to all the Canadian residents too.
{Strong Sader walks in}
STRONG SADER: Hey, guys. There's some kinda protest going on outside. Come see!
EKUL: It's the gas prices again, I bet. Man, they are atrocious over here.
DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: I hear you, the cars over here cost more to fuel then to buy.
OOC
BTW, this is one year later. If Chwoka wants to do a few things before the year passes by, we can bump it down. Ekul∞ 17:50, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
Oh, no, it's really no problem I guess I'll just have to abandon this plot about Aliens I thought of that would probably take multiple episodes. Really, no problem! No problem at all.-Chwoka 22:31, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
