Irrational Researchings/The Noid

Userpage Exerpt

"I'M A BIG FAT LOSER WHO DISTRACTS HIMSELF" - 18:54, 5 August 2008

Contributions

Best known for the second series of Doreauxgard emails. His finest work:

{cut to the beach where the ruins of the ship are, although they are way better. The ship looks coompletely repaired.}

DOREAUXGARD: So, Homeschool, any update on the Starship?

HOMESCHOOL: You bet there is! It's almost ready for take-off!

DOREAUXGARD: Snap, Crackle, and Pop thats great! What do you suggest we do in the meantime?

HOMESCHOOL: Ehh, I'm busy. All we have to do is establish the engine and we'll be ready! You should like, do that email show or whatever it is...

DOREAUXGARD: Good idea! Larpee! Email time!

LARPEE LARRY: {runs over} Okay.

Hey Dorexguard, It's chirpy here!

How r u with the ladi3es?
Or like, the lady cantaloupes? lol out loud
Ceeya La8ter,
Chirpy McBeen!

DOREAUXGARD: Wait, is this chatspeak? How'd it get past the filter? Larry, can you reword it?

LARPEE LARRY: {sighs} Sure.

Hey Doreauxgard, It's Chirpy Here!

How are you with the ladies?
Or like, the lady cantaloupes?{laughs}
See you later,
Chirpy McBan!</pre>

DOREAUXGARD: Ahh, much better, Chirpy. Anyways, how am I with the ladies? Well, if you've seen any of my emails, you'd know that I have a girlfriend.

PRINCESS ARMAFROBI: {walks over and walks away} That would be me.

MEL: {pops out of sand} Hey Doreauxgard! I'm looking for treasure! Wanna come?

DOREAUXGARD: Sorry Mel, I have to answer emails.

MEL: Aww.{goes back under the sand}

DOREAUXGARD: Anyways, she's some girl, ain't she? You're wondering how I managed to catch her attention, eh? Well, I'll tell you how!

LARPEE LARRY: Ugh, if you're gonna give dating tips, I'll be out of here.{walks away}

DOREAUXGARD: Eh, no matter, for I have Little Dancing Guy to give tips! Right, Dancing Guy?

LITTLE DANCING GUY: Why, yeah! Let's do a dance!{does his world famous dance}

DOREAUXGARD: Heh, you just dance away. Anyways, where were we? Oh yeah, top number one: If you want your date to go off without a hitch, use the following steps. We'll be practicing on Slim right now.

{cut to Slim on the beach}

SLIM: As long as I get a few bucks!

DOREAUXGARD V.O: You'll have to have good breath, so I suggest Minty Gargle. Slim, show us some of your breath.

SLIM: {opens mouth, letting out a green gas} Ahh, there you go.

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Dear Author that's horrible! Mel, give him some Gargle!

MEL: {pops out of sand, holds down Slim, and pours a can of gargle in his mouth} Something tells me it's not enough!

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Use this one!{another bottle of gargle is thrown, and Mel throws it down his throat, then goes away}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: So, how do you feel?

SLIM: {coughing and gagging}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Well thats okay, because now you don't smell like you ate a dumpster for lunch!

{cut to the camp}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Okay people, we showed you the breath, but we're far from over. Mel, next subject!

MEL: {walks over carrying Taffy and then sets him down.}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: You see this guy? You can tell he's a hobo! A slob! A fool! You ask, "How can he ever get a date?". Well, that watermelon can't! Get away, you loser!{Mel walks away} Now, there is that man. Sure, he may look insane with that bag on his head, but in truth, he has one secret weapon that can get him a date that we're about to teach him! Thats how to dance!

LITTLE DANCING GUY: {walks over} This is my que, right?

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Right you are! Anyways, we're gonna teach him how to dance so many different dances! You start while I go on my lunch break!

LITTLE DANCING GUY: Okay, let's start with the waddle. It may be hard for you, but it's pretty easy. All you have to do is change sides simeltaniously and bob your head!

TAFFY: I think I can shoplift that!{starts doing the dance}

LITTLE DANCING GUY: Hey, thats the way to do it! Okay, now you'll see how to...{cut to a montage that shows doing the Electic Slide, The Robot, Breakdancing, The Tango, The Charlie Brown, and the conga}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Man, that Ketchup sandwich was delicous! Anyways, look at them go! You guys are dancing machines! You'll have no trouble getting a date now! Let's go to our next subject!

{cut to the waterfall area}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: So far, we've seen tips on breath and Backstreet Boys "How To Dance Like Us" Dance Tutorials! But there are a couple of things we haven't covered. One of those most important things is how to Talk The Talk.

JORB BOT: {Is that why you brought me here? To make fun of the fact that I can't speak proper english to anyoone who can't understand me?}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: No, not at all! In fact, we're gonna teach you the talk! Excited, eh?

JORB BOT: {Not especially.}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Thats the spirit! Anyawys, say "Douglas".

JORB BOT: {Douglas.}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: I mean so that we can understand you!

JORB BOT: {Douglas.}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Listen robot, do you want a date or not?

JORB BOT: {Douglas!}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: I SAID, DO YOU WANT A DATE OR NOT?

JORB BOT: DOUGGLLLLLAAASSS!!!!!{his head ops off of his body. He is apperantly shut down.}

DOREAUXGARD V.O: Well, at least he said it so we could undersrand it! Mel, clean this up!{Mel walks in and drags Jorb Bot off} I guess thats all we have for today!

{cut back to the ship}

DOREAUXGARD: Thats just a sample of the stuff that you can get from "Doreauxgard's Dating Tips, Volume One!" Order Today, just 10.999!

{A sign comes up that says:
WARNING
Side affects of this video can cause
gagging uncontrollably,
low self esteem,
becoming a dancing maniac,
and your head opping off.
Buy at your own risk.}

HOMESCHOOL: {runs out of ship} Captain, the ship is ready, the ship is ready!

{cut to inside the steering bay of the ship}

DOREAUXGARD: Ahh, the good ol' ship...I missed you...

ANNOYING SWEATER GUY: Say, can you give me a ride home?

MEL: Hey, who wants to play foosball?

COOKSAR BAKER: I'm game!

PAUL: Game for losing, thats what both of you are!

{cut to a view of the planet from space. As they say these words, the Starship flies off}

LARPEE LARRY: So Doreauxgard, do you think we can get things back to normal now?

DOREAUXGARD: I hope so, Larry. I hope so...

Mannerisms

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate...we can not consecrate...we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government: of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

• he likes posting historical speeches on pages because he thinks it makes him look cultured

Misc. Info

Known as Theodore Noid until 1974

Opinions

This guy suxxorz my boxorz  yup  23:15, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Is a butt cage - The Artist Formerly Known As The Bishop of Trying To Get It Done

PAY CHILD SUPPORT TheCheese 23:38, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

hi guys lets all go jump in a lake They call me Big T BLOOD 00:08, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

this kids got spunk ill tell ya whut - SKUB ? 00:55, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

ooo you make me live whatever this world can give to me its you, you're all I see ooo you make me live now honey ooo you make me live you're the best friend that i ever had I've been with you such a long time you're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true i really love you you're my best friend -- Nacho^Talk 22:50, 26 September 2008 (UTC)