Nothing's Gonna Change My Hat/ep3

Transcript

{The tribesmen are rowing their boat.}

{cut to a blank screen}

VOICE: Tonight we're going to have a very special episode...CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!

{cut to Chwoka, standing on the sidewalk like last episode's split-screen end}

CHWOKA: Huh.

A. CHWOKA WALKS AWAY, OBLIVIOUS
B. CHWOKA GOES AND FINDS THE MAFIA WITH BAD WRITING POWER
C. SCREW THIS GIMMICK, LET'S STOP DOING IT

{C flashes}

OTHER VOICE: That's a freaking HORRIBLE gimmick!

{Cut to Darlon and Nived. A low druming beat echoes through the music, which is a low, ambient growl. They return to the hidden staircase. They climb up it unseen, and observe Strong Sader being beaten up. Darlon backs out of it. The drumming picks up. Cut to Chwoka, Ekul and Kyves sitting worriedly on the sidewalk. A sudden, violent stop, as we cut to a split-screen close up of both Bald Tommy and Geltoss.}

GELTOSS: Mafia...

BALD TOMMY: Distributor...

GELTOSS AND BALD TOMMY: I WILL BE THE ONE TO TAKE YOU DOWN!

{They both get up and walk in opposite directions. Cut to Chwoka at home, sleeping on the couch, wearing his hat. There is a ring at the door. He gets up and answers it. It's Mr Matthews.}

MR. MATTHEWS: Hello, Mr. Chwoka. Can I come in?

{Just then, Ekul walks up to the door as well}

EKUL: Who are you?

MR. MATTHEWS: I am the pervayor of "Matthews' Fine Headware." Greg Matthews. {Extends his hand to shake}

{Ekul shakes it}

EKUL: Headwear, eh? I'm looking for a hat. I'm trying to prevent the mafia from getting it. You heard of it?

MR. MATTHEWS: I've got just the thing.

{Mr. Matthews produces a tricorne, and hands it to Ekul. Ekul knocks it out of his hands without a second glance}

EKUL: Who are you trying to fool!? I know exactly what it looks like and... {slowly, realizing, turning towards Chwoka} so... do.. you...

{Ekul looks at the hat Chwoka is wearing. Cut to another Black and white flashback. The camera looks from Strog Sader's perspective throughout. He is hit by the bus seen in the last epsiode, and goes flying. The screen tumbles and ear piercing cracks are heard. Upon coming to a holt, a bunch of people crowd around him.}

WOMAN #1: Oh my gosh! Is he dead?

MAN: I can feel a pulse!

WOMAN #2: Someone call an ambulance!

{End flashback. Cut to Vanhock is waiting in the hospital for someone to pick him up. Strong Sader is suddenly wheeled in on a strecher.}

DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: What happened to this guy?

NURSE: Mugged. Good thing a nice old bald man found him.

VANHOCK: Oh, MUGGED, hm? I had a PLANE land on my legs and then had my legs set on FIRE!

NURSE: {ignoring Vanhock} We should give him some time to recover.

{Doctor McDoctor and Nurse leave Vanhock and Strong Sader.}

VANHOCK: ...so, what's your name?

STRONG SADER: You're Chwoka's brother, aren't you? Pleased to meet you, my name's Strong Sader, I'm a friend of his.

VANHOCK: I'm Vanhock.

{Suddenly, there is a thump as the door opens. It's Bald Tommy. Strong Sader is fearful of him.}

BALD TOMMY: {Presses up to Strong Sader's face} Take this as your first warning, Sader. Because next time, I'll finish the job.

{Bald Tommy moves back.}

BALD TOMMY: {Casually} How's it going Vanhock?

VANHOCK: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

{Vanhock screams and drives his electric wheelchair out the door VERY slowly. Bald Tommy walks out of the door at walking pace, beating Vanhock. Strong Sader sits up.}

STRONG SADER: Vanhock, do you have Chwoka's phone number? I need to contact him.

{Vanhock is still screaming. He finally reaches the door, which begins to budge open slowly. Just then, Doctor McDoctor bursts in through the door. He knocks Vanhock off his chair.}

DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Fire! The Kitchen's on fire and the fire alarms have been sabotaged!

{Strong Sader helps Vanhock to his face.}

STRONG SADER: Vanhock! I was afraid of this, the Mafia need to kill me!

VANHOCK: Cool, cool. Help me back on to my wheelchair and throw me out the window.

{Cut to outside, it's night. Mafia Goons are moltoving the hospital. Vanhock, in his wheelchair is thrown out a a window at the back of the building. Strong Sader and Doctor McDoctor jump out after him. Strong Sader puts Vanhock up and begins wheeling him away, McDoctor follows. Cut back to Ekul and Chwoka. They are talking away from Matthews.}

CHWOKA: So, what, this hat is the cause of everybody's problems?

EKUL: Yes!

CHWOKA: And Mr. Matthews is going to die if he doesn't get it?

EKUL: Yes.

CHWOKA: Well, then, it's obvious I should give it to him.

EKUL: But it's not that simple - there's another person who wants your hat - Geltoss.

CHWOKA: The guy who owns the other hat store?

EKUL: Yes, he will KILL Matthews to get that hat if he has it. The mafia will kill him if he doesn't when they get there.

CHWOKA: Well, then, the solution is very simple; give the hat to the mafia, let Geltoss kill THEM.

EKUL: Hm, well, if the mafia knows how it works, that would be a bad idea. And Geltoss will get it either way. But it's our only good choice I guess.

{Transition to Bones, who is inside the restaurant.}

WAITER: Hm... You look like dat guy... From California... Right?

BONES: Don't know no one from California. This is the Mafia HQ, isn't it? I was hoping to join. I've got a few vendettas I've got to settle.

{Bones cracks his knuckles so much it looks like his fingers are just about to fall off. They don't though.}

BONES: These are how I got my nickname. Bones are as tough as diamonds, so are my muscles.

WAITER: Da recruitment agency is down da road, it's the "Ice Cream station"

BONES: Thanks.

{Bones walks out of the restaurant and walks towards an old ice cream truck with no tyres that is drilled into the road right next to the gutter.}

BONES: Working so far.

{Bones knocks on the door of the truck twice. The door opens to reveal a short man with a typical mafia attire.}

SHORTY: Count yourself in!

{Cut to a bar. Darlon and Nived are there.}

NIVED: Hm, so the butcher's place was a hideout for the mafia... And it looks like only the top dogs were actually allowed in.

LARRY THE BARTENDER: {To Darlon} Another screwdriver for you, sir?

NIVED: Can you give me any drink better than this one? It tastes like grease.

{A kirby walks in.}

MOOBLY: Greetings, barkeep! I'll have a screwdriver and some nuts. I might want refills later, though.

{The barman is scared at the appearance of a (pink?) ball with legs walking into a bar}

BARMAN: WHAT IS THIS?!

{The barman whips out a shotgun}

BARMAN: FIRST I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT BIRDPEOPLE LIVE AMONG US AND NOW THIS?!!

{Cut to Ekul and Chwoka. Mr. Matthews is absent at the doorway, which we are looking through. They turn around}

CHWOKA: Ok, Mr. Matthews, we have - {zoom in to Chwoka's face} wait, where'd he go? {zoom out, Ekul is gone} Ah, crap.

{WHITEWASH}

DARLON: That is SO cliche it's unbelievable!

{UNWHITEWASH}

{Cut back to the bar. Darlon and Nived are both gone. Their chairs are spinning.}

BARKEEP: What the-

{Cut to Vanhock. Vanhock is careening down a hill by himself}

VANHOCK: HOLY CRAP WHERE IS EVERYBODY WHERE'D THEY GO

{Geltoss runs up from the side and rides the wheelchair}

VANHOCK: WHO ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU HERE

{Cut back to the bar, which is now empty. Cut to Chwoka's empty house. Cut to the ice cream truck, where even Bones has disappeared. Cut to the police station where there's a still warm cup of coffee. Finally, cut to Bald Tommy's room. The door has a big, obvious padlock on it. All the characters are inside a metal cage.}

EKUL: Shoot. I can't believe they caught me with a simple camera trick.

KYVES: I can't believe they caught me on the way to the bathroom.

CHWOKA: I can't believe they caught Me...in the Conservatory...with the candlestick!

DARLON: I can't believe they spun our chairs around right before leaving.

NIVED: I can't believe they got us in a cage which mysteriously isn't affected by our powers.

MR. MATTHEWS: I can't believe they got me without you noticing.

INSPECTOR Z: I can't believe they got me while I was drinking a cup of coffee in the police station.

SPOKESMAN: I can't believe it's not butter!

EKUL: Who the shniap are you?

SPOKESMAN: Oh, me? I'm just here to advertise my deliciously nutritious condiment spray! It's great on popcorn!

EKUL: ...anyway... What should we do to escape?

CHWOKA: Give them the hat and then escape when they try to kill us because we know too much? I dunno. Everybody, look around for escapes!

{Everybody begins to snoop around, when suddenly Geltoss BURSTS through the wall riding Vanhock.}

CHWOKA: {gasps} It's Geltoss! He does have compassion!

{A forklift busts through the wall.}

GELTOSS: I'm so glad they collected you for me.

{A tarp is thrown over the cage. Cut inside.}

CHWOKA: argh nooo

GELTOSS: Now... Time to find the hat...

{Geltoss's arms start to quiver and he pounds the ground. Suddenly, the ground shakes and the wall falls down. A mafia henchman is there.}

HENCHMAN: What...?

{Geltoss picks him up by the cuff}

GELTOSS: Tell me, where is Bald Tommy?

HENCHMAN: He's... I can't

{Geltoss vibrates the man and the man seizures}

GELTOSS: WHERE?

HENCHMAN: Chwoka's house... to get the hat...

{Geltoss tosses the henchman with such force he flies off into another building. He runs off}

CHWOKA: You know, I'm right here...wearing the hat...My god, he's idiotic.

EKUL: Both of them are. I guess neither of them considered the possibility that you're wearing it. That would be too easy.

{Cut to Geltoss. He's at the house}

GELTOSS: I've been tricked! GRAH!

{Geltoss glows and punches the house, which vibrates until it shatters into pieces. Darlon's laptop can be seen intact, but everything else is destroyed beyond repair. Bald Tommy can be seen among the damage.}

BALD TOMMY: I see you've come to find the hat. Too bad that it's probably buried under the rubble now.

{Bald Tommy brushes off some dirt. Geltoss looks at him}

GELTOSS: I know. You've already got it, but you're trying to distract me... It won't work.

BALD TOMMY: I don't have it. I was looking for it.

GELTOSS: Nice try. Now-

{Grizzly runs up}

GRIZZLY: Sir! One of the prisoners has on a strange fedora!

WHITEWASH DARLON: I wouldn't really call it a "strange" fedora. It's average-joe fedora. Why would one of the guards run up to tell you that one of the prisoners is wearing a hat?

WHITEWASH NIVED: Well, maybe it's because Chwoka and Ekul were talking about it loudly

BALD TOMMY: YOU FOOL!

{Bald Tommy gets on his motorcycle and drives for the cage. Geltoss runs too}

{Cut back to the cage. Bones takes his disguise off to reveal he's another inspector.}

INSPECTOR B: Oh well, it was a fair cop.

INSPECTOR Z: Yeah...

MOOBLY: {to Chwoka} Ooh, nice fedora!

{Cut to a street. JCM walks down it sadly.}

JCM: I can't believe I couldn't find Matthews at his shop. Where could he be?

{Suddenly, Bald Tommy's motorcycle drive past him.}

JCM: Whoa! What was that?!

{Geltoss runs by, pushing JCM aside.}

JCM: Hey! I'm going to follow those guys to teach them some manners!

{JCM runs after them. Cut to the outside of the cage. Strong Sader and Doctor McDoctor walk past.}

STRONG SADER: I wonder where Vanhock went. I was puching him along, everything whitewashed, and then he was gone.

DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: At least we followed that guy down that hillside. He should be around here somewhere...

{Suddenly a motorcycle whizzes by, then Geltoss, who appears to be hovering. The hovering is accompanied by an annoying noise. Geltoss tries to destroy Strong Sader and Doctor McDoctor with a punch to the ground, which creates a semi earthquake. It misses, however and creates a damage in the building. The cage is seen.}

GELTOSS: I'll worry about you later!

{Mafia men run out to attack Geltoss, who quickly hides behind a tree}

DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Are we perhaps in the middle of a standoff?

STRONG SADER: I fear so...

{The henchmen begin firing at Geltoss, Strong Sader and Dr McDoctor}

BALD TOMMY: Gun him down! SPARE NO MERCY!

{ Geltoss pelts very transparent grey rays into the air at gunfire. As the bullets come towards the tree, some seem to lose course and go inaccurate.}

BALD TOMMY: You fools! Go after him with the bats!

{Meanwhile, in the cage}

KYVES: Yowza, gunfire. What do we do now?

{There is a sudden slaming on the wall. Cut outside, Stong Sader and Dr McDoctor are beating on the wall.}

STRONG SADER: OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO GET SHOT!

{Cut inside to show that their screaming is audible on the other side.}

EKUL: I wish we could help them.

KYVES: We can, we just can't see what we're doing.

EKUL: ...Our powers don't work on this cage.

KYVES: But they do work outside the cage.

EKUL: Hm...

{Cut to outside. The mafia goons are rushing Geltoss, but the vibrations he generating are causing them to have brain hermorrages.}

BALD TOMMY: Oh, screw it! I'll kill him myself!

{Bald Tommy starts to move toward Geltoss, but then he remembers the hat}

BALD TOMMY: MEN! LAY DOWN SOME SUPRESSIVE FIRE!

{Bald Tommy walks into the cage area. However, it is surrounded by fire, flying pieces of metal and wierd gravity wells}

BALD TOMMY: This is not good business. What can I do about this...?

{The camera pans to the side of the cage building.}

STRONG SADER: Ekul, It's working! Now, direct your energies on the outer walls.

{The wall starts to crumble, the tarp is incinerated and the metal in the foundation is ripped apart. The metal on the cage, however, stays unaffected. Then JCM walks in.}

JCM: Oh, there you are, Mr. Matthews! Why are you and other people I don't know about in a cage?

MR. MATTHEWS: LOOK OUT! YOU'RE STANDING CLOSE TO THE GUNFIRE!

JCM: Oh no!

{JCM jumps out of the way as the gunfire comes in slow motion. He falls on the ground.}

JCM: I'm OK.

MOOBLY: I'm getting sick of sitting in here.

{Moobly shrinks to a minuscule size and walks through the bars. Once he's on the other side, he becomes normal size again.}

MOOBLY: Now close your eyes, peoples! This ain't gonna be pretty!

{Moobly tries to inhale the cage and spit out its occupants. It doesn't work}

EKUL: Abilities don't work on the cage.

STRONG SADER: I'll get you out!

{Strong Sader is about to open the outer door, when he is suddenly grabbed by an unseen entity garbed in shadow. He is pulled away kicking and whaling and sucked into the shadows.}

DOCTOR MCDOCTOR: Hey!

{The Doctor leaps toward the darkness, but too late; Strong Sader has dissappeared.}

MOOBLY: Okay, let's see...

{Moobly absorbs a nearby gun and shoots down the outer door. The door to the building (the outer door) opens and the cage is reachable. However, the occupants are still locked inside the cage itself. Bald Tommy spots Chwoka.}

BALD TOMMY: I NEED THAT HAT!

CHWOKA: Okay, you can have it. Just leave me alone and let me out of this cage.

BALD TOMMY: ...what?

CHWOKA: Take it.

{Bald Tommy snatches the hat.}

BALD TOMMY: However, we can't have anybody knowing about all this...

WHITEWASH DARLON: You tore down a butchers'. You think that'll go unnoticed?

BALD TOMMY: ...so we're going to have to kill ya.

{Bald Tommy opens the cage}

BALD TOMMY: You have 3 days to live.

{Geltoss sees the hat with Bald Tommy}

GELTOSS: No! Gr, I'll have to come back for it later!

{Bald Tommy places the hat on his head}

BALD TOMMY: Whoa, this is weird!