Fake Character Email Funstar Player/random

Summary

Funstar gets a random email.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Homestar Runner, Da Trick, Homsar(Easter Egg)

Places: Funstar Player's Computer Room

Date: July 29, 2008

Transcript

FUNSTAR: I'm sick and tired of email songs, but I do them anyway.

melanin

Hey Kid,
What's the deal with airline food?

FUNSTAR: First, what's melaninwhich doesn't have "subject before it? I'd look it up but it sounds disgusting so I won't. Also, I don't go on airplanes, so I don't know anything about airline food.

{Homestar Runner walks into the computer room.}

FUNSTAR: Homestar, how do you keep getting into my house?

HOMESTAR: I found a key under your mat. See?

{Homestar takes a key out of his shirt pocket.}

FUNSTAR: Give me that.

{Funstar snatches the key out of Homestar's hand and swallows it.}

HOMESTAR: But, how are you going to get in?

FUNSTAR: I have a spare. Duh.

HOMESTAR: Ooh, where?

FUNSTAR: I'm not telling you! It's so secret, not even I know where it is!

HOMESTAR: But, how-

FUNSTAR: I gave it to Da Trick to hide. He'll give it to me when I need it.

HOMESTAR: Prove it!

FUNSTAR: Da Trick!

{Da Trick runs onscreen.}

DA TRICK: {questionable Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: Can you give me the spare key?

DA TRICK: {shakes his head and makes a Trick noise}

FUNSTAR: No?! What did you do with it?!]

DA TRICK: {guilty Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: You gave it to Homsar?!

HOMESTAR: Oh, I know that guy. Went to college together.

FUNSTAR: I know. So did I.

HOMESTAR: Wow, every time I mention someone else, it has connection to you.

FUNSTAR: That's because everywhere you go, I always end up there, too!

HOMESTAR: {thinks} True.

FUNSTAR: Da Trick, why did you give my spare key to Homsar?

DA TRICK: {Trick noises, then shows him pencil shavings}

FUNSTAR: {sigh} Great, now we can't leave the house for two to three days.

DA TRICK: {questionable Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: I swallowed it to keep it from Stealerstar.

HOMESTAR: What? I always put it back.

DA TRICK: {questionable Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: The Free Country Express Train? I can't because they went out of business last week.

DA TRICK: {questionable Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: I can't go on the Free Country Air Service because...because...

{Funstar whispers something in Da Trick's ear.}

DA TRICK: {laughs}

FUNSTAR: Be quiet. I can't help it.

HOMESTAR: You're afraid of heights?

FUNSTAR: Wah! How'd you hear that?

HOMESTAR: I have superhuman hearing. It's a gift the tooth fairy gave my when she ran out of money.

FUNSTAR: You've known me all these years and you've never told me that?

HOMESTAR: It happened last night. That's the reason I came here. To tell you that!

FUNSTAR: {sigh} You could've just knocked on the door to tell me that and none of this could've happened.

HOMESTAR: I don't like doing that. It gives me headaches.

FUNSTAR: {angrily} I'm about to give you a headache right now!

{Da Trick runs offscreen in fear.}

FUNSTAR: {calmly} So, you're the one that's rasing my blood pressure up.

HOMESTAR: Don't worry. I'll just give you my key. I have a spare.

FUNSTAR: Where is it?

HOMESTAR: At Homsar's house.

{Funstar looks at Homestar annoyed.}

FUNSTAR: Of course. Everyone's giving their spare keys to Homsar.

HOMESTAR: That's because Homsar has a lot of pencil shavings.

FUNSTAR: {angrily} Pencil shavings are not worth a cent!

HOMESTAR: What? I'm sure they're worth at least a penny.

FUNSTAR: A normal pencil costs a penny here. Shavings of it aren't even close to a penny.

HOMESTAR: Well, it must be worth something.

FUNSTAR: Yeah. One out of one million of a penny.

HOMESTAR: There! I knew it was worth something!

FUNSTAR: {annoyed} Anyway, I can't just take your key. Where will you sleep?

HOMESTAR: Your place.

FUNSTAR: Pick again.

HOMESTAR: Marzipan's place.

FUNSTAR: Doesn't she hate you now?

HOMESTAR: Strong Bad's place?

FUNSTAR: Good idea. Go ask him.

HOMESTAR: OK! {runs offscreen}

FUNSTAR: While he's gone, I better finish checking my email. {sits back down at the computer}

FUNSTAR: Now, Noname, your subject has nothing to do with the email. At least I think so, so that makes this email random and I hate random emails.

{Homestar walks back onscreen.}

HOMESTAR: Funstar, guess what? Strong Bad said no. I then asked Pom Pom and he said "yes", but I'll have to sleep on the floor.

FUNSTAR: Yeah, whatever.

HOMESTAR: So, here's the key!

{Homestar gives Funstar the key and skips off.}

FUNSTAR: Your random email sickens me. Go spam some other unsuspecting individual, Strong Bad is a good alternative. Now, leave me alone so I can play with my dog.

DA TRICK: {offscreen Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: I know you have a name. I'm just making fun of the fact that my emailer does, too.

DA TRICK: {relieved Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: Now, go get a job at the police department. I heard they need some help.

DA TRICK: {sad Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: Don't worry. You won't be shot. You're too smart. In other words, you'll run away before the rest do.

DA TRICK: {Trick noises}

FUNSTAR: Oh, yeah. I forgot they run all day. I'll need you here to help me and be company. I'd rather have you than {shrudder} Homestar. Nevermind that, then.

DA TRICK: {Trick noises and leaves}

FUNSTAR: They aren't gonna take my pet away from me. Maybe I can recommend The Cheat. And Homestar can be dog-like sometimes.

{Homestar walks onscreen dressed as Da Trick.}

HOMESTAR: Moo?

FUNSTAR: No, not even they deserve him.

HOMESTAR: {sadly walks away} Mooo.

{The envelope comes down with the paper saying "Click here to email Funstar" popping out.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "random" for Homsar to walk onscreen.

HOMSAR: Here's your Twinkie, Fred.

{Homsar gives Funstar his key back}

FUNSTAR: Uh, thanks?

HOMSAR: Do you know where Homsar is?

FUNSTAR: If you mean Homestar, he's at Pom Pom's.

HOMSAR: Pshoo!

{Homsar poofs away in a cloud of dust.}

FUNSTAR: {coughs} That was completely normal, and by normal, I meant strange.

Fun Facts

• Melanin is a skin pigment as said by the medical definition.
• Money being replaced by pencil shavings is a reference to lackey.
• The tooth fairy is a kid's myth of a fairy that gives you money in exchange for your tooth.
• Homestar knocking on the door with his head is what he did in 3 Times Halloween Funjob.
• Noname is a name Strong Bad give emailers that don't sign their emails.
• The police department with dogs is a reference to the last email.
• Da Trick getting shot is a reference to Guns.
• Homestar acting like a pet is a reference to do over.
• Homsar mentioned Twinkies.