Wikihood/eps/6

Summary

• Dahn briefly establishes what his Bard magic entails, while helping set up for the Fundraiser.
• Leigh and Gordon go out for pierogies, at Katyusha's.
• Garfield travels to Mt. Nottigen, but first drops Lex off at Pleasant Park.
• Lex and Jules encounter the same drug dealer (Bling), and find out they have a fair amount in common with each other.
• Bling and Droll are introduced.
• Xavier D'Arque converses with his ancestor.

Transcript

{The Episode opens, with a shot of the Rosenberg building, still coated in dark clouds compared to an otherwise early morning overcast day. Lightning begins to crackle, as the scene cuts to an event room. A group of laborers is constructing a stage. At the same time, a familiar beggar, now dressed in cleaner clothes, is directing them.}

BEGGAR: We want lights everywhere! We are going to blind the audience with our brilliance, you got it?

{Two more laborers walk in, lugging a DJ system. The beggar yells at them.}

BEGGAR: Be careful with that thing! If you break it, you're gonna be sorry! Seriously, I'll break your legs. I'll make you break each other's legs; I ain't fuckin' around here!

{One intern, out of a crowd of them shown on-screen, turns to Stephanie.}

INTERN: Who's that? Miss Rosenberg didn't mention him...

STEPHANIE: That's "Dahn." He's one of our guys. Mr. D'Arque insisted that we include him in the Fundraiser, as our music director.

{Dahn sits on the half-constructed stage, and calls out to Stephanie.}

DAHN: Yo, Stephy. Fetch me a fizzy, won't ya?

{Stephanie frowns, but goes over to a cooler anyway. She rifles through it, taking out a can of Jolt Cola. She throws the can at Dahn, who catches it flawlessly. He opens the can, begins sipping from it.}

DAHN: Thanks.

{Stephanie leans over to the intern.}

STEPHANIE: {whispering} Frankly, he gives me the creeps. D'Arque seems entirely seduced by him, and I'm not sure why...

{Dahn lights up a cigarette. A familiar face - Jules - takes immediate notice, and approaches him.}

JULES: Yo, bruv! This is a smoke-free building!

DAHN: Dude, I'm a special guest. You can make an exception for me.

{Dahn flashes a toothy grin, revealing a gold tooth.}

JULES: I... don't know what to say to this.

DAHN: Say nothin', babe. Just enjoy the sweet, sweet music.

{A few moments of silence play out, awkwardly.}

JULES: I don't hear anythin', man.

DAHN: Shhhhhhhh. It's in your soul, babe. Listen to the music in your soul.

JULES: Uhhhhhhhh...

{Zoom in on Jules' forehead, as "Because I Got High" by Afroman starts playing. After a few seconds, zoom back out to show Jules leaving a trance state.}

JULES: I think I get you, man.

{Leigh appears next to Jules quietly.}

LEIGH: Hey, Jules; what does "fizzy" mean?

JULES: I don't fuckin' know, probs a synonym for soda or somethin'.

GORDON: {offscreen} Och, Leigh! It's almost our lunch break, an' I wanna get me some pierogies!

{Leigh runs offscreen, an awkward silence between Jules and Dahn otherwise passing the time.}

JULES: So uh... What kind of music you play?

DAHN: Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to, my dude. Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to.

{Cut to Garfield, Lex, and Chaos in the apartment above Katyusha's. It appears to be breakfast time, once again. Garfield can be seen, getting out a jar of grape jelly. He takes some out, using a knife, and spreads it on a hotdog bun on his plate. Then, he gets out a hotdog from a pan on top of the stove, putting it inside the bun. At the same time, Chaos is seen on the couch, flipping through television channels in a state of ennui; Lex is munching on cereal, though this time a different brand than the last. Zoom out, to show that the apartment has been partially kept a "LARP Zone," since the last time it was shown on-screen.}

GARFIELD: I've gotta say, the past couple days have been rather quiet.

CHAOS: Don't we have neighbors who can make things interesting around here?

{Garfield and Lex look at each other.}

LEX: It's just us three, for now.

CHAOS: Yeah, but... how many apartments are on this floor?

LEX: Two. Volkov's living space, and ours.

{Chaos turns off the television.}

CHAOS: All the more motivation for us to get out and do something, while we've got the element of surprise-

GARFIELD: Define "something."

{Garfield points at a familiar bag of ski equipment, on the floor next to Chaos.}

GARFIELD: Do you have plans to go to Mt. Nottigen anytime soon?

CHAOS: No. I just bought ski equipment on happenstance.

{As soon as Chaos says "happenstance," Lex mouths the same word but puts up his hands as if to do airquotes. Garfield chuckles.}

CHAOS: Oh, what are you laughing at?

GARFIELD: A lot of things, generally.

CHAOS: Well, I find it hilarious that we still haven't cleaned up this place.

LEX: We still have a story arc to finish, through-

CHAOS: And I care about your LARPs, why?

LEX: It's how we...

{Lex points at Garfield and himself.}

LEX: ...have fun, mon.

CHAOS: Fun.

{Chaos looks up at Lex, with a scowl on his face.}

CHAOS: Is it "fun" that we are stuck in the middle of the fucking slums with time passing us by?

{Garfield closes his eyes, his expression telling of restrained fury. Lex looks at him concernedly.}

LEX: Garf, it's not worth it.

{Garfield takes deep breaths, his eyes still shut. Lex glances back at Chaos, with an exasperated look of his own.}

LEX: What's the matter with you?

CHAOS: I want three years of my life back.

{Lex's frown widens.}

LEX: So do I, mon.

{Garfield opens his eyes. They are still normal, for once.}

GARFIELD: Well, if you aren't going to go to Mt. Nottigen...

{Garfield decisively gets up.}

GARFIELD: ...then I will. I believe it is the last possible place where an item that once belonged to me can be found.

CHAOS: Uh, what item, exactly?

{Lex also gets up, his expression changing to one of joy.}

LEX: Ooh, a treasure hunt! We haven't done one o' those in a while, Garfield!

{Lex ponders for a moment.}

LEX: ...though, come to think of it...

{Lex shakes his head, and looks crestfallen.}

LEX: I'll have to sit this one out, for once. I gotta get my marijuana prescription refilled, at The Place.

{Garfield nods. He looks uneasy, but keeps his gaze away from Chaos entirely.}

GARFIELD: The Place, eh? I can make a stop by there.

{Garfield and Lex motion to leave. Chaos goes over to them, but he is transparently ignored. The door slams shut behind them, in Chaos' face. The camera cuts to downstairs, at Katyusha's. Garfield and Lex are shown heading into it, through a backdoor.}

LEX: Garf, I thought you already had all the pieces for that Katawa Heart you were makin'?

GARFIELD: I'm missing that one dragon figurine. That would make eighty of them in total. Then, factoring sixty-four Orbs, and the one-hundred-fifty Kinder Eggs we smuggled from Canada...

{Garfield uses his gloved fingers to keep track of all the reagents.}

LEX: What are ya even gonna do with that, anyway?

{Garfield pauses. The two of them are at the door leading out of the front of Katyusha's.}

GARFIELD: Legend has it a Katawa Heart has the power to-

{Garfield gets bonked on the head, by the door opening. He is sent sideways, as Leigh and Gordon come forth. Lex goes over to check on Garfield's well-being, while the camera homes in on Leigh and Gordon.}

LEIGH: Are you sure this is the "best pierogi bar ever?"

GORDON: Sometimes, ye wanna go to a place where erryone knows yer name, ye ken?

{The deli appears to be empty, save for: a concussed Garfield, a concerned Lex, a confused Leigh, a confident Gordon, and a commanding presence, belonging to Volkov.}

VOLKOV: Gordon! It is pleasure to see you!

{Volkov warmly embraces Gordon, who reciprocates not long after. Lex sneaks off, quickly getting Garfield out of the building.}

GORDON: I swear, Leigh. This lad 'ere makes some of the finest pierogis I've ever 'ad!

{Leigh looks around, noticing that nobody else is present.}

LEIGH: I'm going to be level with you; I'm not really sure I'm in the "pierogi" mood.

{Volkov leaves, then re-enters with a fresh tray of pierogis.}

VOLKOV: DID SOMEONE SAY NOT IN THE PIEROGI MOOD?!

{Volkov throws a pierogi into Leigh's mouth.}

VOLKOV: Your day not begin until you've had my pierogies!

{Leigh begins nervously chewing on the pierogi. He proceeds to chew a little more confidently once he realizes it tastes good. He swallows, not long after.}

LEIGH: Wow, these pierogis are good!

GORDON: I told you, lad! These pierogies are amazin'!

{Leigh and Gordon find a table, and sit down. Volkov brings them the tray, then walks back into the kitchen area. Leigh resumes eating pierogis, with Gordon following suit. Zoom out to the outside of Katyusha's, with Lex setting up pillows and blankets to cover a knocked-out Garfield.}

LEX: I guess you could say the door...

{Lex takes out some gold sunglasses, putting them over Garfield's eyes.}

LEX: ...was open.

{The ice cream truck turns on, playing Genie by Girls' Generation - as if on cue. Lex blinks; he clearly expected nothing to happen. After a few seconds, he gets in the driver's seat. He drives to Pleasant Park. The music still plays, with a zoom out to reveal the Townindale map. It shows dots from Little Moscow to Pleasant Park, then the camera cuts to Pleasant Park. Lex is shown failing to put the truck on parking gear, though not for lack of trying.}

LEX: Huh. This is not the first time I've had this problem...

{The music continues to play. Lex gets out of the ice cream truck, with uncertainty in his steps. As soon as he's a distance away, the camera pans back to the truck interior, which shows the contents within shuffling. Garfield's body slides into the driver's seat, with his left foot hitting the pedal by what appears to be coincidence. The camera shows Lex turning around, to see the ice cream truck driving away.}

LEX: Wh-

{Cut back to the ice cream truck, music still playing. Though Garfield does not awaken, the truck acts as if he is piloting it. Though the ice cream truck is steadily speeding along the roads, it narrowly evades various traffic - cones, stop signs, and - lastly - a circle of armoured Dwarf Hellriders. The Hellriders gaze at the ice cream truck as it speeds past them, in pure awe; meanwhile, the ice cream truck heads towards a ramp, does several backflips in mid-air, and lands at the base of Mt. Nottigen. After landing, the music finally ceases. Cut to Lex, in Pleasant Park.}

LEX: Oh, bother.

{Lex heads inside Pleasant Park, taking a firm look of his surroundings. He eventually finds a part of Pleasant Park - landmarked as "The Place" by a cinderblock. Lex finds another person - a familiar blonde man in a suit.}

JULES: Well, you're deffo not my guy.

{Lex is somewhat amusedly taken aback by this.}

LEX: Who is?

JULES: I was recommended this guy, who-

LEX: Tell me you're not a crack fiend.

{Lex looks Jules - who looks shocked by what he just heard - up and down.}

LEX: Nevermind, mon. Anyway...

{The two of them appear to be looking at their surroundings.}

JULES: Know a guy?

LEX: I... think so?

{Lex shrugs.}

LEX: I have a need and it's fulfilled by him.

JULES: Good luck on finding your guy.

LEX: And also with you.

{Lex and Jules part ways, for a while. The camera focuses on Jules.}

JULES: {internally} Tracy told me 'bout his bro... isn't this his-

{Jules hears a distant sound, of trap music coming from a cellphone. He follows the sounds; as he is "closer" to what he's looking for, the music gets louder. Eventually, he comes across a campfire and what looks to be a hotdog cart. Jules also spots a man in urban getup, with a microphone. He appears to be beatboxing, while the trap music plays from a cellphone.}

{Cut back to Leigh and Gordon in Katyusha's, with Volkov. A few more people have shown up. Leigh looks at a clock in the building.}

LEIGH: Looks like it's time for us to go.

VOLKOV: You have made Pierogi Chefs ecstatic!

{Leigh gets up, as does Gordon.}

GORDON: Can we get some dessert t'go? I'm not quite done yet, but...

{Volkov gives a thumbs-up.}

VOLKOV: I remember what you like. Give me moment.

{Volkov dashes into the kitchen, then gets dessert for Gordon and Leigh, packaged to go. Gordon checks it, and begins biting into some of it. He appears happy.}

GORDON: Good stuff as usual, Volkov!

{Gordon begins making his way out of the door. Leigh looks back at Volkov, nervously.}

LEIGH: Erm, thanks for everything...

{Leigh smiles cheerfully.}

LEIGH: I'm quite impressed by what I ate!

{Leigh follows Gordon out of Katyusha's. Cut back to Pleasant Park, from Lex's point of view.}

{Cut to Garfield, who returns with the ice cream truck. He feels slightly jovial, with the truck parking of its own accord. He gets out of it, and heads inside to Katyusha's. The scene he bears witness to is one in media res - Lex, Chaos, and Volkov look to be arguing - Chaos is also holding a noiceably bulky AxeSword, which Garfield recognizes.}

CHAOS: Oh, so I'm just supposed to believe this thing is-

GARFIELD: Am I interrupting anything, distinguished guests?

{Chaos, Lex, and Volkov all turn to face Garfield.}

CHAOS: Oh, good! You're here...

{Chaos tries physically lifting the AxeSword, intensely struggling to do so. After a while, he appears to take the magical route with no effort whatsoever.}

CHAOS: You're the one who wanted to be a Wizard so badly, right?

{Lex and Volkov wear expressions of horror.}

LEX: Chaos, please don't!

{Chaos causes the AxeSword to dissipate, becoming particles of light. Afterwards, a small gust of wind sends the particles flying out of Katyusha's, much to Garfield's sadness.}

CHAOS: How much did that take to buy?

{Garfield closes his eyes.}

GARFIELD: I didn't buy it. That was one of the first weapons I ever made. It took me awhile, but...

{Garfield turns away from everyone, sighing sadly.}

GARFIELD: Is this one of your "humility lessons," or something?

LEX: No, there's a deep reason we had that around... it-

GARFIELD: Doesn't matter. I'm tired. And pissed, now.

{Garfield's eyes remain normal, but other telltale signs of intense anger from him manifest themselves instead. He marches to the back of Katyusha's, with everyone speechless. The camera fixates on him, as he ascends the steps to the apartment.}

GARFIELD: I'm going to help Chaos sort his shit out, even if it kills me. I can't stand his insufferability in our abode any longer.

{Cut to Jules, who has returned to the Fundraiser event room. He sees Leigh, Gordon, and Dahn talking amongst themselves. The conversation looks to have ended.}

DAHN: That's just fine; thanks, my Drotha.

LEIGH: I-

GORDON: Is this a thing or summit? Oi remember Jules callin' ya that, too, a few times...

LEIGH: I'm not a Drow, for Pete's sake!

{Jules motions over to Leigh, pulling him off to the side, his arm around his shoulder. Dahn and Gordon continue to converse amongst themselves, as if nothing happened.}

JULES: Hey man, hey. It's alright, he didn't know. No need to flip your tits, aight?

LEIGH: You're right, you're right...

{Leigh blinks.}

LEIGH: You weren't even there for the full conversation!

JULES: Dude, you seem to be scared of people callin' you a Drow so much, so I thought I'd cheer ya up.

LEIGH: I appreciate that.

{An idea comes into Leigh's head.}

LEIGH: Hey, I wanted to ask you something, you have a "Crew" you roll with, right?

{Jules starts to look nervous.}

JULES: Uh... yeah. Definitely do. You aren't my only real friend, that's for sure.

LEIGH: We need Security for the event, don't we? I thought, "Who better for the job than the most intimidating guy I know?"

JULES: I dunno, man. You ever hear of Altamont?

LEIGH: No.

JULES: In that case, I'll do it. Just let me go uh... call my "Crew"...

{Jules runs off around the corner.}

JULES: Oh shit.

{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, being escorted into the Gauzy Girl Theatre by a small greyish-green goblin in a suit.}

XAVIER: So you're from the Bayou. What's it like there? I've never actually been.

DROLL: It's a bit of a shithole, but it's my shithole, y'know?

XAVIER: I get you. Sometimes I get tired of the high life, myself. I envy people like you. I've seen pictures and videos from those areas. You all look so poor, but you seem so happy.

DROLL: {sarcastically} Gee. Thanks.

{The two go through the dusty and abandoned theatre until they reach the backstage area, which has been redecorated in the style of a colonial-era throneroom. Sitting in the throne is a man with rotted flesh and a mostly visible skull, dressed in dapper and dusty clothing. Droll bows to the undead individual before exiting the scene. The individual stands up, as Xavier goes over to shake his hand.}

XAVIER: I have followed your advice to the letter. The Fundraiser goes as scheduled, and everything is going entirely to plan.

????????: Y'ave done well in following my orders, Xavier. T'will not be long until the D'Arque family name is returned to its former glory. You will take your rightful place as the head of it, with me by your side.

{Zoom out of the theatre, as the camera pans towards a nearby cemetery. Lightning strikes, signalling the Episode's end.}