Zarel Emails/1

This email has been re-written as of 2014. To view the original, click here.

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Zarel E-Mail #1

Zarel is asked in limerick form if he would rather be single or date someone.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Strong Bad, Strong Sad, Homestar, Marzipan

Places: Zarel's House, Strong Sad's Room, The Field

Transcript

{Cut to Zarel's Room. The desk there is empty, and footsteps are heard, as well as indistinct conversation. The conversation gets clearer as Zarel, a rather tall dragon-like figure approaches.}

{Zoom out to show Zarel and Strong Bad. Zarel is holding a large box.}

ZAREL: ...so I just set it up here on the desk and then wait for the emails to come in?

STRONG BAD: That's how it's done. Now go out there and check the crap out of those e-mails. Just don't bite my style, and if you get any boxing glove emails...do not forward them to me. Just...delete them.

ZAREL: Roger!

STRONG BAD: Nononono...my name is Strong Bad. Strong. Bad.

ZAREL: No, you don’t get it. “Roger” is another way of saying...oh forget it, let’s just see what we have here.

{As Zarel talks, Strong Bad walks away. Zarel places the box on his desk, opens it, and tears through it wildy. Several packing peanuts and pieces of cardboard can be seen flying about.}

ZAREL: Ah, here it is! {pulls out a monitor} A Cappy brand computer, Model DT8! Or...just the Cappy DT8. {places it on the desk} And we need this- {pulls out keyboard} this- {pulls out mouse} this- {pulls out tower} and...this? {pulls out a burrito} Since when did computers come with free burritos? Oh well, can't let this go to waste.

{The camera switches to a closer view of the Cappy. (y'know, with Zar's reflection and all) Zarel eats his burrito, making several eating sounds. He clicks on the email icon on his computer.}

subj: an email in rhyme? it's limerick time

Dear Zarel, my most trusted of buddies!
Here, now, is a question to study;
if given the chance
to choose play or romance,
would you rather be smitten or muddy?

- Skully B, a Rhyming G

{Zarel begins reading the email with his mouth full, but then gulps down the food in his mouth and reads it again. He reads "Skully B" as "Skully-buh" and "a Rhyming G" as "a Rhymin-guh.}

ZAREL: {typing} That is a very good question, Skulliba. However, it'd be much much better if you...I dunno, made sense? {clears screen, continues typing} So what you are asking me is if I could choose between playing or romance, would I rather be murdered or dirty, yes? Well...I'd definitely rather be all covered in even the smelliest mud {he talks the small part under his breath} unless said "mud is courtesy of the Poopsmith, then be brutally killed by someone. I think I'm going to have to ask an expert translator of such...lime Ricks, or whatever they are called for the other question.

{Cut to Strong Sad's room}

ZAREL: {peeks through the doorway} Strong Sad? I...eh...need your help on something real quick-like!

STRONG SAD: Oh, hey, Zarel. What do you need?

ZAREL: I need you to translate this Liam and Ricky for me.

STRONG SAD: Oh, you mean a limerick, right?

ZAREL: Yeah! A...whatever you said!

STRONG SAD: Alright, hold on a sec. {shouts to the other room} See? I told you I had a purpose!

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Yeah, and that's all you're good for!

STRONG SAD: Oh...you always say that.

{Cut back to Zarel's room}

ZAREL: Alright, what does that grubblemesh say?

STRONG SAD: Ah, this limerick is simply asking you if you would rather be single or date someone. It has nothing to do with murder or dirt at all.

ZAREL: Thanks, Strong Sad. And now you’re back to being useless!

STRONG SAD: {happy gasp, excitedly} It’s what I’m best at!

{Strong Sad runs off, gleefully. Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: Alright, now that I have a translation and a creepily happy Strong Sad, I can get to answering this thing. {typing} So anyway, Skeletor, would I rather have the single life or date someone... {when he types the ellipsis he says "dot, dot, dot"} probably single. There aren't many girls here in Free Country, just Marzipan. And what kind of idiot would want to date her?

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Oh, Marzipan...

ZAREL: {dejected look} Oh boy. This oughta be gold. {looks out window}

{Cut to the Field, Homestar walks up to Marzipan}

HOMESTAR: Marzipan, I got you these flowers for Valentine’s Day! And a dead possum.

MARZIPAN: {sigh} Homestar, I thought you knew I protest against the giving of dead animals as gifts! How do you think they feel? Also, Valentines isn't until a month later!

HOMESTAR: Oh...I guess I'll just...um...go...food someplace. Bye! {runs off}

{Cut back to Zarel}

ZAREL: {sigh} Hippies. They never understand how grateful one should be on one of the most uncomfortably gushy holidays of the year.

{The Paper comes from the top of the screen, reading "Click here to e-mail Zarel @ [email protected]"}

ZAREL: What the crap is that thing?

STRONG BAD: Man, you just need an explanation for everything! When you signed up for this email-checking gig, I gave you your own complimentary The Paper! Well...I really just taped a printer to your wall and filled it with yellow notebook paper...because you're yellow and all.

ZAREL: That's cool and all, but how long will this tape hold?

STRONG BAD: Oh, about 173 emails or so, give or take.

{Zarel starts poking The Paper}

STRONG BAD: Wait, are you trying to e-mail yourself? You know that link’s only for people’s mouse cursors!

ZAREL: Oh, so it’s too good for me?

STRONG BAD: {sigh} Looks like we've got another idiot here...

Trivia

• Skeletor is the main antagonist in "He-Man: Masters of the Universe."
• Strong Bad says the tape holding Zarel's printer will last for 173 emails. This refers to the Strong Bad Email "the paper," numbered 173, in which the printer collapsed on Strong Bad's head.