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| − | ''{open to black. Fade in. the camera zooms in on a map of the land of Gwid, towards the "Ponnor Forest", past that to a large forest, then inwards to a series of large stone turds. The zoom slows up as it comes towards one of many small, pear-shaped openings in the turd, which is labeled "417". Fade into the inside of the opening. Puffbat is bouncing a ball on his head. He twirls it around, kicks it, and bonks into a wall. He falls down dizzy. Puffbat gets back up and shakes it off. Suddenly, a ding is heard from his computer. Puffbat waddles over to the computer and winds it up, and then sits down to check his email.}''
| + | {{Tobedeleted}} |
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' ''{subtitles as he pants}'' I've gotta, chugga-chugga-check, the emma-emma-EMAIL! ''{brings up the email}''
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| − | <blockquote class="puffbat">
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| − | <div>subj: iä iä</div>
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| − | Dear Puffbat<br/>
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| − | TAQQ MAT'FH N'HA O'LYU SHUB NIGGURATH<br/>
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| − | - Cthulu, R'lyeh
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| − | </blockquote>
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| − | ''{Puffbat scans the email twice over, then starts to type.}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Dear Cthulhu, your email makes absolutely no sense to me. Please reply with the correc-
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| − | ''{a blue, grodalated finger taps Puffbat on the head. He turns around. Zoom out. A monstrous blue bat with many eyes, spongey feet, spider mouthparts and long, bony fingers on fattened hands is leaning over him. Puffbat stares at him.}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' ''{in a sing-song, high-pitched, echoing voice}'' Heeellooooo, Puffbat!! I am Steve.
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' ''{can suddenly talk, with the same pitch and tone as his panting}'' Who are you? ''{realizes, slaps a human hand over his mouth, then realizes he has a human hand and screams}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' Noowww, noowww, Puffbat, don't be upset. We've just taken a journey into another land... yoour miiinndd.
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Why can I talk? Why do I have a hand? ''{his hand is clapping itself}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' Ohh, it's aaallll juust paart of the cuurrsse... the cuurrsse in the eeeemmail... ''{grabs Puffbat's hand and drags him away}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Where are you taking me?
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| − | ''{Throughout the next scenes, they go outside, fly up into the sky, and gradually pass through the layers of the atmosphere, up into space, finally blending into the deep ocean, until they come up on a desert island.}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' I'm taaakkkiiinnngg you to the iisssllaanndd of Hogboro...
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' In New Jersey? That's not an island! And why are we going up?
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| − | '''STEVE:''' Up is just down in reverse, you know... and those far-off galaxies and stars they spot? Those are fish and bubbles...
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Oh geez! We're going into space! What if I can't breathe?
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| − | '''STEVE:''' Take a deep breath aannyyyywwwaayyyss...
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| − | ''{Puffbat breathes in deep, and bubbles come out of his nose, and suddenly they are underwater. A satellite floats by, waterlogged. Puffbat wiggles and waggles to get air, but he can't. He lets out all his air, and he can all of a sudden breathe anyways.}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Oh, too weird. I can breathe.
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| − | '''STEVE:''' Of ccoouuuurrrsssee you ccaaannnn... water is just oxygen plus hydrogen... take away the hydrogen...
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| − | | |
| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' ...and you get oxygen? But how?
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| − | ''{Steve puts a hand over Puffbat's face}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' ''{in a serious voice}'' Quiet now, Puffbat. ''{sing-song}'' We're getting closer...
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| − | | |
| − | ''{Steve and Puffbat splash out of the surface of the water, and land on a desert island. A giant squid-faced scaly bat monster with claws and huge muscles is sitting on the throne, over a map of New Jersey. It is holding a pink Sassy Kat laptop.}''
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| − | '''STEVE:''' ''{in a soldier's voice}'' Sir, Cthulhu, sir! Puffbat has been brought before your royal planck length! Sir, I request a coffee break, sir!
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' ''{in a deep and gravelly tone}'' Yes, yes, Steve. Go ahead with your coffee break. <small>I don't know why he likes this human-fashioned coffee at all...</small> Now, yes, Puffbat. ''{clears his throat}'' Sie sind von mir in meiner königlichen Sprache verflucht worden.
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Begnadigen Sie mich?
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Ah, yes. That was German. Good for you. ''{picks a star out of the sky and flicks it at Puffbat. It sticks to Puffbat's forehead.}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' I'm assuming you're Cthulhu, so... [[Image:Well.PNG]] ...why did you bring me here?
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' I and my associates have been mass recruiting you mortals for a universe-wide sweep of selling cookies door-to-door.
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' Erm. THAT'S CRAZY!
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Yeah I know. Whatcha gonna do about it? Guards!
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| − | ''{two bottles of Steak Sauce with wings, fangs, and British bobby hats pop into existence by his side}''
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Take Puffbat for fitting in his uniform.
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| − | '''STEAK SAUCES 1 & 2:''' ''{slightly out of unison}'' Yes, sir, right away, sir.
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| − | ''{the bottles of Steak Sauce fly over to Puffbat, pull his wings off, and swirl around him. When they finish, he is in a cookie scout uniform.}''
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Ah, yes, good.
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| − | | |
| − | ''{a box of frillo pads with wings, fangs, and an army helmet pops into existence by Cthulhu's side}''
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| − | '''FRILLO PADS BOX:''' Sir, Cthulhu, sir! A large number of recruits have escaped our grasp by suicide, sir! They have respawned in their own domains, sir!
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Well ''get them back''.
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| − | '''FRILLO PADS BOX:''' Sir, we cannot, sir! Our email bandwidth has reached its monthly limit, sir!
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| − | '''CTHULHU:''' Con-sarnit! Alright, send everyone else back. We'll try again next month. Goodbye, Puffbat. ''{waves goodbye}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' ''{expecting to be able to speak, but instead he can only pant, with subtitles}'' Goodbye, Cthulhu. Wait, huh? I can't talk!
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| − | '''STEVE:''' I'm back from my coffee break! ''{sees Puffbat}'' Oh, manure!
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| − | ''{Steve grabs Puffbat and spikes him like a football down into the ocean. He falls past the fish, satellites, astronauts, airplanes, birds, and finally lands in his house, no hole in the ceiling visible. He has his wings back and is not wearing the cookie scout uniform.}''
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| − | '''PUFFBAT:''' ''{panting with subtitles}'' Oh, my head... ''{waddles over to his computer and sits down}'' ''{clears the screen, panting as he types}'' Well, Cthulhu, thanks for nothing. Everything seems to be back to normal... I can't wait for next month...
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| − | ''{lettering appears over Puffbat's head, saying "[[Puffbat Emails#Inbox|Click here to email Puffbat]]".}''
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| − | [[Category:Homfrog]]
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