Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/12"

Revision as of 22:39, 6 May 2019

Synopsis

Transcript

{Open to the kitchen interior of a cozy house located on the coast of a small Norwegian town in the winter time. Playing on the radio is Baby I Love Your Way, by Big Mountain. A young and attractive blonde woman hums along to the song as she stands at the counter and chopping carrots to put into a stew. Watching her is a blond toddler with red eyes who is sitting in a high chair and giggling. The woman puts the carrots in the stew and stirs it lightly. She takes the ladle out and sips it.}

BLONDE WOMAN: Hmm...

{She savors the taste for a couple of seconds before walking up to the toddler. She holds the spoon up to him as he giggles further.}

BLONDE WOMAN: What do you think, Felix? Is mommy cooking this right?

{Young Felix takes a small sip from the spoon before knocking it from his mother's hand. He continues to giggle. His mother softly laughs to herself as she puts her hands to her hips.}

LOTTA: You're right. It's missing something.

{Lotta looks down at the mess on the floor. She points to the pantry door and flicks her wrist, opening it from a distance. She then makes a gesturing motion with her hand. A mop flies out of the pantry and she catches it before proceeding to clean up the mess. She picks the spoon up and puts it in the sink which is full of water. Felix, who has stopped giggling, looks at the sink with a curious look upon his face. He proceeds to make the same motion with his hand as his mother did. Suddenly, the water from the sink begins to splash. Lotta turns around to face her son.}

LOTTA: Oh, Felix! Don't do that, you're going to make a-

{Felix suddenly raises his hand in the air, causing the water to shoot out of the sink and splash his mother entirely. She drops the mop and looks at her wet clothing. At first, she appears annoyed, but as Felix begins to giggle again, her expression turns into one of happiness as she crouches down and ruffles his hair.}

LOTTA: You little troublemaker, you. Look at you. Barely a year old, and you're already shaping up to be a powerful little wizard! You're going to be strong, just like your daddy!

{The doorbell rings.}

LOTTA: Speak of the devil! Hold on, darling!

{Lotta rushes to the front door. As she's about to open it, the scene ends. Cut to Chaos being splashed with water as he's hanging upside down from a chain in a dark and murky warehouse located in the Industrial District. Standing in front of him is Andre DuTempi, who is surrounded by cockroaches who are climbing over him and under his body, and Giuliano, who is holding a metal bucket while keeping his distance from DuTempi's bugs.}

ANDRE: So you're the son of a bitch who's been causin' trouble around this town, huh?

CHAOS: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. The sound of blood rushing to my head is making it hard to hear your bullshit.

{DuTempi chuckles to himself before he smacks Chaos in the face.}

CHAOS: Ow, fuck you.

{DuTempi touches Chaos' cheek. A cockroach crawls from under his shirt sleeve and onto Chaos' face, causing him to wince.}

CHAOS: Ew, EW EW EW, FUCK EW, EW EW EW EW, FUCK!!!

{Chaos shakes the cockroach off. DuTempi looks at Giuliano and snaps his fingers. Giuliano runs off-screen and quickly returns with a chair, which he places behind DuTempi. DuTempi sits down, putting him at face-level with Chaos.}

ANDRE: Let's make this easy, I got shit t'do. What did ya do with the money?

CHAOS: I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. How 'bout I ask you a question. Ever heard of breath mints?

{DuTempi motions to Giuliano, who punches Chaos in the face, causing him to spit blood.}

ANDRE: Don't bullshit me, kid. The money from the fundraiser. I know it was you. Where. Is. It?

CHAOS: Why do you care? I ain't ever seen you before in my life.

ANDRE: I care because you upset a good friend of mine. A friend who is much nastier than I am. I'm givin' you a good deal, kid. Tell me where the money is, and I'll make sure ya death is quick and painless. I'll even send 'yer beloved a bouquet of flowers to put on your grave.

{An image of Noelle flashes in Chaos' mind as DuTempi mentions his "beloved."}

CHAOS: Heh. You wanna know where the money is? I'll tell ya. C'mon, I'll whisper it to you.

ANDRE: What? Ya don't want this bozo t'know?

{DuTempi motions to Giuliano, who's picking his nose.}

ANDRE: Heh, suit yourself. I'm all ears.

{DuTempi stands up and puts his ear to Chaos' face. Chaos leans his head forward and bites DuTempi's ear. He gnaws on it as DuTempi yells in pain.}

ANDRE: YOU DIRTY MOTHERFUCKER, YOU PIECE OF FUCKIN' SHIT, FUCK YOU!!

GIULIANO: Hold on, boss!

{Giuliano punches Chaos in the face, forcing him to let DuTempi out of his grasp. DuTempi holds his bleeding ear as Chaos smiles maliciously at him.}

CHAOS: Hah. Go fuck yourself.

ANDRE: THAT'S IT. I'M THROUGH PLAYIN' NICE WITH YOU. XAVIER TOLD ME NOT T'KILL YA, BUT WHEN I'M DONE WITH YA, YA WILL WISH YA WERE DEAD!! Giuliano, fetch the power drill!

GIULIANO: Right-eo!

{Giuliano runs off-screen and returns with cordless drill. He hands it to DuTempi, who revs it up and grins.}

ANDRE: When I was a kid, m'old man wanted me to make somethin' of myself in a legit way. He didn't want me to be a gangster like 'im, and he certainly did not want me usin' magic, so he sent me to dental school. So I-

CHAOS: And here you are, having done a shit job at all three. Well done, bozo.

{DuTempi frowns.}

DUTEMPI: God, you really piss me the fuck off. Let's do this. Open wide, asshole.

{DuTempi motions to Giuliano who grabs Chaos' face and forces his jaw open. DuTempi goes closer to Chaos, ready to drill his teeth. Cut to Lex and Noelle in the ice-cream truck, navigating a long maze of strip malls, factories, and car dealerships. They drive past a Burger King restaurant.}

LEX: Is it me, or does this area have a lot of Burger Kings?

NOELLE: No, I'm pretty sure that's the same one we've driven past five times at this point. I can't believe you lost him!

LEX: It's not my fault we got stuck in traffic!

NOELLE: It is when you stopped to get Burger King in the first place!

{Zoom out to reveal that they both have Burger King meals on their laps. Noelle picks up a french fry and eats it.}

NOELLE: Not that I don't appreciate you buying me lunch, but still, how do you miss a gigantic cockroach tidal wave?

LEX: Hey, hey! Don'tcha worry. I can figure this out.

{Lex pulls out his cell phone, which is revealed to be a 1980s-style brick phone. He dials a few numbers and puts it on speakerphone. Headwiz answers.}

HEADWIZ: Uh... hello?

LEX: Yo, Headwiiiiiz!

{Headwiz answers with an awkward and embarrassed tone.}

HEADWIZ: O-oh, Lex. C-can you like, phone back a bit later? This is really not a good time.

{Whipping sounds can be heard in the background. Headwiz yelps. She muffles the phone as she chastises a stranger on the other end.}

HEADWIZ: Ow, I'm on the fuckin' phone!

MYSTERY WOMAN: Sorry babe.

{Noelle awkwardly looks through the window. Headwiz unmuffles the phone.}

HEADWIZ: Like I said, really, really, REALLY bad time.

LEX: It's Chaos, mon. E's gone missin'.

HEADWIZ: Why the fuck should I care? It's not like he doesn't get himself deep in dumb shit all the time anyway.

LEX: Yah, but this time 'e's been kidnapped by cockroach gangsters. I'was 'opin that you'd be able to track his location with that computer stuff ya do.

{Whispering sounds on the other end before Headwiz comes back. She sighs.}

HEADWIZ: Ugh, fine. But you fucking owe me for this.

LEX: Eyyyy! Thanks Wiz, you are a true friend!

HEADWIZ: Yeah, yeah, you fucking know it. Now give me a couple'a minutes.

{Headwiz hangs up. Lex turns to Noelle with glee.}

LEX: See? Told ya I could handle it.

{Noelle is entirely red.}

NOELLE: ...Uh-huh.

LEX: I wonder how Garf and Leigh are doin'.

NOELLE: Who?

LEX: They're my roommates. Well, Garfield is. Leigh hasn't moved in yet.

NOELLE: Ohhhh.

{Cut to Leigh and Garfield hanging out at The Angry Bull. They are both plastered and having a great time at the karaoke machine as a crowd cheers them on. They are singing Say Say Say, by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson.}

GARFIELD: {singing} Say Say Say
What you want
But don't play games with my affection
Take take take what you need
But don't leave me with no direction

{Leigh makes an attempt at disco dancing while he sings his line.}

LEIGH: All alone
I sit home by the phone, waiting for you, baby
Through the years, how can you stand to hear
My pleading for you, you know I'm crying
Ooooh ooooh ooooooh!!

{Leigh spins around and raises his arm in the air. Cut back to Lex and Noelle. Lex's phone rings and he answers it.}

HEADWIZ: A'ight Lexxy, I managed to hone in on his location. You're not too far away, actually. Just keep going down Delta Drive until you see White Rock Avenue. Turn right from there, and go straight until you hit the Lachine Highway. From what I see, it appears that Chaos has been taken to a warehouse in the nearby town of Sumterville. You'll be there in five minutes.

LEX: Thanks Wiz!

HEADWIZ: Yeah, yeah. If Chaos is still alive, tell him I said hi. Now do me a favor and not contact me within the next two, no, four hours. I'm gonna have to make up for lost time and energy.

{Headwiz hangs up.}

LEX: I knew we could rely on her!

NOELLE: She seems... interesting. Felix seems to have a lot of friends.

LEX: Oh ya, absolutely. We all care about him, even if he feels that he's alone in this world.

{Lex revs up the engine and slams on the "La Cucharacha" horn. Cut back to Chaos in the warehouse, right at the moment when DuTempi was about to drill his teeth. Suddenly, Xavier D'Arque bursts through the doors, holding two cups of Starbucks coffee.}

XAVIER: {yawns} Sorry I'm late, boys, I just had to get some coffee.

GIULIANO: But we're all the way out in Sumterville!

{DuTempi stops the drill before it reaches Chaos and he smacks Giuliano in the mouth.}

ANDRE: Don't ya's answer back to the big guy!

{Xavier nonchalantly flicks his wrist as he walks towards the three.}

XAVIER: Eh, it's fine. A man just needs his coffee, that's all.

{Xavier scans Chaos up and down.}

XAVIER: You boys haven't roughed him up too much, have you?

{DuTempi holds up the drill.}

ANDRE: I was just about t'give him a root canal.

XAVIER: Oh no! Don't do that! No, no no. That won't work at all.

{Xavier sits in the chair in front of Chaos and crosses his legs.}

XAVIER: Haven't we met before?

CHAOS: Unfortunately.

XAVIER: Oh yes. We did. At the Mayor's office, right?

{Xavier laughs.}

XAVIER: I remember now; you begged to take a selfie with me!

CHAOS: {sarcastically} Yeah, that's absolutely how it went down.

{DuTempi holds up a hammer.}

ANDRE: If ya want, we c'n bust his kneecaps.

{Xavier turns to Andre.}

XAVIER: Absolutely not! I will not let you harm a single hair on this man's head!

{Chaos and DuTempi both look at each other in confusion. Xavier stands up suddenly, knocking the chair over in the process.}

XAVIER: Can't you see who we are dealing with? We have a celebrity in our midst!

CHAOS: I think you have me mistaken for-

XAVIER: Felix Abraxas Zabat, the son of the legendary spellcaster, Cicero Abraxas!

{Chaos winces.}

CHAOS: Can you get back to torturing me? Please?

XAVIER: I will admit; I am absolutely starstruck. It's funny, actually. Here I was, planning on killing you myself, only to read up on your files and realize who you are.

CHAOS: Hey dentist, I think I have a toothache. You should rip that tooth out of my mouth right now.

{DuTempi shrugs.}

XAVIER: Dropped out of Europe's most prestigious magic school, and what do you do? You end up getting arrested and serving time! Pfft, that is hilarious!

CHAOS: I can't help but feel as if my knee is overdue for a good ol' smashing.

ANDRE: Uh, who is this Cicero guy you're talking about?

{Xavier laughs.}

XAVIER: Gee, only one of the most famous human spellcasters in existence. Y'know, rivaled only by the likes of Merlin and Medea! No big deal, of course. I'm surprised you don't know; don't you use magic?

{DuTempi looks at his hand. A swarm of cockroaches crawls over it.}

ANDRE: Ye, but I ain't privy in the dealins' of the magical world. Me pa hated wizards.

CHAOS: Don't tell me that you're a spellcaster too, douchebag.

XAVIER: Unfortunately not. My ancestors used to dabble in the occult, but for the most part, the D'Arques have been powerless.

{Pause}

XAVIER: Y'know what, this is not how I want to have this conversation. Cut him down, won't ya?

{Giuliano nods. Flash forward to Chaos, who is now tied to his chair, with only one arm free for the coffee that he's holding. Xavier is sitting on the other chair.}

CHAOS: If you're not magical, how do you know about Cicero?

XAVIER: That is a good question. The truth is that your father saved my life.

CHAOS: You're gonna force a backstory on me, aren't you?

XAVIER: It happened nineteen years ago...

{Flashback to nineteen years prior. A caption appears on the bottom of the screen, reading "South Syllahona." A younger Xavier D'Arque is running as he is cradling an elven infant in one hand and holding the hand of a young elven girl with the other. He is wearing a military uniform. They are in a majestic city which is full of peculiar-looking buildings of varying shapes, sizes, and colors. The city is located in a mountainous region which looks picturesque. The sky is orange and smoky, as screaming and explosions can be heard in the background.}

XAVIER: {Narration} I was a volunteer officer in the Second Syllahona War. Prior to direct engagement, I had no military experience whatsoever. My father signed me up without my knowledge because he was tired of my constant boozing and partying.

{Cut back to Chaos}

CHAOS: Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

XAVIER: No! Not at all!

{Cut back to the flashback. Xavier is escorting the two children as the sounds of violence draw closer. Suddenly, a large citadel building in the background explodes, causing Xavier to look behind him. A formation of High Elves in body armor and laser weapons are riding on Wyverns in the sky, firing indiscriminately at civilians. A blast just barely hits the child whose hand that Xavier is holding before he manages to duck into the ruin of a nearby building. Cut to Xavier and the children hiding underneath the table as gruesome sounds of murder can be heard from the outside.}

XAVIER: {Narration} I tried to protect the children by myself, but the North Syllahonians had us over overwhelmed. It was only a matter of time as I counted the few precious seconds we had left. Until suddenly...

{A blinding flash of light shines through every crevice of the building. The young girl covers her eyes while Xavier covers the eyes of the infant he's holding while keeping his own closed. The sounds of violence suddenly stop. After regaining his vision, Xavier climbs out from the table. The young girl tries to follow him, but he gestures her to stop. He speaks poorly in an elven tongue.}

XAVIER: Stay here. I'll see what's going on.

{Xavier slowly and steadily emerges from the ruins, rifle in hand. The city, which was previously in chaos, is now in a state of tranquility as the fires and smoke have subsided. The sky is a clear blue, and there is not a corpse to be seen on the ground. Standing by himself in the city center is an older human man in exquisite arcane robes. He is the same man who appeared in Chaos' vision from Shining Happy People. Dozens of people, elven and human, emerge from their shelters as they gaze upon their mystery savior. The man turns to Xavier and gazes at him directly with his piercing red eyes and a facial expression of utter seriousness. He tsks before turning back and walking into the horizon.}

XAVIER: {Narration} Like that, he single-handedly ended the assault. Waves of High-Elven warriors on Wyverns who were more technologically advanced, and he took them all down in an instant.

{The elven girl emerges from the ruins, holding the baby, whose sudden crying breaks the silence. Cut back to Xavier in the present day.}

XAVIER: An hour later, we received backup. The North Syllahonians did not dare attack that city again.

{Chaos yawns.}

CHAOS: Cool story, bro.

XAVIER: I owe my life to your father, Felix. He saved me, and countless others that day!

CHAOS: Don't flatter yourself. He wasn't saving you. He was just flaunting his fame.

XAVIER: I see you do not have a particularly good relationship with your father. That is a shame, but I cannot necessarily blame you either.

{Xavier stands up.}

XAVIER: Nevertheless, I am repaying the debt. Consider your act of aggression forgiven.

ANDRE: Whoa, whoa! Ya really just gonna let him go, just like that? What about the money?

XAVIER: Who said I was letting him go? I just said I wasn't going to kill him. Besides, the money is not important. This is a far greater boon.

{Xavier outstretches his hand.}

XAVIER: Felix, your files tell me that you are a gifted and talented young man. Someone of your caliber would be of excellent use to me. I ask you, sincerely. Would you like to be part of my team? It would be a blessing to work alongside you.

{Chaos looks at Xavier's hand, and the coffee he's holding. He throws the coffee at Xavier, leaving a large coffee stain on his shirt.}

CHAOS: Eat shit.

ANDRE: That little punk! I swear, I'll-

{DuTempi edges towards Chaos. Xavier stops him.}

XAVIER: It's fine. I can't say I am not disappointed by your response, however. A promise is a promise. Now you can let him go.

{Xavier turns around to the exit.}

XAVIER: As for me, I have a campaign to run.

{The "La Cucaracha" horn blares from outside of the warehouse. Suddenly, Lex's ice-cream truck bursts through the doors and skids to a halt. Lex and Noelle both jump out of the truck and assume a fighting stance.}

CHAOS: Lex, you came! ...And Noelle? You too?

NOELLE: You know, you really should've told me you did this! This was incredibly irresponsible on your behalf!

CHAOS: OH MY GOD LEX, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL HER!

LEX: I'm sorry man, but ya know I'm a bad liar! Plus, how exactly could I explain this without tellin' 'er?

CHAOS: Argh, I hate you right now, but that's a good point!

XAVIER: Oh boy! Are these friends of yours?

LEX: Let go of Chaos now, ya Whore of Babylon!

{Lex charges at Xavier to punch him. DuTempi counters him by creating a giant fist made out of cockroaches and punching him back, knocking him to the ground.}

CHAOS: Hey! Don't you hurt them! They're my friends!

XAVIER: I said I forgave you. I didn't say anything about anybody else.

{Xavier walks to the warehouse exit. Noelle tries to block his path, but she is stopped by a swarm of cockroaches which cause her to take a step back.}

XAVIER: Feel free to do whatever with these two. You can dump Felix wherever, but don't kill him, alright? Toodles!

{Xavier leaves the warehouse, leaving DuTempi and Giuliano alone with Lex and Noelle.}

ANDRE: This is not how I expected this to turn out!

GIULIANO: Ya tellin' me, boss!

ANDRE: Oh, shut up and let's kill these two so we can dump this prick already.

{Andre summons a large swarm of cockroaches and other gross insects which surround them, while Giuliano picks up the kneecap hammer and swings it about. Lex and Noelle nod to each other as they take fighting stances.}

LEX: Ha, ya can fight! I like that!

NOELLE: Battel Tournament Champion 2016. Women's Strawweight.

{Noelle cracks her fists.}

LEX: Let's do this.

{Cut to Garfield and Leigh at the bar of The Angry Bull, even more drunk than before. Several empty glasses and bottles, of different kinds, surround them.}

GARFIELD: H-hey Leigh?

LEIGH: Oh yeah?

GARFIELD: I think yer drunk.

LEIGH: Nah. I ain't... I ain't drunk. I'm Human.

{Garfield laughs.}

GARFIELD: We should... we should... sing another song.

LEIGH: Yeah?

GARFIELD: Yeah.

LEIGH: Darn tootin'. What do you wanna do?

GARFIELD: I know just the song. Hold up.

{Garfield walks over to the karaoke machine and puts a couple of coins in it. He presses a couple of buttons on the screen and then motions Leigh to join him on stage. The screen splits to show Lex and Noelle about to fight DuTempi and Giuliano. The opening notes of Mamma Mia, by Abba begin to play. Garfield puts the microphone to his mouth and the events of the fight correspond to the music as he sings.}

GARFIELD: I've been cheated by you, since I don't know when
So I've made up my mind, it must come to an end

{Lex charges at Giuliano, who runs towards him with the hammer in his hand.}

LEIGH: Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul!

{Noelle charges at DuTempi, who sends a wave of cockroaches in her direction.}

GARFIELD: Just one look, and I can hear a bell ring

{Lex raises his fist, Giuliano swings the hammer.}

LEIGH: One more look, and I forget everything

{Noelle jumps over the swarm. Leigh and Garfield sing in unison.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?

{Lex ducks Giuliano's hammer attack and delivers a gut punch, while Noelle dropkicks DuTempi in the head, causing the swarm to disperse. Chaos watches the fight happen with his mouth open in awe.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you?

{Giuliano staggers back. As he sees Noelle attack DuTempi, he quickly throws the hammer at her. Lex tries to catch the hammer mid-air, but fails just as Noelle catches it herself.}

GARFIELD: Yes, I've been brokenhearted!

{Giuliano grabs Lex from behind.}

LEIGH: Blue since the day we parted!

{As Noelle is distracted by the hammer, she is caught by the newly reformed swarm.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Why, why... did I ever let you go?

{The two grips tighten as Chaos tries to wiggle out of his chains.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I could never let you go!

{During the musical interlude, Chaos launches a small fireball at the cockroach swarm with his one free hand, causing it to disperse once more and freeing Noelle. Noelle throws the hammer at Giuliano's head, knocking him over and forcing him to drop Lex. Lex picks himself up and runs towards DuTempi, who backs off and throws a swarm ball at him. Lex drops onto the ground and proceeds to breakdance, kicking the ball away in the process. While on the ground, he spins around and kicks DuTempi in the stomach.}

GARFIELD: I've been angry and sad about the things that you do
I can't count all the times, that I've told you I'm through

{As DuTempi staggers, he creates a massive tidal wave of cockroaches which hits Lex and launches him into the wall. Suddenly, the cockroaches surround DuTempi and engulf him, turning into a large monster.}

LEIGH: And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong...

{Giuliano tries to stand back up, but Noelle stamps on his stomach, winding him and knocking him out. She looks at the growing cockroach monstrosity that also begins to engulf Chaos and Giuliano, covering the entire floorspace.}

GARFIELD: Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

{An exhausted Lex staggers over to Noelle.}

LEIGH: One more look and I forget everything

{Noelle looks at Lex. Lex nods.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?

{Lex crouches and holds his palms out. Noelle climbs on them to gain a boost.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, does it show again
My my, just how much I've missed you?

{Lex throws Noelle at the DuTempi monstrosity. Noelle performs a somersault, and kicks it in the head before landing on the other end of the warehouse.}

GARFIELD: Yes, I've been brokenhearted!

LEIGH: Blue since the day we parted!

{The DuTempi monstrosity falls apart as the cockroaches scatter. DuTempi grabs the power drill and turns it on, before throwing it directly at Lex.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Why, why did I ever let you go?

{Lex ducks again and kicks the drill from the bottom, causing it to spin around and fly back at DuTempi.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, even if I say
"Bye bye, leave me now or never"

{DuTempi instinctively puts his hands up to block the drill. The drill hits his right and and drills right through it, causing him to recoil in pain. Chaos grimaces as it's revealed that he's gotten his second hand free.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, it's a game we play
"Bye bye" doesn't mean forever!

{Giuliano has woken back up. He sees DuTempi recoiling in pain and tries to run to his aid, but Lex trips him up, causing him to fall over again.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?

{DuTempi makes a last ditch effort to attack Noelle and Lex with a swarm of cockroaches. At this point, however, his power has depleted, and he is powerless as Noelle punches him, knocking him out-cold.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Mamma mia, does it show again My my, just how much I've missed you?

{Chaos jumps out of the chair, having finally freed himself from the chains. He assumes a battle stance, only to realize that both of the enemies have already been subdued. Cut directly to Leigh and Garfield.}

GARFIELD: Yes, I've been brokenhearted!

LEIGH: Blue since the day we parted!

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I should not have let you go!

{The song ends, and the crowd cheers. Leigh and Garfield high five each other before staggering back to the bar.}

LEIGH: WE TOTALLY CRUSHED THAT!

GARFIELD: We did!

LEIGH: Woo!!!

{Leigh holds his head.}

LEIGH: Y'know, I think it's time for us to go back home. That's enough fun for one night.

{A familiar face - Bruno - leans over. He looks heavily amused, by the antics of the duo.}

BRUNO: Lads, it's only 3:00 PM.

{Leigh and Garfield look at each other.}

GARFIELD: Oh.

{Cut back to the warehouse. DuTempi and Giuliano are now tied up in chains. Noelle and Lex high five each other.}

LEX: That was awesome!

NOELLE: Totally! You did a great job there... wait. I don't even know your name.

LEX: It's Lex. Nice to meet ya.

{Chaos slots himself in between them.}

CHAOS: Whoa guys! That was INTENSE!

{Pause.}

CHAOS: Although I wish you guys untied me, instead of letting me do it myself. But here we go.

LEX: Ya welcome, Chaos.

NOELLE: And you could've done more to help! You had one free hand and all you did was throw a single fireball?

{Chaos looks at his hand.}

CHAOS: Look, I'm surprised I was even able to do that.

{Chaos sighs.}

CHAOS: But no, Lex. You're right. Thank you for coming to rescue me. And you too, Noelle.

{Chaos looks at Noelle for a second, and then looks down, with a solemn look on his face.}

CHAOS: And I'm sorry for getting you roped into all of this. Oh, gods, I am such a fuck up!

{Chaos begins to cry.}

CHAOS: The one time... the one goddamn time I try and do something right, I end up making an even bigger mess than before. I'm so sorry. You must hate me right now. We barely even know each other, and here I am, weeping like a total-

NOELLE: Oh, shut up!

{Chaos stops crying.}

CHAOS: Uh?

NOELLE: I'm sorry, that was rude. I don't like it when people cry.

{Noelle sighs.}

NOELLE: I admit. I am pretty angry right now. I don't appreciate being lied to.

{Lex puts his finger up and opens his mouth as if to talk.}

NOELLE: Directly, or by omission.

{Lex nods and puts his thumb up.}

NOELLE: But; you are a pretty sweet guy, I guess? Or at the very least, you're not as bad as some of the other guys I've dated.

CHAOS: Oh, that's a relief. Wait. Date?

{Noelle shrugs.}

NOELLE: What do you think it was? Do you really think that I'd go apartment hunting with any random guy?

LEX: Ooh, this is getting fun!

{Chaos scratches his head.}

CHAOS: Wow. I'm very pleasantly surprised.

LEX: We should probably get back to civilization, ya? Small towns give me the jeebies.

NOELLE: Yeah, you're right. But what do we do about those guys?

{Noelle motions to DuTempi and Giuliano, both out cold.}

CHAOS: We call the police and get the fuck outta here.

NOELLE: Sounds solid to me.

{Cut to Garfield and Leigh coming back into the apartment, arms linked.}

LEIGH AND GARFIELD: WEEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS... AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIIIIIIGHTIN' TO THE EEEEEEEEND...

{Leigh looks around.}

LEIGH: They're not back yet.

GARFIELD: Oh... you're right. Whoa.

{Garfield checks all the rooms, to ensure that the apartment has not been broken into while they were absent. Cut to Lex, Noelle, and Chaos in the ice-cream truck. An awkward silence lingers, as Chaos and Noelle avoid talking. Lex rolls his eyes. Chaos and Noelle suddenly speak up at the same time.}

CHAOS AND NOELLE: We should totally do this again some- Oh.

CHAOS: Heh.

NOELLE: Y-Yeah...

LEX: Finally! I was this close to arranging a second date for you myself.

CHAOS: If I ever need to reach you, I can always call the Mayor's office.

{Noelle snickers and pulls out a small piece of paper. She searches around for a pen, but Lex takes one out from the dashboard and hands it to her, without taking his eyes off the road.}

NOELLE: Thanks Lex!

LEX: Anytime.

{Noelle writes her phone number on the paper and is about to hand it to Chaos, but instead, she puts it in his jacket pocket. He blushes slightly.}

CHAOS: So if this was a date... was it a success?

NOELLE: Not at all; you totally fudged this one up. It's why you owe me a second one. Preferably with less fighting...

LEX: And less cockroaches, preferably!

CHAOS: Hey! I'm not dating you, too.

LEX: Just sayin'.

{Everybody laughs. Zoom out to reveal the truck entering Downtownindale.}

NOELLE: {VO} WAIT, I THINK THE LANDLORD WAS TRAPPED IN THAT APARTMENT! WE SHOULD PROBABLY SAVE HIM!

CHAOS: {VO} Oh yeah, we should probably do that.

{Cut back to the warehouse interior. DuTempi and Giuliano have both come to. Police sirens can be heard in the distance. Giuliano is singing.}

GIULIANO: 18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around, 17-

ANDRE: SHUT. UP!!

GIULIANO: Sorry, boss. I was just tryin' to lighten' the mood a bit.

ANDRE: Well, don't. When we get out of here, I'm going to have to make some re-arrangements with our deal with D'Arque. That is, if we don't get arrested first.

{The sound of the police sirens gets closer, as the warehouse doors slam open. Rosato stands at the door, drenched with sweat and completely out of breath.}

ROSATO: There... you... guys... are... I made it. Phew.

{Rosato notices that the two are tied up.}

ROSATO: Did we win?

{DuTempi screams in anger. Cut back to the apartment. Leigh is sitting on the couch and watching television while Garfield is in the kitchen. Lex and Chaos come in, arms linked.}

LEX AND CHAOS: WEEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS... AND WE'LL-

LEIGH: We did that already!

CHAOS: Oh. Oops.

{Garfield comes out of the kitchen, holding two glasses of Naminade.}

GARFIELD: Hey guys, how did it-

{Zoom in to reveal that Lex and Chaos are covered in cuts and bruises.}

GARFIELD: Go-oh my god, should I call an ambulance?

LEX: Nah, we're cool. Gimme.

{Lex snatches one of Garfield's glasses as he flops down on the couch. As he does so, his body makes a large cracking sound that causes Leigh to wince.}

LEX: Ahh.

CHAOS: Well. Great news. Not only was it a date, but...

GARFIELD: Yes?

CHAOS: I got the apartment!

LEIGH: Wow man, congrats!

LEX: Ya. Turned out that the mobsters had the guy locked in the broom closet for hours. When we found him, he was so grateful that he let Chaos rent the apartment.

CHAOS: Even gave me the first month free!

GARFIELD: And the injuries?

LEX: Oh yeah, Chaos also got kidnapped and Noelle and I did some kung-fu on a bunch of gangsters. How about ya guys?

LEIGH: We got super drunk and sang.

LEX: Nice! You should bring us around for karaoke sometime!

CHAOS: Nuh-uh, I hate singing. Not gonna do it.

{Garfield walks over to Chaos and puts his hand on his shoulder.}

GARFIELD: You're finally leaving us, eh?

{Chaos sighs awkwardly.}

CHAOS: Yeah... I know we've had some differences, but-

{Garfield gives Chaos a large hug. Chaos awkwardly stands there for a moment but reciprocates it.}

GARFIELD: You're an annoying shit at times, but it was good getting to know you.

{Chaos laughs.}

CHAOS: Hey, it's not like I'm leaving town or anything. We can all still hang out.

LEX: And yer always welcome here, mate!

CHAOS: Thanks, guys. And you're all welcome at my new place too. Even you, um...

LEIGH: Leigh.

CHAOS: Yeah. Sorry for beating you up, by the way.

{Leigh laughs as he waves his hand.}

LEIGH: Water under the bridge.

{Silence.}

CHAOS: You guys know I'm not moving in there for a couple of days, right?

LEX: So?

CHAOS: Let's watch some TV!

GARFIELD: Yeah!!

{Chaos and Garfield jump onto the couch as the episode ends. Roll credits.}