Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/2"

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Summary

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19:38, 2015 June 20 Brerose (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (view/restore)
20:49, 2011 October 21 JuomariVeren (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (content was: '#REDIRECT Wikihood/arc/2' (and the only contributor was 'Chaosvii7')) (view/restore)
20:18, 2011 October 21 JuomariVeren (talk | contribs | block) moved page Wikihood/eps/2 to Wikihood/arc/2 (revert)
07:36, 2008 February 22 Super Sam (talk | contribs | block) restored page Wikihood/eps/2 (112 revision(s) restored: Not really what moderator powers are for...)
13:27, 2008 February 14 Xenophunk (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (*places in an Aperture Science Euthanizer*) (view/restore)

Transcript

{Open to Lex's bedroom. Lex is sleeping in his bed, which is shaped like a race car. Above his bed is the Jamaican flag, and on the wall is a signed poster of Usain Bolt. The sun can be seen through the blinds of the window, and birds can be heard chirping outside. His alarm clock hits 7:00AM, causing it to go off to the tune of Mr. Blue Sky, by ELO. A montage follows to the music.

ALARM: Good Morning! Today's forecast calls for blue skies!

{As the music begins, Lex opens his eyes with a wide smile on his face, stretching his arms and throwing the covers off his body.}

ALARM: Sun is shinin' in the sky,
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin'
Everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey!

{Lex hops out of bed in his pyjamas and immediately pulls open the curtains, revealing a sunny and idyllic scene outside. He opens the window, pops head out, and waves to passers by, who smile and wave back.}

ALARM: Runnin' down the avenue
See how the sun shines brightly
In the city on the streets
Where once was pity
Mister Blue Sky is living here today

{Lex does a merry little jig while walking over to his wardrobe. He looks at various outfits and strokes his chin before smiling and grabbing one that's hanging up. In a fashion not unlike that of Wonder Woman, or the Sims, he spins around and is now wearing it.}

ALARM: Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (So long)
Where did we go wrong?

{Lex is now in the bathroom, brushing his teeth in front of the mirror. A cockroach crawls on the mirror's surface. Lex looks perplexed, before smiling and waving at the cockroach. The cockroach waves back before scuttling away. As the song's instrumental is playing, Lex is now doing his happy little jig in the living room. The song abruptly stops as a pillow is launched at Lex, hitting him in the face. Chaos tries to get up from the couch he has been sleeping on, but ends up rolling off and hitting the ground. He groans and stands up, shuffling over to Lex and grabbing him by the shoulders.}

CHAOS: HOLY FUCK LEX IT'S 7:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.

LEX: What are you talkin' about, mon? It's Saturday morning!

CHAOS: Yeah, Saturday morning starts at like... 2PM in the afternoon! Who gets up at 7:00 in the morning when they have a choice? It's practically still fuckin' night time!

LEX: Did... did you even sleep last night?

CHAOS: I... think so?

{Flashback to 4:30AM in the morning. Chaos is sitting on the couch with a glass of Naminade, watching the television. Sounds of clashing swords, gore, and hardcore sex can be heard offscreen as Chaos watches.}

CHAOS: I can't believe it. They've finally managed to reconcile my love for pornography and violence. This is awesome.

TELEVISION: Trial of Chairs will be back after the messages!

{Chaos yawns.}

CHAOS: Just... one... more... episode...

{Back to the present.}

CHAOS: Nevermind that, it's still too early! I bet Garfield isn't awake yet!

{Garfield can be heard in the kitchen.}

GARFIELD: I've been up since 5.

CHAOS: Oh. Well... you guys are weird. What were you even doing anyway, Lex?

LEX: I'm gettin' ready for my morning run, mon!

CHAOS: I'm sorry, but a morning run? Not only are you subjecting yourself to waking up this early, but you're going to exercise? The hell is wrong with you?

LEX: Hey, I gotta keep my cardiovascular health goin', y'know?

CHAOS: I... don't even... just... no.

GARFIELD: You're not going out for a run without eating breakfast again, are you?

LEX: Oh, right. I should probably eat, ya?

CHAOS: Oh man, now that is something that I can agree with. Food.

{Chaos walks over to the kitchen.}

CHAOS: Watcha got cooking, anyway?

GARFIELD: Just my Garfield special. Bacon, eggs, grits, sausage, toast, and jam.

CHAOS: How's that any different than the regular American breakfast?

GARFIELD: It's not really, I just like to call it my Garfield special because I like to arrange the food. Sometimes I make a happy face with the eggs and bacon. Other times, I like to recreate famous movie scenes.

CHAOS: Oh.

{Lex takes a seat at the dining table. Garfield brings a plate of food and lays it in front of Lex. He takes two more plates of food and puts them down as both he and Chaos seat themselves. Forward to them talking while eating.}

CHAOS: What kind of things did I miss while I was in prison? I have been so out of the loop for the past three years, it's unreal.

LEX: Quite a lot, actually. We elected a new president earlier this year, in fact.

{A look of disgust appears on Garfield's face.}

GARFIELD: Unfortunately. And look how awful it's turned out already. Who knew that electing an incorrigible reality television star with absolutely no experience or charm whatsoever would turn out to be a horrendous idea? The fact that people would willingly hand over their democracy to someone with no substance, style, or any real mandate to run a country whatsoever still absolutely shocks and horrifies me to this very moment.

LEX: I think you're being a bit harsh, ya? I think President Kardashian could do a really good job if given the chance.

CHAOS: I don't care about politics, that stuff is lame and boring. I'm asking about the important stuff. Is Betty White still alive?

GARFIELD: I think so?

{Chaos sighs in relief.}

CHAOS: That is literally all I needed to know. Thank you.

GARFIELD: Things have gotten rather bad in the Pacific, however. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has ramped up their threats against the human domain. I mean, they do this every year, but they have nuclear-...

CHAOS: Didn't I just say that I don't care about politics?

GARFIELD: My apologies.

{Lex has finished his breakfast.}

LEX: That was some good yums! Mmm mm! Really gets the blood flowin', ya?

{Lex stands up from the table and does a few stretches.}

CHAOS: Lex, wait!

LEX: Aye?

CHAOS: This is my first time in Townindale, and I figure that if I have to live here, I should get to see what's around, you know? Maybe I should come with you.

LEX: Ey mon, that's a great idea! I can show you all around the city, introduce you t'some of my friends, y'know?

CHAOS: Yeah! And heck, even Garfield can come!

GARFIELD: Gonna take a pass on that, I'm afraid.

CHAOS: Why?

GARFIELD: Outside... sun... people... I can usually tolerate one, or even two of the three factors, but not all of them. I'd rather it be dark, or raining.

LEX: Garfield's not a huge fan of going out in the sun.

GARFIELD: Ultraviolet rays can give you cancer.

CHAOS: Oh please, everything gives you cancer nowadays. What's next? Smoking?

LEX: Hasn't that been proven for a while?

CHAOS: Yeah, if you're the liberal media. Pfft.

GARFIELD: But yeah, I will prefer to stay inside. Thank you for offering, though. Maybe in the future, though.

LEX: This gonna be awesome, mon! Are you ready to move your legs?

CHAOS: Uh, is running necessary?

LEX: Of course! How else are you gonna appreciate the city, if it ain't with the sun beamin' on ya, and the wind blowing through your air as you run!

CHAOS: Ugh, alright.

{Lex and Chaos make their way to the door, but suddenly the room begins to shake.}

CHAOS: What.. what is that?

{A large and booming slavic-sounding voice can be heard bellowing from the corridor outside.}

????: PIIIIIIERRRROGIES!!!

{The door slams open, revealing a man, both incredibly tall and large in stature. He is incredibly muscular, with a perfectly shaved head and an exquisitely maintained moustache. He is wearing black pants and a white shirt with suspenders. In his hand is a plate of fresh pierogies.}

LEX: Hey, Volkov!

VOLKOV: Privyet, Sasha! I heard zat new roommate is here, yes?

{Volkov peers down at Chaos, who is slightly intimidated by the sight of the large man.}

CHAOS: Uh, hello.

{Chaos holds out his hand. Volkov smiles and grasps it incredibly firmly, causing it to make a cracking sound as Chaos grimaces past the pain.}

VOLKOV: Felix, I presume? Sasha told many tales about you. Jailbird, eh?

CHAOS: Yeeeeah, heh.

{Volkov laughs while continuing to shake Chaos' hand, unaware of the pain he's causing him.}

VOLKOV: In my country, being jailbird was easy. You just had to make fun of guy in charge, and suddenly you're in cage. We have it easy in US of A. You make fun of guy in charge, and people laugh!

{Volkov lets go of Chaos' hand. Chaos pulls back and shakes the pain away.}

VOLKOV: I just want to say, I don't care about past. We all have pasts. It's all about present and future.

{Volkov smiles and bows.}

VOLKOV: I am Konstantin Volkov, owner of deli, and your landlord. I just wanted to say hello, and bring you welcoming gift.

CHAOS: Heh, thanks. Nice to meet you, Konstantin.

VOLKOV: Please. Call me Volkov. This is friendly building, we are all friends here. I just want you to know that you are welcome, and you are friend.

CHAOS: I, um, really appreciate it man.

VOLKOV: And it goes without saying that you are especially welcome downstairs, if you like pierogi. Of course do. You eat those pierogies, you'll be begging for more, haha!

CHAOS: Thank you, uh, um, Volkov.

VOLKOV: Anytime, Felix! Welcome to Townindale! Also, if you have any problem, please let Volkov know!

{Volkov waves as he makes his way out of the room.}

VOLKOV: Goodbye friends!

{The three wave back.}

GARFIELD: Thanks for the pierogi, Konstantin!

{The door closes.}

CHAOS: Huh. He's a friendly guy.

LEX: Oh ya, he's a card, he is. Great guy. Looks like he could tear a brick in half. Well, we should get going. I can't wait to show you the city!

CHAOS: Running. Yay. Is it too late to change my mind?

LEX: Hell ya it is. See ya, Garf!

{Lex drags Chaos out of the apartment from his wrist as Garfield waves. The door closes behind them.}