Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/9"

Revision as of 10:15, 21 May 2018

Synopsis

Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The fools.

Transcript

{Open on black as Telephone Line by ELO begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}

MACHINE: You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

LEIGH: Hello, How are you?
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}

LEIGH: That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

{Cut back to the other room as Maddie picks up the phone}

LEIGH: Hey, how you-

MADDIE: You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

LEIGH: Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

{Cut back to Leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}

LEIGH: I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

MADDIE: I'm listening...

LEIGH: Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

MADDIE: Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

LEIGH: Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

MADDIE: 'Lay, you know I love you. If you can actually keep the job, let's say to the end of the month. Then we'll talk about it.

LEIGH: I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a Tracy, who has shaved, gotten a haircut, and is now wearing a suit and glasses as a disguise, around the place and how security is set up. Tracy looks at certain areas of the room, noting the locations of the security cameras, adjusting them every time he sees one.}

LEIGH: {VO} Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}

LEIGH: {VO} Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which let's be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

{Cut back to Leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}

LEIGH: And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old Remolay?

MADDIE: Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}

CHAOS: If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us.

{Virgil raises his hand.}

VIRGIL: Question. Garfield, what in cotton hill are ya wearin'?

GARFIELD: It's my distraction. I'm to create a stir while simultaneously schmoozing D'Arque.

HEADWIZ: He'll get D'Arque to reveal details of his life in a heart-to-heart conversation, and I will use those details to access the fundraiser's bank account so I can transfer the digital funds to our side.

TRACY: I thought you were a hacker. Isn't that just being a con artist?

HEADWIZ: What do you fuckin' expect? It's not like I can type a bunch of shit on a black screen like it's the fuckin' Matrix and "access the mainframe" like that.

TRACY: I know, but I was expecting something exciting!

HEADWIZ: Too fuckin' bad, mate!

{Lex points to the plans.}

LEX: Let's do a quick overview, mates. Headwiz will monitor the entire heist through these lovely thingies.

{Lex pulls out small headphones.}

LEX: With these, we get to talk to each other as we pull this stunt off.

{Headwiz nods. She pulls out a small remote control and presses a button. A black van rolls into the store from the back.}

HEADWIZ: I'll be monitoring all you fuckers from the safety of my surveillance truck.

{Headwiz pulls out a small device and hands it to Tracy.}

HEADWIZ: Tracy, as "Mr. Alistair Hawthorne," you'll go into the security room and plug this little bad boy into the computer system, allowin' me complete access over the entire building's security cameras.

{Tracy nods.}

HEADWIZ: And of course, you stay there and watch the cameras just to make sure shit doesn't fuck up. The system reboots its security at random intervals, so you have a short period of time to make this shit work.

CHAOS: And me and Lex will grab the money from the safe room while disguised as security guards. I got Lex to procure us some disguises. Lex, show 'em.

LEX: I had some trouble findin' good ones, but I did the best with what I got.

{Lex pulls out two security guard Halloween costumes, along with two fake biker moustaches. Chaos facepalms.}

CHAOS: What the fuck? Nobody is going to believe us like this!

LEX: Just wait, mon.

{Lex turns around, with his back to everyone, then turns back, wearing one of the moustaches. Everybody gasps. Lex looks the exact same, but with the moustache.}

LEX: But wait. There's more.

{Lex pulls out a pair of aviators and puts them on.}

LEX: How about now? Do I look like Lex now?

HEADWIZ: You look like someone's sad uncle who works part-time as a Freddie Mercury impersonator.

TRACY: I was thinkin' Village People, myself.

{Chaos groans.}

CHAOS: Ughh. I guess it's the best we've got. If we stay far enough from everyone, we can probably get away with it. Whatever.

{Chaos too puts on a pair of sunglasses, along with a fake moustache.}

CHAOS: Are you all ready, my dudes?

GARFIELD: Distinguished Guests, we turn this Fundraiser into a Hellraiser!

{Cut to all six of them walking out of the store in their heist outfits, while the chorus of Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne plays. Headwiz gets into the van, while Chaos, Lex, Tracy, and Garfield all squeeze into a four-door muscle car, with Virgil in the front seat. Zoom out to reveal the distance between the van and the muscle car, as both head towards the Fundraiser. Then, zoom into the Fundraiser to reveal Stephanie sitting down on a table and looking beleaguered.}

STEPHANIE: {sighs} Carrying this entire Fundraiser makes me wish food would just get here.

{Droll shows up to sit next to Stephanie.}

DROLL: Long day?

STEPHANIE: Yeah. I could use a stiff drink.

DROLL: I prepared my contacts with the Loa for today, in case anything gets hairy.

STEPHANIE: Thanks. We might need it, honestly. I don't know what Security everyone else is packing, but I want this to go perfectly, for the good of all of Towningdale and San Crystal-balls.

{Droll raises a brow.}

STEPHANIE: Yes, I am putting the entirety of Republic Island on my shoulders.

DROLL: Your back is going to break.

STEPHANIE: I care not for that. It's kind of hard to trust D'Arque's sponsors, so when I want something done right...

DROLL: ...you gotta do it yourself. I understand fully.

{Droll takes out another teacup and offers it to Stephanie.}

DROLL: Tea?

{Stephanie nods.}

STEPHANIE: I think I've made tea with scotch in it before...

{Stephanie takes the teacup and goes to find some scotch to put inside it. Pan over to Xavier D'Arque who is on stage, presenting to a large crowd of important-looking people. Of the faces in the crowd, the Mayor of Townindale is one of them, along with Sarah Khouroushi and Jacqueline and Frank Rosenberg. Dahn is in the corner of the stage, playing funky 60s-style background music.}

XAVIER: Wow! What an audience! Haha, wow! Thank you all for coming here tonight, you do not know how blessed I am to see you all here. To see all the people who want to make Republic Island a better place, it brings my heart joy, it really does. I see friends, I see family, I see people from all around, and I appreciate them all.

{Xavier points to his wife, who is sitting at one of the front tables.}

XAVIER: And of course, my beautiful wife, Theresa, which none of this would be possible without her! She has been my rock this whole time. I love you, Theresa!

{The crowd all lets out an "aww" and claps for her.}

XAVIER: And yes, this is indeed a fundraiser. However, this is definitely not going to be one of those dull ones, not like the one my opponent, Republican Bill Petrobucks hosted. Who, I also remind you, wants to build a pipeline through our most beautiful and scenic areas, just saying!

{The screen splits to show the gang at the front of the Rosenberg Building. Garfield walks in through the front doors in his pimp suit, after showing the guards his ticket. Tracy, in his "Alistair Hawthorne" disguise, follows next with his ticket.}

XAVIER: For this fundraiser, we chose to do something exotic, as we shall be serving authentic Drow food, prepared by none other than world-renowned chef, Jason Ralston!

{The crowd cheers. Lex and Chaos, dressed in their security outfits, sneak through the building's garage. Cut to Headwiz in her truck, who is prepping a series of computer monitors and radio equipment.}

XAVIER: Man, let me tell you about Drow food. I first had the pleasure of trying it when I was serving one of my terms in South Syllahona. It was a humanitarian mission, and I part of a task force to protect a village of Drow who were under threat from an army of Higher Elves from the North. While living among the Drow, I got to experience their cuisine over the period of six months, and believe me, none of you have lived until you've tasted roast garlic bat and fried yajanana roots.

{Garfield and Tracy both walk into the event room, while keeping separate from each other.}

XAVIER: Mr. Ralston makes great Drow food, that's all I'm saying. And also, we shall be hosting a small auction to raise funds. We're going to have some really cool items, from paintings to sculptures. But of course, all you movie buffs here will be excited to know that tonight we are auctioning off the iconic Battleaxe from the "Battleaxe" action movie trilogy! The same one that Grughor Spinesplitter wielded in all three films while playing Ace Battleaxe. Even better is the fact that you can also meet Ace himself, as he is currently in the audience!

{Xavier points to an older Orcish gentleman in a suit who is sitting in one of the middle tables with his beautiful human wife and his three beautiful half-orc daughters. The crowd cheers and Grughor Spinesplitter blushes as he waves.}

XAVIER: Thank you for your support, Grughor!

{Garfield speaks into the microphone hidden in his clothing. He sounds excited.}

GARFIELD: Holy shit, they're auctioning off Ace Battleaxe's Battleaxe!!! And he's actually here!

CHAOS: {Mic} Really, Garfield? What's so exciting about that?

HEADWIZ: {Mic} Shut the fuck up Chaos, the Battleaxe trilogy is a fucking classic! Especially the third one, "Battleaxe vs. the Martians of the Third Reich!"

GARFIELD: I know, I know. Keep to the mission at hand.

{Pause.}

GARFIELD: I am going to win that battleaxe.

XAVIER: I've talked enough for now! I will wrap up my introduction speech by thanking Mr. Danny Moreau, our DJ for this evening. His music can make you move like no other!

{The crowd cheers as Xavier bows and steps off the stage. The screen split finishes as Garfield and Xavier are in the same shot.}

GARFIELD: The prick is right there. I'm of the mind to smack him one right now.

LEX: {Mic} Resist, mon! Ya don't wanna blow this thing before it's even begun!

GARFIELD: I know, I'm not going to do it. But I want to. I'll just linger around at first... maybe try some of that Drow food.

{Garfield goes over to a food table and gathers some of the Drow cuisine, which includes an assortment of vegetables, meats, and fruits. He finds a table near a bar, using the time to see how close he is to either Stephanie or Grughor's family.}

GARFIELD: I've got some time, I may go ahead and make myself an Ichiruki.

VIRGIL: {Mic} A what?

GARFIELD: An Ichiruki. I mix some strong vodkas and rums with orange juice and iced tea.

VIRGIL: {Mic} Cuz, you're weird. Anyone tell you that?

CHAOS: {Mic} I do, all the time.

HEADWIZ: {Mic} I'd probably give it a much fucking cooler name, but you do you, Garfunkel.

{Garfield begins mixing the vodka, orange juice, and iced tea, much to the bartender's confusion. He then drinks his concoction.}