Difference between revisions of "User:Noxigar/NoxigarWritesTheLongestPageOnWUW"

Revision as of 22:20, 27 August 2013

Synopsis

A long, long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. Some guy decides to make the longest page the site has ever known. Will he succeed? That's entirely up to himself since he's the writer, cameraman, and pretty much everything of this ridiculous nonsense. You thought Green Grass and High Tides was going to take a long time? How about all those Sandbox Battles? Your Everything You Know Is Wrong: The Movie? Pssh, I'll top all that and more in length. It'll be a project that'll take me weeks, maybe even a whole year minimum, to finalize but once it's done you will all gaze in gazemazement at what I have. Which is this salsa, slowly cooked while JCM plays unfitting music.

Transcript

{Lex is sitting on a couch. He is watching some cool programs on BBC. Zoom out to reveal a widely-spaced living room. Chaos walks onscreen.}

CHAOS: Hey, Lex. Have you seen the XBox?

{Lex smirks.}

LEX: It's right here... in my pants...

{Chaos blinks.}

CHAOS: What insufferable twit puts an XBox in his pants?

{Lex shrugs, his smirk gone.}

LEX: I dunno, I just wanted to see how an XBox felt pressed against me.

{Chaos proceeds to approach Lex cautiously, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch.}

CHAOS: So, what are you watching?

LEX: I am trying to catch up on Sherlock.

CHAOS: Really?

LEX: Yeah.

CHAOS: I really wanted to play some Conker: Live and Reloaded. Can you take the XBox out of your pants?

{Lex slowly and gingerly takes the XBox out of his pants. Chaos then proceeds to vomit on the floor, evidently landing on a rug.}

LEX: Aww, dude! I just got that Persian rug that David Bowie had in a music video.

CHAOS: Ugh, don't ever put an XBox in your pants ever again.

{Chaos continues to vomit. Pan upstairs to Noxigar's room. He is getting all of Lex and Chaos' dialogue via walkie-talkie, and is laughing.}

NOXIGAR: Today is already starting out strong. I just hope the rug'll get cleaned while I sneak out.

{Noxigar jumps out his room's window.}

NOXIGAR: I should talk to more people in Town Hall.¹

{Noxigar travels, by foot, north across the Wikihood Manor's street to a series of houses on the other side.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} Now which one is the sorority that Chaos and Lex ran into trouble with? Actually, I'll deal with them last. I was on my way elsewhere anyway.

{Noxigar continues walking past several houses, now making his way west of the Wikihood House instead of north. He slowly makes his way to the border between Towningdale and Midway City, then spots a junkyard nearby. He approaches the junkyard closely. A lot of different pieces here and there appeal to Noxigar, who begins brainstorming a robotic creation the likes of which would rival Fritz and Lang.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} I always wanted to make a bunch of robotic beings to do my bidding! I would call them Mavericks, but as soon as Chaos or Lex understood anything about them they'd toss the poor blighters out onto the street.

{A bubble appears over Noxigar's head as he's gathering different bits and pieces and putting them together. The image in the bubble represents a navy blue mixture of otter, hornet, and komodo dragon with orange jeweled tusks and diamond-studded lavender wings.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} The first one will be called Ocean Zergling. Wait, scratch that. Zergling is not enough for this bad boy. Let's go with... Ocean Swarmling? That's slightly more intimidating a name, right?

{Noxigar shrugs as he puts different bits and pieces. Eventually, Noxigar gives the robot a pair of jet-black triangular sunglasses, and yellow action-pump gauntlets, with matching leg pieces to boot. He activates the robot via an electronic heart mechanism similar to his own; the robot wakes up and then looks at Noxigar funny.}

OCEAN SWARMLING: Are you...?

NOXIGAR: Yes, I am your maker. Nice to meet you.

{Noxigar shakes Ocean Swarmling's hand.}

OCEAN SWARMLING: So where do you live? I'm not exactly sure you're from this heap of rubble.

NOXIGAR: Towningdale. 1776 Barlow Avenue. The house isn't exactly hard to spot, and you will have company.

OCEAN SWARMLING: Uh, thanks.

{Ocean Swarmling walks offscreen in befuddlement. Noxigar smiles and does a victory jump.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} One down, seven more to go. Or... was it eight more to go? I made Ocean Swarmling a monstrously powerful Maverick, and I should only employ him in emergencies.

{Noxigar walks east, back to Towningdale. Once he's at the border, he scratches his head.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} Was Phoenixshire south or north of Towningdale? I regret not getting a map.

{Noxigar walks south, pretty much wandering around aimlessly. He eventually makes it to Phoenixshire, though, spotting Oiracul's old home.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} Maybe Oiracul left something behind?

{Cut to Byzantium Corporation, which unfortunately happens to be near where Noxigar is. Inside, there are a group of eight board members with a teenage boy in a gold suit sitting down at the head.}²

BOARD MEMBER 8: Executive Adel, how do we deal with the lycanthropic nuisance who makes our business in Towningdale harmful?

ADEL: I have thought this through, companions. We shall all split up and try to take her down by exhausting her powers. If we all jump at Towningdale's feet, we will be crushed by multi-targeting aura attacks. This girl is clever, and worth the prize.

BOARD MEMBER 6: Has Dawn Agile been able to track some of her former Order of White Duke friends down?

ADEL: I don't think so. She and Bruce Violen are on vacation, and Reginald Serges is busy doing scientist work.

BOARD MEMBER 4: The lycanthrope has allies, some of whom are dangerous.

ADEL: Please. Some alien, a drow, a miserable emo kid, and a guy who likes Organization XIII way too much are hardly worth the trouble.

BOARD MEMBER 1: They were almost all notorious space pirates.

BOARD MEMBER 2: Only the alien had a moral code.

ADEL: I am talking with some business affiliates in Bluehaven who are infiltrating the Glabal at around 4:00 tomorrow. I will make sure we have obstacles ready for them by the time anything can be made into pandemonium.

BOARD MEMBER 7: Can I please ask why we gave Dawn, Bruce, and Reginald codenames based on some fairly easy SNES video game?^3.

ADEL: The point is simply anonymity. Using the aliases Agile, Violen, and Serges respectively for each also serves to benefit those who aren't savvy to how I operate. And 95% of the world does not know my every modus operandi and cannot crush me.

BOARD MEMBER 3: So how about the new smartphones?

BOARD MEMBER 5: Those will not have any mind control shit or anything, right?

ADEL: I am not some bony asshole who cannot keep control of a paper bag without magic. I am a growing teenage heir to the Byzantium throne, and running a corporate empire takes a lot into consideration. Our associate Rosenberg is no dummy, since we do not deal with dummies.

BOARD MEMBER 6: Damn right we don't.

ADEL: Proceed with the plan to track and analyze the White Duke bitch's friends. Then we shall counter them as effectively as possible and slaughter every last follower of Anya.

{Zoom into Adel's face, which has a scar and an eyepatch in the middle covering the scar's trail.}

ADEL: VENGEANCE SHALL BE MINE AT LONG LAST

1. Read: I proceed to have Noxigar do a bunch of mundane tasks all involving different Wikihood nods and references to old and new alike. It will take me a good while to make all of this plot worthwhile, but considering I'm even going with Wikihood III nods I shall make this extremely promising on all accounts.

2. Part of this episode will also be pitching ideas for Wikihood on behalf of keeping the Back Room a lot more neat. This is also just to make sure I can do something right.

3. Megaman X2 is pretty easy.</blockquote>