View source for GOOSE SOUP

GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOUS SOOPE GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOUP GOOSE SOU

== 5...4...3...2... ==

''{Open: Chwoka is twirling a police baton, whistling. The Skull Buggy drives up to him.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/>
<big>"I SAY, CHWOKA! IT IS QUITE A COLD DAY, NO?"</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka hits The Skull Buggy with his baton.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"QUIET, YOU! I NEED TO THINK OF A SALES PITCH."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/>
<big>"A SALES PITCH? WHY, WHATEVER FOR?"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"WELL, LET ME SPIN YOU A YARN..."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Cut: The ad agency. A few suits are there.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''MANAGER GROLL'''</big><br/>
<big>"THIS GOOSE SOUP IS NOT SELLING WELL".</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''YESMAN'''</big><br/>
<big>"YES, SIR."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"I'LL BRING IN MY BEST MAN."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka's manager whistles, fingers-in-mouth style. Chwoka busts in through the door like Kramer.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"HELLO, THERE, MANAGEMENT!"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"CHWOKA, DO YOU LIKE GOOSE SOUP?"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"I AM MORE PARTIAL TO DUCK SOUP MYSELF."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"WELL WE NEED YOU TO SELL SOME GOOSE SOUP."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"YOU MEAN IT, BOSS?"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"WOULD I LIE TO SOMEBODY SO HANDSOME?"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''YESMAN'''</big><br/>
<big>"YES, SIR."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka's Manager slaps around the Yesman.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"WHADDYA SAY, CHWOKA?"</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"WELL, I WILL HAVE TO TASTE IT FIRST."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Cut: An automobile assembly line. Workers are meticulously placing goose meat into bowls of soup which go by in the background. Chwoka's Manager takes a bowl of soup off the conveyor belt, and hands it to Chwoka. He gestures to the bowl, and Chwoka takes a generous helping and drinks the bowl. His lips pucker, and he holds it in his cheeks.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'S MANAGER'''</big><br/>
<big>"ISN'T IT DELICIOUS?"</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka nods, begrudgingly. His manager slaps him on the back, forcing him to swallow it. His manager walks away, satisfied. Chwoka keels over.}''

''{Cut: The tree.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/>
<big>"THAT WAS A SHORT YARN. A KITTEN WOULD NOT BE AMUSED WITH IT."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"IT IS NOT HOW LONG YOUR YARN IS BUT WHAT YOU DO WITH IT."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/>
<big>"WHERE DID YOU GET THE POLICE BATON?"</big></font><br />---</center>

''{Chwoka stops twirling the baton, and looks at it confused.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"I DO NOT KNOW."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{A policeman walks on screen, angry, and points at the police baton. Chwoka hops in The Skull Buggy and drives off. Cut: a house. The Skull Buggy stops at the front door.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/>
<big>"I DO BELIEVE WE SHOULD START OUR ESCAPADES HERE."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"AGREED! I SHALL EXIT THE CAR AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR NOW."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka exits The Skull Buggy and closes the door. He sashays up to the door, rings the doorbell, and waits.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"YOU RANG THE DOORBELL."</big></font><br/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"I NEVER KEEP MY PROMISES. YOU KNOW THAT."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{A very posh-looking individual of the echidna persuasion opens the door.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''LORD MITCHELL'''</big><br/>
<big>"EXCUSE ME, BUT WHO IS KNOCKING ON MY DOOR?"</big></font></center>

<center><font face="times new roman"><br/><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/>
<big>"HELLO, SIR! WE'RE SELLING SOME FINE GOOSE SOUP."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''LORD MITCHELL'''</big><br/>
<big>"GOOSE SOUP IS A FATE I WOULD NOT WISH UPON ANY MAN, LIVING OR DEAD."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{The door is slammed. The Skull Buggy looks dejected, but Chwoka slaps him.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"HAVE YOU NO EYES? THIS MAN IS AN ADVERTISING GENIUS!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"LOOK AT THE WAY HIS WORDS ROLL OFF THE TONGUE AND STICK IN YOUR EAR. ADVERTISING IS AN ART, AND HE IS AN UNDISCOVERED TALENT."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"BUT WE CAN'T PRINT "NOT FIT FOR CONSUMPTION BY ANY BODY, LIVING OR DEAD" ON A MAGAZINE PAGE."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"BUT WHAT IF WE GAVE HIM SOMETHING THAT WASN'T GOOSE SOUP?"</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{The Skull Buggy's eyes light up.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"A MARVELOUS IDEA! YOU, MY GOOD MAN, ARE A JACK OF ALL TRADES!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"I PREFER MYSELF A WILLIAM OF ALL TRADES."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka runs to a nearby general store.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"SIR! DO YOU HAVE ANY DELECTABLE STEWS?"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''SHOPKEEP'''</big><br/><big>"BROTH I HAVE IN SPADES."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"THEN GIVE ME TEN CANS OF YOUR FINEST-QUALITY WATER SOUP!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''SHOPKEEP'''</big><br/><big>"THAT WILL RUN YOU FIVE PENNIES TO THE CAN."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka reaches into his pockets and finds nothing.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"WILL YOU ACCEPT A CAN OF FINE GOOSE SOUP?"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''SHOPKEEP'''</big><br/><big>"MY FATHER CHOKED ON A CHUNK OF GOOSE IN HIS SOUP. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN THIS STORE AGAIN."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka is booted out of the store.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"I SEE HE GAVE YOU THE BOOT!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"QUITE A HEEL, THAT ONE."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Chwoka and The Skull Buggy fuss around a bit.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"HOW WILL WE FIND A HIGH-QUALITY FOODSTUFF AT THIS HOUR?"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"SELECTION IS NOT OUR PROBLEM - WE HAVE NOT A HAY PENNY!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"DO NOT WORRY, I KNOW A SUREFIRE WAY TO EARN SOME MONEY."</big></font><br/>---</center>

''{Cut: a fountain.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"PEOPLE OFTEN THROW CASH IN HERE, WITH A WISH OF GOOD LUCK."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"AND WHAT DO WE DO?"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WE TAKE A COIN AND WISH FOR MORE MONEY!"</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"BRILLIANT! BUT WAIT, WE HAVE NO MONEY TO THROW..."</big></font></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"OH, I'M SURE WE CAN JUST THROW ANYTHING."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{The Skull Buggy throws Chwoka in the fountain, who gets up and runs his hands over his face a few times.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"I DO NOT FEEL ANY RICHER."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Cut: Chwoka's office. Chwoka is looking miffed, toying with a pencil. The skull Buggy is pacing back and forth behind him.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WILL YOU STOP TOYING WITH THAT THING?!"</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Chwoka puts the pencil down. Pause. Chwoka's face brightens up and he snaps his fingers in delight.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"I'VE GOT IT!"</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WHAT HAVE YOU?"</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"WE CAN GET THE MONEY BY ROBBING A BANK!"</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Transition: Chwoka and The Skull Buggy are wearing ski masks, and standing in front of the "First, Second, and Quite Possibly Even Third National Bank". They walk in. Cut: A teller with no line. Chwoka and The Skull Buggy walk up to the teller.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''TELLER'''</big><br/><big>"HOW MAY I HELP YOU?"</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WE'D LIKE TO MAKE A WITHDRAWL."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Chwoka takes out a gun and places it on the Teller's head.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''TELLER'''</big><br/><big>"VERY WELL THEN, HOW MUCH?"</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Chwoka holds up two fingers. The Teller hands The Skull Buggy two silver dollars, and both leave. Another man in a ski mask comes up to the Teller and puts a gun to his head.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''MAN'''</big><br/><big>"I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DEPOSIT."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Cut: The fountain. Chwoka and The Skull Buggy sashay up to it, a fistful of dollars.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"I WISH FOR MORE MONEY."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Chwoka throws the coin into the fountain. A couple of workers back a large vaccuum-type item into camera, and place it in the fountain. The tube sucks all the water out, and the two maintenance workers take the machine back off-screen. Chwoka and The Skull Buggy peek over the edge of the fountain.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"MY GOD, IT'S FULL OF STARS!"</big></font><BR/>---</center> 

''{Still shot: A fountain half-full with coins.}''

''{Transition: A new store. Chwoka and The Skull Buggy walk up in very expensive clothing; The Skull Buggy has his bed filled with coins.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WE WOULD LIKE ONE CAN OF YOUR FINEST SOUP."</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''STOREKEEP'''</big><br/><big>"CERTAINLY SIR! ANYTHING FOR RICH SOCIALITES."</big></font><BR/>---</center> 

''{The Storekeep takes a can of "Money Soup" out from under the counter, and hands it to The Skull Buggy and Chwoka, who leave without even having to pay.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''SHOPKEEP'''</big><br/><big>"HAVE A GOOD DAY GENTLEMEN!"</big></font><BR/></center> 

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"AND SAME TO YOU MY GOOD MAN."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{Chwoka and the Skull Buggy are walking/driving down the road. Suddenly, they come upon a poor youth.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE PAPERBOY'''</big><br/><big>"HELLO! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY ONE OF MY NEWSPAPERS?"</big></font><BR/></center> 

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"I WOULD RATHER DIE OF THE 'CHOLERA'."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{The paperboy puts on a sad face, complete with puppy dog eyes.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE PAPERBOY'''</big><br/><big>"BUT I AM A POOR YOUNG MAN WHO NEEDS TO EAT FOO"</big></font><BR/></center> 

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"TODAY'S NEWS IS TOO DEPRESSING."</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"AND I HATE PAPERBOYS MORE THAN I HATE LIFE ITSELF."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{The paperboy sulks off, dejected and hungry.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"HA! HA! WE SHOWED HIM!"</big></font><BR/></center> 

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"QUITE."</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{The Skull Buggy and Chwoka fuss around a bit.}''

<center>---<br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"WHAT WERE WE DOING AGAIN?"</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"HATING PAPERBOYS BECAUSE WE ARE RICH?"</big></font><BR/></center> 

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''THE SKULL BUGGY'''</big><br/><big>"BEFORE THAT."</big></font><BR/></center>

<center><br/><font face="times new roman"><big>'''CHWOKA'''</big><br/><big>"MANIPULATING LORD MITCHELL LIKE A PUPPETMASTER OVER A CAN OF GOOSE SOUP?"</big></font><BR/>---</center>

''{The Skull Buggy hits himself on the head. Cut: Lord Mitchell's house. The duad are wearing false mustaches. Then, the film runs out. Chwoka walks infront of the screen.}''

'''CHWOKA:''' And that's why you should always duck...

'''CROWD OF CHILDREN:''' ...AND COVER!