(even if you aren't vegan)
User:Skub/gffg
LE GALERIE FURRIE
Starring Skully B. as The Onlooker
The furry lifestyle is one of mystery and (to some) horror. On one end of the spectrum, we have people who playfully make animal characters who have wacky adventures! Nothing wrong with that, right? These are the kind of furry characters that might be on Saturday morning cartoons, family-friendly (mostly) critters who have a sense of humor (sometimes). These kind of furries I have no problem with. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the furries who seriously believe that they are foxes born into human bodies, and will do anything to get out. That includes drawing furry porn and... that's, uh, that's about it. These furries are a bit more... not kosher, let's say. I'm not going to go into detail because JCM would probably throw up.
Today, however, I'll be looking at art near the middle of the spectrum. This art, while still kind of cartoony, is plagued with an unfortunate... motif. What is this motif, you ask? Well, it will become quite apparent as we go on.
HUAAAAAARGH
I
I'm sorry I need to
HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH aaaaaugh
H-hold on. I need to... I-
HUAAAAAARGH
Okay, so here's a picture. This one just BLEEDS angst; from the spiteful words in the background, to the fire behind our lupine friend, to the look of repressed anger in the eyes of the wolf... it appears that the author is lashing out against the oppressive factors in his life, letting out all of his anger with art.
Hah, did I get you going? No, it's actually about Mega Man.
What we have here is a piece of abstract art. When the cheese-stick man says "I AM MELON", perhaps he is referencing his innermost lust toward his own mother... but what do I know? Abstract art is just what artists call it when they fling paint at their canvases.
Have you noticed the motif that the artist has chosen to use? If you haven't, it might take a bit to set in. Rest assured, it will become apparent soon enough.
While you recover from those first few pics, let me show you the artist himself.
Born a half-dog, half-man, Sir Thomas Jefferson Gearhead II was an artist for most of his life. Why? His father, the oppressive Sir Donahue Gearhead, kept him in his room for all of his life, ashamed of the mongrel he had unwittingly had with the family dog. With nothing to do, save for listen to his nanny's lectures and teachings, Thomas started painting. From that point on, he had spent nearly every waking moment painting. His father was angry with the boy at first, but eventually grew to love the child, hanging his portraits in the den and letting him get fresh air when everybody was asleep. Nowadays, Thomas keeps to himself in a cottage on Nantucket, where he paints seascapes like every other day.
Hah, did you believe it? No, he actually traced over himself with his furry character. I'm serious.
This painting expresses Thomas' father issues. Probably. That or he actually thinks this is funny.
How did my cat get in here?
Yet another instance of the artist's motif. The motif being, of course, crane games.
Here we have one of Thomas' unfinished works, which he insisted was actually finished. That's a bunch of bull; where are his legs? Nobody lives without legs. That's, like... where your lungs are. Or something. I didn't do too well in Biology.
HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHGHGAYGHGAGGHUAAAAAAARGH
Thomas was always a fan of football when he was growing up; his father, whose TV room was in the room next to his, had the football game on every Sunday. Naturally, Thomas didn't really know what a football looked like, but he had seen pictures of the players and decided to work on that.
And make it a Pokemon.
No. No, I liked EarthBound. You stay away from it, okay? You stay well away from it.
Have you figured it out yet? It turns out the artist is in to something called "modular characters". Basically, that means they can chop off their arms and legs and still live. In fact, most of them seem alright with it.
?!
B-B-B-BONER KILLER (linked to for NWS/NMS)
Oh Jesus Christ I thought I was doHUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH
COMET GET OUT OF MY ROOM
COMET GET OUT
Thank you for joining me in this expedition through Le Galerie Furrie. I hope you've enjoyed this insight into the world of furry art.
Oh, and TJ? If you've read this far, thanks for being a good sport about it :3
