Strong Man Emails/three

Strong Man needs to make a gunpoint to help entertain at Sir's party. He does this with a little help.

Transcript

{Open to Strong Man at the Computo}

STRONG MAN: (Mr. Postman, get me an electronic mail...)

{Zoom out. The Homestar Runner runs in dressed as The Postman from some of those Zelda games}

THE HOMESTARRUNNER: Helloooooo, good sir!

STRONG MAN: (Why, hello to you too.)

THE HOMESTAR: You have three brand-spankin' new letters!

STRONG MAN: (Have the anti-depressants arrived in the mail?)

THE HOMESTAR: Not yet! Now excuse me, I'm off ward to post! Adio-hose!

{Zoom back in. Strong Man is holding his letter. He opens it. He reads this aloud}

Dear Slave,
I am hosting a social get together in the next 0.58 hours.
Please find a source of entertainment for us or
I'll unleash the tooth and fang of my pet cougar on to you!

Pleasantly, Simon "Sir" Mustaches

STRONG MAN: (Great. Now I have an hour to find way to devise and employ an activity which should entertain Sir. Maybe I could entertain him with the computo...)

{Zoom out. The Sneak jumps up from behind the computer and slaps Strong Man across the face.}

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: (Okay, I shall attempt to refrain from being stupid. What's your plan?)

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: (That's a great idea! Okay, Computo check!)

{Zoom in. Strong Man brings up the email}

To the Strong Man:
Which board games do you fancy?
Or perhaps are you one for games of chance?
Do you enjoy, for example, the fine game of horsed-shoes?

Yours, "Knuckles" Skubsbury

STRONG MAN: {Typing} (Thanks Knucks! Now, I'm actually not one for things such as games, mostly because Sir doesn't let me play them. However, you have inspired me. This is the perfect way to entertain Sir at his get together! I'll get started now)

{Cut to Strong man sitting with a piece of cardboard and some scissors. He attempts to cut the cardboard, but ends up cutting the scissors.}

STRONG MAN: (What...scissors? {Strong Man takes on an upset tone} I-I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean..{Strong man breaks down into tears} I'M SO SAAAAAWGHHHHRYYYY! I DIDN'T MEEAAAAGGGN-)

{Mary-Pie walks in and spots Strong Man crying}

MARY-PIE: Are you okay? There, there, what's wrong? Don't worry.

STRONG MAN: {No longer crying, but snivelling} (R-rock crushes scissors)

MARY-PIE: There, there, it's okay! Paper covers rock, remember?

STRONG MAN: (Yeah...I guess you're right. I have a conundrum, Mary. Could you help me make a game of board?)

MARY-PIE: Why I wouldn't not love to do that! Let's get started.

STRONG MAN: (What should the dimensions of the board be?)

MARY-PIE: Medium by large!

STRONG MAN: (Good idea! But how are we going to do this?)

MARY-PIE: I know! Let's make a space-nautical-horror-murder mystery game!

{Mary-Pie pulls a piece of decorated cardboard out from hammerspace}

MARY-PIE: Here's one I made earlier!

STRONG MAN: (Good! What's step one!)

MARY-PIE: First you get your ingredients! {As she says the following, she pulls the item she's saying out from hammerspace too} Cardboard, tape, glitter, pain, pencils, pens, pipe-cleaners and scissors. Remember, kids, always have a grown-up help you with scissors!

STRONG MAN: (I would never forget. So first, you cut the dimensions of the board)

{As Strong Man says it, he cuts it}

MARY-PIE: When that's done, colour each side if the board in! Make one blue, another black, another green and the last Mrs. Scarlet.

{She does this (The colours are in black and white)}

STRONG MAN: (And now you've made Yahtzee!).

MARY-PIE AND STRONG MAN: Yaaaay!

{Pause for about three seconds. Strong Man lunges for the scissors. Quickly cut back to the computo}

STRONG MAN: (The less said about that the better. Now to wait.)

{Three seconds pass. Old Man Bubs pops in wearing an accountant cap.}

OLD MAN BUBS: Tax!

STRONG MAN: (Tax?)

OLD MAN BUBS: Tax!

STRONG MAN: (BUGGER ME!... But seriously, tax?)

OLD MAN BUBS: That's right, Parker. Being a successfull board game owner means you need to pay extra tax to those who you're ripping off, and then you pay them because you landed on their square and they've already set up a hotel on it. And then Colonel Mustard is in the Library with a candlestick.

STRONG MAN: (Okay, who invented this rule?)

OLD MAN BUBS: All those wacky kids inventing their own kind board games.

{Cut to a 1980's era. A young Srong Sad is playing Times Magazine: the game}

STRONG SAD: That's right Scotty, he DID win Man of the Year in 2004!

{Lil' Strong Bad jumps in, holding a crudley drawn piece of paper on it}

STRONG BAD: Outta my way, Chicken and Dumpling! I've got the most exciting game on the market: shark shaker. Roll the dice 6 times in a go. If you don't get a four, you lose and I hit you!

{Cut Back to Bubsy and Strongsy}

STRONG MAN: (But all those kids are spoilt brats who have seemingly infinite amounts of cardboard and pipe cleaners!

OLD MAN BUBS: Yeah, but you stole their ideas.

STRONG MAN: (That's not tax, that's copyright infringement)

{The Sneaks pops up from behind Strong Man and wiggles his nose}

STRONG MAN: (Good point!)

OLD MAN BUBS: If you refuse to comply, I will fight you to the DEATH!

STRONG MAN: I'd rather you just murder me.

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: (I do not pretend! I'm just bi-polar.)

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: I am way more depressed than Sickly Sam!

{Pans over to show Sickly Sam}

SICKLY SAM: I have to have children as a cheap alternative to Decemberween turkey.

{Pan back. Old Man Bubs is gone}

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: Raaaargh!

{The Sneak scampers off.}

STRONG MAN: (Say, where'd Old Man Bubs go?)

{Zoom back into the compy-majig}

STRONG MAN: {Typing} (So anyway, Canterbury, whilst I do not play Horse-head Shore, I do partake in creating board-esque games for entertainment at get togethers...WAIT A MIN-)

{A cougar knocks Strong Man off his chair with a yowl. Ms work file!}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Canterbury to see this the third letter

Hey bro, 

Could you like, make me some eggs?

It would make me the money 

-Reginald