The Noid Has A Wooden Hand

So there's this guy called the Noid.

He has a wooden hand.

He lost it in the war. Why?

I don't know.

And neither does he!

It's not a prosthetic wooden hand.

It's just an ornament.

He uses it to design gloves, rings, thumb cups, slide tools and the death star.

Sometimes he makes the hand do rude gestures.

The fingers are flexible, you see.

Sometimes he hangs it out from his window on a piece of string to scare the local children.

Stupid kids get scared real easy.

Sometimes he takes photos of them and sends them to JCM.

Stupid kids get scared real easy.

It's the right hand.

He bought it as a pair, it came with a left hand.

I borrowed the left hand.

Then I lost it.

I apologised and he said it was okay.

He was alright with it.

He's a nice guy.

I said I'd give him the money for it.

He said don't worry he only needs the right hand.

I don't know what that means.

Sometimes when he goes to see his grandfather he sticks it up his sleeve.

Then he waits for his grandfather to shake his hand.

Then it falls out.

He stopped recently because his two grandfathers became one when he did it.

He says he can feel it all the time.

Even when it's not with him.

He always knows where it is.

I say if he know where the left one was I wouldn't have lost it!

We laugh at this.

So, who would like a wooden hand?

Go to the park and throw it at ducks?

My child, if you say you would like a wooden hand, you may want to know that it's not easy.

They need attension.

And they need to be walked twice a day, if not more.

No, not really.

Go ahead and get one.

Two, if you want.

Maybe we can all get one.

Start a club.

A club of wooden hands.

The Wooden Hand Club.

It'll be great.

Whatever you do though, don't let your parents know.

They won't approve.

They won't want you obsessing with it.

Spending lots of time with it.

They'll say you need a girlfriend.

I know.

I lost my left one.