User:Tyrannosaurus Lex/Wikihood Prototype

Well, if Noxigar can do one, I can too.

Synopsis

In his dreams, Lex meets a peculiar fellow who seems familiar...

CANONICALLY AMBIGUOUS

Transcript

{Open to the Wikihood house during a party. The entire place is wrecked, and Remolay is lying on the coffee table, passed out from all the drink. Several major and minor characters are in the house, including Droll and Stephanie. Droll and Noxigar are sitting on the couch with Stephanie in the middle, and Lex is dressed in his best clothing, holding a martini in his hand and talking to the BBAB Merchant from episode 6. Chaos and Oiracul are nowhere to be seen.}

BBAB MERCHANT: So as I was saying, Sephiroth was a big deal in history. I mean, you can dismiss these stories as much as possible, but it doesn't change the truth.

LEX: Dude, what does it take to convince you? The man is nothing but a stupid folk tale.

BBAB MERCHANT: See? Pure ignorance, guys!

DROLL: Wait, lemme get this straight here. When you talk about Sephiroth, you're not talking those books, are you?

BBAB MERCHANT: That's exactly what I'm talking about!

DROLL: That's just ridiculous! There's no way he could have existed!

LEX: Thank you, Droll!

STEPHANIE: It would be fun if he did though. My dad used to read those books to me when I was a child. I loved them! Read them all the time as I grew up!

NOXIGAR: Did anybody see the movie they did back in the 80s? That was an awesome film.

DROLL: What, the one with Sam Jones in it?

NOXIGAR: Yeah, that one!

DROLL: I didn't really care for it that much. The special effects were too cheesy for my liking.

NOXIGAR: Oh, coming from the theatre bigshot.

DROLL: Hey, I'm just offering my opinion, don't knock it!

STEPHANIE: I loved the soundtrack though! Queen did it, didn't they?

{As this conversation goes on, Lex gets visibly more annoyed, to the point where he throws his glass down on the ground in anger. Everyone stops to look at him.}

DROLL: Whoa, what's up with you? It's your party, loosen up.

STEPHANIE: Yeah! Do you know how hard it was to get Rosie to give me this night off?

DROLL: Ha, same! Debonair doesn't even know that I'm gone!

LEX: It's just.. how can any of you like that trash? It's the most poorly written excuse for a story ever! The main character is nothing but an overpowered asshole with no redeeming qualities, and the plotlines! I mean, what the hell? Zharanavuka, Davros, it's just so convoluted and pathetic! How do you people even understand it in the first place?

NOXIGAR: No one said that they were good, Lex.

STEPHANIE: Nah. They're just for fun. You're not supposed to take them that seriously.

BBAB MERCHANT: Besides, history is stranger than fiction!

LEX: Oh.. shut up!

{Chaos comes down from the stairs, looking agitated himself.}

CHAOS: Okay, do any of you know how late it is right now?

LEX: No.. but-..

CHAOS: It's three o'clock in the fucking morning! This party has been going on for nine hours already, and Oiracul and I are trying to sleep!

LEX: You told me that I was allowed to have a party-...

CHAOS: AS LONG AS IT ENDED ON A REASONABLE HOUR, DAMN IT. SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS, DO YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?

NOXIGAR: Well actually-..

CHAOS: I THINK NOT.

{Chaos walks over to the stereo and switches it off to the chagrin of everyone around him.}

CHAOS: ALRIGHT PEOPLE, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN. PARTY'S OVER. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW.

STEPHANIE: Aw, killjoy.

CHAOS: {Faking a smile.} You can stay if you like though, Miss Young.

STEPHANIE: Yeah, no. Now that you mention it, it is pretty late. Good bye.

{As Stephanie readies herself out of the door, Lex beckons her.}

LEX: See ya, Steph!

{Chaos walks up to Droll and stares him down.}

CHAOS: And as for you, who invited you in the first place?

{Droll points to Lex.}

DROLL: He did.

{Chaos glares at Lex, who shrugs it off.}

LEX: Hey, what can I say? This goblin knows how to party!

CHAOS: But he.. ugh, nevermind! All of you, out!

{Chaos leads everyone except for Lex, Noxigar, and Remolay out through the door and slams it hard.}

NOXIGAR: Wow Chaos, you could have been nicer with that.

CHAOS: Yeah, you try being nice when your house is being trashed by a bunch of ruffians when you are trying to sleep! And it's not just me, it's Oiracul too! Do you really want her to miss her sleep? DO YOU?

LEX: I guess not.

CHAOS: Exactly. It's not that I want to stop you from having fun, but we have to be logical here. You guys can have another party some other time, alright?

NOXIGAR: Yeah, alright.

CHAOS: Good. Now come on guys, let's get some sleep. We'll have the robots deal with the cleaning later, it's no biggie.

LEX: What about Remo?

CHAOS: Ah, just leave him there. He'll come to eventually.

{The three make themselves upstairs and into their respective bedrooms. Cut to Lex, who's lying in bed. As he struggles to fall asleep, he gets out again for a glass of water. As he exits his room, he finds that the rest of the house is missing. In its place is an endless blue void.}

LEX: What the...

{Lex looks down and sees the void underneath him as well. Testing the waters, he grabs the two ends of the door frame and dunks one of his feet down. To his surprise, ground materializes from underneath him, allowing him to stand outside his bedroom. As he steps out from his room, the scenery around him materializes as well, the blue void transforming into that of a scenic tropical island during twilight. As he looks around to observe his surroundings, he notices that his door and bedroom are gone and that he is stuck alone in this mysterious place.}

LEX: Where the hell am I? What the fuck just happened? What is this place?

{Lex runs around the island frantically, looking for some sort of clue on where he is, but to his distress, there is nothing. He hears a scuffling sound behind him, to which he turns his head. Again, there is nothing.}

LEX: Noxigar, is this you? I swear to fucking god, if you drugged my drink, I will fucking kill you!

{Laughing is heard in the distance. As Lex checks again to see the source of this, he feels a slight tap on his shoulder, to which he turns around once more. He sees nothing again, which only serves to aggravate him further.}

LEX: Who's there? I swear, this is not fucking funny!

????: Interesting choice, of words, coming from a, "party animal", such as, yourself, Lex.

{Lex turns to the source of the voice, this time finding a man sitting from a cliff that's above him. The man is of similar height and build to Lex and has dark blue hair. He is wearing jeans and a raggedy denim jacket. As Lex looks at him, he waves.}

????: Oh hey, now he, finally... notices me! How peculiar.

'LEX: Who the hell are you?

{As Lex walks closer to view this man, his eyes widen in disbelief.}

LEX: Wait a minute... No way.. no fucking way.. It can't be!

{The mysterious blue-haired man smiles and winks, before jumping off the cliff and landing in front of Lex. Lex jumps back in shock, and the man bows in accomplishment.}

????: Oh? Well then, who did you expect? The easter bunny, perhaps?

LEX: You are not real! Who the hell are you?

????: Face it baby, I am as real, as it gets! I should be asking, you, the same question!

LEX: I don't know what the hell happened, okay? I just got out of bed to fetch a glass of water, and THIS HAPPENED.

????: This was, not supposed, to happen! You are not, supposed, to be here!

LEX: Yeah, it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to determine that now, does it?

????: Ignoring your, liberal usage of profanity... I will answer, your, initial question. My name is Sephiroth, and I am, the master, of this domain!

LEX: Yeah, I must be buzzed out of my mother fucking mind. Ugh. So, "Sephiroth", tell me one thing.

SEPHIROTH: Hmm?

LEX: Tell me, why it is, necessary, to talk, like, this. It is, really, annoying, and overly, dramatic!

SEPHIROTH: Oh. It's a-.. never mind. Fine, I'll talk normally just for you then. But it feels so weird.

LEX: Yeah, you don't know weird, buddy. Me on the other hand-...

SEPHIROTH: Pfft, what makes you so special? Your life has been the most normal out of the lot of us!

LEX: Hey, I'll let you know that my life is anything but normal! Did you ever have to share your house with a socially awkward shut in, a mad scientist, a werewolf, an elf, and two quirky robots? I think not.

SEPHIROTH: Hey bucko. At least you had a house. You know what I had? Nothing. My house was blown to pieces just as I moved in!

LEX: Well, I'm sorry about that, sir, but I really don't care! I really need to get back home so I can sleep off this alcohol induced headache!

SEPHIROTH: Well look at us, all high and mighty. Hey, at least you have a home! At least you can actually interact with people on a regular basis! I've been in this place all alone for what feels like an eternity, and you suddenly come in and you want to go back again? Ha. I'm sorry bro, but there is no way out. Don't worry though, it ain't too bad around these parts.

LEX: What is this place, anyway?

SEPHIROTH: Oh? Well, my friend. You are in Wikihood!

LEX: No, I was just in Wikihood. Wikihood Manor. This is an island. I can clearly see that the isolation has driven you nuts.

SEPHIROTH: No, not Wikihood Manor, you dope. I'm talking about WIKIHOOD. The big deal, man! My Wikihood! Well, what's left of it, anyway.

LEX: What are you talking about?

SEPHIROTH: Hmm, it's not good enough explaining it on my own. Here, come with me. I'll show you.

{Lex walks besides Sephiroth as they wander the island.}

SEPHIROTH: The island scene is a particular favorite of mine, you see? It numbs the feelings of loneliness somewhat, haha. Here, I'll take you to a place where you'll feel more comfortable.

LEX: How? We're stuck here.

SEPHIROTH: Trapped, but never stuck.

{Sephiroth snaps his fingers and the island scene around him dematerializes, revealing the blue void. As they walk through it, the scene reconstructs into a New York city street back in the 1960s.}

LEX: How did you do that?

SEPHIROTH: It's all in the magic, haha! So, what do you think of this place? Or time, I should say. Feel familiar?

LEX: I see we're in New York.. But I don't see what's so sign-..

{Lex points to a building in the cityscape. On closer inspection, they are revealed to be none other than the Twin Towers.}

LEX: Holy shit.

SEPHIROTH: Lex, my friend. Welcome to New York city, circa December 1963! How do you like it?

LEX: It's so.. authentic looking. How did you do this?

SEPHIROTH: In this world, I can do absolutely anything. Except for leave. It's not too bad, I guess. The tranquility and quiet.. Yeah. And now you're here too. So there's a little bit of company, I guess. Haha, yeah..

LEX: So, what you said earlier about this being "Wikihood", what do you mean?

SEPHIROTH: Oh man, where do I begin? Well, lemme explain something. You are not original.

LEX: What is that supposed to mean?

SEPHIROTH: No, I don't mean it like, um, damn. Terrible at explaining things. Well, you are not the first. Your friends are not the first. Nothing about your collective existences is a first, alright?

LEX: I still don't get you.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, I'm not surprised, it is a hard concept to grasp. Let's see. Where we are now, this used to be much bigger. And by bigger, I mean "universal" bigger. This place once happened to host an entire system of galaxies and realities, essentially being a universe in itself. Me? I happened to live in this universe, but back then I was not alone. The guys you hang out with?

LEX: Wait, who? Chaos?

SEPHIROTH: Yes, him. Chaos and Noxigar. They used to hang out with me.

LEX: That makes no sense! I've known those two for years, I think I would know if they-...

SEPHIROTH: No no no. If you asked them, I doubt they would have any recollection of me whatsoever. The Chaos and Noxigar that you know are actually different to the Chaos and Noxigar that I knew. But at the same time, they are also completely the same. Let's see. Back before you or your universes existence, I happened to exist. And I mean exist properly. Not as a forgotten fragment of the past. Hmm, this is going to take a good amount of explanation. Here, let's relax a little.

{Lex and Sephiroth are transported into a cafe that was across the road from where they were originally standing. On the table are two mugs of beer.}

LEX: Why did you transport us here when we could have literally just walked here in the space of a minute? And more importantly, why are we drinking beer in a cafe in the first place?

SEPHIROTH: What? Don't you drink beer in cafes, then? Or is that a Deli...

LEX: No, you drink coffee in cafes. You drink beer in bars.

SEPHIROTH: Oh. Well, it's no big deal.

LEX: Besides, I'm not really in the mood for more alcohol. I'm already on the verge of alcohol poisoning as it is.

SEPHIROTH: Hmm.. Ah!

{Sephiroth reaches under the table and pulls out a giant bong.}

SEPHIROTH: How about this?

LEX: Oh my god. I haven't done this in years, Chaos always looked down on this for some reason..

SEPHIROTH: Chaos isn't here now, is he?

LEX: I guess not. Oh fuck it, pass it along!

{Sephiroth passes the bong to Lex and offers him a match while he's at it. Ten minutes later, and they're completely stoned, with an entire buffet of junk food on the table.}

LEX: Dude.. What the fuck have I missed all these years?

SEPHIROTH: Brilliant, isn't it? How are you feeling?

LEX: Oh shit dude.. You know Apple? Hear me out here, man. They should make a big screen television, and they should call it... THE BIG MAC.

SEPHIROTH: Classic. So, shall I carry on?

LEX: Yeah, go ahead. It's just.. shit man, everything is so fucking beautiful.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, I know right?

LEX: Miracles everywhere man.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, miracles. It's-..

LEX: MY EYES. THEY'RE LIKE VIDEO CAMERAS FOR MY BRAIN. HOLY FUCK.

SEPHIROTH: We're not getting anywhere with this, are we?

LEX: You know what's funny? The Democrats, they elected a chair for president!

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, this was a terrible idea.

{Sephiroth snaps his fingers and the two are back to normal again. The table is empty.}

SEPHIROTH: Right. Carrying on.