CRITICAL ANALYSIS/1

So, here's the deal: Pokemon Black and White are bad games. Well, no, let me rephrase: They're bad Pokemon games. It seems to be a pattern with every other set of pokemon games, Ruby and Sapphire were stupid and now these ones are too. Now, complain I'm late to da pawty. Do it. I dare you, sucka. I'm not. So, let me just prattle off a list of reasons why Black and White are dumb.

THE POKEMON:

Yeah, I know, everyone and their mother has complained about how now there's an Ice-cream pokemon. And yes, there is an ice-cream pokemon and that is dumb, but the typical response by NERDS to this is "Yeah, well, have you seen Voltorb? That's just a Pokeball with eyes!" and then they begin jacking off to lolicon of Misty. Yeah, well, I'm not denying that the earlier games had a lack of creativity as well, we can all agree that Voltorb or Muk or Wigglytuff were bad ideas, but atleast they looked GOOD. See, Voltorb has a pretty cool minimalist design. Two colours, eyes. Compare to say, "Oshawott", which is covered in shit and doesn't look sleek or cool or cute or bad-ass or whatever they were going for, it makes it look like a Midget Gimp in a panda themed costume.

There's a reason why Bulbasaur and Mewtwo and Gyarados and Pikachu are icons of the modern day, and that's because they're easy to read. The sprite limitations of the earlier games HELPED the designs of the pokemon, because for us to be able to identify a Charizard right off the bat it HAD to be easy to read, rather than a jumbled mess of shit. See, the worst designed Pokemon (and probably one of the most oft forgotten) is Kangaskhan, or Nidoqueen, because their designs are the most jumbled and messy.

Pokemon have become very gimmicky as well: This one is a Trash pokemon! ...cool, what else? I dunno, that's all we thought of. There are no other quirks to "Trubbish", nor is there anything interesting about Sigilyph except that it's a hyroglyphic come to life. It's dumb.

Another problem is that all Pokemon seem to be clones of Pokemon that already existed, besides looking dumber. The aforementioned Trubbish is a rehash of Grimer, and is meant to evoke a message (POLLUTION) except said message was ALREADY put in place by Grimer, no need to say the same thing twice.

Finally, we have the names. The names in Pokemon have never been great but atleast then they weren't all terrible. People often make fun of how dumb a name "Seel" is but I never see anyone complaining about "Joltik" or "Throh". You know, differently spelled words, said words making up the entire gimmick of said Pokemon. I for the longest time have had no idea why "Gyarados" is named so, but one look at (again, I'm ragging on this one) Trubbish you can tell exactly the etymology of it.