(even if you aren't vegan)
Thy DunGSM
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--- THY DUNGSM ---
Welcome to THY DUNGSM for windows, mac, and WUWputer. Your commands are TALK, GET, USE, LOOK, GO, AND THE LIKE. Now, lets go over the rules. YOU ARE GSM. YOU AWAKE IN THY DUNGEON. Your goal? Get the hell out use your simple commands and your master memory! You can look at your items by typing "Inv". That stands for inventory, DUMMIES. Now heres some important facts you should learn...
ONE: In this game are points. When you do something of importance in the game, you gain a certain number of points. These points are just for show, really. Though if you get GSM hurt, get him killed in a boss fight, or do something completly wrong affecting the whole game... well, you're gonna have to lose points, aren't you?
TWO: THERE ARE BOSS FIGHTS. Unlike the rest of the game, you can die during the boss fights. When in a boss fight, you can use weapons. But remember... think hard about a stratergy. When planning a good stratergy, think about some important stuff about your opponent and look at how he attacks.
THREE: Remember that whole "master memory" thing? Well, when you come across an important item, you can commit to GSM's memory by typing "memorize" then the name of the item. This could help you in your adventure. The memories will be brought up in a list. You can bring it up by typing "memories".
Now to begin THY GAME.
GSM: {Opens eyes} Dear god... my head... {Sits up} ...Where the hell am I!?
You look at your surroundings. Stone wall of course. There is an old skeleton sitting in the corner and a steel door a few feet away from you. The steel door has a small peeping thingy, but it has metal bars. Well, you couldn't fit through the damn thing anyways.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
>EAT SKELETON
GSM: Well, I probably won't be getting any food anyway.
{GSM grabs a hand and starts gnawing on it. After about 2 minutes, he stops and throws it to the ground}
GSM: What the hell am I doing!? I should try and find a way out of here! ...Though this arm could probably help...
>Rip off Skeleton's finger and try to use it as a makeshift key
GSM: Holy hell, a good idea! You don't get many of those!
{GSM grabs the finger of the arm and struggles until finally pulling off the finger}
GSM: Great!
YOU GOT THE FINGER!
GSM: Now, to use this!
>Poo on finger
COULD NOT PROCESS COMMAND. COMMAND NOT VALID. YOU SUCK.
>USE FINGER ON LOCK
GSM: {Walks up to the lock of the door. He inserts the finger and twists. He struggles a bit, but the lock falls off.} YES! {Grabs lock, puts in pocket}
YADDA YADDA YOU GOT LOCK YADDA YADDA
{Cut outside, to show a rather huge gaurd standing outside, slowly dozing off to slumberland. GSM opens the door, causing the gaurd to fall and completly wake up.}
GSM: Sweet fre- {Notices gaurd} OH JESUS {Runs back in shutting door. The gaurd instantly stands up, looking around}
GAURD: ...Hmph. Must've fallen down on my own...
GSM: {Outside the door, eyes widened in shock} ...Okay, maybe I should memorize that little fact...
> USE LOCK ON GUARD
GSM: Though I guess I could get rid of him instead... {Pulls out lock. Slowly opens door. Whispering under breath.} And a one... and a two... and a three-diddly-dee! {Holds lock back. Flings lock forward hitting the gaurd.}
GAURD: GAH! {Falls down again} What the-!?
GSM: Yeah, I should probably, I don't know... GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
>LOOK FOR EXITS
GSM: Okay, this appears to be a hallway, so there are two exits. one to the left, the other to the right. Which hall do I take? Left or right? Decide quick or I'm screwed!
>GO LEFT
GSM: Okay, gotta be quiet so I don't draw attention... now!
{GSM runs to the left, arms raised in the air and screaming like a little girl. He quickly turns the corner into the left hall}
GAURD: {Gets up} HEY YOU! GET BACK HERE!
{The gaurd gives chase}
GSM: {Stops at a corner, panting for breath} Damn! He's catching up! I gotta look for something in my inventory to get him away...
>INV
- ARM - A skeleton's arm. You chewed on it a bit before taking it. Morphinelicious!
- LOCK - Why did you take this? Its just a lock... oh well, it helped.
>WHACK GUARD IN THE FACE WITH ARM AND THEN SING A SMOOTH CRIMINAL LEAN
GSM: Not what I was think, but kay. {GSM jumps out the gaurd, scratching his face with the remaining skeleton fingers} AS HE CAME INTO THE WINDOW IT WAS THE SOUND OF A CRESCENDO
GAURD: {Claps hands over face} GAH! HOW COULD PAIN BE SO PAINFUL YET CATCHY AT THE SAME TIME!?
>SPIN INTO GUARD TO KNOCK HIM OFF THE SCREEN
GSM: {Spins around in circles. All of a sudden, GSM and gaurd start doing the smooth criminal} ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY WILL YOU TELL US THAT YOU'RE OKAY {GSM stops dancing kicks him in the stomach, knocking him down and leaving him uncouncious} CHAMONE!
>JUST TO INFORM YOU, YOU SPELLED GUARD WRONG NO OFFENSE
NONE TAKEN
GSM: Can I just get out of here!? Okay, now what do I do? I should probably check to see if that guard has anything useful.
>RIP ALL THE CLOTHES OFF THE GUARD AND TAKE EVERYTHING HE IS CARRYING FROM HIS GUN TO HIS WALLET TO THE PICTURE OF HIS HOT WIFE
GSM: Um... I don't think I'll do the clothes thing, but I'll see if he has anything... {GSM searches his pocket to until he comes across a wallet and something wrapped in foil} Okay, which do I look at first?
>CHECK WALLET for identification/money, if found take both (if possible)
GSM: {Starts searching through wallet} Lets see here... oh, 20 bucks! Sweet!
YOU GOT 20 BUCKS
>REMOVE FOIL FROM OBJECT
GSM: Maybe this is some kind of awesome weapon or gold or- {Removes foil.} ...Its... a sandwhich... meh, guess I'll keep it in case I get hungry.
YOU GOT SANDWHICH
> SQUAWK LIKE AN IDIOT AND S*** ON THE GUARD
GSM: {Look of disgust} ...ANYWAY, I SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP ON WALKING TO FIND OUT WHERE I AM.
{Hours later...}
GSM: {Walking through a hall exhausted. Collapses.} Where the hell am I!? I've been walking for hours! Okay, lets take a look around this area, see what there is...
>TAKE A LOOK AROUND THIS AREA, SEE WHAT THERE IS
You look around. You see... walls and one door. How exciting. All of a sudden a shadow appears on the wall in front of you and the wall behind you. People are coming!
GSM: Aw, crap! I don't think I can fight them back this time! I gotta get out of here!
>GET OUT OF HERE
GSM: {Eyes kneel down to slits} GIVE ME SPECIFICS DAMN YOU
>kick down that thar door
GSM: I could easily open it, but meh. Whatever floats your boat. {Kicks down door and runs in. Quickly slams door.} Okay, now where am I?
>remember you're in dreamland
{Everything stops. Connor walks in.}
CONNOR: Really? Do you think I'd put you on a dangerous quest full of boss fights and puzzles then just reveal its a dream? Please, even I'm not THAT assholeish. {Walks out. Time resumes.}
GSM: ...What the hell just happened?
> look around
Your location appears to be an office of some sort. Theres a desk, a sign on the wall, and 2 doors. One is open, the other is closed shut.
> examine sign
GSM: Okay, lets take a look here... "Sloogabor". ... {Snickers} Looks like some... messed up name. Could be important though. Maybe I should commit it to memory.
> memorize sloogabor, then make an anagram of it
SLOOGABOR ADDED TO MEMORIES!
GSM: Al's boo? ...Meh, good enough.
> jump on the desk
GSM: What a totally not stupid idea! {Leaps on desk but falls off} Ow...
>memorize the moment that just happened, you know with the jumping on the desk
GSM: ...Guess I should keep that moment in mind. {Attempts to memorize, but holds head in pain} GAH! Oh, did I mention that if I don't memorize the right thing, I get hurt? So yeah, you get points taken away before you even get any! Those'll start soon, I promise.
10 points taken away! Total: -10
> Examine desk
GSM: Lets take a look in here... {Opens a drawer. Rummages through it} Lets see... hey, a key! {Pulls out key} Wonder what its for.
YOU GOT KEY! 5 POINTS EARNED! TOTAL: -5
> use key on closed door, but peek in open door first
GSM: {Sticks head in open door} Looks like its a closet... full of black cloaks. This Sloogabor person seems... not all that sane. Meh, might as well borrow one. He has like, ten others he can use anyway. {Takes cloak}
YOU GOT CREEPY BLACK CLOAK! 5 POINTS EARNED! TOTAL: 0
GSM: Now, to see whats inside that door over there. {Walks over to closed door and uses key on keyhole. Door opens}
10 POINTS! TOTAL: 10
{GSM walks in}
GSM: Oooookay, where am I now...?
> look around
You look around to see yourself in a rather large lake-like area, water and all. A few big rocks floating in the water, could be able to stand on. Theres a ladder in front of you. ...Somehow, you have the feeling you're not alone.
GSM: Well, nothing interesting he-
???: HEY! GSM! OVER HERE!
GSM: What the...?
> is that sloogabor?
GSM: Why would a guy named Sloogabor know my name? Okay, its... Kyubii!?
KYUBII: Um... hey!
Yes, it is indeed Kyubii. He looks exactly the same. ...Aside from being tied to a rock, out in some lake.
GSM: {Starts climbing down rope ladder} How the hell did you get here?
KYUBII: I dunno... I just woke up and I was here. ...Oh, um... and I wouldn't come closer if I were you.
GSM: Oh, come on Kyubii. I can easily reach you if I stick to the side of the wall and then swim to you! {Steps on a stone, getting closer}
KYUBII: No, don't!
GSM: Oh, come now! Whats wrong?
{Out of nowhere the lake starts shaking and a low roaring sound enters the room. A few seconds later, a giant sea serpent dives out}
SEA SERPENT: SCREEEEEEEEEE!!! {Dives back under water}
KYUBII: ...THATS whats wrong!
GSM: ...OH. {bleep}.
BOSS BATTLE
> throw skeleton's hand at serpent
GSM: EAT BONE, YOU... SLIMY THING! {Throws arm at air. Sea Serpent dives up and snaps it in two between its jaws. Dives back under} ...Well, that was a waste of good severed hand!
>look serpent
GSM: Dear god, that things gonna try and eat me! It probably hasn't eaten in a while...
>Well I was wanting to know if it had gills but either way lure it to land with sandwich
GSM: I'll only take a little bit, and save the rest for later. SUPPER TIME, YOU SON OF A NUTCRACKER.
KYUBII: ... Son of a what?
GSM: SHUT UP YOU {Takes a small slice of ham out of the sammich and tosses it at the serpent. It starts devouring it.} TIME TO MAKE MY MOVE!
> throw the skeleton's skull down the serpent's throat
GSM: Can't use what I don't have...
> Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying that much attention. Umm... Throw one of the stones floating in the water down the serpent's throat
GSM: {Grabs a small stone. Throws, misssing the throat and hitting the serpents head. Serpent, still devouring some ham floats towards him} ...Y'know what? I have a better plan. {Jumps on serpents back.}
{The serpent instantly responds by racing through the water, slamming into walls.}
GSM: DAMN! I have to figure out a way to stop it from struggling! Hmmm... I think I have a pretty good idea... {Inches closer to the head}
>Poke its eyes out?
GSM: ITS LIGHTS OUT FOR YOU!
KYUBII: Lame!
{GSM jams his fingers into both the serpent's eyes. The serpent shreiked in pain}
GSM: Great! Now I just gotta crash him into something!
> Turn the serpent in the direction of Kyubii
GSM: {Steers the serpent towards Kyubii}
KYUBII: OH JESUS! IS THIS ABOUT EATING LAST PIECE OF PIZZA OR SOMETHING!?
{The serpent reaches Kyubii, opens its jaws, and... tears off the ropes holding Kyubii down to the rock}
KYUBII: ...Oh. Now try to injure that thing somehow! Steer it into something! ...Besides me.
5 POINTS! TOTAL: 15
> Look for something in the water that's larger than the serpent
GSM: Hmmm... {Looks around. Spots the walls of the cave} AHA!
> Turn the serpent in the direction of the walls of the cave
GSM: {Rams the serpent into a wall. All of a sudden a large sharp, pointy rock falls down from the ceiling. GSM quickly catches it} ... I think you can see where I'm going with this.
> Repeatedly stab the serpent in the face and head with the rock, eventually reducing it to mush
GSM: ...I'll just go for the throat. {Stabs serpent in throat. Serpent shrieks and dives under water, smashing some rocks at the bottom of the lake floor, opening a huge hole and sucking the water in. The serpent dies and gets stuck in the whole. Eventually, no water is remaining in the lake} ...Didn't expect that.
BOSS DEFEATED! 20 POINTS! TOTAL: 35
> Search the lake bed for fish
GSM: I think that... thing was the only thing in this lake. Should keep the rock though.
YOU GOT SHARP POINTY ROCK!
KYUBII: {Slides down} Well, I'm outta here... but first... theres something I gotta tell you.
> WHAT
KYUBII: The others... they're in this castle.
GSM: What? Why?
KYUBII: I don't know. But they're each in a different room... and you have to find them.
GSM: Why me!?
KYUBII: CAUSE I'M A LAZY BUM. But... if you need me, use this. {Tosses GSM a card with Kyubii's picture on it}
GSM: What this?
KYUBII: A summon card. If you need my help or anybody elses, type "use (insert name here) card. To look at your current cards, just type "cards". Though remember, you have to use me at the right time or I'll kick your ass.
GSM: What!? Why!?
KYUBII: I DON'T NEED A REASON. Well, see ya! {Runs out}
GSM: ...Great. Now how am I going to get out of here.
> LOOK FOR AN EXIT
You look around, until you see... a large tunnel. How long has that been there?
> ENTER LARGE TUNNEL
