Jackass: Wiki Edition/1

{episode opens to Tracy in a robe. The words "Captain Nudist" appear onscreen}

TRACY: Hey, I'm Tracy Bellstrom, and welcome to Jackass: Wiki Edition! I call this Captain Nudist! {takes off robe, revealing he's wearing nothing(it's censored, of course) but a red cape, runs up a ramp and jumps off a trampoline, bouncing up and into a tree}

IM A BELL: Oh my god.

SARAH:{is filming Tracy with a camcorder} Heeheehee.

{cut to Raiku eating his hand in between two pieces of bread. The words "Finger Sandwich" appear onscreen}

RAIKU: It hurts, but tastes so good!

BADSTAR-O: My names Badstar-O and today I'm gonna beat the crap out of my son's best friend! {Attacks Tracy}

ZOO977: {is zooming by attached to nicholas's wheelchair, which has rockets attached to the back} Weee!

{cut to a field. Tracy, Badstar-O, Raiku, and Zoo are there. Everyone but Tracy are in fat suits. He is holding a paintball gun. The words "Fatass Target Practice" appear onscreen}

TRACY: Fatass Target Practice. {starts firing the gun at everyone}

RAGGON: I am already fat! {Gets shot in the balls} OWW!

TRACY:{snickers}

MIDGET LEMON: Hey, I an'nt fat!

TRACY: You ARE a midget, though! Good throwing size! {picks up Midget Lemon, throws him at Raiku}

ZOO977: I'm bored. {sinks into his fat suit} Sink.

TRACY: Hmm... {runs off, runs back in dressed up as the Prince of All Cosmos}

{the words "Fatass Target PracticeReal-Life Katamari Damacy" appear onscreen. Tracy grabs Zoo, and starts rolling him around. He runs over everyone else, and then crashes into a tree}

RAIKU: Do not shoot me with a shotgun!

ZOO977: {In a high voice} Okay, guys, shoot him! {Dot and Albino appear, holding shotguns, and Zoo falls out of the suit holding one. They begin rapidly firing at Raiku}

RAIKU: Do not hurt me!

{Just like that, Raiku becomes very hurt. The kids don't seem to notice.}

TRACY: Okay, this stunt is taking too long. NEXT!

{screen wobbles, and falls, revealing a new scene. Everyone is there. Tracy and Raiku are holding pieces of plywood}

TRACY: Me and Raiku are gonna smash these pieces of plywood against everybody's head, until they break.

ZOO977: Okay! {sips out of a soda can}

TRACY: I'll start with YOU! {smashes the soda can into Zoo's face}

ZOO977: {removes the can from his now orange face} Yum yum! {attempts to lick the soda off his face}

TRACY: Hmm... {snickering} Hey Badstar-O! Put your face in front of Zoo's!

{Badstar-O does so. Tracy smashes their faces together with the plywood, while laughing}

{Raiku smashes Lemon's little head}

LEMON: Ahh crap. {tries to pick up Raiku and throws on ground and kicks in head.}

TRACY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You only attack someone if it's part of the stunt, for no reason, or if he hit you for no reason. NOT if he's just doing what the stunt called for.

LEMON: So? Raiku sucks.

RAIKU: FIREBALL! {shoot a blast of fire at Lemon}

TRACY:{grabs Raiku's and Lemon's heads, smashes them together} Both of you calm down or I'll fire you both.

RAIKU: Sorry.

TRACY: Good. But now, {picks up Lemon, hurls him into the air, smashes him into the tree with the plywood}

ZOO977: Idea! {shakes his head. the soad comes off}

RAIKU: {smashes zoo's head into lemon's}

ZOO977: It's boring here, I'm leaving. {jumps head first into the ground. only the soles of his feet show}

TRACY: Right, whatever. New stunt!

{cut to a store. The words "Obvious Shoplifting" appears onscreen. The Jackass cast walks in wearing see-through coats}

BADSTAR-O: HEY EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA STEAL THIS! {Picks up a pineapple}

ZOO977: Hello! {fills a cart with cereal and milk, walks out. Lemon is drinking the milk and Zoo doesn't know. he then notices, kicks lemon in the nuts, and fills the cart with more milk. he runs out, running over lemon on the way}

TRACY:{looks around, swipes a flatscreen TV}

{zoo returns. he takes all of weltrudes toychest, and rushes out}

BADSTAR-O: Gonna steal this too! {Grabs an employee and runs out}

{Raiku is on a inside a cart. He ramps off of a stroller and flys into some cans.}

{zoo walks in one last time. he steals all of the cereal bowls and a giant tv}

STORE EMPLOYEE: Hey, wait! What do you all think you're doing?!

TRACY: ... {rips off the employee's clothes, steals them, runs off}

{Cut to the top of a hill. Badstar-O is there sitting on a skateboard with fireworks tied to the back. The words Super Ultra Mega Awesome Extreme Skateboarding appear onscreen}

BADSTAR: I'm gonna skate down this hill with fireworks going off behind me! Tracy, light the fuses!

LEMON: Tracy won't do it BECAUSE I REPLACED THE SKATEBOARD WITH TRACY'S HEAD! BWAHAHAHAHA!

BADSTAR-O: {Still on skateboard} ...You are a moron.

{"LOLWUT" appears on the screen}

TRACY: Wait, hold on. {snaps fingers, Lemon and the skateboard switch places} There. {lights the fuses}

LEMON: {getting softer as moving} YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

TRACY: Yeah, sure I will.

{cut to a few minutes later.Tracy and Badstar-O are there, laughing. Midget Lemon walks in, charred}

TRACY: ... {laughs even harder, smashes Lemon in the face with the skateboard he replaced}

{zoo walks in. he is pushing an orange sports car, filled to the open sunroof with cereal and milk. he jumps in, and closes the roof. he holds a sign in it that says "Yay!"}

TRACY: Hmm... I just had an idea. {runs off, runs back in driving a SUV with the sun roof open. He gets out, opens the trunk, pulls out much, much diet coke and many packs of mentos. He then closes the trunk}

{the words "Mentos-Coke SUV" appear onscreen. Tracy throws the diet coke} and mentos onto the SUV's roof. He then jumps up onto the roof himself, opens the bottles of diet coke, pours the coke into the sunroof, grabs the still-packaged mentos, warps a scuba suit onto himself, jumps into the sunroof with the mentos, swims to the driver's seat, starts the car, opens the packages of mentos, starts driving. Foam spews out of the car while Tracy is driving around}

{zoo begins driving the car. it flips into the spew coming out of the SUV, and zoo is stuck in midair, in the car}

TRACY: ...MWAHAHACARNAGE! {starts running over various cast members}

{in the sports car, zoo takes out a laptop. when he presses a button, the milk electrocutes him. this stays for a while}

TRACY: Hmm... {drives into Zoo's car, causing both cars to explode, leaving a rather large crater in the ground}

{when the smoke clears up, zoo is still sitting on his chair, in a position like hes about to type something. the chair, zoo, and the laptop are cartoonly burnt}

TRACY: {runs in holding a sledgehammmer} SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!!!! {smashes the laptop with the sledgehammer}

RAIKU: L! E! T! S! E! N! D! T! H! I! S! A! L! R! E! A! D! Y! What does that spell? LETS END THIS ALREADY!

{Cue credits}