Iori Email.cheese/01

Iori tells about the time he was in the Homestarmy.

Cast: Iori, Strong Bad, Homestar, Homsar, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, The Cheat

Transcript

IORI: {singing while typing "iori_email.exe"} Email rap song, 1 2 3, check the first email with me, Iori!

subject: Empire

Dear Idiot Iori,
Have you ever created an empire where you were the king?
Sincerely,
Your bunkmate, Homestar tiger

{at the beginning, Iori says "Dear idiot, I mean Iori."}

IORI: {typing} An empire where I was king? No. No. Never. Ever. JibneyBut I did join an empire once, or an army, or whatever. The leader was some guy, who had a bowl on his head, and held a spoon, and looked like Homestar- {interrupted}

STRONG BAD: {coming in} Uh, Senor Smallbrain, that was Homestar.

IORI: Really? I thought it was Bill Cosby.

STRONG BAD: How did you get Bill Cosby instead of Homestar wearing a bowl on his head?

IORI: Well, it all started when- {interrupted}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I don't care anymore. Bye. {leaves}

IORI: {typing} So, it was Homestar. I think Bill Cosby would make a much better leader. Anyway, I joined the H star R...army when Stro Bro told me that I couldn't join his army.

{cut to Strongbadia}

IORI: {enters} Hey Stro Bro, can I- {interrupted}

STRONG BAD: No.

IORI: Ok. {leaves}

{cut back to Iori's compy room}

IORI: {typing} So I joined the H star-my. I didn't have an orange bowl, so I used the closest thing I could find...

{cut to the Stick where the Homestarmy is; Iori has a pot on his head}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, Iori, you could've just asked me for the bowl.

{cut back to Iori's compy room}

IORI: So then I just, asked him for the uniform.

{cut back to the Stick where the Homestarmy is; Iori has the "uniform" on}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ok men, and Homsar, we will strike Strongbadia at 7:00!

STRONG SAD: Uh, Homestar, it is 7:00.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, ok. So we will strike right now! Gentlemen, and Homsar, turn right! Forward march! {the Homestarmy march toward Strongbadia} Strong Bad! We declare war on your civilization!

STRONG BAD: Uh, no.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, yes!

STRONG BAD: Ok, Strong Mad, get them!

STRONG MAD: YES, SIR! {charges at Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The pipes are broken! {attempts to spin kick Strong Mad, but Strong Mad catches Homestar by the leg and throws him offscreen}

STRONG MAD: WHO'S NEXT?

IORI: Bad, Strong Mad! You are grounded!

STRONG MAD: I'M SORRY, IORI! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

IORI: Aw, I can't stay mad at you! Come on, let's play Monopoly!

STRONG MAD: I HAVE DIBS ON THE RACE CAR!

IORI: Ok, I'll be the shoe.

STRONG BAD: Whaa?!? Did you just sort ofdefeat Strong Mad?!?

IORI: Whoa, I guess I did. {The Cheat is punching Iori's shins} Uh, hi? Please stop? {The Cheat gives up due to exaustion}

STRONG BAD: Did we just get defeated by Iori?!?!?!

IORI: Yes, you did, I guess.

STRONG BAD: Nooooooooooo-can I play Monopoly too? I call battleship!

IORI: Uh, sure.

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat sounds}

IORI: Sure, you can also play Monopoly.

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat sounds that sound like "I call the Iron!"}

{cut back to Iori's compy room}

IORI: {typing} And so, that's what happened. I handed Homestar his 5 bucks and we all played Monopoly. I guess that's the answer to every problem; to play Monopoly. I gotta go; time to play Connect Four with Strong Mad. {leaves}

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Fun Facts

Inside References

• Iori says "Jibney".

H*R References

• This features the Bill Cosby gag. Or just mentions him.
• Homestar also uses "The pipes are broken!" in dangeresque 3.

Real World References

• Monopoly is a board game made by Parker Bros.
  • Lots of people (including me) like to pick the race car in Monopoly.

Iori Email.cheese
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