(even if you aren't vegan)
Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Green Grass and High Tides Forever/6
Wait a minute... this isn't
GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER!
{Open: the Front Lawn of the SkullB House. Jerry is using SkullB as a lawnmower.}
JERRY: Finish up, Skully. We have to do the backyard soon!
SKULLB: {spits out grass} Do you think I like this? I'm going to be tasting grass and beetles for weeks now.
{Suddenly, a large explosion is heard.}
JERRY: ... What the hell was that?
SKULLB: It came from the backyard, I think. I mean, I wouldn't know, I'm a lawnmower.
JERRY: Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch.
{Jerry and SkullB head to the backyard.}
JERRY: ... What is that?
{It reveals to be Dalek.}
DALEK: Whoa... that's the last time I play dodgeball with Gemerl.... Oh...
SKULLB: ... R2-D2?
{Emerl falls down and Crashes into Dalek.}
EMERL: That's the last time I play Chess with Gemerl.
DALEK: R2-D2? No, I am Dalek. D. Dalekton, of the Alien Species the Daleks.
IORI: {falls down on Emerl and Dalek} That's the last time I fight on the Pit 2 stage.
{Gemerl falls from the sky in a kicking postion and kicks Iori, Dalek, and Emerl.}
GEMERL: That's the last time I go against all of you simultaneously.
DALEK: Well come on man!
GEMERL: I'm good. Let's investigate this new {notices SkullB} Whoa? Who the hell may you be?
DALEK: You kicked me in the voice sympathizer. {Oldtime singing comes out of Dalek.} What's it all about Alfie?
JERRY: ... What the hell is going on, exactly?
SKULLB: I'd like to know the same thing.
IORI: Ditto.
EMERL: If we've been so close to this place, why haven't we landed here before?
GEMERL: That's a good question.
JERRY: Well, never mind that. This is my yard. Get out.
GEMERL: No.
IORI: That's a really mean thing to say to people who fell down from a giant height, meanie!
SKULLB: Yeah. {pokes Dalek} I think he's out cold.
JERRY: Wait... where are you all from?
IORI: We're from another series called "Green Grass and High Tides Forever!".
EMERL: Well, we're all respectively from media around the world, but we're usually all having crazy adventures on YouTubePoop World, about 24 million light years {Points up} That way.
JERRY: ... What?!
SKULLB: They live in space?
IORI: No we don't!
EMERL: We live on a planet, like you do!
IORI: {to Emerl} Quit doin' that!
JERRY: ... Well.
SKULLB: So, is this it or are there more of you?
IORI: Oh, there's much more of us.
GEMERL: There's like, 10.
JERAN: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! {falls on Iori}
IORI: Ow! ...What's your reason for falling?
SKULLB: Hey, a puppy! I love dogs!
{Casey walks out to the back yard.}
CASEY: Can I not watch TV without something exploding for once?
JERRY: Hey, Casey. These guys fell into our yard from space or something.
CASEY: {sighs} Explain yourselves.
{Emerl's eyes turn red.}
EMERL: {Cybernetic monotone voice} GIZOID MACH 1 PROJECT: EMERL. CREATED TO APPREHEND CHAOS EMERALDS AND END CIVILIZATION. EMERALD LOCATION CURRENTLY AT MARS LUNAR BASE IN UNIDENTIFIABLE LOCATION.
{Everyone stares at Gemerl.}
GEMERL: What? This is the first time I've ever seen him do this.
{Emerl projects a map of Mars, with an "X" on it.}
EMERL: LAST KNOWN LOCATION OF TRANSMISSION INVOLVING CHAOS EMERALDS.
JERAN: {kicks Emerl} Must be busted.
PATRICK: {falls on Emerl} Ow. Wait, shouldn't the Pit 1 have spikes at the bottom?
SKULLB: What's a Chaos Emerald? Is it like one of those seven collectibles in every game? You know, the ones that hold the secrets to an ancient civilization or make your hair bigger?
EMERL: Or were involved in listless games that nobody can remember. What are we talking about?
PATRICK: {to SkullB} A Chaos Emerald is something from those dumb Sonic games.
SKULLB: Oh, those! I tried to blank out everything after the first three.
JERRY: So. Let me guess. We have to go to Mars to help you guys get the Chaos Emerald?
PATRICK: We don't need the Chaos Emerald.
{Emerl straps bombs to Patrick, Iori, Dalek, Emerl, and Jeran.}
EMERL: If you want to live, now you need to.
PATRICK: NO. {the bombs dissapear}
{The bombs come back.}
EMERL: They're Writer-removal-resistant.
PATRICK: Don't make me remove you. {the bombs dissapear}
JERRY: I think the fabric of reality just crapped itself.
SKULLB: So yeah! Let's go to Mars!
JERRY: How?
{Cut: NASA. All the gang is strapped into seats in a rocket ship.}
JERRY: I need to stop doing that.
PATRICK: Why do we need to go to Mars?
{The bombs on Patrick and such keep on switching on and offf.}
EMERL: {While pressing the switch} Bomb goes on, Bomb goes off, Bomb goes on, Bomb goes off, Bomb goes 0n-
{Gemerl breaks the remote.}
EMERL: Now the bombs are stuck on until We can take them off.
GEMERL: Good thing we have a-
{Emerl swallows a key.}
EMERL: Yum!
GEMERL: You're an idiot.
PATRICK: NO! {they are back where ever they were before with no bombs on them} We are not going to find any Chaos Emeralds!
{The bombs return.}
GEMERL: They're just gonna keep on coming back until the writer who's doing that decides to stop.
{Emerl straps a bomb on Gemerl}
EMERL:{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}
GEMERL: DAMMIT EMERL.
PATRICK: {the bombs dissapear} If you do that one more time, I'll remove you. I swear. We're not doing what you want.
EMERL: But it's a good way to move this plot! We need some development, and it could only help it! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?
PATRICK: NO. Well, I guess we can go to Mars, BUT NOT FOR CHAOS EMERALDS.
EMERL: I'm getting the emeralds on Mars.
PATRICK: Just you? Ok then, go. If you mean all of us, then no. That will never happen.
EMERL: Yeah, just me... {Grabs Gemerl} and Gemerl, {Grabs Jeran} and Jeran, {Grabs Dalek} and Dalek, {and Kano} and Kano. That's not everybody! That leaves...you, and Iori, Blond Guy, other Robot, Hot girl, and Chaos...
GEMERL: Chaos isn't-
{Chaos crashes into Gemerl.}
CHAOS: I've got to keep on Ramming into Gemerl from space.
EMERL: And it's even. All in favor?
PATRICK: NO! JUST YOU! ...AND GEMERL! GO TO MARS! GO AWAY FROM US! JUST YOU TWO IF YOU ARE SO CONCERNED AND ANXIOUS!
EMERL: Gemerl isn't, but we need more people, and maybe some of these people actually want to go to Mars.
PATRICK: NO THEY DON'T.
KANO: I didn't come yet! {dissapears}
EMERL: STOP DECIDING THINGS FOR THEM! MAYBE THEY HAVE FREE WILL THAT THEY WANT TO USE! EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? HUH?
KANO: {comes back} I'll go to Mars with you, Emerl. But I'm sure no one else wants go with you to Mars and search for something from a stupid game.
JERRY: {waking up} Oh, will you all shut it up? I'm trying to sleep here.
CASEY: Listen, I have a better idea. How about half of us go to find the Chaos Emerald and the other half just explore? Let's make teams, how 'bout?
SKULLB: I want to find some emeralds, honestly!
JERRY: I want to see what I can pawn off.
PATRICK: Eh, sounds fine.
EMERL: I suggested that idea and you hated it!
JERRY: I think everything CAsey says sounds better because she's a girl, am I right?
CASEY: You'd be right.
PATRICK: No, I thought that Emerl ment "I" as in just him, uh, TO THE BATCAVE! {gets jetpack from hammerspace, flies away, flies back} Ugh, to confusing. I need a headache pill.
{Dalek switches back on again.}
DALEK: {In Falsetto} I'm Back!!!
R2-D2: Beep Bop Boo
DALEK: How did you guys get here?
C-3P0: We came offfscreen when you got knocked out.
JERAN: See, Skull-on-a-buggy? That's R2-D2.
R2-D2: Beep Beep Boop Bop!
JERAN: MY MOTHER IS NOT AN UNEMPLOYED DRUNK! SHE'S A VALUABLE MEMBER OF THE NEOPETS TEAM!
C-3P0: He didn't say that. He said "How do keep your hair so nice?"
SKULLB: It always sounds the same coming from a robot.
{The rocket suddenly lurches forward. Jerry gets up and looks out the window.}
JERRY: Well, we're here.
DALEK: Anyone have an iPod?
EMERL: No, and you're stupid, and a butt.
DALEK: Shut up you idiot.
PATRICK: I wonder what stuff we'll find here.
EMERL: Maybe candy?
DALEK: Oh, I'm the Stupid Butt. THERE'S NO FREAKIN CANDY ON MARS YOU IMBECILIC PIECE OF LIVING SCRAP METAL!!
PATRICK: Didn't they name a candy bar after Mars? Ironic.
SKULLB: Whatever the case, we're here so we need to do something!
{SkullB grunts and transforms into a Mars rover.}
SKULLB: Emerl, hop in! We're off to find some emeralds!
EMERL: Told you people would want to come. {hops in} I'm off to find the Emeralds!
PATRICK: Who's on who's team again?
JERRY: All the crazies go with Skully and the rest go with Casey and I.
CASEY: Or as you {points to Emerl} like to call me, the "hot lady".
DALEK: Me and the Droids are going with the normal team. {Moves to Jerry and Casey.}
CASEY: {to R2} Aww, aren't you just the cutest little droid?
JERRY: Don't bother, Casey. Robots can't feel affection.
R2-D2: {Beeps in a happy tone.}
C-3PO: You'd be surprised Jerry.
JERRY: Huh. I guess robots work different in space.
C-3PO: Yes, I can understand the misconception though. Dalek can't feel emotions.
DALEK: I'm not a Robot Though. But it's true. I feel no emotion, and makes me rather sad.
JERRY: Oof... sorry, man.
SKULLB: Irridisregardless, we need to get going.
JERRY: Wh- why?
SKULLB: Emerl just strapped explosives to the ship. It's best to get out of the way now.
DALEK: Emerl's a whacked up robot.
PATRICK: Don't worry, I took care of the explosives.
DALEK: What team are you on?
SKULLB: I think Pat's on Jerry's team. AKA the boring losers.
PATRICK: Hey, shut up! {throws jetpack at SkullB}
JERAN: I'm with Emerl...right?
DALEK: If you mean you are going nowhere in a wild goosechase with an idiotic robot who can't tell Chocolate from Crap, yes.
{Cut to Emerl, with brown stuff smeared all over his face, holding a crap in one hand and Chcolate in the other.}
EMERL: The best part is that I'm never wrong when I choose:They can both kill me if I eat excessive amounts!
GEMERL: Let's go before he tries to eat something else disgusting.
EMERL: Yes, it is imperative That I get the Chaos Emerald here because absorbing Chaos Emeralds makes me smarter.
{Everyone in the room but Emerl runs away.}
EMERL: Was it me eating the crap?
{Gemerl runs back in, Grabs Emerl's arm, and ruans away with him.}
IORI: Do we have astronaut helmets?
SKULLB: This is a cartoon. We don't need helmets!
IORI: Ah, it makes perfect sense now.
JERRY: Yeah, sure. Alright, everybody off.}
{The gang gets off of the ship. Once out of the ship, SkullB turns into a Mars rover.}
SKULLB: Nice!
IORI: Why can't I do that?
SKULLB: Because you're not a robot.
{Pause.}
SKULLB: Are you?
JERRY: Enough chit-chat. Everybody split into groups. Casey and I lead the sane team, while Skully takes the insane robots.
DALEK: We're sane!
GEMERL: I'm only tempermental.
JERRY: Whatever. I'm pretty sure that gold one should be put in a straight jacket.
GEMERL: We tried that already.
DALEK: I think we should turn it to scrap metal! ....What?!
JERRY: I'm sorry. I meant the stupid gold one.
SKULLB: Let's split up, gang!
{The two groups go their separate ways.}
{Cut: SkullB's group.}
SKULLB: So what's this we're looking for?
EMERL: Well, this one's green, so we're looking for an emerald that can float in place.
SKULLB: Huh.
{Pause.}
SKULLB: Oh, I get it! Chaos Emerald! Hah!
KANO: {appears} What are you guys doing on Mars? And who is this guy?
GEMERL: I wish I could answer all of that.
KANO: You wish?
GEMERL: Well, From my point of view, we're only doing this because It'll make Emerl Smarter.
KANO: "Emerl smarter?" That's something I can never believe.
GEMERL: If you'd played Sonic Battle you'd believe it.
KANO: I wouldn't play a Sonic game if someone gave me $1,000,000...
CHAOS: How about Soul Calibur?
KANO: Soul Calibur's fine.
{SkullB trips over a rock.}
SKULLB: Owwch... Hey! It's a green emerald thingy!
{Emerl picks it up, and the lets go of it. It floats in place.}
EMERL: It's the Chaos Emerald!
KANO: Yay, excellent, whatever. </sarcastic> Where are the others?
EMERL: They're...what ARE they doing?
{cut to the other group}
IORI: I still kinda don't know how we can breathe here without helmets...
JERRY: Don't bring it up again. Do you want to die in the vacuum of space?
CASEY: ... Guys?
{Pan over. A large alien stares at the group.}
IORI: {to alien} Tom Cruise, what are you doing on Mars?
ALIEN: {In Mellow Voice.} I am not Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is an inferior human being.
IORI: Then you must be Bill Cosby.
{Chaos pops up from the side of the screen.}
CHAOS: No, no, no, he's Dane Cook.
ALIEN: No! I am known as Lah'rii t'Kabal-Gai!
IORI: You're Kabal? The guy from Mortal Kombat?
ALIEN: No!
SEPHIROTH: {From other side} HOW RIDICULOUS! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! You're not that threatening.
IORI: You're definitely Kabal!
ALIEN: No I'm not! Just... if you're leaving, then go!
{SkullB's group walks in from offscreen.}
SKULLB: Guys, we found the emerald!
ALIEN: Emerald... my emerald! You have it?!
SKULLB: Y- no. Maybe.
ALIEN: Hand it back, humans and robots!
SKULLB: Heck no, we won't go!
ALIEN: Fine. I'll have to kill you.
KANO: You explode, Alien! {the Alien explodes} I saved you all! Yay!
{The alien reforms.}
CHAOS: Let me try.
{Chaos walks over to him, stares at him for about 10 seconds, then pulls out his Zanmato and a scythe and begins to rip the alien apart and eat his flesh.}
KANO: Damn! Now THAT is gory!
{Suddenly, the alien regains his flesh.}
ALIEN: Hahaha! Your silly, stolen weaponry has no effect on me!
{SkullB takes a shaker of salt and sprinkles it on the alien. The alien explodes.}
SKULLB: Alright, there. It's dead. For real. Stop saying he's alive. Now let's go home.
{The two groups walk back onto the spaceship. The spaceship flies back to Earth.}
ANNOUNCER: And now, the story of these two split...
IORI: Who was that?
ANNOUNCER: Uh, I... shut up.
EMERL: Something that if we delved unto further detail about, would break the fourth wall.
{Everyone stares at Emerl.}
EMERL: I already absorbed the emerald.
IORI: You're smarter, eh? So, what does E equal then?
EMERL: Well, contrary to Albert Einstein's therum, E can equal one of several different equations that all-
{Gemerl smacks Emerl in the side of the head. The emerald flies out and rolls away.}
GEMERL: I'm already sick and tired of listening to him. He'd probably just lecture us if it went on.
IORI: {to Emerl} ...So, what does E equal?
EMERL: ...Potato Stick? {holds up a can of Pringles Stix}\
GEMERL: Where'd the others go?
EMERL: Not like it matters now.
CHAOS: Let's all jack the spaceship and head home.
{Dalek and the Droids come back.}
DALEK: Agreed.
IORI: {throws a jack at the floor of the ship} What? You did say to jack the ship!
EMERL: Stop being dumber than me! I don't like it. You can be moronic, but not idiotic.
{The ship takes off, and lands perfectly on YouTubePoopWorld. The instant everyone gets out, it bursts into flames and desintigrates.}
GEMERL: Well, we won't be seeing SkullB and the others anytime soon. Good night guys.
EMERL: But it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
GEMERL: Exactly.
DALEK: HE SAID GOOD NIGHT. CAPICHE?
C-3PO: What?!
EMERL: Fine. Chaos, the SUN BUTTON, please!
{Chaos presses a button and the sun falls down, nad the moon rises.}
EMERL: NOW it's 4:00 in the morning.
DALEK: Well... I'm tired. {Light on his eye goes off. He then starts doing loud snoring.}
{Everyone leaves the area. Cut to a dark room where something is glowing green.}
EMERL: They think I'd let them use my genius? Yeah right! Now, only 5 more worlds carry Chaos Emeralds.
{A red light starts Shining.}
EMERL: Evil laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA-
{The light turns on and Gemerl is next to Emerl, who is holding 2 CHaos Emeralds.}
EMERL: You heard my plan didn't you.
{Gemerl punches Emerl in the face and picks up the emeralds.}
GEMERL: Of course I can hear you, we share this room. Now Go to sleep, i'm going to go destroy these.
EMERL: Yes, Suckbag.
{Gemerl Punches Emerl in the gut.}
EMERL: Gemerl.
IORI: {appears} Toasty!
THE ENDETH?
