The Stan Show/1

Overview

Stan interviews Vindicator, Sephiroth, and Sylar. Not at once.

Transcript

{Open: the studio.}

ANNOUNCER: Live from Studio One, it's The Stan Show! Here's your host, Stan!

{Stan walks onto the set, accompanied by music.}

STAN: Heh, alright, alright. Enough with the music.

{The music continues to play.}

STAN: I said ENOUGH WITH THE M-

{The music stops.}

STAN: -usic. Okay, there.

JON: {offscreen} Sorry about that.

STAN: Remind me to dock your pay.

JON: {offscreen} But I don't get-

STAN: Anyway shut up. {sits down} Our first interviewee is none other than... {reading cue cards} Who's Vindicator?

SKULLB: {offscreen} I don't know, just bring him on!

STAN: Alright, Vindicator! Come on up!

{Nothing happens.}

STAN: Wow. We're getting off on the right foot.

VINDICATOR: {offscreen} I'm coming, you idjit!

{Drudgedly, Vindicator walks onto the stage. He remains standing.}

STAN: ... Have a seat, I guess.

VINDICATOR: On what?

STAN: ... On the floor.

VINDICATOR: I don't know your hygenie records. I'll stand.

STAN: Fine, sit on the couch. You baby.

VINDICATOR: Again, has that been cleaned recently?

STAN: We just got the damn thi- fine, fine. Stand.

VINDICATOR: Interviewer or not, I can sit down if I want to, dirty or not.

{Vindicator places himself on the couch.}

STAN: Alright, we got that over with. So, Vindicator, how's it feel being Son of Death or whatever you are now?

VINDICATOR: Son of Death? No, no, no. You're refering to the emo kid that seems to idolize me. {whispering to Stan, moves closer} Remind me to get a restraining order. {moves back, removes cloak, folds cloak as he talks} As you can see, I am a human being.

STAN: I see! It's nice to have somebody normal around here.

{Stan glares into the camera for a second.}

STAN: Alright, then. So what have you been working on, recently? Any big plans for the WUW?

VINDICATOR: Go ask Mr. Fancypants President. I don't control the WUW, in fact, I could care less for it.

STAN: Oh. Well, any small plans you've got? Like, new Text Fiction, or something?

VINDICATOR: Planning to leave twice, call JCM a backseat sysop, kick Sephiroth, ban myself for one second, revert some edits, eat a heart, and make my rounds on talk shows. Visit Mars.

STAN: Nice, nice. So, tell us about your family life. Anything going on at the Psychosymatis household?

VINDICATOR: Dad, dead. Mom, dead. Sister, on Mars. Brother, none. Wife, killed. Son, killed. All in all, I've got a sister.

STAN: That's depressing. So, any gripes with anybody here? DISH!

VINDICATOR: Depressing? No, it was fun eviserating bone from bone. Gripes? Here? Yeah, you.

STAN: ... Okay, disregarding that. Anybody on the WUW you're currently annoyed with?

VINDICATOR: Most third-gens and all fourth-gens.

STAN: I... I see. Well, it's time for a commercial break. We'll be right back!

{Cut to a commercial, with a blue background. A man walks onscreen.}

MAN: Tired of those sleepless nights of consipation? Then wait no more! Because with our Boomer brand Horse Laxatives, you'll be making chocolate mud babies in no time!

{Cut to a blue background, with a case reading "Boomer(R) Horse Laxatives!!11!". The man walks onscreen.}

MAN: Boomer brand Horse Laxatives: Making mud babies since 19XX.

{Cut to a sillouette of Vindicator.}

VOICE: The red planet. {The background becomes a picture of Mars, with the sillouette in front of it.} Whereas not technically red, but people are used to calling it that. Home to over 8 billion people. Come take a visit to Phobos and Deimos! Take a picture with the Emperor! Buy Mars water! Sleep in a house! ABACUS!

{Cut to a picture of Mars.}

VOICE: Mars. It's small, but it's what it uses that counts.

{Static. Cut to Studio One.}

STAN: Well! After those frightening commercials, we're back, with our good pal, Sephiroth! Come on over, Seph!

{A small breeze comes into the room, and Sephiroth rises from the ground, dressed in a black jacket with a blue shirt underneath.}

SEPHIROTH: Greetings, Stan.

STAN: Woah. Nice entry. Take a seat.

SEPHIROTH: I brought one of my own, thank you.

{Summons two ghosts which leave the room, and then come back holding a gold throne. Sephiroth sits on it. The ghosts disappear.}

SEPHIROTH: Sorry if I'm showboating. I tend to do that.

STAN: I noticed. So, what's new with you, Sephy my man?

SEPHIROTH: Many things, you know. I settled a court case recently. I was getting sued for mindless destruction.

STAN: Really? Tell us what happened! If you don't want to do that, tell us about your family life!

{Pause.}

STAN: ... Welp. It looks like Sephy's in a coma or something, so let's bring out our next guest! SYLAR!

{Sylar pushes open the door without touching it}

SYLAR: Hey.

STAN: Hey cool you broke our door. Have a seat.

{Sylar sits down}

STAN: Tell us a bit about yourself, if you will.

SYLAR: I am a serial killer who kills people with superpowers.

STAN: Uhh... so, what, is that your fan character or something?

SYLAR: Thats me.

STAN: ... Alright, sure. Whatever. So, what have you been up to lately?

SYLAR: Other than killing, making a few fics.

STAN: I see. Tell us about those fics.

SYLAR: One is a news station that people can work at.

STAN: Huh. Interesting. ... Anything else?

SYLAR: A big awesome fic of characters made by users.

STAN: Cool. So tell me, anything going on with your friends?

SYLAR: Home life or here? Because if home life, i don't have any.

STAN: Around here.

SYLAR: Good good.

STAN: Mind... mind naming a few?

SYLAR: SkullB, Badstar, Bell.

STAN: Right, right... oh! It looks like Sephy got back from his coma. Sorry about that, Sephy!

SEPHIROTH: No problem. It wasn't a coma. I fell asleep. I tend to do that.

STAN: Yeah, people usually sleep. So, sorry for ignoring you earlier. Can you tell us about your family, if you would?

SEPHIROTH: Well, I don't know my parents, but I do have a brother named Lavos, and 2 sons. And a daughter.

STAN: Interesting! Are you working on anything lately?

SEPHIROTH: Well, I am going to preform in the superbowl, and I'm also having a party in a week. Have I invited you yet? I didn't think I did..

SEPHIROTH: Hello? {Pokes Stan.}

VINDICATOR: Boomer brand Horse Laxatives? Who pays you?