Zippy Emails/emails/28

Overview

Zippy Email #28: band

Zippy has fond memories of his old band and tries to get it going again.

Transcript

ZIPPY: {to the tune of "Tritsch Tratsch Polka"} Email! Email! Send me a good email! Email! Email! And not some crappy spam!

subject: Band name?

Dear Zippo,
Have you ever been in a band?
I seem to recall a certain "ZIP HAWK AND THE PADS", and you look a awful lot like one of their members
Love,

SURPRISE SURPRISE A GIRL

{Zippy reads the whole email as one sentence, losing its rhythm near the end.}

ZIPPY: {typing} You're asking if I've ever been in a band? Of course I have! In fact, it's called- oh, wait. You know about it already. {clears screen} But to those of you who didn't go to college at Anytown U, I was in a band. We called ourselves "Zip Hawk and the Pads". I have no idea why we called ourselves that, much less why we decided to use "the Pads". What a dumb name. But we were pretty popular around the campus. {speaking} Now I don't know about you, but I think it's time- it's time- it's time for a rippling flashback!

{Flashback: the campus of Anytown U. Zippy and his band are playing, and hundreds of students are cheering.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} Ah, those were the days. It's like just yesterday that I was belting out another jam about how tortured I was inside. Hooray for grunge!

{End flashback.}

ZIPPY: {typing} Man, man. Those were good times. Dare I say... grood times? Yeah, it feels like it's been forever... hey! Idea time! {speaking} I should get the band back together! That would be all kinds of awesome!

{Zippy leaves his room.}

{Cut: Zippy's backyard. Zippy, Monroe (a green duck in a fur hat), Kooky, and Aruseus are there.}

ZIPPY: Hey, guys! How's it going with you?

ARUSEUS: ... I didn't even go to college with you!

ZIPPY: Yeah, I know. You're only here because {mocking} Leonard {normal} decided not to show up. He's too busy with his... ladies.

MONROE: Well, why don't we have ladies? I mean, I'm the guitarist! I deserve ladies!

ZIPPY: Oh, we'll get ladies. We'll get ladies all the time.

KOOKY: ... So, are we going to, you know, play any music?

ZIPPY: I guess. Count us off, Aruman!

ARUSEUS: One! Two! Three! Hit it!

{The four start to play--which results in a cacophony of noise.}

ZIPPY: Hold- hold on, you guys!

{The noise stops.}

ZIPPY: Alright, we've hit a snag. It looks like none of us have remembered how to play our instruments.

MONROE: Well, we can learn, right?

ZIPPY: Yeah, maybe... but can we learn before the {falsetto} BATTLE OF THE BA-A-A-ANDS!

KOOKY: Wait, what?

ARUSEUS: Battle of the Bands?

ZIPPY: Yeah, I signed us guys up preemptively. It's tomorrow.

MONROE: ... Dangit! This is why we broke up the band!

ZIPPY: Really? I just thought it was because the grunge movement was over-

KOOKY: Because you're too impulsive!

ZIPPY: That may be, but... we're awesome. We can learn if we set our sights on it!

ARUSEUS: Zippy's right! If we put our minds on it, we can definitely win!

KOOKY: ... I don't really want to trust you. You did, after all, go back in time and try to kill Zip over here-

ZIPPY: {angrily} We don't talk about those emails!

{Pause.}

ZIPPY: ... Count us off, Aruman!

{Cut: the Battle of the Bands. Zippy and the others are backstage.}

ZIPPY: Alright, my bromides! We're up next!

KOOKY: ... Did you call me a liquid non-metal?

ZIPPY: Stop- stop being smart.

MONROE: I think we're ready... I think.

ARUSEUS: Yeah! Let's do this!

ANNOUNCER: {offscreen} Coming up next, it's... Zip Hawk and the Pads!

{The crowd starts cheering.}

ARUSEUS: The Pads?!

ZIPPY: Don't ask me.

{The curtain rises and Zippy walks up to the front of the stage.}

ZIPPY: {yelling} Are you ready to rock?

{The crowd cheers in response.}

ZIPPY: {yelling louder} I said are you ready... to rock?!

{The crowd cheers even louder.}

ZIPPY: {yelling in falsetto} ARE YOU READY TO RO-

RANDOM BRIT: {offscreen} Get on with it!

ZIPPY: Alright, alright.

ARUSEUS: One! Two! Three! ROCK IT!

{The band plays and, yet again, it makes a cacophony of sound. The crowd starts cheering.}

ARUSEUS: Wow! They like us!

KOOKY: But... how?

ZIPPY: I think I can explain that...

{The camera pans up to show a banner reading "Battle of the Bands - Indie Rock Version!".}

{Cut: Zippy's Bedroom. Zippy walks in and sits down at his computer.}

ZIPPY: {typing} Well, a girl, that was my band. We didn't win the battle, though. We were beat by some guy with a triangle and a sheep with a contrabassoon. Oh, well. {speaking} That's it. Go home.

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