The SkullB Show/37

Overview

Episode 37: The Wizard of Decentville

Season Finale

After a conk on the head, Casey finds herself in another land...

CAST: Number Two, Jerry, SkullB, Casey, Munchkins 1 and 2, Fran, Lucy, Chernobog, Wizard/Zippy

PLACES: The Lab, The SkullB House, an old house, a magical land, a forest, a witch's castle, the Wizard's castle

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: the Lab.}

NUMBER TWO: This is the big season finale?! I thought we were going to have a kick-awesome battle sequence to the death and such! What the hell?

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: At least we have a movie coming up.

{Cue opening theme.}

{Cut: the SkullB House. Jerry and SkullB are on the roof, replacing tiles.}

SKULLB: I hate re-tiling the roof. It's so boring!

JERRY: Do you want me to push you off? That'd be exciting.

SKULLB: ... Let's tile the roof!

JERRY: That's better. Now hand me the hammer.

SKULLB: One hammer coming up!

{SkullB grabs the hammer. Down below, Casey walks out of the house holding a tray of drinks.}

CASEY: Hey, who's thirsty?

SKULLB: {drops hammer} Ooh! I am!

{The hammer falls off the roof and onto Casey's head. She collapses, unconscious. Jerry and SkullB quickly climb down the ladder.}

JERRY: Casey!

SKULLB: Aww. She spilled my drinks.

{Pause. Jerry glares at SkullB.}

SKULLB: Oh, yeah. Casey!

{Zoom in on Casey. Suddenly, the screen ripples as the scene turns into that of a bed, which Casey is lying in. Everything is in sepia tone, and Casey is wearing an old-fashioned dress. She wakes up to find herself in an old house.}

CASEY: The... the hell just happened? Where am I?

{The room starts to shake as outside, a tornado forms.}

CASEY: ... That's not good.

{The tornado approaches with considerable speed and, before Casey can leave the room, the house is engulfed in wind. Casey looks out the window and sees flying by a cow, her mother in a rocking chair, and Assistant--dressed as a witch and sitting atop a broom.}

ASSISTANT: Nyeah heh heh heh!

{After a bit, the house finally lands. Casey steps out to see a wondrous land with a yellow paved road and lollipops shooting up from the ground.}

CASEY: ... I don't think I'm in Decentville any more.

{As Casey leaves the house, she spies a pair of legs under it.}

CASEY: Ahh! I think I killed the man-witch!

{Pause.}

CASEY: I don't think he'd mind me taking his shoes. They look nice!

{Small men walk over to Casey.}

CASEY: Oh hell, dwarves! I don't want your bread!

MUNCHKIN 1: Bread? What do you mean?

CASEY: ... What are you?

MUNCHKIN 2: Why, we're the Munchkins!

CASEY: You're delicious donut balls?

MUNCHKIN 2: ... Did you hit your head or something, lady?

MUNCHKIN 1: Nevertheless, we're here to welcome you to the magical land of... well, we can't say, due to copyright reasons.

MUNCHKIN 2: We even had to change our name to the Fraternity of the Sucker! Do you know how hard that is to rhyme with? Do you?

CASEY: You could always say f-

MUNCHKIN 1: Hey! Children are watching!

CASEY: Oh, sorry.

MUNCHKIN 1: So, what brings you here, o bosomed one?

CASEY: ... I'll ignore that remark and just tell you I crash landed here. What I want is to get back home.

MUNCHKIN 1: Really?

MUNCHKIN 2: That can be arranged! You just need to ask the Wizard!

CASEY: The what?

MUNCHKIN 2: The wonderful Wizard of Decentville!

CASEY: Okay, let me just take a guess... do I follow the yellow brick road by chance?

MUNCHKIN 1: No, they're still building it. The blue brick road works too.

CASEY: Oh, alright.

MUNCHKIN 2: Now go on, our well-endowed friend! Go and-

CASEY: If you could stop talking about my boobs for a bit, that would be nice.

MUNCHKIN 2: Oh, sorry. It's hard living in a community made up of only males.

CASEY: I see. Well, I'll be headed off now. Goodbye!

{Casey skips off.}

{Cut: down the blue brick road. Casey skips past a cornfield. Suddenly, she hears a voice.}

????: Ouch! Hey, quit it! Stop that!

CASEY: What the hell?

{Casey looks into the cornfield to see Fran, dressed like a scarecrow. She is being pecked by a crow.}

FRAN: Stop! I'll tell on you!

CASEY: Excuse me... what's wrong?

FRAN: What do you think is wrong?

CASEY: Uh-

FRAN: I'm not a good enough scarecrow!

CASEY: So the pecking doesn't bother you?

FRAN: Not as much as you'd think.

CASEY: Oh, alright. Listen, I'm going to see a wizard. Would you know anything about him?

FRAN: Oh, the Wizard! ... But how would I know anything? I don't even have a brain.

CASEY: Really?

FRAN: Yeah... I've always wanted a brain. In fact, I was planning to set off to the Wizard's place to ask him for one. Problem is, I don't know the way!

CASEY: Oh. Bye, then.

{Casey starts to leave.}

FRAN: W-wait! Don't leave!

CASEY: Hm?

FRAN: Can you take me with you?

CASEY: Why? You seem like a bit of a burden to me.

FRAN: That's not true! I can... keep birds away!

CASEY: I could walk near one and scare it away. Face it, I'm not even a scarecrow and I'm better off than you.

FRAN: Well... fine. I'll go with you anyway.

CASEY: What?

FRAN: I'll just follow you!

CASEY: Ugh...

{Casey walks off. Fran skips behind her.}

{Cut: a forested area. Casey and Fran walk onto the scene.}

CASEY: Look, scarecrow. If you could quit following me that'd be preferable.

FRAN: Hey, I'm just headed the same way as you! It's not my fault!

CASEY: Whatever.

{Pause.}

CASEY: What's that metal thing?

{Pan over to show a silver Skullbuggy.}

CASEY: Hel... hello?

SKULLB: {strained} Can you... help me out, lady?

CASEY: Ahh! It talks!

SKULLB: Yeah, jerk. Now hand me some motor oil!

{Casey grabs a can of oil from the ground and pours it into SkullB's mouth. SkullB starts to move again.}

SKULLB: Ah, that's better! Geez, I thought I'd be stuck like that forever and put in a "modern art" museum!

CASEY: And you are...

SKULLB: Why, I'm the Tin Man! To be honest, I'm really made of titanium. But nobody's going to know.

CASEY: ... Cool. Can you show me the way to the Wizard?

SKULLB: ... The Wizard?

CASEY: Yeah, Solid Snake. Now tell me where he is!

SKULLB: I'll tell you where he is... only if you bring me with you!

CASEY: {groans} Fine. I'll take you.

SKULLB: Woo-hoo! I've always wanted a heart!

CASEY: Great. So where's the Wizard at?

SKULLB: You know how I said I know where he is?

CASEY: ...

SKULLB: I don't. {laughs} Funniest thing, huh?

CASEY: ... Just come with me.

SKULLB: Nice!

{The three walk down the path.}

{Cut: a sinister-looking castle. Inside the castle, a woman in witch robes sits at a throne.}

????: Bubble, bubble; toil and trouble... oh, wait. Wrong movie.

{Chernobog flies into the room.}

CHERNOBOG: Hello, milady! How goes the witchery?

{The witch looks up at Chernobog. It turns out to be Lucy.}

LUCY: What is it? I'm very busy!

CHERNOBOG: Busy doing what?

LUCY: That's not important. What is of importance is something I just found out. A girl not of this world has just arrived in our world... and she possesses the shoes!

{Musical sting.}

CHERNOBOG: Not the shoes!

{Another musical sting.}

CHERNOBOG: What do the shoes do?

LUCY: I thought I went over this in the pamphlet. Look, the shoes owned by the Wicked Man-witch of the West have a magical power to them--the power to grant wishes. Now that the Man-Witch is dead, the girl can use the boots. It's a good thing she doesn't know what they do, huh?

CHERNOBOG: Yeah!

LUCY: Alright, Chernobog. I want you to get the girl. And whoever's with her, preferably!

CHERNOBOG: Yes, ma'am!

{Chernobog flies away.}

{Cut: the forest. The three are still skipping down the path.}

SKULLB: Why are we skipping?

CASEY: I don't know. I think there's something in the air.

{Casey giggles.}

SKULLB: You humans and your susceptibility to drugs. Us robots need magnets.

{Suddenly, Fran trips over something on the ground.}

FRAN: Ouch! What was that?

{Pan down. Jerry is lying on the ground in the fetal position. He looks almost like a lion.}

JERRY: Oh, no! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

CASEY: ... A lion?

JERRY: I'm sorry for tripping your friend!

CASEY: My friend? She followed me.

JERRY: I'm still sorry!

CASEY: Yeah, shut up. Listen, if you want to come with me, say it now. I'm headed to the Wizard's place.

JERRY: ... Really? Oh, that would be great! ... Oh, sorry! I can't believe I didn't introduce myself! I'm, uh... I'm the Cowardly Lion.

CASEY: Cool. Can we go now?

JERRY: Okay.

{The four start skipping off.}

JERRY: Ugh, this is just setting people up for furry fanfiction. Buh.

{Suddenly, Chernobog swoops down and grabs Casey.}

CASEY: Eeeek!

CHERNOBOG: I've got you, little girl!

{Pause.}

CHERNOBOG: So yeah, can you guys just stay here so I can get you guys too? It's gonna be a bit so make yourself at home. Thanks.

{Chernobog flies off with Casey.}

{Cut: the Witch's Castle. Chernobog flies into the castle, carrying SkullB. Chernobog seems tired.}

CHERNOBOG: Ugh... Jesus! It's like carrying a house.

LUCY: Ah-hah! You're here!

CASEY: Yeah, cool. So what do you want from me?

LUCY: The boots. Give them here!

CASEY: What? No way! These are good boots! They're ruby-encrusted!

LUCY: I'll- I'll buy them from you.

CASEY: How much?

LUCY: I'll give you the castle.

CASEY: Ehh. Nope. It's too grimy.

LUCY: R-really?

CASEY: Nope.

LUCY: Oh, dang.

JERRY: Uh, guys?

LUCY: How about my minion?

CHERNOBOG: Hey!

JERRY: Guys?

CASEY: Are you kidding? There's no way I'd buy that flying monkey from you.

LUCY: Oh. Really? He can make a good mojito.

CASEY: Oh, really? Maybe I'll-

JERRY: I'm going to- going to- aaaaah-CHOO!

{Jerry sneezes all over Lucy. Lucy starts to bubble and smoke.}

LUCY: What the... no! No way!

CASEY: What did you do, lion-boy?

LUCY: No! No!

{Lucy starts to melt.}

LUCY: I'm melting! I'm melting! Oh, cruel irony! Ohhh, no! Adieu, adieu! Parting is such sweet sorrow! Goodnight, sweet-

CASEY: Can it and melt already!

LUCY: Fine.

{Lucy finishes melting. Casey looks at the puddle.}

CASEY: And to think... I could have had a bartender demon.

FRAN: Well. I guess we should get going.

CASEY: Yeah, I think we should.

{Cut: a large, emerald-green castle. The four friends walk up to the door. Suddenly, from through a slot in the door, a pair of eyes shine in the darkness.}

NUMBER TWO: Who goes there?

CASEY: A girl and some misfits. We want to see the Wizard.

SKULLB: Hey! Who's the misfit here?

NUMBER TWO: No can do! Nobody sees the Wizard--no way, no how!

CASEY: Why the hell not?

NUMBER TWO: ... Because!

CASEY: Really? ... Tin Man, knock the door down.

NUMBER TWO: Wait, wh-

{SkullB blasts the door down. Number Two gets up from under the door.}

NUMBER TWO: Go... go ahead.

{The four walk into the castle. Inside is a large pit of fire. Above it is a massive floating head.}

WIZARD: Hello... you four.

CASEY: Hey. Can you help us out?

WIZARD: Of course not!

CASEY: Wait... huh?

WIZARD: Whatever you heard? It's a lie! I don't grant wishes at all!

CASEY: ... You son of a b-

JERRY: Excuse me?

WIZARD: What is it?

JERRY: I really need a bathroom right now...

WIZARD: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

{Jerry walks over to a small curtain. He pulls it over to show Zippy at a computer.}

ZIPPY: Uh... {in a microphone, in the Wizard's voice} Pay no attention to the monotreme behind the curtain!

CASEY: You... you're the Wizard?

ZIPPY: Yeah, you got me.

CASEY: Get out here!

{Zippy crawls out from the small room.}

ZIPPY: Alright, what do you want?

CASEY: I want to leave!

JERRY: I want courage!

SKULLB: I want a heart!

FRAN: I want a brain!

ZIPPY: Wow. You guys sure have high standards. Tell you what, let me give you some stuff.

{Zippy reaches into his hiding-hole. He pulls out a bag.}

ZIPPY: Now, Scarecrow... What you want is a brain, right?

FRAN: Yep!

ZIPPY: Well who needs a brain when you have oodles of cash?

{Zippy reaches into the bag and grabs a wad of hundred-dollar bills. He gives the money to Fran.}

ZIPPY: Now you can have people think for you!

FRAN: Wow! It's working already!

ZIPPY: And Tin Man... You want a heart?

SKULLB: Yes, already!

ZIPPY: Take this book!

{Zippy reaches into the bag and pulls out a book labelled "Sympathy for Robots". He hands it to SkullB.}

ZIPPY: This should help!

SKULLB: How come she got money? I got gypped.

ZIPPY: And the Cowardly Lion... you need courage. Here's a gun!

{Zippy hands Jerry a pistol.}

JERRY: Wow! I feel the courage oozing into my blood!

ZIPPY: Good, we're done here!

CASEY: Hold on a damn second! What about me?

ZIPPY: Oh. Right. Well, you have those boots, right?

CASEY: Mm-hmm!

ZIPPY: Click them together and say "There's no place like home". That should work.

CASEY: ... You're {oh my goodness}ing me.

ZIPPY: Just do it!

CASEY: Alright.

{Casey starts to click her heels together.}

CASEY: There's no place like home! There's no place like home!

{Pause.}

CASEY: Get me the hell out of here!

{Suddenly, she disappears. The screen fades to white.}

{Fade in: the Living Room. Casey is on the couch, unconscious. Jerry, Fran and SkullB are there. Casey wakes up.}

JERRY: Casey! You're alright!

CASEY: Oof...

SKULLB: Are you alright?

CASEY: I had the most terrible dream... and you {points to Fran} were there! {points to SkullB} And you! {points to Jerry} And you!

JERRY: ... So, what? Are you okay?

CASEY: I've got a hell of a headache.

SKULLB: Everything turned out alright!

{Everyone laughs except Casey. Casey groans. Suddenly, SkullB starts to fizzle. A shock of electricity shoots through his body and his wheels turn into limbs.}

SKULLB: ... HOLY S-

{Cue credits}