Celebrity Deathmatch/1

Overview

Episode 1: Mario vs. Sonic

What better way to start off a series than with the most requested fight of all time? Join announcers Skullbuggy and Zippy, referee Ned, and special guest Angry Dragon in the first edition of Celebrity Deathmatch!

CAST: Zippy, Skullbuggy, Ned, Mario, Sonic, Angry Dragon

Transcript

{Open: a boxing ring. In the announcer's booth, Zippy and Skullbuggy sit.}

SKULLB: Hey, all! Welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch!

ZIPPY: I'm Zippy P. Platypus-

SKULLB: -and I'm Skully B.

ZIPPY: Today we've got a great fight for y'all out there! It's a classic matchup!

SKULLB: But we'll let the ref tell you all about it. How about it, Ned?

{Cut: the ring. Ned is there, in a referee outfit.}

NED: Thanks, Skully. In the red corner, we have the original himself. He's been around since Nintendo first started making games, and he's stuck with it ever since. Give it up for the Prince of Plumbing, the Man in Red... Mario!

{Pan over. Mario hops into the ring. The audience cheers.}

MARIO: It's-a me! Mario!

NED: Yeah, we've heard it before. Anyhow... in the blue corner, we have Mario's bitter rival. He first ran onto the scene at the speed of light when the Genesis was made. He's the Speed Demon, the Blue Dude with Attitude... Sonic the Hedgehog!

{Sonic runs into the arena and jumps onto the ring. Many people cheer.}

SONIC: Hey hey hey! Sonic's the name, speed's my g-

MARIO: Shove a sock in it, spine-boy!

SONIC: Who're you calling spine-boy, you mushroom-munching mental midget?

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Ooh! The smack talk's already started! Nice alliteration coming from Sonic.

SKULLB: {offscreen} And how's Mario gonna react to that?

MARIO: Please! I've been around longer than you!

SONIC: And? The kiddies love me! I'm hip! I'm appealing! I'm-

MARIO: Quit stroking your ego. All the games after Sonic 3 blew!

SONIC: But- I- but- Oooh, you'll pay for that!

MARIO: Come get me! Or... is your camera messing up on you again?

SONIC: Rrrrraaaaah!

{Sonic curls up into a ball and flies at Mario. Mario swiftly hops out of the way.}

SKULLB: {offscreen} Yikes! That was close!

{Mario tosses a fireball at Sonic, hitting him. Sonic uncurls from his ball and starts hopping on one foot.}

SONIC: Aaaah! Hot foot! Hot foot!

{Mario runs over to Sonic and delivers an uppercut to the face. Sonic is thrown into the corner post. As soon as he fell, however, Sonic gets up and charges at Mario, knocking him down.}

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Nice comeback from Sonic!

{Sonic runs over to Mario aas he gets up. Sonic then starts running in a circle around Mario. After a few seconds, Mario gets dizzy and starts stumbling around. Sonic smirks, and delivers a right hook to Mario's stomach. Mario is knocked back quite a bit, but he recovers from the dizziness. Mario suddenly hops off of the ring.}

ZIPPY: {offscreen} What is Mario doing now?

{Mario jumps back onto the ring, now holding an impressive metal hammer.}

SKULLB: {offscreen} Yikes! It's the hammer!

ZIPPY: {offscreen} If Mario's successful, Sonic's going to be sore tomorrow.

{Mario rushes at Sonic with the hammer. Sonic quickly spin-dashes out of the way. Mario keeps chasing Sonic, and Sonic keeps dashing away. Eventually, Mario gets tired and drops his hammer. Sonic, seeing his chance, jumps on top of Mario and, using his feet, slams Mario into the ground. Sonic does a backflip off of Mario's back and lands on his feet, impressively. The crowd cheers.}

SONIC: That's right! I'm the master!

{While Sonic showboats, Mario slowly gets up. He grabs his hammer, runs up behind Sonic, and smashes him in the back of the head. Sonic falls over.}

MARIO: Yeeeeah! Who's the winner now, hmm?

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Did you see that?!

SKULLB: {offscreen} Oh, I did. And now I feel like throwing up.

ZIPPY: {offscreen} I'd think that after that, anybody would.

{Sonic slowly gets up, only to have Mario hammer him in the face again. Sonic gets up once more, and is hammered again. Suddenly, Sonic grabs Mario's legs and pulls them out from underneath him. Mario falls over, and Sonic starts charging a spin-dash. Mario starts to get up, and Sonic spin-dashes right into Mario, throwing him into the side of the ring. Mario gets up to see Sonic spinning right at him. Suddenly, a bell rings.}

NED: That's round one, everybody! You two split it up and rest up for the next round.

ZIPPY: And with that, the round's over. Right now, the fighters are resting up.

{The bell rings again.}

SKULLB: And the fight starts once more!

{Mario starts by grabbing an item from his pocket. Suddenly, his clothes turn to a white and red color.}

'ZIPPY: {offscreen} Wow! It's the Fire Flower!

SKULLB: {offscreen} If this was a real fight, that wouldn't be allowed. But this is Celebrity Deathmatch! Anything goes!

{Sonic, likewise, grabs an item from somewhere. He suddenly turns to a bright yellow.}

ZIPPY: {offscreen} It's Super Sonic!

SKULLB: {offscreen} I'd be tempted to make a joke about 9000 but I'm not.

SONIC: Now I'll show you!

{Sonic zooms at Mario. Mario charges a fireball in his hands. The two collide and the ring is set ablaze with an explosion. When the dust settles, it is shown that both of them are back to normal, lying on the ring.}

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Yikes! That was intense! I wonder--who's the winner?

{A few seconds pass. Suddenly, Sonic starts to get up.}

SKULLB: {offscreen} It's Sonic! Sonic wins!

SONIC: I... knew I could beat him!

ZIPPY: {offscreen} A sad day for Nintendo fans everywhere. Looks like the Brawl cameo wasn't good enough for ol' Sonic, was it?

NED: Sonic wins!

{Ned hands a belt to Sonic.}

NED: So, Sonic. How are you feeling?

SONIC: On the verge of a concussion, Jon!

NED: Ned.

SONIC: What... whatever.

{Sonic collapses.}

ZIPPY: So now that Sonic is down, what do we do with Mario?

SKULLB: Bring out the Angry Dragon!

{A large, red dragon walks onto the ring.}

SKULLB: How you feeling, Angry Dragon?

ANGRY DRAGON: ANGRY!

ZIPPY: Good! Now, for the punishment!

{Angry Dragon grabs Mario with his tail, tosses him up into the air, and catches him in his mouth. Angry Dragon promptly eats Mario.}

SKULLB: Yikes! They call it deathmatch for a reason, don't they?

ZIPPY: They sure do. Thanks for watching, everyone! Join us next time for the second battle--Scorpion vs. Subzero!

SKULLB: Good night, everyone!