The SkullB Show/25

Overview

Episode 25: Bother-in-Law

Season Premiere

Casey's mother comes to visit.

CAST: SkullB, Jerry, Casey, Hannah

PLACES: The Living Room, the Dining Room, Jerry's Room

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: the Living Room. SkullB, Jerry and Casey are, as normal, sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: Can you believe it? This is our twenty-fifth episode!

JERRY: What gets me is that they liked us enough to give us a fourth season.

CASEY: Figures. If a network's got this one show that everyone loves, you know they'll be milking it for all its worth.

JERRY: So that explains how The Simpsons got a twentieth season?

SKULLB: Buh-zing.

{Cue new theme song, available for listening here. This is the last new theme song. I promise.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry and SkullB are on the couch.}

SKULLB: You know, we need merchandising.

JERRY: I'm sorry, what?

SKULLB: You know! T-Shirts! Like one that says, "breaking the fourth wall, one brick at a time", or something like that! We'll sell like three of them on Cafepress!

JERRY: ... That's a terrible idea!

{The phone rings.}

JERRY: I've got it.

{Jerry picks up the phone.}

JERRY: Hello-

WOMAN: {on phone} Hello? Is this the Harris residence?

JERRY: Um, wh-

WOMAN: {on phone} Get me Casey!

JERRY: Okay, okay!

{Jerry puts his hand over the speaker of the phone.}

JERRY: CASEY! It's for you!

CASEY: {offscreen} Okay, hold on!

{Casey runs down the stairs.}

CASEY: Who is it?

JERRY: Some... screaming woman?

CASEY: Oh, that must be my mom!

JERRY: Wh-

{Casey picks up the phone.}

CASEY: {on the phone} Oh, hey, Mom! How's it going? ... That's great! I'm glad you finally settled down. ... Oh, him? That's Jerry. He's my husband. ... Oh, I didn't tell you, did I? We just got married! Isn't that great? ... Yeah, I know!

JERRY: Uh, how long are you going to-

CASEY: SHH! {on the phone} Sorry, Jerry was being stupid. ... Oh, you want to come over and visit? Sure! ... Yeah, Sunday's fine! See you then!

{Casey hangs up.}

CASEY: Guess what, everyone?

SKULLB: Your mother's coming to visit?

CASEY: Yeah... I guess you all knew that, seeing as I was in the same... room... but that's beside the point! Mom's coming over to visit, and there's nothing you can do about it.

JERRY: {weakly} ... Mom?

CASEY: And that means she's your Mom too, Jerry. So behave like she is.

JERRY: ... Okay.

{Casey leaves the room. Jerry slumps down onto the couch.}

SKULLB: Ahahaha, the old in-laws! I feel for you, Jerry.

JERRY: How would you know? You're not married.

SKULLB: Man, I've seen enough sitcoms to know. So anywho, sorry about the in-law thing, man!

JERRY: I don't know... I mean, I've never met the woman. How should I know how to act?

SKULLB: Never met her? {laughs} That's the first thing you need to do before dating a girl!

JERRY: And how would you know?

SKULLB: Sitcoms, man. Sitcoms.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Whatever happened to Fran? I haven't heard from her in a long time.

{Cut: Club Med. Fran is sitting on a pool chair in front of the pool.}

FRAN: What? I need some time alone.

{Cut: the Living Room.}

SKULLB: Thanks, cutaway!

JERRY: Gh-

{Cut: the Living Room, the next day. SkullB is sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: Sittin' pretty with a kitty-

{The doorbell rings.}

SKULLB: I'll get it!

{SkullB opens the door. Standing there is a tall woman with red hair and a green dress.}

SKULLB: ... And you are?

???: I should be asking you that.

SKULLB: No, you shouldn't. I own this house.

???: I could have sworn it was my little girl who owns this house!

SKULLB: ... Are you Casey's mom?

???: Yes, yes I am.

SKULLB: Well, I didn't know that Casey's mom was such a fox! Mroowr!

{Casey's mother kicks SkullB in the stomach-analogue.}

SKULLB: OUCH.

???: Just let me in, little man.

SKULLB: YES SIR.

{Casey's mom kicks SkullB again.}

SKULLB: MA'AM! YES MA'AM!

{Casey's Mom walks in.}

???: Casey! CASEY!

CASEY: Coming, Mom!

{Casey runs down the stairs and hugs her mother.}

CASEY: It's been so long!

???: Aye, that it's been.

{Jerry walks into the room.}

JERRY: Casey, where are the OreoooOOOH GOD NO.

???: Oh? Who's this?

JERRY: ... Jerry, ma'am. I take it you're...

???: Hannah Harris. Call me Mom!

JERRY: Ah. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Harris. I mean Mom.

HANNAH: So you're my little girl's special man, eh? Good on you!

JERRY: Th- thanks. I guess.

HANNAH: What's wrong, son? Am I intimidating?

JERRY: Yep. A little bit.

HANNAH: I love a man who knows his place! {to Casey} Oh, Casey, you chose the right man!

SKULLB: I live here too, by the by.

HANNAH: So, Casey, who's the dog?

SKULLB: Dog?!

CASEY: That's Skully. He's our live-in roommate. Or pet. Whatever.

HANNAH: He's got a mouth on him, he does. You know what he did when he got the door?

CASEY: He hit on you?

HANNAH: ... Yes. How'd you know?

CASEY: He's a bit predictable.

SKULLB: Now I see where Casey's good looks come from! Ah-cha-cha-cha-cha!

{Casey kicks SkullB.}

SKULLB: Stop kicking me! Jesus!

HANNAH: Aye, it's nice to be here. Mind if I stay over for a bit? I just want to see how you all live your lives, see if my baby chose the right man.

JERRY: Wow. That's... unsettling.

HANNAH: So, what's for dinner?

{Cut: the Dining Room. Everyone is at the table, eating. Hannah is staring at Jerry all the while.}

SKULLB: So... I'm trying to date. I found this one girl, and I think we're pretty compatible.

JERRY: R-really?

SKULLB: Really. Her name's Ginger, and she's nice enough.

JERRY: ... Yep.

SKULLB: Jerry, are you okay?

JERRY: ... Heh! I'm fine! Couldn't... couldn't be better.

SKULLB: Uh-huh.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: So how's the pasta, Mrs. H?

HANNAH: Eh.

SKULLB: Really? Jerry made-

JERRY: {whispering to SkullB} Heyheyheyheyhey! Ix-nay on the my-bad-cooking...may.

SKULLB: -the table! Isn't it nice?

HANNAH: Eh, I don't really like the color.

JERRY: {under his breath} Damnit damnit damnit.

{Cut: the Living Room, the next day. Everyone, including Casey's mom, is on the couch, watching TV.}

SKULLB: So, who wants to watch All-Girl Mud Wrestling? Huh? Huuuh?

JERRY: {coughs} Skully, maybe we should watch something other than mud wrestling?

SKULLB: Hey, I know how much you love mud wrestling!

JERRY: {coughs very heavily} Skully! Let's watch... a movie or something.

SKULLB: Alright, then. How about American Pie, huh?

JERRY: {hacking} No. No. No. How about something more... appropriate.

SKULLB: Well if you don't want to watch anything fun, I'm out. See you when you grow a pair.

{SkullB walks off.}

{Cut: Jerry's Room. Casey's mom is in there, going through Jerry's things.}

HANNAH: Ah, what is this now?

{Jerry walks in.}

JERRY: ... What are you doing here?!

HANNAH: Looking through your things.

JERRY: Why?

HANNAH: Listen, I want my baby girl to have a good husband, and I won't have one who makes a bad influence. Speaking of which... what is this?

{Pan over to show a silhouette of Casey's mom holding up a magazine while Jerry looks in horror.}

JERRY: OH GOD NO- wait, what?

HANNAH: Wh- what is this? I don't know what it is.

JERRY: That's just my GameInformer. Why?

HANNAH: I meant the thing on the cover, what is it?

JERRY: That? That's just Mario. That plucky little plumber will always have a place in my heart.

HANNAH: Huh.

JERRY: Yep.

{Cut: the Garage. SkullB and Jerry are there, sitting down at a bench.}

JERRY: Skully, I'm in a rut right now.

SKULLB: So why are you in my room?

JERRY: I need some place to go to where Hannah won't find me.

SKULLB: Ah, that explains it. Now let it all out, what's bothering you?

JERRY: Well, m-

SKULLB: In-law's got you scared?

JERRY: Y-yeah.

SKULLB: Oh! Called it! ... But seriously, what's wrong?

JERRY: Ever since Hannah came to visit, I've been scared out of my wits. If she even sees so much as one thing that incriminates me, then she'll keep me and Casey apart!

SKULLB: Oh, I see. Well the best thing to do is to do some really nice things for Casey! I'm sure Hannah's going to be skewed in your favor after that!

JERRY: Here's hoping.

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey is sitting on the couch, as well as her mother.}

HANNAH: I've gotta say, Casey, you've married a strange man.

CASEY: Yeah, I know, but you gotta give him credit for his personality. He's nice!

HANNAH: Really.

{Jerry walks in.}

JERRY: Hey, Casey! Guess what I got us all?

CASEY: A good use of our time?

JERRY: Better! I got us all tickets to the Capitol Center! We're gonna go see the Phantom of the Opera!

CASEY: Wow! How... cultured of you!

{SkullB runs in.}

SKULLB: I HEARD OPERA.

JERRY: Yeah, um... Casey, Mom and I are going to go see the Phantom of the Opera.

CASEY: Uh, Jerry? To be honest? I'd rather not go.

JERRY: ... Oh. So, Mom, you wanna come with?

HANNAH: Sure, why not?

JERRY: Okay, then. So that means...

SKULLB: I WANNA COME I WANNA COME!

{Pause.}

SKULLB: {singing} In sleep he saaaaang to me! In dreams he caaaaame!

{Cut: the Living Room, much later. Casey is sleeping on the couch. Suddenly, Jerry, Hannah and SkullB walk back into the house.}

CASEY: {yawns} Oh. You're back. How was the trip?

JERRY: Could be better. I mean, the show was good, but Skully just kept singing songs from the show in the car both ways. Do you know how irritating that gets?

CASEY: I can only guess...

HANNAH: I'm going to bed.

JERRY: Me too.

SKULLB: {singing} Past the point of noooo retuuuuurn...

{Cut: the Living Room, the next day. Casey is sitting on the couch with her mom, again.}

HANNAH: What was yesterday about?

CASEY: You know what I think? I think he's just trying to impress you.

HANNAH: Oh, he doesn't need to do that! I can already tell that he cares about you.

CASEY: Hm.

{Jerry walks into the room.}

JERRY: Guess who's going to the fair? Hm?

CASEY: No, not now.

JERRY: Wh- what?

CASEY: You don't have to impress her any more, Jerry. She's leaving soon.

JERRY: Uh... really?

HANNAH: That's right. I've got to leave soon, so this is goodbye for now.

JERRY: ... So, that means...

HANNAH: You pass, I guess! Casey chose the right boy!

JERRY: Oh, thank God! There was- there was so much pressure on me, and-

HANNAH: You know, I can accept the fact that you may be a bit... raunchy, sometimes. It's fine! As long as I know that you care for her, you're good in my book.

JERRY: ... Thanks.

HANNAH: Now I've gotta pack my bags. The plane to Ireland is leaving pretty soon.

{Hannah leaves the room.}

CASEY: See? You don't need to impress anyone!

JERRY: Well, why didn't you just up and tell me this stuff?

CASEY: Eh, I love seeing you being messed with.

JERRY: ... Really?

CASEY: Yeah.

{Pause.}

{SkullB runs in.}

SKULLB: Did somebody say fair? I wanna go to the fair!

{Cue credits.}