The SkullB Show/23

Overview

Episode 23: The Ex Factor

A high school reunion leads to a frightening series of events.

CAST: Lucy, Chernobog, Jerry, Casey, SkullB, Cody, Cassie, Masked Person, Officer Stein

PLACES: A Restaurant, the Living Room, a Comfort Inn, Casey's Room, Upstairs Hallway, the Lawn

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: a restaurant on the highway. Lucy and Chernobog are in there, eating.}

LUCY: Alright, after we finish, we've gotta get going. It's important we get to Decentville quickly.

CHERNOBOG: Alright! I just need to finish my burger!

LUCY: Yes... once I reach Decentville, fire will fall from the sky, the oceans will roar, the grass will wilt under my might, the winds will blow full-force, the very ground beneath me will tremble in fear, and I will open my mouth and sing the song that ends the earth! Gyahahahahahahaha!

CASHIER: Excuse me? Ma'am? Could you keep it down?

LUCY: Silence!

{Lucy snaps and the cashier bursts into flame.}

CASHIER: IT HURTS SO BADLY!

LUCY: That means I did it right!

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry is getting dressed up when Casey walks into the room.}

CASEY: Hey, hon. What're you getting dressed for?

JERRY: Uh... nothing. I just want to wear my good tuxedo.

CASEY: Jerry, both you and I know that you're terrible at lying.

JERRY: Yeah, you're right.

CASEY: So what's the deal?

JERRY: I'm going to a high school reunion. I'd rather you not come along.

CASEY: Why? Nothing's gonna hurt us, is it?

JERRY: No. I just don't want you to come. It's... important that you don't.

CASEY: What, is there something I shouldn't see? Like, the shattered lives of the people you once knew as friends?

JERRY: I'm leaving.

CASEY: And I'm coming with you.

JERRY: Ugh... fine. Just... lay low.

{The two leave. SkullB walks into the room soon after.}

SKULLB: Nobody's home! Again! Time to...

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Actually, I have absolutely nothing wacky planned today. Ehh. Guess I'll just watch TV or something.

{SkullB plops down on the couch and grabs the remote.}

{Cut: the high school reunion, located at a Comfort Inn. Jerry and Casey walk in.}

CASEY: See, it's not so bad here, Jerry!

JERRY: I can't believe you persuaded me to bring you along. Damn you and your womanly wiles.

{A man walks over to the couple.}

MAN: Jerry? Jerry Cohen?

JERRY: Excuse me? Do I know you?

MAN: It's me! Cody!

JERRY: Cody Swain? Really?

CODY: Yeah!

JERRY: It's been what, ten years?

CODY: Yeah! Great to see you again! ... So who's your lady friend?

JERRY: That's my wife, Casey. We met in college and we just got married!

CODY: Good on you! I haven't found the one, yet.

JERRY: Don't try to impress them, man. Be yourself--that's how I met the girl of my life!

CASEY: {giggles} Stop, Jerry! Seriously, stop. You're giving us all diabetes.

JERRY: So it's been great meeting up with you again!

CODY: Yeah, yeah. Well, I've gotta mosy on. The punch bowl is just waiting to be spiked!

{Cody walks off.}

CASEY: He seems like a nice guy! Albeit a bit... creepy, but nice!

JERRY: Yeah, he was a good friend of mine in high school.

CASEY: Is he the reason you didn't want me coming?

JERRY: Y-yeah. Sure.

{Jerry looks around the room. His focus rests on a woman near the punch bowl. Jerry seizes up and panics.}

JERRY: Well, uh, we came to the, uh, reunion! Heh heh heh, better get going! Heh!

CASEY: Oh, no we're not. We're going to stay until it's over.

JERRY: No, no, no, I insist!

CASEY: Spit it out, Jerry. Who's here that you don't want me seeing?

???: Jerry?

{Suddenly, a woman walks over to the couple.}

WOMAN: Jerry, is that you?

JERRY: Gh- bh- wh- duh-

WOMAN: Jerry, it's been so long. Why haven't we talked?

CASEY: Oh, Jerry? Who's this?

WOMAN: And who are you? I can't say Jerry's told me about you.

CASEY: Casey Cohen, charmed. And you?

CASSIE: Cassidy Rogers. Cassie's fine!

CASEY: ... Wow. That's odd.

CASSIE: What's odd?

CASEY: N- never mind. So, anyhow. How do you know Jerry?

CASSIE: Well... how can I put this lightly... I was a... friend of Jerry's back in high school.

CASEY: ... And that means?

CASSIE: I was... Jerry's... well... Jerry's girlfriend.

CASEY: Oh... oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Oh, is that why Jerry didn't want me here? {laughs}

CASSIE: Yeah, he always has been protective of his personal life. Kind of a dope, isn't he?

CASEY: Yeah, yeah. {to Jerry} What's the problem, Jerry? Cassie's not a bad person!

JERRY: Can we- can we go now? I'm feeling a bit- a bit under the weather.

CASEY: Chillax, man!

CASSIE: Hey, I'll get you guys some punch!

{Cassie leaves for the punch bowl.}

CASEY: Jerry, lighten up.

JERRY: You don't- you don't understand. She's- well, you- never mind. Let's just drink some punch and leave.

{Pan over to Cassie at the punch bowl.}

CASSIE: {to herself, quietly} So Jerry's got another bird in the nest... Well, if I can't have my sweet Jeremy, then nobody can... {cackles}

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB is sleeping on the couch when Jerry and Casey come back.}

CASEY: SkullB, we're home!

SKULLB: Gh- wh- what? Oh, oh. You're back.

JERRY: Yep.

SKULLB: Yep. ... Say, you know what's weird? You're a married couple, but I'm staying with you. Isn't that weird?

JERRY: We like to think of you as a pet.

{Cut: Casey's Room. She is sleeping. Suddenly, a crack of light illuminates the room. A silhouette of a human walks into the room. Close up on the person's hand, which is holding a large knife. The person walks up to Casey. Suddenly, the lights turn on. The person in the room is actually Jerry, sleepwalking. Casey bolts out of her bed and kicks the knife out of Jerry's hands. Said knife flies into the wall and sticks into it. Casey then kicks Jerry straight in the groin. Jerry keels over in pain and falls onto the floor.}

CASEY: Alright, knife man! What do you want with me?

JERRY: AAH! What the- ghk- AAH! Damnit that hurts! AAH!

CASEY: Hey, you were the one with the knife. I had to protect myself. What were you doing with it anyway?

JERRY: I think I was sleepwalking! AAH!

CASEY: Oh. OH. Sorry.

JERRY: How did you learn how to kick a knife out of my hands?

CASEY: Krav Maga is pretty useful in these kind of situations.

{Cut: the upstairs hallway. Casey is leaving her room and near the stairs when a masked person jumps out from behind her. The masked person creeps up behind Casey and takes out a small knife. Suddenly, Casey yawns and hits the masked person in the face with her elbow. Now hurt, the person stumbles around, clutching their face. Casey moves out of the way to head to the bathroom, and the masked person falls down the stairs.}

CASEY: Shut up down there! I have a hangover.

{Cut: the masked person standing outside of Casey's Room, holding a baseball bat, waiting for Casey to exit. Suddenly, the door opens. The masked person blindly swings at the person in the door, and it turns out to be SkullB. SkullB doesn't seem fazed.}

SKULLB: Jeez, you hit like a girl!

MASKED PERSON: W- wait. What were you doing in the girl's room?

SKULLB: Uh... would you be offended if I said "going through her clothes"?

MASKED PERSON: ... Slightly.

SKULLB: Oh. Well I was. Going through her clothes. Now get out of our house.

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey and SkullB are sitting on the couch. Suddenly, the door rings.}

CASEY: I'll get it.

{Casey goes to the door and opens it. The masked person from before is at the door. The masked man punches Casey and knocks her to the ground.}

SKULLB: Casey! Are you okay?

CASEY: Yeah, I'm... alright.

{The masked person brandishes a knife. Casey gets up and kicks the knife out of the masked person's hands and into her own. Casey then tosses the knife away and into SkullB's Head, which sticks.}

SKULLB: Ouch! I think you hit something!

{Cue this song.}

{Casey and the masked person start to brawl. Casey throws a few punches, which the masked person deftly avoids. The masked person then returns with a volley of punches, which all hit Casey. Casey ducks when the masked person punches again, and she follows up with a sweeping kick. The masked person falls over onto their stomach. Casey, seizing the opportunity, jumps onto the masked person's back and pins them onto the ground.}

CASEY: Now let's see who this really is!

{Casey pulls off the mask to reveal Cassie.}

CASEY: Cassie? Really?

CASSIE: I won't let you take my sweet Jerry!

{The two women then start to fight again. Cassie rolls around and the two start barrelling out the door. Outside, Casey jumps off of Cassie and grabs a branch from a nearby tree. Cassie does the same and the two start to stick-fight. Casey stabs at Cassie a few times before finishing off the combo with a swipe. The swipe knocks Cassie back, but she retorts with a couple jabs, all but one hitting Casey. Casey parries the last jab by rolling behind Cassie and making an upward slice. Cassie falls over, yet breaks her fall by rolling under Casey and knocking her off her feet. Cassie now jumps on Casey, still on the ground, and pins her down, holding her stick to Casey's neck.}

CASSIE: It's over, Casey.

CASEY: Not quite.

{Casey then kicks Cassie in the shin with a free leg and escapes from her clutches. Casey, taking an opportunity, runs behind Cassie and pins her down for good.}

CASEY: You're finished.

CASSIE: No! This can't be how it ends!

CASEY: {yelling} SkullB! Call the cops!

SKULLB: {offscreen} You've got it, girlfriend!

{Cut: the lawn, later. Some officers are taking Cassie away. Jerry, Casey and SkullB are also on the lawn.}

OFFICER STEIN: Attempted murder. Wow. Don't see that every day. How'd you do it, little lady?

CASEY: Like I said, Krav Maga really helps in these situations.

JERRY: See? This is why I didn't want you coming to the reunion! My ex-girlfriend was an over-protective psychopath. I was worried something like this would happen.

CASEY: And you didn't just tell me this?

JERRY: Eh, I didn't want you knowing I had an older girlfriend.

SKULLB: Well I can understand. That girl was crazy! Like, Gnarls Barkley crazy, not Britney Spears crazy.

CASEY: Either way, it all turned out well, didn't it?

JERRY: I guess. I mean, Cassie's in jail, so...

CASEY: It did! Let's all laugh about it!

{Everyone starts laughing. When everyone else stops, Casey just keeps laughing to the point of maniacal cackling.}

CASEY: GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA- What? What did I do?

{Cue credits.}

{Cut: the city limits of Decentville. Lucy and Chernobog are there, overlooking the town.}

LUCY: There it is, Chernobog. The city of Decentville. Isn't it just primed for destruction?

CHERNOBOG: Yeah, yeah. Is this really a good idea, though?

LUCY: Of course. It's a just cause--after all, they did kill the Prince of Darkness... and my husband!

!!!!!