The SkullB Show/19

Overview

Episode 19: Kicking the Habit

On a special episode of The SkullB Show, Jerry gets an addiction to the newest energy drink. SkullB and Casey take it upon themselves to intervene.

CAST: Fran, Zippy, SkullB, Jerry, Casey, Dr. Norton, an Owl

PLACES: Fran's House, Decentville Grocery, the Living Room, Casey's Room, the Garage, the Hospital

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: Fran's Living Room. Fran is sitting on the couch.}

FRAN: Can I get a line this episode? Please?

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Eat this pinecone!

{Zippy tosses a pinecone into Fran's lap.}

FRAN: Aw, cripes.

{Fran takes a bite out of the pinecone.}

FRAN: Mmmph! It hurts!

ZIPPY: {offscreen} Eat it! Eat it all!

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the Decentville Grocery. Jerry and SkullB are there. SkullB is carrying all the food in his back.}

SKULLB: How much longer do we have to be here? I'm running low on fuel!

JERRY: Just a little longer. Trust me.

{As SkullB and Jerry walk down the aisle, they pass a large display for a new energy drink. Jerry stops and starts to investigate.}

SKULLB: Uh, Jerry? Aren't we headed toward the checkout lane?

JERRY: Wait. What's this?

{As the camera zooms in on the display, an advertisement starts on the TV above it. Jerry looks up to see the ad.}

ANNOUNCER: Hey! YOU! You like energy, right?

JERRY: Y- yeah.

ANNOUNCER: And you like so much herbal supplements in your drinks that it causes your heart to stop, RIGHT?

JERRY: Yeah!

ANNOUNCER: Then you will THIRST!

{Pause.}

ANNOUNCER: For COUGAR ENERGY! The brand new energy drink with TWO SCOOPS! Of CAFFEINE!

JERRY: Wow. Two of them.

ANNOUNCER: It's enough energy to make you crap out your liver! AND THEN SOME!

JERRY: Tell me more!

ANNOUNCER: Once you stop talking to the television, get yourself some COUGAR ENERGY! Feel...

{Pause.}

ANNOUNCER: ...the COUGAR!

{A cougar jumps onto the TV screen with a snarl. The logo appears in front of it.}

JERRY: Holy wow. I gotta get me a can!

{Jerry grabs a can of Cougar Energy and puts it into his makeshift cart.}

SKULLB: Every second you waste here could go to me getting some booze in my system. That's how all robots work, you know.

{Cut: the van. Jerry is driving home, and SkullB is in the passenger's seat.}

SKULLB: What really gets me is that I'm a car riding in a car. Odd, isn't it?

{Jerry grabs the can of Cougar Energy and opens it.}

JERRY: {sniffs} WOO! That sure has a powerful odor to it.

SKULLB: You're lucky you have a nose.

JERRY: Welp... o'er the teeth and through the gums, watch out stomach, here-

SKULLB: Do it already, you wuss! You won't Feel the Cougar with rhymes!

{Jerry takes a swig of his energy drink. Suddenly, his pupils shrink and he starts to grin.}

JERRY: Woah. Woah-ho-ho-ho.

SKULLB: Man, are you okay?

JERRY: Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

SKULLB: Well, it's good to see you like it. I guess.

{Jerry starts to calm down. Small green fizzy bubbles float out of his head somehow.}

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB and Jerry walk into the house to see Casey on the couch.}

CASEY: Well, you're back! It's good to see you two out of the house for once.

JERRY: {quickly} I'm... I'm good. I'm fine. I'm better than ever!

{Jerry does a backflip and sticks it.}

SKULLB: Ooh, nice!

CASEY: Jerry? Are... are you okay?

JERRY: {quickly} Didn't you hear me the last time? I'm fine! I'm amazing! I'm swell, good man! Woo-hoo!

{Jerry starts to breakdance. He finishes off with a headspin.}

SKULLB: I think we've found a new backup dancer for Britney!

CASEY: Ooh, a pop culture reference! But- but that's beside the point. Jerry, what did you do that made you so... different?

JERRY: {quickly} Cougar Energy! It's a taste sensation, it's out of this world, it's fun... {slowing down} believe... able? {very slowly} I don't... feel... so...

{Jerry passes out.}

CASEY: Woah! Is- is he alright?

SKULLB: It's the crash. He had an energy drink, and--

CASEY: He's never had caffeine in his system before! Do you know what you've done?

SKULLB: Oh, he brought it upon himself. I had no say in it.

CASEY: Well, I guess we'll just leave him here until he wakes up.

{The two walk off, with Jerry still on the floor.}

{Cut: Casey's Room. Casey is asleep, apparently in her underwear. Suddenly, Jerry bursts into the room.}

CASEY: Ugh... AAH! Jerry, what the hell?

JERRY: {quickly} Went out and got some more Cougar Energy! Good idea! Got a whole case of it downstairs! Woo-hoo!

CASEY: Get out of my room!

JERRY: {quickly} Want some want some want some COUGAR ENERGY?

CASEY: What's wrong with you?

JERRY: {quickly} Nothing's wrong! I'm down like a clown, Charlie-

{Cut: a shot of the staircase leading to the Living Room. Jerry falls down the stairs, yet gets up as if nothing has happened.}

JERRY: {quickly} Nothing like some good bodily harm to start the day!

{Cut: the Garage. SkullB is sleeping there. Suddenly, Jerry runs in and jumps into the driver's seat.}

JERRY: {quickly} Heya, Skully old buddy old pal? Wanna go for a Sunday drive, hm?

SKULLB: AAAH! Wh- what the- what's going on?

JERRY: {quickly} Takin' a cruise down the countryside! Ah-cha-cha-cha-cha!

SKULLB: Oh what the hell?

{SkullB activates an ejector seat, launching Jerry out of him and into the ceiling.}

JERRY: {quickly} Woo-hoo! Head trauma!

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry is standing on his head on top of a keg marked "Cougar Energy KEGMEISTER". SkullB and Casey walk in.}

CASEY: Jerry! What are you doing?

JERRY: {very quickly} Gets the stuff into the bloodstream faster for a MAXIMUM BUZZ are you stupid or something I am getting so buzzed right now--Oh! There goes my arm.

{Jerry's left arm gives out and he falls off of the keg.}

JERRY: {very quickly} I think I'm having a heart attack I'm not certain no I am certain oh God oh God call a doctor please please GHRK-

{Jerry passes out.}

CASEY: Oh, God! He's having a heart attack!

SKULLB: A-duuhhh, really?

CASEY: Call 911! Call 911!

{Cut: the Decentville Hospital. Jerry is lying on a cot, pale and tired-looking. SkullB and Casey are there, as well as a doctor. Casey is crying.}

CASEY: {sniffs} Will- will he be okay?

DR. NORTON: Well, that depends. Would "cardiac arrest" be considered okay?

CASEY: Oh, God!

{Casey leans over onto SkullB's shoulder-analogue and starts wailing.}

SKULLB: Give it to us straight, doc. Will our boy be okay?

DR. NORTON: Well, due to a caffeine overdose, your friend went into cardiac arrest last night. We've been nursing him back to health in the meantime, so he should recover. However, he now has a deadly addiction. If he so much as touches caffiene one more time, he will' have another heart attack, possibly causing... death.

{Musical sting.}

SKULLB: Wow. That's harsh.

DR. NORTON: Yes. I implore you to keep him away from caffeine.

SKULLB: We'll try, doc.

DR. NORTON: Don't just try. DO.

JERRY: ... Doc?

DR. NORTON: Yes, Jeremy?

JERRY: ... Do you have... any energy drinks? I need... some energy...

{Dr. Norton sighs.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey, SkullB, Fran and Dr. Norton are there. Jerry walks into the room. Suddenly, confetti shoots off and a banner is revealed, reading "Suprise!"}

ALL: Surprise!

SKULLB: You have a problem.

JERRY: Wh- what is this?

SKULLB: It's your surprise intervention!

DR. NORTON: Listen, Jeremy. We need to stop you from hurting yourself.

FRAN: And the only way we know how to do it is to make you fraught with guilt!

CASEY: {holding back tears} You're hurting the ones you love, Jerry! Think of other people for a chance!

FRAN: There, there. It'll be alright.

{The two hug.}

SKULLB: Jerry, if you keep hurting yourself the way you're doing right now, you'll kill yourself!

DR. NORTON: It's true. Why, if you drink just one more can of that stuff, your heart will explode. Trust me on this, I'm a doctor.

JERRY: Hey! Can't I get a word in this?

SKULLB: Sure, go ahead.

JERRY: Well, I just wanted to say...

{Pause.}

JERRY: ... I'm sorry, everyone. I just now realize what horrible mistakes I've made. I'm sorry, Casey, for almost losing you. I'm sorry, Skully, for being a tremendous jerk. I'm sorry, and I wish I could make it up to you.

CASEY: You can, Jerry.

SKULLB: Just drop the caffeine.

{SkullB hands Jerry a can of Cougar Energy. Jerry stares at it. He then, in a fit of rage, throws it out the window. Everyone starts cheering.}

SKULLB: Looks like we have our friend back!

{Everyone hugs. An owl flies in and perches on Jerry's head.}

OWL: Oh, hey! I just wanted to share the love.

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry, Casey and Skullbuggy are there, sitting on the couch. Jerry is looking into the camera. He stands up.}

JERRY: Hi, I'm Jerry Cohen. I play Jerry Cohen on the SkullB Show. Today, we've gone over a serious problem.

{SkullB stands up.}

SKULLB: That problem... is energy drink addiction. When you chug that can of Monster, you're slowly destroying yourself.

{Casey stands up.}

CASEY: So please, for our sake. Don't kill yourself with caffeine!

{A star flies by, and the words "The More You Know" appear behind it.}

JERRY: Thanks for watching, everyone.

{Cue credits.}