The SkullB Show/15

Overview

Episode 15: Goin' on a Job Hunt

Jerry desperately needs to find a new job.

CAST: Casey, Skullbuggy, Jerry, Male Cashier, Female Cashier

PLACES: SkullB House (Lawn), SkullB House (Living Room), Decentville Mall, Hot Topic, Abercrombie and Fitch, Food Court

PAGE TITLE: Can't Say Job.

Transcript

{Open: SkullB House. Skullbuggy and Casey are on the lawn, sunbathing.}

CASEY: My God is this relaxing.

SKULLB: Yeah, just like when I got a massage from Doc Octopus!

CASEY: Yeah, just like that time when we stole a cheap cutaway gag from Family Guy!

{Casey punches SkullB.}

{Cue opening theme.}

{Cut: SkullB House, 5 in the morning. Jerry is on the couch, sleeping. Casey walks in, turns on the lights and kicks Jerry awake.}

JERRY: Gh- fgh- AHH! What the hell?

CASEY: It's five in the damned morning, and I got woken up by the sound of the Ronco audience.

JERRY: Oh. Oh, yeah. I guess... I guess I forgot to turn off the TV when I fell asleep.

CASEY: Anyway, I've gotta get to work, anyway.

JERRY: Wait, you go to work? Where?

CASEY: I work at American Eagle, stupid. How do you think I can afford all our food and clothes and bills?

JERRY: Well, I thought...

CASEY: I can't! We're in debt!

JERRY: Oh- oh. That's... bad.

CASEY: Yes. Yes it is. Now, if you had a job, then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!

JERRY: Doesn't... Skully have a job?

CASEY: Who would hire him? He's a car.

JERRY: Oh.

CASEY: So help me, we're getting you a job.

JERRY: Alright, alright. Just... let me... sleep on it.

{Jerry falls asleep as Casey sighs and exits the room.}

{Cut: the Decentville Mall. Casey and Jerry are there, walking around.}

CASEY: Now, I'm sure we can find you a job here. There are like, fifty stores here!

JERRY: Here's hoping.

{Casey stops in front of Hot Topic.}

JERRY: Wait wait wait. Why are you stopping in front of... there?

CASEY: We're getting you a job. We're starting here.

JERRY: Not... not here.

CASEY: What? You seem like the kind of guy who would work well there. Depressing, cynical, 25...

JERRY: I am not a goth, emo, hipster, scenester, or any other kind of -ster that you'd find in this place.

CASEY: Are we going to stay in debt or not?

JERRY: ... Well fine. I'll try it.

{The two enter the store. Inside, a man with a mohawk and extremely tattoed skin is at the counter.}

MOHAWK: Hey. Uh, what can I... um, do for...

CASEY: We'd like to-

MOHAWK: ... you?

CASEY: ... We'd like to get a job at this fine establishment.

MOHAWK: Uh-huh. Okay. Let me just... um, test you on whether you... um, qualify for the...

JERRY: Alright, I-

MOHAWK: ... job.

JERRY: ... Alright, I'm up for it.

MOHAWK: Alright, um... question one. Have you ever... um, taken drugs?

JERRY: N-no. Why?

MOHAWK: Oh, that's... um, going to hurt your... um, score.

JERRY: Wha-?

MOHAWK: Question, um... two. Do you, um... listen to, um... Fallout Boy, Linkin Park, or, um... My Chemical Romance?

JERRY: Um, no.

MOHAWK: Ah, that's... um, good. Way to be a... um, nonconformist.

JERRY: Wait, is this what you do to every employee?

MOHAWK: Pretty... um, much.

JERRY: This is stupid. I'm leaving.

{Jerry leaves.}

CASEY: ... I've done drugs.

MOHAWK: You want a job?

{Cut: another store. This one says "Abercrombie and Fitch" above the door.}

JERRY: No. No no no.

CASEY: Come on! Just go in and apply for a job!

JERRY: Well, we do need money... Okay.

{Jerry walks in.}

CASEY: Heh, whipped.

{Cut: Inside of A&F. Jerry and Casey are at the counter, where a young woman is standing.}

GIRL: Like, hey there, lovebirds! How can I help you two?

JERRY: I, um... I-

CASEY: He wants a job.

JERRY: Ha, ha... yep! A job!

GIRL: Heh, whipped.

JERRY: What was that-?

GIRL: So, anyway, I want to know a few things about you, first.

JERRY: Alright.

GIRL: Number one! Are you, like, good with people?

JERRY: I guess I am.

GIRL: Super! Question two! How do you look with your shirt off?

JERRY: How do I what?

GIRL: Take off the shirt, sir.

JERRY: {taking off his shirt} I don't see how this helps at all-

GIRL: Eeeurgh! You're so pale under there!

CASEY: I know, he's like a ghost.

GIRL: I'm sorry, we can't hire you, sir.

JERRY: What, just because I'm not a bodybuilder with oiled skin and a dark complexion?

GIRL: Yep!

JERRY: My God you're shallow.

GIRL: Yeah, I know! Isn't being a shallow teenager the best?

CASEY: No it isn't, you little {censored for the weak-hearted}.

JERRY: Okay, can we get out of here? I'm starting to choke on whatever nerve gas they're pumping in here.

GIRL: Oh, you like the cologne?

{Jerry runs out.}

CASEY: Yeah, let me get a bottle of that stuff.

{Cut: the Food Court. Jerry and Casey are at a table, eating. Jerry looks depressed.}

JERRY: It's hopeless. I'll never find a job.

CASEY: Oh, stop whining. I don't remembering falling in love with a wuss.

JERRY: But how will I pay for things now? Every place I've been to has denied me!

CASEY: Well, what do you want to do?

JERRY: What?

CASEY: My old Economics professor told me that whatever you want to do will be the best choice. I like clothes, so I got a job at American Eagle, and I love it!

JERRY: Following that logic, I guess I should get a job where I can do what I want.

CASEY: Now, what do you like the best?

JERRY: ... I like to sit around all day, pretty much.

CASEY: So?

JERRY: I get a job as... what, I don't know.

CASEY: You should work as a cashier at Starbucks!

JERRY: ... What?

CASEY: Following the logic that you like to sit around, and getting up would require caffeine, and caffiene comes from coffee, so...

JERRY: Oh, why should I question you, you beautiful gal?

{The two hug. Pan over to show an owl watching.}

OWL: Oh, yeah. That's a tender moment. I like that.

{Cut: the SkullB House. Jerry and Casey are on the couch, sitting there, arms on each other's shoulders. SkullB walks in.}

SKULLB: So... what's going on here?

JERRY: I got a job thanks to her!

CASEY: I helped him get a job!

SKULLB: And... wow, I didn't get many lines, did I?

CASEY: It should always be that way.

{Cue credits.}