User:Noxigar/ChaosPilotRemake

Synopsis

• Oh yes, yes again.
• After getting time off for good behaviour, Chaos exits prison and begins life anew in Towningdale.
• DENIAL: Chaos finds the new life with an old friend of his, Lex, to be anathema to what he expected.
• ANGER: Lex's new roommate - Garfield Wiggins - causes Chaos ire due to his eccentricities.
• BARGAINING: After finding minor positives due to time with Lex and Garfield, Chaos schemes for a way to improve his life situation.
• DEPRESSION: Chaos's attempts to find new friends, via a group of hipsters at Surreal Cereals, falls short.
• ACCEPTANCE: Garfield returns from his own journey elsewhere, and Chaos takes the opportunity to make amends and give Garfield a second impression.

Transcript

{The scene starts with a prison cell. Inside the prison cell is a raven-haired man. Zoom out to show that two Orc guards begin approaching his cell.}

ORC GUARD 1: You sure he's the one?

ORC GUARD 2: Krusk asked us to get a "Felix Abraxas Zabat" ready for parole.

ORC GUARD 1: I never thought he'd-

CHAOS: You never thought I'd what?

{Pan to a shot of the same raven-haired man, now looking at the guards.}

ORC GUARD 1: I never thought you of all people would pass the psych evaluation necessary to get time off for good behaviour!

CHAOS: I didn't fucking murder anybody, Agrob.

ORC GUARD 2: You did steal from a well-off casino. And almost got away with it.

AGROB: Felix-

CHAOS: Please, call me Chaos. That's what my friends call me.

{Agrob rolls her eyes.}

AGROB: Okay, fine... {sighs} Chaos, please don't make this harder than it needs to be.

{The second Orc guard unlocks the prison door, while Agrob keeps a firm eye on Chaos.}

CHAOS: Today's definitely my lucky day!

{Cut to a security gate near the exit of the prison. A third Orc guard - Krusk - takes out some items, and gives each to Chaos.}

KRUSK: Black shirt... check. Black jeans... check. Leather belt... check. Skull belt buckle... check. Toshiteck Cassette Player... check. Wallet... check. Credit card... check. Oh, um. Condoms... check. Klaus Nomi Cassette Tape... check. And a Ring of Destruction... check. Does all this sound right to you?

CHAOS: Sure does.

KRUSK: Congratulations on being offered parole. What have you learned in your three years?

CHAOS: To not get caught.

{The second Orc guard elbows Chaos in the ribs.}

CHAOS: Ow, I was kidding, Volthek!

{Chaos rubs where he was elbowed.}

CHAOS: Ugh, where was I?

{Chaos closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.}

CHAOS: To not commit any more crimes, and in my aspiration to not commit more crimes, to be a good, functioning member of society. I believe you know the rest, yeah?

VOLTHEK: Eh, whatever. Good enough for us.

KRUSK: Agreed. I think you can escort him outside now, Agrob.

AGROB: Why does it have to be me?! I always had to deal with this clown.

CHAOS: I'm not a clown. I'm an Anarchomancer.

VOLTHEK: I have to go back on rotation, and your shift's almost over anyway.

AGROB: Ugh, fine. I'll deal with him in his last moments here.

KRUSK: You do us all proud, Agrob!

{Fast-forward to outside the prison. Agrob and Chaos see an ice cream truck in the distance.}

AGROB: Did... you request some ice cream on your way out?

CHAOS: That's not for me. That's probably for your friends.

AGROB: We have different ice cream trucks that park in our lot. This looks to be your... "cool" ride.

CHAOS: That definitely doesn't look like any limousine I would recognize!

{Agrob snorts, laughing loudly. Cut to the ice cream truck's front seat, piloted by a blond man in fancy clothes.}

AGROB: {offscreen, still laughing} Some ride, huh?

{The blond man gets out of the truck, and approaches Chaos.}

AGROB: Halt! Do you know this parolee?

???: Know 'im? O' course I know 'im!

{Agrob turns to face Chaos.}

AGROB: Do you know him?

{Chaos lowers his head, embarassedly.}

CHAOS: Yeah, I... do...

{Chaos exasperatedly sighs.}

CHAOS: And I thought today was my lucky day...

{The blond man approaches Agrob, and shakes her head.}

LEX: My name's Lex, and I'm 'is ride!

CHAOS: You know, when you said you found a "sick ride that would be super dope," I was expecting something waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy more high-end.

LEX: This ice cream truck an' I go way back! Hell, I even got it spruced up to have an engine that roars as good as any high-falutin' rich man's car!

CHAOS: You definitely wouldn't know a rich man if he bit you in the ass!

{Agrob laughs again.}

AGROB: I'm sure you'll get used to it, Chaos.

{Chaos facepalms. Cut to inside the ice cream truck, with Agrob sarcastically waving goodbye at him and Lex. The truck drives off, heading away from the prison.}

CHAOS: So... where's everyone else?

LEX: Everyone else?

CHAOS: The rest of our krewe: Rashid, Headwiz, Elhera; hell, even Toby!

LEX: One, Toby's dead.

CHAOS: No way! Fuck, how?!

{Cut to the interior of a bar, in parts unknown. A drunk man is surrounded by several angry armoured Dwarven Hellriders, as an intimidated bartender and some patrons look over in shock.}

TOBY: Y'know, you're all a bunch of fuckin' stumps! We Humans are the best at everything!

BARTENDER: Please don't make a scene, please don't make a scene...

{One of the Hellriders, a bespectacled Dwarf with a long blue beard, has a cold smile on his face.}

DOCTORATE: {in a Cajun accent} We can't condone his kind of blabber in your fine establishment. He must pay for his words, as is the intent of our First and Second Amendment rights.

{Doctorate takes out a sword, and begins humming a prayer as the other Hellriders brandish theirs out. Loud screaming can be heard amongst the audience. Toby begins throwing rum bottles at the Hellriders, with one of them hitting Doctorate; this interrupts his prayer.}

DOCTORATE: Not all of them can be saved from damnation.

{The Dwarven Hellriders descend upon Toby, with the camera turning away from them after. Cut back to Lex and Chaos.}

CHAOS: Fuckin' Toby! The guy was a racist cock, but he was an awesome getaway driver. I guess he's out of the picture. What about the others?

{Cut to a desert in Lebanon. Rashid is there, in a mechanical suit that goes over his military uniform, as he looks on to a letter which looks written by a Jamaican man. Rashid lightly chuckles, as he gets into a truck that drives into the hot desert. He looks back, to the inside of the truck. Several high-tech gadgets have price tags on them, as if to be sold in an auction. Other uniformed men in mechanical suits and in possession of high-grade weaponry cheer on, as they continue toward an unknown destination. The screen pauses, greying out. Cut back to Lex and Chaos.}

LEX: ...Rashid's been MIA for a while.

CHAOS: Fuckin' really?

{Cut to a part of Skiverton, which looks to be occupied primarily by Elves - mostly Drow, with some other Elves in the mix. A highly attractive half-Elf can be seen, sitting next to a Drow in dreadlocks, wearing leather.}

DREADLOCK DROW: Elhera, you came. Good.

{The dreadlocked Drow smirks, letting platinum fangs show from his teeth. Elhera looks annoyed.}

ELHERA: Oh, go smoke a pipe, Davv'roth.

DAVV'ROTH: We must discuss how we're going to enable The Glabal MC to take over the world.

ELHERA: Don't you have other biker gangs to content with?

DAVV'ROTH: They're easy pickin's, but what I'm worried about is-

{The scene cuts back to Lex and Chaos.}

CHAOS: So she's playing for a different team, huh?

LEX: Yeah, I thought she was gonna retire.

CHAOS: So did I.

{Short pause.}

CHAOS: What about Headwiz?

LEX: Headwiz is... Headwiz. She's still 'round. We actually live not too far from each other, an' sometimes she 'elps me out with a favour or two. She's kind o' a flake, though.

CHAOS: Well, it's whatever. At least we can contact her if we ever need a hacker. Speaking of... where do you guys live?

LEX: Towningdale.

CHAOS: Towningdale?

{Chaos' eyes widen.}

CHAOS: Sweet! Must be mine, er, our lucky day!

{Chaos takes some time to listen to what's on the radio, with it being on the news.}

ANCHOR: After a terrifying standoff with the military, Davies and his goons were successfully subdued, and all the passangers of the plane felt relief as nobody was seriously hurt or injured. This is Sarah Khoroushi, and you are listening to the-

{Chaos turns the dial, switching the radio off.}

LEX: Ey, I was listenin' to that!

CHAOS: It bored me.

LEX: I've been followin' that story for the past couple of hours, mate!

CHAOS: Hey, at least you actually got to do stuff. Do you know how boring it was in there? Three years, man.

LEX: Better than five.

CHAOS: Easy for you to say, when you're not the one who got caught. You made off with the cash at least, so I can at least be happy about that.

{Lex's expression becomes a little uneasy.}

LEX: Yeah... heh.

CHAOS: You know what? Let's put the radio back on. It's been ages until I've actually listened to music, y'know? Proper music, not the stuff they play in the prisons. The good stuff.

LEX: I gotcha, man.

{Lex turns the dial on the car stereo, moving through various FM frequencies until Chaos shoves his hand away, leaving the radio on a station playing I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You, by the Alan Parsons Project.}

CHAOS: Keep it on this one. This, this is the good stuff.

LEX: There's something I should probably tell-

CHAOS: Shh. No words. Just listen to the music. I need this... I've needed this for three fucking years, man.

{Zoom out to a montage of the truck driving on the highway by the sea as the music plays. As dawn begins to appear, the Wikihood show title appears over the glistening waters, illuminated by the rising sun. As the truck begins to enter a small city, we cut back to the interior.}

LEX: We're almost there!

{Lex drives through various parts of Towningdale, until he makes a complete stop at a pierogi cafe - Katyusha's.}

CHAOS: Well, this definitely doesn't look anything like what I expected, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for that, right?

{Lex wordlessly enters the pierogi cafe, with Chaos following suit. A burly Russian man waves at Lex and Chaos.}

VOLKOV: Privet, Lex!

LEX: Privet!

VOLKOV: Pierogies?

LEX: Uh, sure. Give us a few moments.

{Lex and Chaos head up the stairs, and Lex gets out an apartment key. Chaos looks uneasy, but says nothing. Lex opens the apartment door.}

LEX: Tadaa!

{Chaos callously pushes past Lex as he gets inside the apartment.}

CHAOS: What is this? This isn't a mansion, this isn't a big house, is a... tiny roach shack!

{A voice is heard from the kitchen.}

????????: Oh, boo. I give your insult of our domain a 2/10.

{Chaos turns to Lex.}

CHAOS: Who is this?

LEX: E's our roommate.

GARFIELD: The name is Doctor Garfield Wiggins.

{Chaos looks blankly at Garfield.}

CHAOS: Is... Wiggins really your surname?

GARFIELD: Si, senor.

{Garfield looks equally blankly at Chaos.}

GARFIELD: I take it this is the roommate you were telling me about, Lex?

LEX: 'Is name is Chaos!

{Lex runs and jumps on the couch, without bothering to take off his shoes.}

GARFIELD: What kind of name is Chaos?

CHAOS: My real name is Feli-

GARFIELD: You might as well have called yourself something like "The Edgymancer."

CHAOS: What? Are you trying to say that Chaos isn't-?

GARFIELD: Edgymancer. Now that is a cool name!

{Garfield shuffles closer to Chaos in order to take a more detailed look at him.}

GARFIELD: You look troubled.

CHAOS: I kind of am, actually, because I was expecting a-

GARFIELD: Would you like a Naminade?

CHAOS: What the hell is a Naminade?

LEX: Oh, man. Pour me out a glass too, Gar! I am parched!

{Garfield shuffles back into the kitchen, where he pulls out a pitcher from a nearby fridge.}

GARFIELD: It is a beverage of my own concoction, mixing Jolt Cola with Japanese sake and fruit punch.

LEX: It's delicious, I promise you.

{Garfield pours out two glasses and hand delivers them to Lex and Chaos, who proceed to take a sip.}

GARFIELD: Sometimes, I substitute the fruit punch for grape soda... sometimes I put freshly squeezed lemon in the mixture, or I use cider instead of sake. Sometimes I put Midol in it, because I like the added danger.

{Lex unflinchingly chugs his glass down, as Chaos puts his down and backs away.}

CHAOS: S-suddenly I'm not so thirsty...

{Chaos looks at Lex and frowns.}

CHAOS: So, let us address the elephant in the room, shall we?

LEX: 'Ey, don't be mean, Chaos!

{Chaos looks at Garfield.}

CHAOS: Excuse us for a second, would you?

{Garfield looks confused.}

GARFIELD: Uh... sure?

{Chaos opens a door to a room, and finds that it belongs to Lex.}

CHAOS: Perfect.

{Chaos grabs Lex from the couch, and they head inside Lex's bedroom.}

CHAOS: Okay, so... first of all, what the fuck? And, secondly, WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?!

LEX: Chaos, you seem really on-edge today. What's been botherin' you?

CHAOS: If you must know... HOW COULD I NOT BE BOTHERED AFTER SPENDING THREE FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON, WHILE YOU GOT TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF THE OUTDOORS, HUH?! I THOUGHT, OH HEY, I'M GETTING THE BOOK THROWN AT ME, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT BECAUSE AT LEAST LEX MADE OFF WITH THE MILLIONS AND THINGS WOULD BE AWESOME WHEN I GOT OUT. I COULD HAVE A SUPER EXPENSIVE CAR, AND A MANSION, AND MY VERY OWN HOT ELF SERVANT, AND WE COULD GO ON ALL SORTS OF WILD AND WACKY ADVENTURES DOING CRAZY SHIT, LIKE EXPLORING UNDERSEA KINGDOMS, HAVING KOOKY SHENANIGANS IN ASIA, GOING TO SPACE, ALL THE COOL STUFF THAT RICH PEOPLE DO. BUT NOPE. WE GOT A DINGY LITTLE ICE CREAM TRUCK, AND A SHITTY LITTLE APARTMENT IN A SLUM. I SPENT THREE YEARS IN PRISON FOR THIS, LEX. THREE FUCKING Y-

{Cut to outside, where Garfield looks unnerved as he can hear Chaos from where he's standing. Then, cut back to Chaos, whose rant was interrupted by a smack to the face from Lex.}

CHAOS: OW!

LEX: You really need to calm down.

CHAOS: Ugh, fine. {sighs} So, why are we poor?

LEX: Because th' money 'ad to be split between six people in th' first place. An' because it's been three years since the Heist was successful. Did y' really think Headwiz an' I made it from San Cristobal to Towningdale an' not have had it cost an arm an' a leg, mon?

{Zoom inside, to Chaos' brain. The gears in it were previously inactive, but after hearing Lex's words, they begin to spin. The speed of the gears increases dramatically. The scene returns to Lex and Chaos, and plays normally.}

CHAOS: Fuck. What have you been doing for the last three years?

LEX: Well, I took an ordinary job as a sales clerk for a mattress retailer. I sell mattresses mainly, y'know?

CHAOS: Just... mattresses?

LEX: Pretty much. That's our most popular item.

CHAOS: Anything other than mattresses?

LEX: Not really.

CHAOS: So, all this time while I was rotting in prison, you just gave up on the crime thing and took a regular job, doing regular things?

LEX: I figured I gave you several hints to it while we were in th' truck, mon!

CHAOS: Fuck. And what about that other guy?

{A knock can be heard on the door.}

GARFIELD: {muffled} I've been hearing you the entire time.

{Lex goes towards the door, and opens it.}

GARFIELD: Thanks.

LEX: No prob.

GARFIELD: Anyway, I have a six-figure salary in NoxCorp. And I've been using it not only on upkeep for myself, Lex, and Volkov after we saved the world from total nuclear winter...

{Lex leans to Chaos' ear.}

LEX: {whispering} Slight exaggeration.

GARFIELD: -but I happen to house a distinguished collection of items I think you might find interesting!

CHAOS: This better be good...

{Garfield shows off his own room. Inside it is an odd assortment of technological gizmos and gadgets, as well as some well-crafted armour and weapons.}

GARFIELD: Throughout my three years of being in Towningdale, I have collected a multitude of items that I find value in.

CHAOS: So, remind me what it is your six-figure salary comes from?

GARFIELD: NoxCorp. I work primarily in its genetic and engineering divisions, but I help around wherever I'm needed otherwise.

CHAOS: And you live in this tiny room? With all these... are they toys?

GARFIELD: I'd hardly call these projects "toys."

{Garfield lifts a glowing cyan claymore, and gazes upon it. After a few seconds, he appears crestfallen.}

GARFIELD: There was once a show named Pelleasquest. You've... heard of it, right?

CHAOS: Uh, yeah.

GARFIELD: I tried creating a moon-powered claymore in memoriam of a Drow friend who enjoyed that cheesy '90's show. She was one of the few among her kind who could get past the anti-Elf bigotry present within it, and I... am not fond of it myself, but were she still alive today I would think she'd find my handiwork on-par with Pelleasquest's showrunners.

CHAOS: I'm... sorry for your loss.

{Garfield puts on a monocle, which looks intended to be worn by a cyclops.}

GARFIELD: This eyeglass belonged to the great Cyclops comedian, Catras Goldstein.

{Garfield clears his throat, puts the eyeglass on, and does an impression, where he makes his voice super deep and raspy, while he waves his arms.}

GARFIELD: NICE TA MEET YA, NICE TA MEET YA!

{Chaos looks perplexed.}

CHAOS: Uhh...

GARFIELD: Not a fan of his 1950's stand-up comedy?

CHAOS: I've never heard of him.

{Garfield strokes his chin for a moment, in pensive thought. He then gestures to a cardboard cutout of Nicholas Cage.}

GARFIELD: I met Nicholas Cage once, at an auction! I was trying-

CHAOS: I can admit I don't care too much about the circumstances in which you met him, but... Nic Cage? Really?

GARFIELD: Uh, yeah.

{It's not Chaos' turn to be in pensive thought.}

CHAOS: Permit me a moment, won't you?

GARFIELD: Uhhhhhhhh, sure!

{Chaos exits Garfield's room.}

CHAOS: Great. So I'm in an apartment with two idiots. Maybe I can use this to my advantage...

{Chaos continues his pensive thinking, then he gazes over to a glass of Naminade next to the couch.}

CHAOS: I'll begin planning tomorrow...

{Chaos goes over to the couch, sits on it, and reaches for the glass of Naminade. He then begins guzzling it.}