Sweet Sacrifice/9

This episode is done in the perspective of Darth Vader.

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I was in the Death Star, smoking some high-quality bud through my helmet when I received a transmission from an old friend of mine. I hadn't seen him for a while, so it was pleasant to see him. I pressed the button to recieve the transmission, and appearing in a hologram was Boba Prepp, the preppiest bounty hunter this side of the galaxy.

"Greetings, Lord Vader. What is up in this shiznit?", he asked.

Boba Prepp didn't use to be a prep. He was once a goth and a Jedi, much like my son, Luke, who has since taken to calling himself "Demon." He was one of many Jedi goth clones. However, it was after a chance encounter with Emperor Papadopoulos that he renounced his gothic ways and became a preppy bounty hunter. He was wearing a Britney Spears t-shirt over his hot pink Mandalorian armor. I am also a prep, but not to the extent that he is.

"Whazzup, Boba Prepp," I said. "Do you have any word on the whereabouts of my son?"

"You know it bro, I saw him at a Marilyn Manson concert at the Cantina."

"Of course," I replied. "After all, I sent Marilyn Manson to kill his friend, Aldrean Black'ness Tourettes Cadeus Jackson. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned, as Marilyn Manson was killed by Tony Stark."

"Oh shit dude that's wack," replied Boba Prepp. "I shall capture your son soon! Until then, hail Britney, and hail the Empire!"

Boba Prepp dabbed before turning off his transmission. He was not part of the Empire, but he served it loyally as he hated goths and he hated Jedis. They hated him too.

I stopped smoking weed and I stood up and looked out of my gigantic space window. I was not wearing any pants, so my burn-scarred dong was on clear display. However, this being space, nobody was outside to see it, so I could let my dong run free. Back in the day when I was also a Jedi, I was notorious for having the longest dong out of all the Jedi warriors, with a length of 7 inches at its softest, and 14 at its hardest. My dong was always visible through the leg of my tight leather pants, and all the men were envious, while all the women were full of lust. Master Obi-Wan referred to it as "my second lightsaber." During my Jedi days, I had a reputation for being the biggest stud in the Jedi Academy. Every girl had stories of "Anakin's Skywalker." All, except for one.

Padme Amidala, the Princess of Naboo. While no other women could resist my charm, Padme Amidala was the one women who refused to see me for my gigantic dong. The power that extruded from it was enough to make even the most faithful maiden choose to cheat, and yet she was unwavering. At her moment of rejection, I fell in love for the first time. She did not want my dong, and that made me want her. We eventually went out, on the precept that my dong remained irrelevant for the entire date. It did, and for once, I felt like I could be my true self. I was no longer the Jedi with the long dong, but just Anakin. She saw a part of me that nobody else did, and believe me, many women over the years saw a lot of me, if you know what I mean. We fell in love.

We produced one child, who we named Luke. He was to be our champion, but then tragedy struck.