Return to Wiki City

Transcript

{Open to the streets of Wiki City, wrecked over several years of decay and inactivity. The roads and the buildings are crumbling apart as nature has retaken this once bustling metropolis. The streets are lined with a variety of wild vegetation, with roots and leaves covering everything that touches the ground. The road is littered with abandoned vehicles, all in a state of disrepair. We zoom into a patchy area of tall grass near the sidewalk. The grass jostles around as a figure pops its head from underneath. This man is short, with an unusually blue complexion to his skin. Wearing a raggy and oversized green sweater, he steps out from the grass and loudly yawns while stretching his arms, as if he had just awakened from a large slumber.}

JCM: Woo-ey! I really needed that nap. I feel so fresh, so energized, so ready to take on the-...

{Zoom out.}

JCM: World?

{JCM blinks twice, before looking around at his surroundings.}

JCM: ...Nothing. It's all empty.

{JCM shrugs.}

JCM: Everybody must be on holiday at the moment. That is the only logical answer. Well, it's pretty early in the morning. I can't be a functioning human being without first having a functioning cup of coffee!

{JCM, blissfully unaware of the fact that the city has fallen apart around him, strolls around the corner to the Trobots Cafe, which is in a similar state of decay to the rest of the city. He goes in through the door and takes a seat at the front, ringing the bell to call for the waitress. Nobody comes.}

JCM: Must be a slow day today. It's okay. I can wait.

{An hour and a half later.}

JCM: Golly gosh, I have heard of bad service, but this is ridiculous! I am taking my business elsewhere!

{JCM storms out of the cafe, onwards to his next destination.}

JCM: I wonder how my dear friend Sephiroth is doing. I haven't talked with him for a while. Perhaps he has some coffee I can borrow. I still think he hadn't noticed that I borrowed his silverware...

{JCM walks a couple of blocks, towards the incredibly tall tower with the gigantic screens on top.}

JCM: How the heck did the city council even let him build this thing? I am pretty sure this breaks practically every building safety guideline there is!

{JCM walks through the doors of Seth H. Roth tower into the main reception area. Like Trobots, it is completely empty. The tower's interior is extremely lavish, with the walls and floors being made of gold and marble. The walls are decorated with several professionally painted portraits of Sephiroth in various heroic poses. JCM ignores the reception and heads on up, riding on several escalators to get to the top. About half an hour later, he arrives on the top floor, going through the doors into the penthouse suite.}

JCM: Hello? Seph, are you around?

{JCM goes further into the room, looking around for any other signs of life.}

JCM: Don't tell me that he went on holiday too. Ugh, this sucks! Why is everybody here always on holiday? Does anyone in this city even do a day of work? How does he pay for all this anyway?

{JCM starts looking through Sephiroth's belongings, going through his bookcase, his trophy stands, and the game collection for his Sontendosoft Wii360. As he flips through the game's catalogue, he hears a clicking behind him.}

????: Don't. Fucking. Move.

JCM: ...Wow. Did you just say a swear? I'll have you know that-

{JCM turns around to rant at the person behind him, only to have a shotgun pointed directly in his face. Holding the shotgun is an animal of small stature, and of similar unusual complextion to JCM. A purple platypus.}

ZIPPY: What the fuck are you doing here, you-... JCM? Is that you?

JCM: It depends on asking. Do you have any intention of shooting this "Jay Cee Em" in the face? If so, no, I am somebody completely different. If not, then maybe. It depends on whether you intend on shooting me anywhere else, like the p-

{JCM makes the "finger quote gesture" as he says "Jay Cee Em".}

JCM: If so, no, I am somebody completely different. If not, then maybe. It depends on whether you intend on shooting me anywhere else, like the p-

{JCM is unable to finish his sentence as Zippy quickly drops the gun and leaps forward to give him a massive hug. Tears are streaming down Zippy's face as JCM looks rather confused and bewildered at the situation.}

JCM: Is there a reason for doing this? I am highly uncomfortable right now.

{Zippy backs away as he wipes the tears from his eyes. He sniffs and smiles at JCM.}

ZIPPY: Heh, I'm sorry man, it's just.. it's been too long. I haven't seen you in ages, I didn't think you were one of the ones who made it.

JCM: Made what? Wait, was there a massive construction project going on? I didn't get an invitation...

ZIPPY: What? Are you telling me that you seriously do not know what happened?

JCM: Did Wall Street crash again? Is this what this is all about?

{Zippy facepalms.}

ZIPPY: Jason, you are the biggest idiot I have ever met. But man, I am just so glad to see you right now.

JCM: I assume from your tone that everybody isn't on holiday. What happened?

ZIPPY: I wish I had listened to Skull. He saw it coming a mile away. But I did nothing. We did nothing. And look what has happened because of it.

JCM: Hey, are you about to tell a story right now?

ZIPPY: Y-yeah, why?

JCM: Ah, alright. Can you like, do it in flashback mode?

ZIPPY: Oh. Um, yeah, sure.

{Zippy begins to narrate, as we segue into flashback mode.}

ZIPPY: It happened around five years ago...

{Flashback five years prior, to a cleaner version of Sephiroth's penthouse. Sitting around a coffee table are four men in loungers. These people are Sephiroth, Chaos, Noxigar, and Bell.}

SEPHIROTH: Here we sit, for the third, annual meeting, of the Council of Four. I am very glad that you could all, join me.

NOXIGAR: It is a pleasure, my friend. I for one believe that it is quite splendiferous that we are able to communicate with each other like this.

BELL: Yeah. Especially after that generation bullshit. I still can't believe we managed to avoid a Wiki City Civil War.

CHAOS: You say that as if there was an actual problem in the first place. Anyway, Seph. You said you had something incredibly important to talk to us about. What was it?

SEPHIROTH: We need to talk, about him.

{Noxigar sighs, while Bell shakes his head in disappointment.}

BELL: It's actually come to this, hasn't it?

CHAOS: Unfortunately.

NOXIGAR: I still lose sleep over how it happened. I know it was the right thing to do, but it still feels wrong.

SEPHIROTH: Yes. Raiku was a powerful asset to the team. It was just a shame that he was so reckless with his power.

CHAOS: Reckless? He leveled three city blocks with his "Demon Hunter" shit! He abused the privileges we gave him. We gave him several chances, and yet he could not stop fucking up. Ejecting him from the council was the only thing we could do!

SEPHIROTH: Indeed. But I fear that he is out for revenge. Did you hear what happened to Patrick?

NOXIGAR: How do we know that was not a simple mischance? Patrick was not the most cautious motorist.

BELL: Yeah, I mean, it was sooner or later that he'd end up crashin'.

SEPHIROTH: Into a tree. Which spontaneously burst, from the ground. In the middle, of the road.

CHAOS: Yeah, but you underestimate the dude's stupidity. I wouldn't be surprised if he just bent reality with his idiocy, causing a tree to pop up out of nowhere and for him to crash into the tree and get crushed into a mixture of metal, bone, and fleshy goo.

BELL: Yum.

NOXIGAR: When you put it that way, it does seem rather dubious. Say. Does Raiku not have a companion with those powers? The power to manipulate flora?

CHAOS: Oh yes. Turin. One of the few survivors of his crew after the Demon Hunter incident.

SEPHIROTH: Exactly.

NOXIGAR: We do not know this for sure. How can we prosecute him for something we have no proof of?

{Sephiroth jerks up from his chair, spilling his coffee onto the ground.}

SEPHIROTH: Come on, Nox! It's fucking, obvious. We've been cleaning up after his shit for years, and now he wants, revenge!

{Bell stands up and puts his hand on Seph's shoulder.}

BELL: Bro. Chill. How about this. I'll go and check on him. I'll talk to him a bit, try and see what's going on. I'm sure we can sort this out.

{Bell's phone vibrates. He pulls it out and checks it.}

BELL: Okay, I'll check on him later. My wife just texted me, she says she has a surprise waiting for me.

CHAOS: What, is she finally gonna let you do an-

NOXIGAR: CHAOS.

{Sephiroth sighs.}

SEPHIROTH: Bell, I hope you're right.

{Sephiroth walks towards the window and looks out at the city.}

SEPHIROTH: I really do.

{Sephiroth looks back at Bell and smiles.}

SEPHIROTH: Anyway, I hope you have a good time with your wife. Tell her I said hi.

BELL: Will do, man.

CHAOS: And tell her she has a fine pair of ti-

{Noxigar slaps Chaos}

CHAOS: Argh.

SEPHIROTH: So, Bell. You takin' the short route, out?

BELL: Like always.

{Sephiroth opens the window. Bell throws himself out of out, falling down onto the ground. He lands hard on his feet, wincing in slight pain but shaking it off. He hails a taxi which takes him to his house, just outside the downtown area. Leaving the taxi and giving the driver a generous tip, he happily strolls over to the front door of the house, only to realize that it is already open. He shrugs this off and goes into his home, which is pitch black inside.}

BELL: Honey, I'm.... home?

{Bell turns the light on in his home, revealing that it has been absolutely trashed to high hell. There is indeciphrable writing scribbled all over the walls, in what seems to be blood. Every portrait of Bell and his family have been modified in that everybody's face except for Bell has been scratched from the photo. In horror, Bell runs to every room of the house, frantically looking to see if anybody is inside.}

BELL: SARAH? TRACY? BLING? IS ANYONE HOME?!

{Lastly, Bell checks the kitchen, where he finds the body of Turin, one of Raiku's companions. Nailed to his chest with a kitchen knife is a note, which Bell reads.}

Hello Honey!

I got home from work early today, so I decided to cook up a fabulous treat for you.
If you want to see what it is, come to Spook Cliff, and be sure to come alone.
This gift is for you only.
I look forward to seeing you,
Sarah.

BELL: Spook... Cliff? No. Fuck. No. NO. NO. That... bastard. THAT FUCKING. BASTARD!!!

{Cut back to the present day.}

JCM: So like... is Spook Cliff a vacation spot? It doesn't sound very nice. It actually sounds kinda racist.

ZIPPY: Jason, are you deliberately being this stupid, or do you really lack thinking skills?

JCM: A little bit of Column A, a little Column B...

ZIPPY: Yes, let's just get back to the story.

?????: Ooh, did you say story? I love storytime!

{Entering the suite is Zoo, who is carrying a bag of food scraps.}

ZIPPY: Oh, how nice it is for you to join us, Zoo. Back so soon?

ZOO: Yeah, I found all this food, just laying in this one area. It was an amazing find!

ZIPPY: Just laying there? As in, you saw it and you took it?

ZOO: Yep! I'm sure whoever it belonged to wouldn't mind sharing. Finder's keepers!

{Zoo sees JCM, and grins wildly.}

ZOO: Oh. My. God. JCM, you're alive! I thought for sure that you were dead!

JCM: Yeah, haha. I was just sleeping really heavily.

ZIPPY: This guy managed to sleep through the entire crisis as if it weren't even happening. For six years.

JCM: Look, I stayed up that night watching Spongebob, I was really tired, okay?

ZIPPY: You slept through the last six years, while I have trouble getting even an hour a day. Lucky bastard.

ZOO: What part of the story were you at? Is it the part where Sephiroth and Chaos-...

ZIPPY: No, that's a bit later. Right now we're at the point where.....

{Back to the story. Bell has arrived at Spook Cliff, located several miles north of Wiki City. It is an abandoned colonial-era village, much like the town of Salem in its appearance. Several wooden houses stay partly intact, and overlooking the cliff front is an old decrepit lighthouse. As Bell goes into the village, he sees arrows etched into the wooden buildings, all pointing towards the lighthouse.}