Comp/2

Comp Part 2

(Adrian is lying on a couch, bandages on his head, sick. Red walks in holding a bowl)

Red: Check it out I made you soup

Adrian: What...what kind of soup is it?

Red: Chicken, duh

Adrian: But I really do not like chickens or their soup

Red: Too bad, you are sick, sick meta is chicken soup meta so deal with it. We need to get you healthy so we can like, continue to find out. If you have superpowers.

Adrian: But I'm like, double concussed. Have you not been reading the papers? Concussions like, cause you to go mad and break stuff, important stuff too. I am too ill to fight crime.

Red: Suck it up.

Adrian: No

Red: No, really, suck it up, the soup.

(Red thrusts the bowl of soup in Adrians hands)

Red: Suck up the soup.

Adrian: I...

Red: Suck it up

Adrian: I will do it.

(Adrian sucks up the soup, making very loud slurping noises)

Red: This is good. You will feel better.

Adrian: It's not working. Get me a lucozade.

Red: There was lucozade in the soup. That

Adrian: Wow

Red: That was the secret ingredient. Adrian: Now you mention it, I feel better.

Red: See?

Adrian: Lucozade meta is, like, the key. To curing sickness.

(Adrian takes his bandages off)

Adrian: So now what?

Red: I don't know, didn't think you would be better this soon.

(A pregnant pause)

Adrian: Dag

(Adrian and Red are now at a bank)

Adrian: Red

Red: What

Adrian: Red, buddy

Red: What is it

Adrian: Why are we at a bank

Red: I had to like, think of a place where lots of crime and what not happened and I figured people like to rob banks, and things, so this would be a good place.

Adrian: I like your thinking

Red: Don't, like, don't worry though. I wasn't trying to be, uh

Adrian: Satirical?

Red: no, I have the utmost respect for the people who run our banking system and I don't think they are criminals.

Adrian: I'm glad you clarified that, because

Red: Because that has no place in a casual conversation. Like this.

(Cleo walks in)

Red: Um

Adrian: Aren't you meant to be working at the breakfast shop

Red: The shop where breakfasts are

Adrian: Where they're sold, you know, delicious food to start your day, and stuff.

Cleo: You know I don't spend every waking moment at work, right?

Red: But who is running the breakfast shop

Cleo: One of my colleagues, why do you ask?

Red: I was concerned. Like, what if somebody needed breakfast

Cleo: At 3:30 PM?

Red: At 3:30 PM, you shouldn't judge, sometimes people's sleeping schedules are all out of wack

Cleo: I guess, but they could always make their own breakfast or some-

Red: No

Cleo: Wh-

Red: Don't even joke. Don't be rude.

Cleo: Alright, fine, sorry. Why are you even at a bank?

Red: We're waiting for someone to rob it, to see if Adrian has superpowers.

Cleo: That seems a little asinine, don't you think? I mean how often are banks robbed these days anyway?

Red: Doesn't matter, it's a good crime to stop.

Adrian: Yeah, stopping bank robberies is like, prime good-guy superhero meta-

(A MAN IN BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED CLOTHES, WITH A BALACLAVA ON AND A BIG BAG THAT SAYS "SWAG" ON IT KICKS DOWN A DOOR)

Bank robber: Listen up, you you, ya bitches! My name is Rob Banks and I'm here to like, rob a bank!

Cleo: wow

Red: wow

Adrian: Wow you guys that was quite the coincidence that at the moment we were talking about bank robbers that

Red: That a bank robber would arrive?

Adrian: Yeah that's pretty nuts.

Rob: Alright, like, get on the floor and shit, fools!

Red: Alright, Adrian, what you gonna do?

Adrian: I don't know, he's got like a gun, dude

Red: Rush him

Adrian: What?

Red: You gotta rush him when he least expects it that's the only way

Adrian: I don't wanna rush him he'll shoot me

Cleo: He'll shoot him

Adrian: Yeah and that's bad

Red: Rush

Adrian: No. I'm gonna try diplomacy.

Red: Okay but if this turns out badly you gotta rush him

Adrian: I'll consider it. Um, hello, Mr Banks?

Rob: What is it what do you want

Adrian: Have you considered not robbing a bank today

Rob: No I haven't considered that I have to rob the bank

Adrian: No why would you need to rob a bank

Rob: I need the money to save my wife she's got AIDS Adrian: What

Rob: Yeah like hardcore AIDS it really sucks

Adrian: Ah jeez that's unfortunate one moment. Red

Red: Has he got AIDS?

Adrian: Yeah he has

Red: Alright rush him

Adrian: I can't rush him, that'd make me the bad guy! I mean like robbing a bank sucks but he has a reason, he's like the anti-hero of his own story or something.

Red: Why can't you rush him, just run and punch him

Adrian: No

Red: In the mouth. The mouth of his penis

Adrian: Excuse me

Red: Punch his dickmouth

Cleo: Adrian don't punch him in the dickmouth

Adrian: I wasn't planning to punch him in the dickmouth, geez. I'll talk to him again. Rob, sir!

Rob: Be quick, I'm trying to rob a bank

Adrian: Okay, um, if you steal all this bank money, the value of the dollar will depreciate. Because the banks won't be able to use gold to increase its value, because you'll have it. I think. I'm not an economist

Rob: No you're not, but neither am I. What was that you said about gold?

Adrian: Money's value is derived from gold, banks have like a bunch of it

Rob: So that means I can steal gold too?

Adrian: Wait no

Rob: I could use gold as a gift for my wife and to pay off my student loans. Maybe take a night class in economics Adrian: Rob. Rob wait. Gold is very malleable it won't end well

Rob: Too bad I like this idea

Red: Adrian

Adrian: What

Red: What kind of a superpower is talking to people

Adrian: Uh

Red: His dickmouth needs a punch. A swift punch. Right in the um, the dickmouth.

Adrian: Listen I can't do anything, he's too nice and driven a person. Superhero meta dictates I can only really be good if the people I fight are evil, like if they're racists or something

Rob: I'm sad there's no black people at this bank I would have liked to shoot them

Adrian: Um what

Rob: Yeah I don't like black people I'm like a massive racist. Like, a huge, massive, AIDS having racist. Adrian: Well that is convinient because I have a low tolerance for the intolerant

Rob: But I love milk

Adrian: No like, sociocultural intolerance not lactose intolerance. Discriminating on the less fortunate because of silly things like the colour of their, um, skin. That's bad

Rob: Slavs are white and I hate them too

Adrian: Um you shouldn't hate blacks or slavs. I'm going to um, punch you now. In the mouth.

Rob: Which mouth!?

Adrian: I will not disclose that information,

(Adrian punches Rob in the mouth, and then the penis)

Red: Wow, the fabled double-dickpunch whammy.

Cleo: The legends were true Adrian: I have defeated the racist bank robber everyone. Resume taking out loans and stuff.

Red: Congratulations, Adrian, on defeating that evil bank robber.

Adrian: Thank you Rederick.

Red: Do not speak my full name

Adrian: The only downside is I'm still not really sure what my superpower is

Cleo: What?

Adrian: What do you mean what

Cleo: What I mean by what is that it's really obvious. Like maybe you two didn't notice because you're both, like, insane, but everytime Adrian says something is "the meta", whatever that is, it tends to become true.

Red: Excuse me?

Adrian: Oh my god, Red, it might be true. I mean let's look at the facts - yesterday when I scared off that mugger it was after I explained my strat. And when I said lucozade was the meta when it came to getting better, I got better after I drank it.

Red: First of all, Cleo, if THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME

Cleo: it is

Red: Nobody fucking cares, honkey. First, how do you not know what "the meta", is, that's like a sin right there. Second of all, why does AIDSrian, which I call you because you probably caught AIDS off the AIDS man, AIDS boy, get superpowers ABOUT the meta, when he barely knows the meta.

Cleo: what is the meta

Adrian: I know the meta

Red: I don't think you do! What's the most over-powered civilisation in the hit 2009 release by Sid Meier, Sid Meier's Civilisation?

Adrian: I mean you should be able to succeed with any of-

Red: Wrong again, dipshit, it's Babylon

Adrian: What about- Red: It's Babylon and if you disagree you're a top bitch.

Adrian: I am?

Red: The toppest bitch of them all. Alright, listen up, kid

Adrian: I'm older than you

Red: I will do my best to teach you the various metas of the world. It won't be easy, but it's necessary because if I don't teach you the metas then like

Cleo: You could die

Red: Exactly and that shit sucks. Step one, fashion meta. Grey hoodies are practical and stylish, suitable for any occasion...

(Back in the black void, META sits with another one of his kind (named here as DEV), observing the now silent conversation between Adrian and Red)

Dev: His friend has a point, what if he never comes to understand? He's only just learned how to harness his powers!

Meta: We must have faith, Dev. We were hurt too much, and we must rebuild our numbers. No, Adrian may not be enough to turn the tides alone, but we had to make a start with someone. Or

Dev: It'd be over.

Meta: It would.

(Pause)

Meta: Tea?

Dev: bruh you know i'm all over that shit

END