Ben and Alex visit The United States of America/Hawaii

on a tropical islaaaaand on a tropical islaaaaand talking to the hula dancers asking questions cus they got all the answers

Transcript

{Ben and Alex touch down in Honolulu international airport}

BEN: Wow, I've always wanted to go to Japan!

ALEX: Huh? Ben we're in Hawaii!

BEN: Hawaii? I thought you meant KAWAII

ALEX: Oh Ben, you silly goose. Now that you mention it though, don't you think Hawaii is like America's Japan, the same way the UK is Europe's Japan? Think about it, they're all islands who really love fish and hot drinks, and

BEN: holy fuck this couldn't be less interesting

ALEX: why do you hate my feelings so much

{Ben and Alex walk through a door in the airport, into a room obscured from view. as they walk out of the room, they are covered in tropical flowers}

BEN: Wow, Alex, they're giving us so many flower shoals! Isn't this cool?

{Alex is bleeding from the eyes, scratching himself all over and is incredibly horse and wheezy}

ALEX: this isn't good im so allergic to this

BEN: To pollen?

ALEX: no to happiness

{Ben and Alex are greeted by a large Native Hawaiian man in a hula skirt and floral necklace}

HAWAIIAN: ALOHA FRIENDS, WELCOME TO-...

BEN: you know can we go one episode without being offensive to a minority group

ALEX: Ben, what are you talking about?

BEN: nah man i'm just saying that it's cheap humor based on the very real oppression of very real people and by laughing about it, aren't we contributing to it in a way?

ALEX: Gee Ben, you're absolutely right. Hey, Mr. Hawaiian man, we are so sorry for what the White People did to your-...

HAWAIIAN: Huh? Sorry, I stopped listening. Have a nice day in Hawaii!

{The Hawaiian man kicks the two into the next scene, which is on the nice beach of Honolulu.}

BEN: Ahhhhhh Hawaii

{Alex is grillin' up some dawgs}

ALEX: Want some weiner, Ben?

BEN: Oh totally dude. I love me a good grilled weiner.

ALEX: Yeah man, it's really cool. I could eat these forever.

HICK VOICE: You wanna talk eating these forever?

{the hick voice reveals itself to be none other than ELVIS PRESLEY}

ELVIS: I could eat most things forever!

BEN: Wait, no. We should be saving Elvis for Tennesse. The man basically WAS Memphis!

ALEX: ben who else lives in hawaii

BEN: uh

ALEX: [23:52:01] Briar Price: who else would you do [23:52:04] Briar Price: lilo and stitch?

BEN: uh

ALEX: [23:52:21] Ben Schlanker: i googled "famous hawaiians" and markiplier came up

BEN: Fine, we'll do Elvis

ELVIS: So how are y'all doin' tonight, friends?

BEN: Elvis, it's only noon.

ELVIS: Yeah, but I mean, tonight, tonight.

ALEX: Tonight, tonight?

ELVIS: Tonight, tonight, toooonight!!

{Elvis plucks a few strings on his ukulele.}

BEN: shit dude you've got a uke?

ALEX: The duke has a yuke!

{Elvis begins to sing}

ELVIS: Ain't nothing but a hound doooooog...hound dog all the time...!

BEN: Haha, I love this song!

ALEX: And I love dogs! I wanna be a dog! Woof woof!

BEN: u ok buddy?

ALEX: I wanna be a cute widdle doggy! With a doggy tail, and doggy eyes!

BEN: ummmm

{Alex, slowly, painfully transforms into a dog, laughing all the while}

ALEX: Woof, woof! Look at me Elvis! Aren't I a sexy widdle dog????

BEN: Elvis what have

what have you done

ELVIS: Do you think I was popular for any other reason than that my music is written specifically to get people to want to fuck me?

BEN: this is a new low

ALEX: mmmmm i can go down low for u, president presley

ELVIS: also i like fucking dogs

BEN: omg fuck this shit