(even if you aren't vegan)
KickCheat E-mails/Evil Salesman
KickCheat E-mails #9
A scamming salesman, a.k.a The Liekand, takes KickCheat's gold capsules.
Cast: (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, 1-Up, Bubs, Coach Z, The Liekand, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko
Places: Pink Cloud Zone, Ice Zone, Tampo's Lair
Computer: Lappy HC
Lines: 217
Script
{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up in the The Pink Cloud zone}
KICKCHEAT: Capsule finding time!
THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}
KICKCHEAT: What do you mean by a storm may be coming?
STRONG BAD: The Cheat can sense when a strom comes.
KICKCHEAT: Like when I sense you are 20 minutes late for your part time job?
STRONG BAD: Oh crap!
KICKCHEAT: What?
STRONG BAD: I am suppost to be at my job right now.
{Cut to Bub's Concession Stand}
BUBS: Strong Bad is 20 minutes late!
{Coach Z walks onscreen}
COACH Z: Hey Bubs!
BUBS: Hey Coach! You want to earn money?
COACH Z: Yeah.
BUBS: You want to be the hot dog clown?
COACH Z: Yorb! Run! {Runs away}
BUBS: I never get good buisness these days!
{Cut to the pink cloud zone}
KICKCHEAT: At least you might get fired.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, you're right.
KICKCHEAT: {Gets out his Lappy HC} Well, time to check another e-mail
Dear KickCheat
Do a dance
sdfdg
Komsar
{Skips the sdfdg when reading the e-mail}
KICKCHEAT: Uh, can you make a sentence? Because this e-mail is a total piece of DELETED!!
{Deletes the e-mail}
KICKCHEAT: Some people just don't know how to send e-mails.
{A strong gust of wind blows KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up away}
STINKOMAN: WOAH!!!
{KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up fall down}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That was the best roller coaster ever!
{The Liekand walks onscreen}
THE LIEKAND: Hi bozo's, I mean gentlemen. Would you like some of the best stuff in the world?
KICKCHEAT: How much twisty?
THE LIEKAND: Fifty cents for a DVD.
KICKCHEAT: {Quickly} Okay, you got a deal!
{Cut to a black screen that says "A few monents later". Cut to The Pink Cloud zone. KickCheat has a Garfield DVD, Strong Bad has a pair of gold oven mits, Homestar has a gross old wig, 1-Up has a baby raddle, The Cheat has a big knife and Stinkoman has a power crunch}
1-UP: Thanks doofus!
THE LIEKAND: Any time!
{KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up walk offscreen}
THE LIEKAND: But little do they know, that they paid for eveything with their gold capsules! Hehe! Tampo will be pleased! The collision will happen soon!
{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up walking}
STINKOMAN: You keeping those capsules safe KickCheat?
KICKCHEAT: Yes, the capsules are right.. {pauses}
STINKOMAN: Don't tell me you lost them!
KICKCHEAT: That salesman took them.
THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: This is not good!
KICKCHEAT: That salesman might have been one of Tampo's warriors!
STRONG BAD: We got to get those capsules back!
STINKOMAN: Uh, this place has saws and thunder clouds!
1-UP: PUDDING!! {Runs away}
KICKCHEAT: Don't go 1-Up! You might get hurt!
{Cut to 1-Up running towards some pudding}
1-UP: PUDDING!!
{Starts to eat the pudding}
1-UP: Yum! This tastes like feet!
{A cage falls on him with The Liekand on top}
THE LIEKAND: Ho, Ho! I have quite the smarts! First, I steal their capsules, then I capture this guy!
1-UP: May I have some more pudding tornado man?
THE LIEKAND: You don't even realise that you have been trapped in a cage?
1-UP: Yes sir, I don't!
THE LIEKAND: Now I feel like capturing you wasn't worth it.
{1-Up falls asleep}
THE LIEKAND: Time to throw you off the clouds and give Tampo his capsules.
{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar Runner walking}
STRONG BAD: I can't believe 1-Up ran away for pudding.
KICKCHEAT: It explains why he's pudding brained.
STINKOMAN: Hey guys.
KICKCHEAT: Yeah?
STINKOMAN: Do we have the guts to get through this security stuff?
{Camera zooms out to show thunder clouds, saws, flying plugs and plug sockets}
KICKCHEAT: Actual guts, yes. Going through that heck, mabye.
STINKOMAN: Well. It's time for a DOUBLE DEUCE!!!
{Stinkoman lunges at a flying plug, punches it, then falls to the ground. The flying plug flies away unharmed}
THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That was one cool ball game!
STRONG BAD: Yeah, we just wasted ten seconds!
KICKCHEAT: And you just wasted ten more.
STRONG BAD: Whatever.
STINKOMAN: Come on guys!
KICKCHEAT: Okay bozo!
STRONG BAD: {Looks up} Watch out for the wet walnuts, I mean thunder cloud!
{A thunder cloud foats over KickCheat and he dodges the bolt of lightning}
KICKCHEAT: Scary.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Take me out to the ball game!
STRONG BAD: Shut up Homestar!
{Cut to The Liekand and a caged, sleeping 1-Up. A computer is beside The Liekand}
THE LIEKAND: Now to contact Tampo.
{The Liekand turns to the computer}
THE LIEKAND: Tornado to brainbot. I repeat. Tornado to Brainbot.
{Tampo appears on the computer screen}
TAMPO: {Talking through the computer} Yes The Liekand?
THE LIEKAND: I have caught 1-Up and got the stolen capsules from the 2006 people.
TAMPO: {Talking through the computer} Good jorb! I will be coming up shortly.
THE LIEKAND: How long?
TAMPO: {Talking through the computer} About thirty minutes.
THE LIEKAND: Okay. Over!
{The computer turns off}
THE LIEKAND: In half an hour. Those capsules will be safe from those 2006 people and 1-Up will be history!
{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar Runner infront of a saw}
KICKCHEAT: So, how do we get past this thing?
STRONG BAD: I know how to get The Cheat across.
{Strong Bad kicks The Cheat over the saw}
STRONG BAD: And I and going to throw Homestar over.
{Strong Bad throws Homestar over the saw}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wheee!
STINKOMAN: Jump over saw deuce!
{Stinkoman jumps over the saw}
STRONG BAD: And I will throw KickCheat over.
{Strong Bad throws KickCheat over the saw}
KICKCHEAT: Watch it!
STRONG BAD: And I'm trapped over here.
KICKCHEAT: {Gets out his Lappy HC} No you're not.
{The Lappy HC glows and Strong Bad disappears, then appears on the other side of the saw}
STRONG BAD: Nice touch.
STINKOMAN: That takes care of that part of the pink cloud zone. Now we have to cross evaporating clouds.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright!
STRONG BAD: This e-mail is getting worse.
{KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar Runner walk to the evaporating clouds}
STINKOMAN: Life risking deuce!
{Stinkoman walks over the evaporating clouds. The clouds disappear after Stinkoman walks off one. The Camera zooms out to show Stinkoman at the other side}
STINKOMAN: Come on!
{KickCheat walks over the evaporating clouds. The clouds disappear after KickCheat walks off one}
KICKCHEAT: Almost there!
{Just as KickCheat makes it over, a rocket falls and destroys the evaporating clouds}
KICKCHEAT: Holy crap!
THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay!
{Homestar and The Cheat jump off the clouds}
STRONG BAD: Wait for me!
{Strong Bad jumps off the clouds}
KICKCHEAT: NOOOOOOO!
STINKOMAN: They will be fine. {Quietly} I hope.
KICKCHEAT: Anyway. We got some capsules to get back.
STINKOMAN: Right.
{KickCheat and Stinkoman walk offscreen. Cut to The Liekand and a caged, sleeping 1-Up}
THE LIEKAND: Yes! Those 2006 people jumped off the edge!
KICKCHEAT: {Offscreen} Not all of them!
{Camera zooms out showing KickCheat and Stinkoman}
KICKCHEAT: You pretended to be a scamming salesman to get our capsules!
THE LIEKAND: Yeah. Now you will be blown away!
{A gust of wind sends KickCheat and Stinkoman flying offscreen}
THE LIEKAND: Bye, bye nerds!
{1-Up wakes up}
1-UP: Huh?
{Looks at what is happening to Stinkoman and KickCheat}
1-UP: I got to do something.
{Looks down}
1-UP: Hey. A key.
{1-Up opens the cage and jumps out}
1-UP: Hey twisty!!
THE LIEKAND: Wha..?
{1-Up kicks The Liekand in the face. The wind stops and Stinkoman and KickCheat fall down}
THE LIEKAND: Owie! You hurt me!
1-UP: Ya-ta!
{1-Up kicks The Liekand in the face hard. Three gold capsules come out of him}
KICKCHEAT: I'll get the capsules!
{KickCheat catchhes the capsules and puts them away}
1-UP: Tell me what you are doing with the capsules.
THE LIEKAND: Never!
1-UP: Time for a kick?
THE LIEKAND: Okay, okay! Tampo wants to use the power of the capsules to cause a collision with the moon. Then before the the moon collides with earth. He will escape with Brody and Stlunko to Mars.
1-UP: Okay.
{1-Up kicks The Liekand into the cage and locks it}
THE LIEKAND: It doesn't matter if you lock me in here! Tampo will be here soon.
KICKCHEAT: Uh oh! Jumping off the clouds time!
{Before KickCheat, 1-Up and Stinkoman can jump off the clouds, Tampo appears}
TAMPO: My new warping system works!
KICKCHEAT: {Quietly} Let's sneak away.
STINKOMAN: {Quietly} Okay.
{KickCheat, 1-Up and Stinkoman sneak towards the edge of the clouds}
TAMPO: So The Lie..huh?
THE LIEKAND: Um, hi Tampo.
TAMPO: Okay. Someone here has been watching CSI. What are doing in that cage?
THE LIEKAND: Behind you.
{KickCheat, Stinkoman and 1-Up jump off the edge of the clouds. Tampo turns around}
TAMPO: I see nothing.
THE LIEKAND: You're to late you big bucket of bolts! Those 2006 people took the capsules!
TAMPO: Crap! Well, thanks for nothing stupid!
THE LIEKAND: Anytime!
{Tampo disappears. Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman and 1-Up falling}
KICKCHEAT: Where ever we fall. We fall to the others.
STINKOMAN: Righ.
{KickCheat, Stinkoman and 1-Up fall to the Ice zone}
KICKCHEAT: I didn't know the North pole acually exists.
STINKOMAN: Well, you do now.
{Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar walk onscreen}
STRONG BAD: Hey guys.
KICKCHEAT: So you guys landed here.
STRONG BAD: Yeah. Did you get the capsules back?
KICKCHEAT: We did. 1-Up saved our lives.
1-UP: I'm now the guy!
STINKOMAN: No you're not.
1-UP: Darn!
KICKCHEAT: Fourth capsule here we come!
{KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up walk offscreen. Cut to Tampo's lair}
TAMPO: Argh! I failed again!
BRODY: The Liekand almost had em.
TAMPO: Almost! Almost means we failed!
BRODY: Okay brainbot.
TAMPO: Stlunko. Where are they now?
STLUNKO: The Ice zone sir. They might freeze to square there.
TAMPO: Exelent! I shall destroy the world now! Muhahahaha!
{The paper comes down}
TAMPO: Wait. I'm not done. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
BRODY: {Interups Tampo} That's good enough Tampo!
TAMPO: Don't you interupt me!
BRODY: Sorry bozo.
TAMPO: Don't you dare call me bozo either!
STLUNKO: The e-mail is over. Can we all shut up?
TAMPO: Okay.
