(even if you aren't vegan)
A Half-Torturous Ween Toon: The Ween Toon 2014
summary: Homestar gets captured and the cartoon will end up being good. Right?
CAST: Bubs, Coach Z, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, Robstar Roundhat, Homeschool Winner, Champeen, Sobot, Scoutty, Strong Sad, Marzipan, The King of Town, The Chef of Town, The Poopsmith, Homsar (easter egg), The Cheat, Strong Mad, The Announcer
Page Title: Crapoween for 15-I mean, 14 Years.
Date: 2014
Transcript
{scene opens up in Bubs' Concession Stand with Bubs standing inside writing}
BUBS: It's a fine 2014 Halloween. And I made a puppet. A Kermit that nobody cares about. It's this chit-chatterbox that goes nowhere. Now what am I suppose to do with this dang puppet?
{thunderclaps appear as the puppet comes to life}
BUBS: Oh no! This ain't-a becoming-a real-a Pinocchio story. That's ancient.
{dramatic music plays while the title card read, "A Half-Torturous Ween Toon," and the subtitle appear saying, "Matt and Mike Technically Did Not Torture the Original Characters," as the scene cut to the track field with Coach Z, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Homestar, and Robstar where they are having the Halloween party}
STRONG BAD: This party sucks. Z-man, your party is going down the tube, like where I eat yogurt from.
COACH Z: wait! You corn't be sorious. This porty is so awesome, you gotta resist the criticism.
STRONG BAD: {sigh} Whatever. You just wait, I'm gonna throw my own party, and it's gonna be a puppetry of awesome!
HOMESTAR: Hold the phone, strongy. Would you even use puppets for your party?
COACH Z: Yeah, I mean it ain't portty.
STRONG BAD: Man, you don't know guys. This party, me, The Cheat, and Strong Mad, are gonna wreck Coach's party to the ground. Korn-style.
HOMESTAR: Oh well, I'll be going with Pom Pom to the party.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, you're not invited.
HOMESTAR: Cool. I better get my glasses ready and- wait hey! Wait, hey! Wait, hey! Wait-
STRONG BAD: Sorry, did the man just talk back. {5 second pause} I thought so.
{Homestar and Pom Pom leave the screen}
ROBSTAR: Well, Strong Bad, it's just you, me, the sexy ladies, and the palm trees.
STRONG BAD: {sigh} Yeah, if I work with you, I'd die.
COACH Z: Can I come too?
STRONG BAD: Man, what the crap am I doing?
{scene cuts to the woods with Pom Pom and Homestar}
HOMESTAR: Hey Pom Pom, you got any messages from Coach Z?
POM POM: {checks out his phone while making bubbly noises while the creepy tense music fades in}
HOMESTAR: Aw man, I thought Coach Z will get his Little Caesars ready. {as the puppet comes out of nowhere, Homestar gets captured and screams, and then Pom Pom gets captured} Not the toilet seat!
POM POM: {gets freaked out}
{scene back to the track field with Robstar, Homeschool Winner, and Champeen}
ROBSTAR: Hey guys, I heard that in 1988, every song from Metallica were so awesome!
HOMESCHOOL: I have to correct you, 1986 was awesome for them.
{scary noises appear}
ROBSTAR: What was that?
CHAMPEEN: It sounds like someone got captured. {gasps} That means I'm next!
ROBSTAR: Oh no! {gets captured and disappears from the screen}
CHAMPEEN: or not.
HOMESCHOOL: Looks like someone took the puppet and made it come to life. {both him and Champeen get captured} Oh no!
{scene cuts to Sobot and Scoutty in the field}
SOBOT: Why how is that a stick?
SCOUTTY: How is it not?
SOBOT: I 'unno. Maybe it could be ice cream.
{Sobot and Scoutty get captured and disappear from the screen and scary tense music plays again}
SOBOT: {offscreen} Can't believe I predicted that the stick captured us.
{scene cuts to Strong Sad in his room}
STRONG SAD: What is making my life so smoothing is that I can make a Saturday Night Live sketch. But I couldn't do it. Sad huh? {scary tense music plays} Oh, it's my time. {gets captured and disappears}
{scene cuts to Homestar's house with Marzipan}
MARZIPAN: Is it real, everyone's disappearing? I'm only a woman stereotype, am I right? Um... {scary tense music plays} Hmm... that could be my music. {gasp, as she gets captured}
{scene cuts to the King of Town's castle with the King of Town, the Chef of Town, and The Poopsmith}
THE KING OF TOWN: Chef? Chef? Chef?
THE CHEF OF TOWN: WHAT?!
THE KING OF TOWN: I need more pizzas ordered. Those Little Caesars aren't gonna last long.
{The Poopsmith gives a thumbs up}
THE CHEF OF TOWN: Yeah, not now. We're about to get kidnapped.
THE KING OF TOWN: How'd ya know?
THE CHEF OF TOWN: Well, isn't that crap easy not totally.
{all three get captured while scary tense music plays}
THE KING OF TOWN: {offscreen} That must be the hunger.
{scene cuts to the Brothers Strongs' house with Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad decorating the party with the banner saying, "WEEN WANT TO PLAY"}
STRONG BAD: So slick. So make-believe. So moronically good!
THE CHEAT: Meh?
STRONG BAD: EH, the writer of this ween toon was too lazy to let me say anything clever.
STRONG MAD: I could say it clean! I COULD SAY IT CLEAN AT McARBY's!
{scary tense music plays}
THE CHEAT: {gets frightened}
STRONG BAD: Oh not to worry, cheatson. It's just some noise that someone makes when he's quietly on the toilet.
STRONG MAD: ARE YOU TRYING?! {screams with Strong Bad and the Cheat as the screen cuts to black}
{scene cuts to the brother Strongs' bathroom with the whole cast, except for Bubs and Homsar (see Easter Egg)}
STRONG BAD: {dizzy} Wow, where the heckly-crap are we?
HOMESTAR: I don't know, but I got a soapbox in my tuffet.
STRONG BAD: Homestar, do you even make sense?
BUBS: {enters the screen with the puppet} Hello... gang! Do you want to play my game?
HOMESTAR: Ooh, what game can we play? A bottle of Yatzee whine? Oh i love that game...
STRONG SAD: Uh, no Homestar, Bubs was trying to do a Saw-th-
STRONG BAD: Oh thanks a lot, you seriously sad elephant! You just explained the joke. You cannot explain the joke. I mean, it's not in the script.
BUBS: enough!
STRONG BAD: Oh no!
BUBS: Now then, on with the torture... Ready?
STRONG BAD: Gulpity?
THE CHEAT: Meh-oh.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Please, {uneasy} don't be Li'l Brudder.
STRONG BAD: Actually, that wouldn't be that torturous after ten years.
BUBS: Well then... {as we see close-ups of his face} HERE. WE. GO! {zooms back to its normal spot, as he opens the curtains in the stage of the theatre} TA DA! Welcome to the 2014 Halloween Costume Award show!
{award show music plays}
ANNOUNCER: {offscreen} Tha-ha-ha-hat's right! It's Halloween, and it must be 2014 Annual Halloween Costume 'Wards!
STRONG BAD: So, wait, what's going on here? Am I guessing that we're not getting tortured and you forced us to go to the award show by scaring the jibblies with your puppet?
BUBS: Well, I'd figured I use the puppet for the puppet sketch. It's gonna sell a lot of records.
MARZIPAN: So... all that was just to-
COACH Z: I don't gort it- worz it to pra-
ROBSTAR: That's it! I'm sick of this! I need to sign up for the award show.
MARZIPAN: Count me in too.
HOMESTAR: Oh, and let me have my appetizers too.
STRONG BAD: Well, I guess I will sign.
BUBS: That's the spirit. Costume party in this Halloween toon in 3... 2... {as the screen goes blank with the words, "This Ween Ended"} 1!
STRONG BAD: {offscreen} So... this won't happen again next year, right?
BUBS: {offscreen} Something like that. I dunno.
Easter Eggs
- While Poopsmith gives a thumbs up, click on his thumb to see the scene with Homsar at the Stick
{scene cuts to the Stick with Homsar}
HOMSAR: WaAaAaAaA-ell, I will go skiing with the Jamaican sunday train station.
{scary music plays, as puppet comes to the screen, but the music stops abruptly}
HOMSAR: NoOoOoOoOot now, spaghetti-terminator.
{the puppet waddles away}
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