Second Hand Fics/SAS/eps/1

Summary

It's been a year, since the World blew up.

REMOLAY: That's not a summary, that's a video game tag line.

DANE: It's been a year,

DANE: Since dane scored :(

Transcript

SEPHIROTH: It's been a year, since our planet was blown up,

REMOLAY: You just said that

and billions have been killed. On the bright side though, we have enough Curry, to last us for 100 years!

REMOLAY: And enough commas, to last, even, longer

CHAOS: And I just got my medical degree online with one of those online college courses. Well, actually, it was my G.E.D.

SEPHIROTH: Chaos. You are a brilliant doctor. You may have a habit of killing the patient when something goes wrong, but, still.

CHAOS: Yes. {shifting eyes} a Coincidental habit. Not because I need their organs or anything.

CHAOS: If it wasn't edgy, then I clearly just was not having it.

{The hologram of CC comes up}

CC: Good morning Sephiroth, Chaos.

CHAOS: Good morning test subje-CC. Do you want some curry?

SEPHIROTH: Curry? My curry! ....You can have some.... BUT NOT ALL!!!!

CHAOS: It's like they're a bunch of space hipsters trading ironic sundries with each other.
LEX: Stupid hobbitses, tricksy hobbitses, always keeping it from us... yes, my precious. We wants it!

CC: Uh, Chaos, I'm a hologram.

REMOLAY: Nonsense! Every one must eat curry!

CHAOS: Let's say I needed to make some spicy food in the wee hours of the morning to pour on someone's lap to make their skin dissolve so I can dissect them. Could I use it then?

CHAOS: This is a 7th grade level understanding of the human body in action.

SEPHIROTH: Or, you could use Acid.

REMOLAY: You mean curry isn't acid?
LEX: Fun fact, we were all dosed on acid while writing this.

Spicy food is mine! But you can have some...

CC: {Sighs} It's times like this I'm glad that rouge lawnmower cut my head off.

REMOLAY: Well it's kind of hard for it not to be rouge after it's done that. CHAOS: Hey, don't joke around, the Great Lawnmower Rebellion of 2734 was no joke.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, but you can't Taste, Feel, or Smell. And you have a "H" on your forehead. For Hologram. Doesn't that bother you?

REMOLAY: Wasn't this actually a line in Red Dwarf?
LEX: Nah. More like a reference. An overly blatant reference that just stares at you, waiting for you to get it. Not much better, really.

CC: Yeah. Dang watermarks.

USERUNKNOWN:I think it does. Since you can change it to a target symbol!

REMOLAY: the fuck did you come from?

{Pulls out gun}Hold still.

SEPHIROTH: Good thing he can't feel. But don't harm my CURRY!!!

CHAOS: I don't even think Lex likes curry.
LEX: I hid my coke stash in it.

{CC's robot wheels under the hologram generator pushes him to a pod. He uses robot arms to open it.

REMOLAY: How?

Inside is a malfunctioning lawnmower.}

CC: Some day, I'll get my revenge.

CHAOS: Why the fuck would you keep that thing around if it was intent on killing you?

USERUNKNOWN:How did he get to be captain, Chaos?

CHAOS: For the right price, Lex'll be anything you want him to.
LEX: That is not true, that is not true at-... I'M NOT CHEAP THO >:o

CHAOS: Let me take out your jugular, and I'll tell you!

REMOLAY: Okay just one question. What?

USERUNKNOWN:Let me remove your life and soul first.

CHAOS: Clearly the best and most articulate comeback in this kind of situation.
LEX: The edgy 12-year old is strong in this one.

CHAOS: Oh, they're in glass jars in my room.

CHAOS: Goddammit.

Now, everyone to the meeting table!

{They all press buttons and teleport to the meeting room, with a round table, but their haeds are on backwards, like in Spaceballs.}

SIRRUS: heads

REMOLAY: *Flips coin* No, sorry it came up haeds

CHAOS: Can we take a minute to acknowledge the fact that we just blatantly stole from Spaceballs

CHAOS: Oh, dear. Everyone port back!

{Everyone teleports back, and just walks into the next room via the door, and sits at the table.}

REMOLAY: I think I need to teach you the difference between homage and direct ripoff
CHAOS: Then again I wouldn't be concerned with this as a curmudgeonly 13-year old so it's still shameless to me to this day

CHAOS: Good news everyone! I've invented a french-speaking ninja chimp!

CC: Oh boy.

CHAOS: The problem is... it's really small.

CHAOS: This is why my porno scripts never get greenlit
LEX: Just like your-... Wait, was this joke already made? Never mind.

{Chaos puts a cage the size of a coffee mug on the table. A ninja monkey is inside.}

MONKEY:{irish accent} Oy, this is a mighty predicament I've gotten meself into!

CHAOS: And I could only make give him an irish accent.

CHAOS: I'm not even sure how I would give him a voice at all, less alone an accent
LEX: How did could we do half the shit we did in this series is my question.

{CC waves his hand through the cage}

CC: What you gonna' do about this?

CHAOS: The monkey? Eh, I'll probably just scrap him and reuse the vital organs tha I don't damage.

SEPHIROTH: Or, you could throw him in the room of.... THE WIBBLES!!

CHAOS: I love their music
CHAOS: Hot potato hot poatato

CHAOS: No, I fed them on my way to the bridge.

{GIM2-B4RD walks in.}

GIM2-B4RD: {sounding really depressed} Hey guys. Looks like the Wibbles need feeding again.

REMOLAY: How stupidly convenient.
CHAOS: I would say this is the part where we accidentally start ripping off Gremlins, but knowing Lex this was fully intentional.

They almost tore off my leg.

{Zoom in on GIM2's leg where a few circuits are poking out from where the leg is connected to the main body. Zoom back out.}

SEPHIROTH: The Wibbles always attack Robots. They think they're made of Candy.

CHAOS: Fucking what

For Humans, they're okay. Like me! {Gets Wibble, which Purrs.}

{OOC: In this, Sephiroth is human. This is an Alternate Universe altogether.}

REMOLAY: We can kind of just assume this here. That was pointless.
LEX: They must know that I have a soul!!!

GIM2: Lucky for you. Starting up tagline program...

{Lights on GIM2 start flashing and beeping noises start coming from him. After a few seconds, it stops and GIM2's eyes turn red.}

GIM2: {robotic voice} Gee I Am Too BoReD.

{GIM2's eyes go back to their normal colour of bright blue.}

{OOC: Yes, they're blue. - Znex}

CHAOS: this, however, was the most important footnote in the world so he clearly had to articulate it to us

GIM2: {normal voice; ie. depressed} Now, thanks to my programming, I now have to ask if you would all like a drink.

LEX: I mean, I'm hardly the one to call out ripoffs, but THIS IS JUST MARVIN THE PARANOID ANDROID NOTHING ABOUT THE CHARACTER WAS CHANGED HOLY SHIT

SEPHIROTH: Nah, I'm alright. I've had my share of liquor.

CHAOS: This is the man we entrusted our lives to in the voyage of deep space

GIM2: Thank goodness I don't have to get that drink thing out. It's so cumbersome. By the way, what course are we set on?

SEPHIROTH: No idea. I'll have a look. {Looks on monitor. It is going towards a planet made of Titanium.} Titanius 14. Wanna go on it?

LEX: Yes, let's just recklessly go to any planet we see without surveying it first GREAT JOB CAPTAIN.
REMOLAY: It's okay, but it smells a bit.

USERUNKNOWN:Hmmmmm....what's the pizza like there?

GIM2: Don't bother asking, there is no pizza. It's just made of titanium.

CHAOS: Arguably a titanium pizza would still be a pizza

Space pilots often stop by these planets to collect titanium for their ships. There is the Titanius Refill Station which is currently orbiting Titanius Prime, or Titanius 1, but there's no pizza.

SEPHIROTH: But, they have a fun minecart ride!

USERUNKNOWN: No, let us not go there.

CHAOS: Because your opnions totally mattered in the first place right

SEPHIROTH: Lemme think... {5 Minutes Later, and Sephiroth kicks Userunknown in the crotch.}

CHAOS: Now that I think about it a whole 5 minute pause just to kick him in the balls and tell him no seems horribly paced in terms of comedic timing

LEX: It was for the art, Chaos! YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND

LEX: Really though, that's a bit of an asshole reaction to someone telling you know, I mean YIKES

Nope, we're going. We running low on Titanium for many uses, including Chaos's Suspicious Experiments, The Ship's Supply, Food for the Wibbles, Upgrades for GIM2, and weapons for me. {Cut to the ship landing on the planet.}

LEX: THEN WHY DID YOU ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE

USERUNKNOWN: Ha ha, I'm wearing armor.

CHAOS: Because heaven forbid this character actually show emotion

{Pulls out a gun and aims at Sephiroth} For that, you gotta get me ammo and a space ship.

SEPHIROTH: No. And if you shoot me, you'll face the ultimate penalty. Murder of the Captain, followed by Death by Firing Squad, and hanging.

REMOLAY: At the same time?

Now. {Grabs gun, and throws it into space.}

LEX: All the time talking could be time he was SHOOTING.
LEX: Gotta love my CQC moves though. Just... snatching the gun like that, like some badass action hero movie.

USERUNKNOWN: Uh-oh {Gun explodes, almost destroying the engines} Wow.

CHAOS: This is the perfect example of when people who don't get their way try to forecast their feelings without directly articulating them

{GIM2 sighs and walks over to the engines.}

GIM2: Another explosion, another repair.

{GIM2 gets out a sonic screwdriver and starts fixing the engines.}

USERUNKNOWN:Okay, let's go to Titanius after the repairs are done{ooc:Do you think this is a good time to end the episode?}

{OOC: It's still pretty short. Maybe after like 10 more lines.}

SEPHIROTH: Well, let's go on the minecart! {Hops onto the minecart.}

LEX: wait wait what where did this come from what

{OOC:Can most of the episodes from now start in the meeting room, With Chaos exhibiting a new creation, like in Futurama?}

{OOC: Sure!}

CHAOS: I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself

USERUNKNOWN:Uh, no thanks.I'll go and look at the hanger.

LEX: Userunknown walks into the hangar, and sees a lone body, just dangling from the roof by a rope. One of the many crew suicides over the years, their bodies just lay there, in eternal space limbo. Userunknown peers into the corpse's eyes.

LEX: GET IT BECAUSE HANGER

LEX: i'm funny right guys

{CC drives the robot body until he falls in the minecart}

CC: ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!

{Everyone else hops in the minecart, and through the tunnel is Chaos' laboratory. He is currently doing something that nobody can see, because he's hunched over, and he does not hear them enter.}

LEX: chaos had several convictions for indecent exposure over the years

USERUNKNOWN:{Off screen}Are you okay down there?

CHAOS: What? Who said that! Oh! Good1 I wanted to show you all what I just made! It's the cure for any disease ever made!

{Chaos holds up a chicken drumstick.}

CHAOS: I'm currently working on a version that can play music, too!

CHAOS: I could go for a bucket of miracle cures right now

USERUNKNOWN:{Still off screen, he is not in the room}What did you say?

CHAOS: {Speaking into the drumstick} I SAID I MADE A CURE FOR ALL DISEASES! IT WILL SOON BE ABLE TO PLAY MUSIC, TOO!

{ooc:10 more lines!Let's end the episode!}

REMOLAY: Why didn't you guys use the talk page?

USERUNKNOWN:That drumstick?

{Pans to Chaos, who has eaten the drumstick.}

CHAOS: This is the part where the laugh track would totally come in

CHAOS: Oh. Yeah. That was the cure. Well, alls terrible that ends terrible!

THE END

CHAOS: I can't believe this lasted 10 more episodes

REMOLAY: I cant believe it lasted 10 lines from the 10 more lines line.

LEX: i can't believe it's not butter