The Amazing Lag!

SUMMARY: Mild-mannered call center person Dev Desai becomes the amazing superhero Lag! And is terrible at controlling his ability and endangers countless lives.

Transcript

{Dev Desai is at his desk taking calls, because he is MILD-MANNERED. A super infuriating American woman is on the other side of the line.}

WOMAN: Whadd'ya mean I have to wait for my flat-screen? I paid 2000 darn dollars, ya hear?

DEV: Ma'am, I just wish you'd quiet down.

{The woman keeps shouting at him, until suddenly, her voice starts quieting..and quieting...and quieting. Until everyone else goes mad in the room because it becomes silent. Dev runs out.}

DEV: HOLY SHIT I CAN MAKE SOUND SLOWER. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

{A construction worker shouts out to another. Dev first lags his sound, so it takes a while to reach. He then tries to increase the volume, which results in the guy sonic booming his construction pal into a pit, possibly killing him. The construction worker weeps and becomes an alcoholic.}

DEV: I AM AMAZING! I SHALL BECOME...A SUPERHERO! CALL ME LAG!

{He gets a costume that his mom sewed for him, and goes after bank robbers.}

LAG: HALT, EVIL DOERS! LAG IS HERE!

LEADER: Is this dude for real? Kill him.

{They begin firing, and Lag shouts at them. His voice causes the bullets to fall down, and the guys to fall back. Lag jumps in joy, until the roof crumbles and almost squashes him. LATER, Lag tries to join the Hero Squad of Eurasia}

CAPTAIN FRANCE: No.

LAG: But why not??

CF: Because you killed 2 people plus a cat trying to save the cat from a tree, six people while trying to stop a guy speeding past a stop sign, and 20 while trying to stop bank robbers. Not only are you useless, but your powers suck.

LAG: FUCK YOU.

{Lag screams, killing the HSE. The world, well, atleast Eurasia, soon falls into turmoil as criminals run around, shoot people, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria. Lag becomes Eurasia's superhero, and more and more people die.}

LAG: I AM UNSTOPPABLE! I AM SUPER-LAG!

{Mount Everest falls over.}

Fin.