Strong Man Emails/four

Transcript

{Open to Strong Man at the computo}

STRONG MAN: (Man, it's been a while.)

{Zoom out to show the sneak hiding behing the Cumputo}

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: (What? Sir is always not forgetting about us. EVER.)

{Cut to Sir in an empty room with no doors}

SIR: Ideas are easy to come up with!

OMINOUS VOICE: THEY'RE ALWAYS WATCHING. THEY'RE ALWAYS WATCHING.

{Cut back to Strong Man}

STRONG MAN: (Yeah, he's the most creative guy ever! Anywhy, let's stab ourselves repeatedly in the forhead with words like.)

{Strong man opens the email}

hello! hello! would you like to go on ship with pirate. me think you woulds. -piratemen908

STRONG MAN: {Typing} (Well, Petey Pirate, as much as I'd love to join you on your boat of Weevils and Scurvy, I kinda get seasick. Which is why going on a boat trip someone would be one of the worst things that could ever happen to me eve-

'SIR: {Offscreen} WHAT?

STRONG MAN: (Oh dear child no.)

{Zoom out. Sir jumps in to frame}

SIR: HO HO! I have come to inform you of your new position on my brand new pirate ship as "Ernest the Red Shirt". {Sir pulls a pirate hat out from hammerspace and puts it on} Ready Ernest?

STRONG MAN: (Actually I'd rather not do tha-)

{Extreme close-up on Sir, who's voice is now almost demonic}

SIR: YOU ARE READY.

{Zoom back out. Sir's voice is back to normal}

SIR: Before we set the sail, we must give you one distinguishing Pie-rate feature. What'll it be?

STRONG MAN: (Uh...)

SIR: Wooden leg it is!

{Sir pulls out a saw}

STRONG MAN: {Screams}

{Cut to a pirate ship, with The Sneak, Old man Bubs, Sir and Strong Man. Sir is still wearing his hat, Strong Man has a wooden leg and is wincing in pain. The Sneak is perched in Sir's shoulder, wearing a clip on beak, and Old Man Bubs is wearing two eyepatches over both his eyes}

SIR: Isn't this fun, chappos?

THE SNEAK: {Nose Waggles}

SIR: They say Chappos now!

STRONG MAN: (I'm going to go out on a whim and say this is the second worst thing ever, after the dirt factory.)

SIR: We made a profit, didn't we?

STRONG MAN: (Well, you did...)

{Very long pause. Everyone just looks around whilst seagulls squawk in the background}

STRONG MAN: (We're not even in any water.)

{Zoom out to reveal that the boat is embedded in the sand}

SIR: Do not question my methods!

STRONG MAN: (Well, pirates generally tend to be on SEA...)

OLD MAN BUBS: Sir, I think he's attempting to start a mutiny!

SIR: 'Tis true! Make him walk the plank!

(Cut to the plank. Strong Man is standing on it, and Sir is standing behind him, holding a machete}

SIR: Eat the plank!

STRONG MAN: (What?)

{All of a sudden, The Homestar Runner swoops in on a rope, doing a front flip and landing behind Sir}